A long road - Part 1
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: NJ
Posts: 20,458
go to work, try to relax and live for you...it's always all about HIM...nope, now it is going to be all about YOU...
you drew your line in the sand, even if the internet only stays off for one cycle, you know that you have other options. it is as simple as unplugging the modem and sticking it in your purse, taking it to work with you.
and yes, don't be putting 40 grams of fiber in your body all at once, you will never leave the bathroom!
you drew your line in the sand, even if the internet only stays off for one cycle, you know that you have other options. it is as simple as unplugging the modem and sticking it in your purse, taking it to work with you.
and yes, don't be putting 40 grams of fiber in your body all at once, you will never leave the bathroom!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 13,497
love you too, V!
I get you , sweetie. totally.
I think its gonna take a therapist to make him comfortable talking about things. the family, all of us, can't put our concerns aside long enough to make him safe in sharing, I think. I try, but I get triggered by denial...with two alcoholic parents, its hard for me to stop seeing the big picture long enough to listen unemotionally.
I get you , sweetie. totally.
I think its gonna take a therapist to make him comfortable talking about things. the family, all of us, can't put our concerns aside long enough to make him safe in sharing, I think. I try, but I get triggered by denial...with two alcoholic parents, its hard for me to stop seeing the big picture long enough to listen unemotionally.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 13,497
I need to rename this tread " The long road, with fiber" lol!
I only use three teasps daily and it has not bothered me at all. I started slowly, believe me!
yes, fands, but he has many modems, I believe? and I am not going to be the 'net police' here, just gonna shut it off from the plan... if it comes to that.
hugs.
I only use three teasps daily and it has not bothered me at all. I started slowly, believe me!
yes, fands, but he has many modems, I believe? and I am not going to be the 'net police' here, just gonna shut it off from the plan... if it comes to that.
hugs.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: NJ
Posts: 20,458
no, there is only ONE modem in the house its the property of your cable provider (i think thats how it works in NJ), but he might have different routers. a simple phone call to the cable provider turns it off instantly (like magic).
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 13,497
When I came home from work, yesterday, son told me he had an interview for a job. I really did not know what to say, so said "that's good".
Today as he was getting ready to leave, he asked what I was doing, I said going to my therapy. Then I told him that I still want him to go. that my goal had not been to force him to get a job. he said that he wanted a job. He said that he had looked online and that they way they recommend to treat ADD, if it is that (he must be considering that), was yoga, meditation, breathing, etc... and that he knew how to do that.
I told him that its only one hour a week, he isn't committing his self or anything. that i want him to go. and told him to be careful, good luck, love ya.
Getting a job won't fix his troubles, or mine. I am still on track.
Today as he was getting ready to leave, he asked what I was doing, I said going to my therapy. Then I told him that I still want him to go. that my goal had not been to force him to get a job. he said that he wanted a job. He said that he had looked online and that they way they recommend to treat ADD, if it is that (he must be considering that), was yoga, meditation, breathing, etc... and that he knew how to do that.
I told him that its only one hour a week, he isn't committing his self or anything. that i want him to go. and told him to be careful, good luck, love ya.
Getting a job won't fix his troubles, or mine. I am still on track.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 13,497
OMG, he just called me asking where it was, exactly....
typical for him. scattered, unorganized, and that is complicated by his desire to see his self as completely capable. he was probably too busy to think to ask exactly where.
God bless him, he has my sense of direction... just called and found out he is going the wrong direction.... can it be that he did not think that there may be more than one BP gas station in town?
This is why I have done so many things for him... he cannot seem to figure them out.. he will be late for interviews, give up in frustration, and blame everyone else for it.
oh, I gotta let go. If he drives 20 miles on his bike and finally figures it out, guess that will be a victory of sorts..
typical for him. scattered, unorganized, and that is complicated by his desire to see his self as completely capable. he was probably too busy to think to ask exactly where.
God bless him, he has my sense of direction... just called and found out he is going the wrong direction.... can it be that he did not think that there may be more than one BP gas station in town?
This is why I have done so many things for him... he cannot seem to figure them out.. he will be late for interviews, give up in frustration, and blame everyone else for it.
oh, I gotta let go. If he drives 20 miles on his bike and finally figures it out, guess that will be a victory of sorts..
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: NJ
Posts: 20,458
yes, if he keeps calling mama hen and you keep clucking about it he won't get anywhere.
GOOD for him to get a job, it gets him out of the house. You can insist that he start to pay you weekly rent to use towards bills.
GOOD for him to get a job, it gets him out of the house. You can insist that he start to pay you weekly rent to use towards bills.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 16,246
chicory.....good job of staying on track! You kept your cool even though you didn't exactly feel that way inside!
And, he went..(or is attempting to)...even if his heart is not into it. I agree that he is still trying to pacify you enough so that he can wiggle out of it. (but you are one step ahead of him, right now)
Isn't today your 2nd T session? I'll be interested to know how it goes!
Last week you were sooo nervous about it...and, this week, you haven't even hardly mentioned it. I see progress.
dandylion
Oh, by the way...you now owe 10 pushups!
