QUACKERs.... Part 4
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Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: maine
Posts: 1,549
Yes, Bute - I thought back to my youth -and that of my peers growing up in the Fifties and Sixties. Mom, Dad, and all the children had to share one bathroom. I know for a fact AH grew up in a home with only one bathroom - his parents lived in that home to the end of their days.
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Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 8,653
Thanks for bumping this dandylion, it really is a gem.
This part 4 of the quackers threads - you can start at the beginning of this part here: https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...-part-4-a.html (QUACKERs.... Part 4)
A link going back further is there too!
This part 4 of the quackers threads - you can start at the beginning of this part here: https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...-part-4-a.html (QUACKERs.... Part 4)
A link going back further is there too!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: maine
Posts: 1,549
I was working, AH was unemployed, and the one thing I asked him to do was to wash the dishes while I was at work. It wasn't like I was cooking elaborate meals for one (he was rarely hungry after 8-10 beers, go figure). But I did ask, at least in the beginning. Invariably, I would get home, and whatever dishes had been there in the morning were still there. As i ran hot water into the sink, AH would appear and say, "I was going to do that," but never ever took over and did it. Ever.
So I got home and being tired (it was a one hour drive to and home) decided I was just going to have spaghetti and tomato sauce. I was being mindful, I often made more than we'd eat and rather than stick leftovers in the fridge, that night I made a little less. I divided it into two bowls and told AH I had some pasta ready.
Enter AH stage right
AH: That's not enough food.
Velma: It's not? Well, if you want to start that, I'll start another pot of water and make some more.
AH: No, don't bother, I'm really hungry and that's not enough.
Velma: But - I can make more. It only takes a couple minutes.
AH: No, I just won't eat anything at all.
Velma: But that - that doesn't make any sense. You're hungry and you're not going to eat any of it because it's not enough?
AH: That's right. I'm not going to have any.
Cue Velma wondering what the heck is going on here.
Velma: Uhh, okay. Suit yourself.
The next day, to his credit he did apologize and admit it hadn't made any sense.
So I got home and being tired (it was a one hour drive to and home) decided I was just going to have spaghetti and tomato sauce. I was being mindful, I often made more than we'd eat and rather than stick leftovers in the fridge, that night I made a little less. I divided it into two bowls and told AH I had some pasta ready.
Enter AH stage right
AH: That's not enough food.
Velma: It's not? Well, if you want to start that, I'll start another pot of water and make some more.
AH: No, don't bother, I'm really hungry and that's not enough.
Velma: But - I can make more. It only takes a couple minutes.
AH: No, I just won't eat anything at all.
Velma: But that - that doesn't make any sense. You're hungry and you're not going to eat any of it because it's not enough?
AH: That's right. I'm not going to have any.
Cue Velma wondering what the heck is going on here.
Velma: Uhh, okay. Suit yourself.
The next day, to his credit he did apologize and admit it hadn't made any sense.
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Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 16,246
One of my good girlfriends told me this story--------
Her live-in boyfriend of several years was taken for a golf day by his best buddies for his 40th birthday.
16 h ours later, his golf buddies brought him to the door and left him.
Worried and exasperated----my friend asked him "Where in the world have you been for 16 hours!!?"
Navigating, on his knees, across the living room---because he was to drunk to walk----he replied------"Do you know what your problem is?---you are too damn nosey!"
Her live-in boyfriend of several years was taken for a golf day by his best buddies for his 40th birthday.
16 h ours later, his golf buddies brought him to the door and left him.
Worried and exasperated----my friend asked him "Where in the world have you been for 16 hours!!?"
Navigating, on his knees, across the living room---because he was to drunk to walk----he replied------"Do you know what your problem is?---you are too damn nosey!"
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Join Date: Apr 2022
Posts: 136
My AW says the weight gained in the last 2 years is because of the medication she's on....the same medication that she's taken for the last 7 years.
Also, she's relying too much on carbs in her diet, and not getting enough exercise. But curiously, no mention of the 3-4 glasses of wine drank nightly
So she made plan, gonna do a cleanse diet, get exercise, cut back on drinking starting today. Text I get after dropping kids off at school..."can you swing through gas station and get me a bottle of wine".
I ask what happened to the cleanse? "Oh, well we have all this food in our fridge, and I need to do a grocery list so I'll just start next week."
Also, she's relying too much on carbs in her diet, and not getting enough exercise. But curiously, no mention of the 3-4 glasses of wine drank nightly
So she made plan, gonna do a cleanse diet, get exercise, cut back on drinking starting today. Text I get after dropping kids off at school..."can you swing through gas station and get me a bottle of wine".
