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A long road - Part 1

Old 07-05-2014, 03:22 AM
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yuk.

I had to remind him that my requirements for him are non-negotiable. so uncomfortable but pushing past the discomfort, reinforce my position. He isn't liking it. I never thought he would, of course.

I hope everyone had a good fourth. Drove around to find a parking place to watch a few, and managed to see one blast! got back in the truck and came home.

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Old 07-05-2014, 08:14 AM
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chicory....I hope that you can get out of the house as much as possible, this weekend. And, structured, when you are there.

Chicory, I know that you are intimately knowledgable about Quacking....LOL. Remember to distance yourself from it.

And, put this in your bonnet.....I know that you have seen this said, on this forum, a gazillion times....."You don't have to attend every argument that you are invited to".
That might help.....

I know that this in between time is uncomfortable, to say the least. Just keep using all of your "tools" to jump start yourself. It will become easier, the more you practice.....like a muscle that gets used.....it gets stronger.

I think Ohio is getting some good weather, just now......NO?

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Old 07-05-2014, 09:38 AM
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chic, let HIM sit with the discomfort too. Don't put it all on yourself. It's your house, YOU are paying the bills and SUPPORTING his butt. He is eligible for a free no frills cell phone for emergencies and limited texting. If he wants a phone, let him get this for himself instead of you footing the bill. Same for cigarettes (I don't remember if you support this too, so excuse me if I am wrong).

you stated the facts and requirements. Either he steps up to the plate or he can be spending time on the public computer at the library (they will give him 30 mins I think).
and yes, get out of the house...do you want me to send Sammy to you? he loves cats and loves to go for a walk, he doesn't drag you but sniffs a lot.
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Old 07-05-2014, 08:17 PM
  # 224 (permalink)  
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Dandylion,
You guys(gals) amaze me. You know the next things for me.... how this changes, how that gets easier.... as I do some things I have not done, I can see some of the 'tools' that everyone talks about.
I love that saying.. you dont have to show up for every argument you are invited to...I did manage to put that into play yesterday and today a bit. when I needed to, I mean. not backing down. quacking. it comes in many languages, doesn't it? the mean quacking, the blaming ,the shaming, the schmoozing quacking , even. seems they mean to keep us unsteady on our feet with it...
and many thank yous, Dandy.

Fandy, He quit smoking, except for the e-cig.. his dad sent him a big supply of it. seems he is cutting down on that too. OT- I think e-cigs may help him to quit completely eventually. maybe works like that for others too.
I got the paperwork from therapists office. she made it sound like they had to answer lots of personal questions. its only your general information sort of thing...I was thinking that he was gonna have to convince them he wanted help. that was the different situation I was talking about. this person does not want to go..lol. but he does seem to be getting more comfortable with it, and not arguing. but I think he will yet...

I am gonna get out tomorrow, bought some nice fruit and cheese. and some blackberries and those good cherries. Oh, and I have lost almost 10 pounds now. I take fiber, doc says its good for ibs...and it helps fill you up if you drink it before meals. I have also not bought a donut of cookie for a month! no ice cream either

you girls are awesome, and good friends. thanks for helping me

Oh, and yes, Fandy, I would love to have Sammy, they give such good poochie kisses!

Last edited by chicory; 07-05-2014 at 08:19 PM. Reason: forgot ...
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Old 07-05-2014, 08:24 PM
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((((chicory)))) I ate a large amount of those black cherries too! so sweet and tasty! I had strawberries and blueberries this morning too.

How are you taking the fiber? I think I need more. My body isn't right. that thyroid thingy is a nuisance.

I'm so proud of you! you're doing so well, taking it a bit at a time. doing what needs to be done. Yes about the quacking. all the emotions are pulled out of the bag. it's much easier when you start to know the landscape.

again, I am so happy for you!!

Love from LeeLee
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Old 07-05-2014, 08:37 PM
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((((LeeLee)))) I bought metamucil. it tastes like oranges. a heaping teaspoon in 8 oz of water, and mix.. it goes down ok.. I am not too fussy I really have had more energy, too.

I quit all meds except my zegrid for gerd. but I have not had nearly the heartburn either, lately, come to think of it. I hope you can find some things to help, natural things maybe. I hate that you are having these headaches.. perhaps a visit to the doc about them,,, they have been going on for a while now

yes, learning the landscape.

