QUACKERs.... Part 4

Old 03-28-2018, 10:41 AM
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Originally Posted by LLLisa View Post
Yep. My XAH once got lost in the supermarket for hours and hours. When he came home drunk he told me he wasn't drunk he was just distressed from being lost in the aisles for so, so long...
oh boy flashbacks.
note before: we were living in northern michigan.

my sons mom had me run to the store for milk. i had to drive by the bar to get to the store, so why not a beer?
4 hours later, dunk as cooter brown, i make it back home.
sons mom wasnt happy. up one side of me and down the other.
aaaand i HAD to open my mouth:
"i made it home with the milk. look what Rod(old drunking friend) did- he went out for bread and milk and ended up in jail in chicago, so i did pretty dam good."

our floors were more comfortable to sleep on than the couch.
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Old 04-15-2018, 10:21 AM
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Bump.......
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Old 04-17-2018, 01:04 AM
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I’ve enjoyed reading these threads the last couple of days! 🤣 it’s so reassuring that I’m not going mad! Here’s a couple of my own

(He had been self declared “sober” for 5 weeks and we have 2 teenagers in the house)

Me “I found an empty bottle of Barbados rum in the recycling!”

AH “I fancied a drink whilst you were away - but I didn’t really enjoy it”

Me “but .. you still finished the whole bottle - it can’t have been that bad?”

AH “you make me feel like I can’t do anything right?! Who else would have drunk rum? Obviously it was me!! You just wanted to criticise me!”

Me “i was worried incase it was (DD17)? She has gotten drunk before with her friend and threw up over her bedclothes. And given the fact you have NEVER drank rum in the 13 years we’ve been married....?”

AH “I just fancied a change. And if I’m honest I wish I hadn’t bothered - you make me feel like I have to walk on egg shells all the time!”

All the while he was ignoring the fact he’d also drunk 4 bottles of Desperados and a bottle of Jim Beam as well. In two days. Oh he didn’t “enjoy” that either... 😏😏😏

QUACKKKK!!!! 🐥🐥
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Old 04-19-2018, 06:21 AM
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So RAH and I were sitting around talking about some of the things his "alcoholic brain" would come up with.....
RAH- I used to try to hide my drinking from you by drinking Mikes Hard Lemonade instead of beer.
Me- But I still smelled the alcohol on you.
RAH- At the time I thought I was hiding my drinking because I wasn't drinking beer. I even hid the bottles and twist caps so you wouldn't know.
Me- But I could still tell you were drunk. 😕
RAH- Yeah, alcoholic brain at its best.
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Old 04-20-2018, 07:29 AM
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On the last binge, about a month ago....

(Now realizing I should have just stayed away from him)

He was whining like a child, saying I ( not him) can do things like park the van slightly crooked (in a completely deserted parking lot with lines you can barely see) but if HE did the same thing, he said he would be accused of drinking.
Me: um..... that's because you're an alcoholic.
Him: and you're the fatass

(But he's the overweight one. LOL
I've had 3 babies in 5 years AND lost the weight and am looking quite fantastic. Like..... seriously dude. )
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Old 04-20-2018, 12:07 PM
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Some favorites from my AH:

“Well you’ll be mad at me anyway even if I just drink a few, so I just really go for it”

“I know you probably think I’ve been drinking, but my face is all flushed because I had some hot sauce”

“No, I haven’t been drinking today” (when I get home from work early and find him passed out on our office floor with a blanket and a pillow and a cocktail on the desk)

“It must be food poisoning” (when I again come home from work to find him throwing up and the entire place smells like whiskey)

I’m sure there are more. Just a few notable ones off the top of my head!
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Old 04-20-2018, 02:46 PM
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AXBF decides he's going to chop an onion to put on top of the chili he just made, that day. (Props that he made dinner - this was before the 20-beers and a round of pot gummies).

I see a giant knife in his hand getting ready to cut the onion after the beers and gummies. Say what?!!

Me: Whoa! How about I cut that onion. Could you please grab me some water?
AXBF: (Yelling) I've got it!!
Me: That looks like a quick way to cut yourself.
AXBF: I can get it!
I stare in disbelief as he continues....and the onion rolls and he nearly loses all 4 fingers on one hand!
AXBF: Whoa s#&*!
Does he stop? No. He goes and gets a different knife....because that's definitely the issue
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Old 04-21-2018, 03:40 PM
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This is AV at its best.......Well you’ll be mad at me anyway even if I just drink a few, so I just really go for it” If you're gonna be mad already, might as well get wasted. Good excuse I suppose. suppose
Originally Posted by Spahappy View Post
Some favorites from my AH:

“Well you’ll be mad at me anyway even if I just drink a few, so I just really go for it”

“I know you probably think I’ve been drinking, but my face is all flushed because I had some hot sauce”

“No, I haven’t been drinking today” (when I get home from work early and find him passed out on our office floor with a blanket and a pillow and a cocktail on the desk)

“It must be food poisoning” (when I again come home from work to find him throwing up and the entire place smells like whiskey)

I’m sure there are more. Just a few notable ones off the top of my head!
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Old 04-23-2018, 07:52 AM
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Originally Posted by Spahappy View Post
“I know you probably think I’ve been drinking, but my face is all flushed because I had some hot sauce”
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Old 04-28-2018, 09:52 AM
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"I know that my life is better when I'm sober. I know my health is better when I'm sober. But..." "But what?". "But I'm not creative. And I'm a writer, I have to be creative. Even if I'm just writing Facebook posts, I need must be creative".
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Old 04-28-2018, 11:29 AM
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Just last night (while all glassy-eyed): AW: "I'm filing a lawsuit!"
Me: "Against who, your work"?"
AW: "No, against you - you've broken every marital vow and you're a sh**ty husband"
Me; "Good Luck with that. I'm going to bed now. Good night!"
AW: "You have nothing to say? I know why you have nothing to say, because you're a d*ck and have no balls, no balls at all."
Me: "Okay, good night."


woooooow.