I ask what happened to the cleanse? "Oh, well we have all this food in our fridge, and I need to do a grocery list so I'll just start next week."
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Join Date: Aug 2021
Posts: 30
AH calls while, according to him, he's at work. He doesn't realize I already know he has left work and is partying at his friends place.
AH: Hi, what are you doing?
Me: Nothing. You sound drunk.
AH: No, I'm just working real hard huffing and puffing.
LOL Apparently he thinks he sounds like a hard worker when he's drunk. Or maybe not......
He gets home and out of the blue (I didn't ask or say anything else about his lie) says, "When I called you I was actually in my car on the way home from work smoking pot."
Why stop at one lie?! Not sure why he didn't stick with the "huffing and puffing, working hard" excuse. I mean at that point you may as well tell the truth since you just admitting to addiction stuff in your second lie anyway."
I may start referring to him as H&P. Huffing and puffing.
Quack!
AH: Hi, what are you doing?
Me: Nothing. You sound drunk.
AH: No, I'm just working real hard huffing and puffing.
LOL Apparently he thinks he sounds like a hard worker when he's drunk. Or maybe not......
He gets home and out of the blue (I didn't ask or say anything else about his lie) says, "When I called you I was actually in my car on the way home from work smoking pot."
Why stop at one lie?! Not sure why he didn't stick with the "huffing and puffing, working hard" excuse. I mean at that point you may as well tell the truth since you just admitting to addiction stuff in your second lie anyway."
I may start referring to him as H&P. Huffing and puffing.
Quack!
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Join Date: Sep 2018
Posts: 436
This actually isn´t funny but shows me why alcoholism is called a family disease.
About a year and half ago ex husband told me he had been thinking a lot about killing me. I took it as a serious threat and have not spoken to him since. Recently my son was complaining that we don´t speak to each other and asking why we can´t be more grown up and just get along with each other, like his friends divorced parents do. I said there was a death threat, I don´t want to speak to him. My son said "Dad never said he would kill you. All he said was that his life would be much easier if you were dead"
I had to change the subject. didn´t know where to go with that one.
About a year and half ago ex husband told me he had been thinking a lot about killing me. I took it as a serious threat and have not spoken to him since. Recently my son was complaining that we don´t speak to each other and asking why we can´t be more grown up and just get along with each other, like his friends divorced parents do. I said there was a death threat, I don´t want to speak to him. My son said "Dad never said he would kill you. All he said was that his life would be much easier if you were dead"
I had to change the subject. didn´t know where to go with that one.
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Join Date: Sep 2021
Posts: 20
I heard a song on the radio yesterday that made me think of my STBXAH and his new "party girl" (what his dad called her). It's called "Count the Beers" by Darius Rucker, and I started laughing as I listened to it. It's basically saying his new girl doesn't make him feel the way his former one did, but it's ok because she doesn't count his beers at night. It's weird that it actually made me feel better about the whole situation. I would post the youtube link, but I don't have enough posts yet.
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Join Date: Sep 2020
Posts: 10
Blamed for bruises
Me (stopping by to pick up something from the home of STBXAH, who was wearing cut-offs) : "The backs of your legs are completely black. They're bruised from your thighs to your ankles. You got drunk and fell down, didn't you? And your blood vessels are obviously shot from your alcoholism."
STBXAH (still drunk and slurring): "I do NOT have a drinking problem. You and your mom came over last night and beat my legs with a baseball bat while I was asleep."
Funny, I must have been sleep walking because I didn't remember doing that....
STBXAH (still drunk and slurring): "I do NOT have a drinking problem. You and your mom came over last night and beat my legs with a baseball bat while I was asleep."
Funny, I must have been sleep walking because I didn't remember doing that....
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Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 3,796
A (paraphrased) text he sent me when we were breaking up:
Now, in the real world, when people make arrangements they say things like..."I need to do this by (date)…and I'm available on (this) or (that) date and time, is either OK with you?" Now, if you want to stop by and get some of your stuff, ask me like I demonstrated for you above.
Now, in the real world, when people make arrangements they say things like..."I need to do this by (date)…and I'm available on (this) or (that) date and time, is either OK with you?" Now, if you want to stop by and get some of your stuff, ask me like I demonstrated for you above.
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Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 3,796
I want to give up binge drinking and alcohol abuse, but I still want to be able to responsibly have a drink or two, and not be the "sober kid".