I am glad this therapy office is close by. he can bike there.
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Old 07-05-2014, 08:42 PM
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Such good news to come back to chic ~ so proud of you love. And I'm proud of your son too. And 10 pounds?? Wo....you are going to have all the lovely guys chasing you around the shop wanting to buy you flowers. (which you will say yes to )

So tough situations CAN change, if you stay true to yourself and persist.

(metamucil comes in raspberry too by the way; it's yum).

Love V xx ♥
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Old 07-05-2014, 08:49 PM
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wow, raspberry? thanks darling Venus!

I am taking baby steps and its ok,, going forward anyway. getting professional help too, and going back wednesday. she wants him in to see someone, asap. keeping the ball rolling

love and hugs!
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Old 07-05-2014, 08:56 PM
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Originally Posted by chicory View Post
I quit all meds except my zegrid for gerd. but I have not had nearly the heartburn either, lately, come to think of it.
Found this as well chic, losing those few kgs meant I didn't get the reflux. Also helpful was drastically cutting down on bread, even though I'm not gluten intolerant.

Sorry for the detour!
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Old 07-06-2014, 04:19 AM
  # 230 (permalink)  
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Thankyou, FeelingGreat! I appreciate all wisdom here It's so nice to feel a little better physically too, after feeling yuk for so long. I wish I understood the body and its care more completely. It gets complicated .
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Old 07-06-2014, 04:29 AM
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my doctor explained to me that as we gain weight in the midsection (ahem postmenopausal), there is LESS ROOM and the stomach is "pushed" smooshed" against our bodyfat....one of the most common causes of acid reflux...less room to move what we ingest freely.

I use the fiber choice chewy pills, I also have the miralax fiber stuff, recommended by the doc, it's so flipping expensive OTC, but I get freebies from the hospital.

glad you feel better physically, it has to make things a little easier to deal with.
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Old 07-06-2014, 05:18 PM
  # 232 (permalink)  
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Well, It ain't gonna be pretty, as I said. He says he will not go to counsel. I told him that the paperwork came that he needs to fill out. He asked, for what therapy? I said, the therapy that I am expecting you to go to, or internet goes. He tried to argue, repeated excuses, and reasons. Asks that I tell him places he can go to apply for work, and I told him that it isn't my job. I really think he is crazy sometimes!

He had such baloney spewing out of his mouth.... I reminded him that for eight years he has been saying the internet would help him. I said that I am done waiting for him to do it on his own. That these people could help him .

I brought it up so as to keep it in his mind. that I wasn't just angry, venting, or threatening.

I told him that I am tired of him not contributing, that I have to think of myself, my retirement, my truck repairs..etc.

He actually said that maybe he needed to try to help with food.. meaning his food stamps. Gee, that sure is thoughtful.


He is quite used to not having to contribute at all. I guess I created that monster. He feels badly for a minute, but then just puts it out of his mind.

well, its not going to be easy, I think. but I am so glad I have another appt next wednesday for me. I sure hope she knows enough to help me.

I do believe he will find a way to have internet....

I wish I had not been such a crummy parent. mine were worse! and taught me nothing of much value. certainly not anything about how to be responsible. I just get by, you know, in my being able to take care of myself.

just venting. it will get better, I know it will! just keeping you updated on the fact that I am moving forward each day, bitty baby steps, but more than I have in forever.

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Old 07-06-2014, 06:20 PM
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He will try to suck internet off the neighbors wifi if it is not password protected. tell him if he does this you will " report it".
you are doing great, you stated your point and will follow through now.
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Old 07-06-2014, 06:46 PM
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((((Venus))) I shopped all over today on the hunt for raspberry Metamucil! none to be found in this town! And for the love of toads! have I come to this age so excited about Metamucil I will drive cross town to find it in a flavor I like? the orange kind makes me gag.

I used to drive to find a new make up or good price on pretty shoes or the chance of getting a the perfect ice cream cone. now I'm hunting for fiber!

Sheesh.

((((chicory))) I am so proud of you for staying the course of your boundaries! And you were not a bad mom. I think you just wanted to make someone else happy. you're a people pleaser, not a bad mom.

Much much love to you!

LeeLee
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Old 07-06-2014, 07:18 PM
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Originally Posted by Lenina View Post
I used to drive to find a new make up or good price on pretty shoes or the chance of getting a the perfect ice cream cone. now I'm hunting for fiber!

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Old 07-07-2014, 02:14 AM
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OK....first of all chic: a crummy parent? I do not think so.
Not a chance.

You are an amazing mother. Do you think my parents would have come and helped me if I was in a shelter? Brought me a phone? Made sure I was OK? Nuh Uh. Even though they love(d) me very much.