COD
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Old 04-29-2018, 06:47 PM
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Yesterday I realized that I have not seen a certain fuzzy blanket (my, and formerly XAHs favorite) for a while

XAH calls to arrange logistics with DS next week (he has been sober for 2 years - just got his 2 year chip)

Me: “Do you, by any chance, have my favorite fuzzy blanket?”
XAH:”yes - it is draped over my couch at my new place. why?
Me: “why did you steal it?”
XAH:”I took it back in December because I was cold and needed a blanket. You have many blankets so I thought it would not be a big deal. You did not notice till now - why is it suddenly a big deal?”
Pause - I am searching for the right words.....
Me:”that’s not the way it works. You can’t take things from people because you believe they have excess of something. It’s stealing”
XAH:”you will never change, good bye” and hangs up.

To his defense - he called back and apologized, I mentioned a few other things that were missing, and he admitted that “they ended up in his boxes somehow” and he will return them, along with the fuzzy blanket.

The funny thing is that I would have donated this blanket to him if he asked. I found the whole exchange absolutely hilarious, in a sad way....

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Old 05-02-2018, 11:35 AM
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her - I have a big problem

me - what now

her - I need help paying these tickets


me - tickets for what what tickets now

her - EZ Pass toll violation tickets

me - I told you twenty times before you don't have EZPass you have to stop & pay the toll

her - I know I know I was in a hurry didn't want to stop at the toll or maybe I didn't have toll money I forget

me - I aint paying these tickets Ive paid them several times NFW again

her - if you don't pay them they will suspend my licenses until they are paid. you know from before how expensive that is to reinstate I might also get caught again driving with suspended license that was really expensive too

me - looking at the tickets 4 tickets now cost $300 (penalty & late fees) initial toll was $1 each total $4 why cant you just get EZ Pass like we talked about before Ill pay to keep a balance on the account would save a lot of aggravation & money

her - just give me one of your EZ Pass things Ill use yours

me - um no

her - ok maybe when I get time I will look into it. we need to pay these tickets online now - you have your credit card right?

me - yes
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Old 05-03-2018, 07:10 PM
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Him: "Those aren't mine"
Referencing a 6 pack that was hidden in his trunk where his spare tire is located
Me: "Umm, Ok."
Him: "My boss put them there for safe keeping after I took him back to his hotel."
Me: "Umm, Ok."

And, he honestly thought I believed him. ROFLOL!!!!
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Old 05-03-2018, 08:59 PM
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Please keep your posts as your personal experience to the original question. If you are unhappy with a post then contact a moderator and we will look into your complaint. Post that are gripes about another members post are considered hijacking and are not allowed. I have removed some posts that did not follow this guideline.

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Old 05-04-2018, 12:24 AM
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AH - “I was really tired last night!”

After falling asleep at 8.30pm on the sofa.

Yeah right. Nothing to do with the 4 tins of beer, litre of cider and half bottle of bourbon then?
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Old 05-26-2018, 11:50 AM
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This thread...

This is by far the most therapeutic thread ever.
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Old 06-02-2018, 11:52 PM
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Hot sauce?! 😂
Originally Posted by Spahappy View Post
Some favorites from my AH:

“Well you’ll be mad at me anyway even if I just drink a few, so I just really go for it”

“I know you probably think I’ve been drinking, but my face is all flushed because I had some hot sauce”

“No, I haven’t been drinking today” (when I get home from work early and find him passed out on our office floor with a blanket and a pillow and a cocktail on the desk)

“It must be food poisoning” (when I again come home from work to find him throwing up and the entire place smells like whiskey)

I’m sure there are more. Just a few notable ones off the top of my head!
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Old 06-03-2018, 01:07 AM
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All I ever wanted was for you to be happy. Hmm, how would you being blackout drunk 6 days a week supposed to make me happy? How would you having an affair that you still deny make me happy? How would me being stuck at home in a leg cast and you out there chasing slam pigs going to make me happy?
Now what’s made me happy was leaving your sorry ass, seeing you age 10yrs in 2mths, seeing you lie to your slam pigs and knowing you’ve cheated on them. Seeing you deal with all the consequences from your actions makes me happy, so you did it, thank you, I’m happy.


Last edited by Lostinthismess; 06-03-2018 at 01:12 AM. Reason: Typo
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Old 06-03-2018, 10:27 AM
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H: (picking up a bottle of bourbon whilst grocery shopping). The last one lasted 5 days. That's really good!!
M: Hmm. (Thinking about how that conveniently leaves out the 1.5 litre of wine bought for cooking that went mostly into H over the course of a night).

Rewind to day after the night of the cooking wine :

H: I checked my ebay today and I seem to have bought an electronic keyboard last night.
M; Oh right. Any particular reason?
H: I guess it seemed a good idea at the time.
(NB. H does not play keys!)

Little while later that day:

H. So i phoned my son to see if he wanted the keyboard.
M: Oh yeah?
H: He said he still has the last one I gave him.

Yep. Exact same thing happened before.

Last edited by deafhound; 06-03-2018 at 10:35 AM. Reason: typo
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