1. He was 27 at the time, so hardly a kid.
2. Nobody is going to know or care that you’re the “sober kid” unless you tell them that you’re the “sober kid.”
1. He was 27 at the time, so hardly a kid.
2. Nobody is going to know or care that you’re the “sober kid” unless you tell them that you’re the “sober kid.”
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Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 3,796
I’m going to copy and paste parts of something my ex wrote about me awhile back when we were still together and he was still drinking, if that’s okay.
There’s maybe a grain of truth in my excessive phone use.
But what he “forgot” to mention was that those walks in the park or wherever were usually several hours long, he was usually drunk to some degree during the walks, and he would get angry at me if I didn’t go on these walks with him. So I would make myself go on the walks, I would tell myself it was healthy to get exercise, just because I didn’t want to deal with him getting angry at me. So there was all of that.
Sidewalks and going at grandma pace? What about those times when he couldn’t even walk on the sidewalk from being so drunk and was literally falling into the bushes and I would pull him out of there? In hindsight I obviously should have just left him in the bushes.
And “dead time” doesn’t include those times when he was drunk, blackout drunk, passed out, etc. I mean what else was I supposed to do?
What else was I supposed to do while waiting around for him to get himself together, other than leave him? I probably did use my phone then a lot more than I do now, but there were times we’d be walking a nature trail or something, and I would take out my phone to take a picture of something I liked, and he would get an attitude with me and tell me to put my phone away. Meanwhile he was flirting with the idea of quitting drinking where he would binge and stop, binge and stop, go like 30 days without drinking and then drink again because he “needed a break” from sobriety.
But no, me and my phone use, that was the problem.
With smartphones, in particular my girlfriend, that thing NEVER leaves the front of her face, ever...
Just take one or two waking hours out of your day, and spend that time without your phone. Enjoy other aspects of life, and the scenery and the background, and pay attention to what you're doing. Don't get me wrong... I think smartphones and similar gizmos are AWESOME during what I call "dead time", like if you're on the bus, or at a restaurant waiting for your friends to show up or waiting at the doctor's office. But there's the flipside - some people just can't EVER put the things down.
- Sitting at home, watching TV (if applicable).
- Doing laundry (seriously, one hand picking stuff up and putting in the washer, one hand with the phone in front of her face.
- Walking on the sidewalk. I have to walk at grandma-pace because she's going to slow and not paying attention to where we're going
- Trying to take a walk through the park or doing something nice, "spending time together"
- Laying in bed about to go to sleep
- Cooking
- Driving
Just take one or two waking hours out of your day, and spend that time without your phone. Enjoy other aspects of life, and the scenery and the background, and pay attention to what you're doing. Don't get me wrong... I think smartphones and similar gizmos are AWESOME during what I call "dead time", like if you're on the bus, or at a restaurant waiting for your friends to show up or waiting at the doctor's office. But there's the flipside - some people just can't EVER put the things down.
There’s maybe a grain of truth in my excessive phone use.
But what he “forgot” to mention was that those walks in the park or wherever were usually several hours long, he was usually drunk to some degree during the walks, and he would get angry at me if I didn’t go on these walks with him. So I would make myself go on the walks, I would tell myself it was healthy to get exercise, just because I didn’t want to deal with him getting angry at me. So there was all of that.
Sidewalks and going at grandma pace? What about those times when he couldn’t even walk on the sidewalk from being so drunk and was literally falling into the bushes and I would pull him out of there? In hindsight I obviously should have just left him in the bushes.
And “dead time” doesn’t include those times when he was drunk, blackout drunk, passed out, etc. I mean what else was I supposed to do?
What else was I supposed to do while waiting around for him to get himself together, other than leave him? I probably did use my phone then a lot more than I do now, but there were times we’d be walking a nature trail or something, and I would take out my phone to take a picture of something I liked, and he would get an attitude with me and tell me to put my phone away. Meanwhile he was flirting with the idea of quitting drinking where he would binge and stop, binge and stop, go like 30 days without drinking and then drink again because he “needed a break” from sobriety.
But no, me and my phone use, that was the problem.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 3,796
Him: (generic complaint about my “excessive” phone use)
Me: You’re right, I can be a slave to my phone sometimes.
Him: That’s just one thing, among a million other things about you that make you unbearable for me to be around.
And then there’s my brother, the golden boy, whose wife praises him for the way he chews his food and then some.
The math is not mathing and it never will!
Me: You’re right, I can be a slave to my phone sometimes.
Him: That’s just one thing, among a million other things about you that make you unbearable for me to be around.
And then there’s my brother, the golden boy, whose wife praises him for the way he chews his food and then some.
The math is not mathing and it never will!
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