You are doing an awesome job here. Of course he will complain. So what. I would too...but that is the nature of the beast. One step at a time, one day at a time. You are doing this now love. It will get better. I believe that, truly.

As for thje meatmucil, perhaps the flavours of Metamucil are slightly different in the US ~ have a look at this. If you get no joy, I will go and buy it and happily post it to my lovely friends.

Buy Metamucil Online or At a Store Near You


V xx ♥
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Old 07-07-2014, 02:46 AM
  # 237 (permalink)  
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Gonna see if I can find the raspberry kind Venus. just for variety. I like the orange well enough. Leelee, many young people even use these things in their diet,, just may not tell anyone. Its smart to do... just not enough good nutrition out there, unless you have your own farm,fresh home grown, etc. we are being proactive here!

I know I wasn't the worst mom, but my son has always pushed the issues, since very young. raising my three alone, it was hard to make the best choices, seeing I did not have good basic skills... loving them wasn't enough. boundaries were missing all over the place.

fandy, I doubt anyone here has wifi, we are not in a thriving economy over here in my neighborhood. I will watch for that, though.
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Old 07-07-2014, 03:42 AM
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Do you intend to stop internet? I thought that was the plan? Now if he goes to therapy you will keep it? Perhaps I am confused? I like my fiber from fruit....the fiber choice chewies have raspberry flavors. Also Sensa makes a fiber chew that tastes like a starburst candy.
I guess fiber is not off topic because the sonnyboy is full of a blockage?
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Old 07-07-2014, 03:47 AM
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My therapist advised to use the internet as a bargaining tool to get him to go. She thought taking it away was not a good idea, unless he will not get help.

It is pretty much my only bargaining tool. and a strong one.

I do think it will come to shutting it off, though. and that will be best, if he wont go. If he does get help and goes for counseling, I would be amazed.

Yes, sonny boy definitely needs some unblocking...lol.
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Old 07-07-2014, 04:02 PM
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Good God in Heaven, I wish I could get someone to come in here and hide while I talk to my son! We never talk. He has anger issues, its easy to see and he obviously does not know how to make his life better, and he yells, blames, makes excuses, and I am just bewildered by him. I don't know if he is truly crazy or he just cannot talk about it all, without getting defensive .

I asked him if he was going to fill out the paperwork. He asks 'why are we talking about that again'? I say , because I am serious and I need to turn it in, and if you don't go I will shut off the internet. This ignites his short fuse again, and he begins to tell me how 150 million (or some big number) people are in his position. I ask when the last time was that he called any places. He begins weaving his bullshat answers... he has no car... pizza places need drivers.. I say Burger king or Taco Bell do not.... he says, Oh, yeah, I will ride down there on my bike and go in with my crummy hair, sweaty clothes.. etc... I say, So and so from work walks everyday, at least three miles, in any weather, and works and pays rent and pays cash for what he wants. and is my sons age. I occasionally give him a ride home, as he does not have a car, nor family around. he deserves help. he cares about others. my son does not. or is so bankrupt his self, he cannot give anything.emotionally.

He acted like a crazy man when I would counter his excuses with reason. I told him that he would treat his wife as he treats his mother, and that got him,,, "Oh, she would be understanding, and blah blah" I told him any woman would kick him to the curb in two months because of his selfish denial riddled excuses.

I wish you all could hear. I wonder ' is he nuts????? crazy????? or just angry, and ready to blow, as I feel he is? this is exactly why he needs counseling.

I don't know how I bear this. I cannot and wont for much longer. does he really think that he can treat me this way and its ok? he has to see how painful it is for me?

I reminded him that he had an interview and he smoked pot two days before, sure to fail a test. he knew that. but he then said, oh, well, I dont deserve to have some relief from my stress filled life?

I went to my room, locked myself in and he comes and says 'well I guess I could try going to see if blah blah blah'.. I was brain dead by that time...

I will shut the internet off if it kills me. he needs a kick in the arse. and I mean that much more intensely than it comes across here.

how can someone brow beat their mom , who is the only one who will help them? the only person in this world who would keep him off the streets.

I am so disappointed in who my son is.


I left the paper for him to fill out. Its probably not even worth this trouble.

I am just so angry and hopeless right now. I have an appointment on Wednesday. I will be alright.

NOw he is at my door " sorry mom for yelling, I am stressed." then " now you are not talking to me?" I asked him if he had something to say. He is trying to start arguing again, I know. He said now that I have said everything I was stewing about all day, blah blah.

he is being abusive. trying to get me to argue.
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