And, he went..(or is attempting to)...even if his heart is not into it. I agree that he is still trying to pacify you enough so that he can wiggle out of it. (but you are one step ahead of him, right now)
Isn't today your 2nd T session? I'll be interested to know how it goes!
Last week you were sooo nervous about it...and, this week, you haven't even hardly mentioned it. I see progress.
dandylion
Oh, by the way...you now owe 10 pushups!
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 13,560
Chic....like you said, you are still on track, that's a great thing!
As far as your son, it sounds like he is looking into things, maybe doing a little research, while those things may not solve every problem, they are baby steps of progress.
Carry on, you are doing great!
XXX
As far as your son, it sounds like he is looking into things, maybe doing a little research, while those things may not solve every problem, they are baby steps of progress.
Carry on, you are doing great!
XXX
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 13,497
Oh, Venus, I am scattered! He called to ask me where the Dollar General was, where he had an interview. There are three or four here in town. He made it there and probably has the job.
I told him today that he has three days to fill out the paperwork and make an appt for initial interview, before I shut off internet. He promised he would, when he moved in five years ago! Now , he says I am just odc, and a lot of other stupid accusations.
Bringing it up again, made things really ugly, and it was a struggle for me to detach and not respond to his pushing of my buttons-more like he was setting off dynamite in my head.
He asked me a little while ago if the therapists are the ones I am going to. I told him that mine does not accept his insurance. He asked how he is supposed to go in without being embarrassed, and looking stupid. I told him that he could just tell them that things are bad here at home.
he did not say anything else. maybe he will go, maybe not.
I have another appt next wednesday.
My sister works for a mental health group. she is struggling with my nephew too. He and my son are close in age. She and her hubby are considering al-anon.
no matter if I get son to go or not, no one can make him quit drinking, and I wonder if that is not at the bottom of this messy pile. sigh.
tomorrow is another day. Oh, I shall do the pushups.. I forget why , though..lol.
Oh, and todays therapy was mostly focused on me and my history. She is glad I am not considering marriage anymore..lol.
time for pushups..
I told him today that he has three days to fill out the paperwork and make an appt for initial interview, before I shut off internet. He promised he would, when he moved in five years ago! Now , he says I am just odc, and a lot of other stupid accusations.
Bringing it up again, made things really ugly, and it was a struggle for me to detach and not respond to his pushing of my buttons-more like he was setting off dynamite in my head.
He asked me a little while ago if the therapists are the ones I am going to. I told him that mine does not accept his insurance. He asked how he is supposed to go in without being embarrassed, and looking stupid. I told him that he could just tell them that things are bad here at home.
he did not say anything else. maybe he will go, maybe not.
I have another appt next wednesday.
My sister works for a mental health group. she is struggling with my nephew too. He and my son are close in age. She and her hubby are considering al-anon.
no matter if I get son to go or not, no one can make him quit drinking, and I wonder if that is not at the bottom of this messy pile. sigh.
tomorrow is another day. Oh, I shall do the pushups.. I forget why , though..lol.
Oh, and todays therapy was mostly focused on me and my history. She is glad I am not considering marriage anymore..lol.
time for pushups..
Behold the power of NO
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: WA
Posts: 7,764
Originally Posted by Carlotta 
Now on a different note I am starting a betting pool:
How long will Chicory's son will remain internetless before he figures out a way to get his own and come up with the money?
I am betting on 5 days!
How long will Chicory's son will remain internetless before he figures out a way to get his own and come up with the money?
I am betting on 5 days!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 13,497
Well, he isn't internetless yet. I have to hurry and get my own access going . when it does go off, he will probably find a way to get it. somehow. but he is feeling pinched, and is making my life he!! over it right now.
all is quiet now. gotta keep the bp down. I am five pounds overweight , they said at my health accessment at work(there is a pharmacy there and they do it for us)
my other vitals were good, except cholesterol was 10 points high.
no cheese or ice cream for me ever, I guess..
all is quiet now. gotta keep the bp down. I am five pounds overweight , they said at my health accessment at work(there is a pharmacy there and they do it for us)
my other vitals were good, except cholesterol was 10 points high.
no cheese or ice cream for me ever, I guess..
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Chic, I am proud of you for persevering and keeping your plan in place.
Eventually, you may need an intervention and forced testing of him, but for now you are on course with what you want to do.
I may be behind on your thread, but I am cheering you on and keeping you both in my prayers.
Hugs
Eventually, you may need an intervention and forced testing of him, but for now you are on course with what you want to do.
I may be behind on your thread, but I am cheering you on and keeping you both in my prayers.
Hugs
Member
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Los Angeles, California
Posts: 8,326
((((chicory)))) darling I am so very proud of you. There's no need to have any more discussion about this with Son. He knows. You ran the ****** down pretty clearly for him. It's not your job to remind him.
You're 5 pounds overweight??? Oh dear heavens, I bet I have at least 30 or probably
More! I think I've gained at home, eating numerous birthday cakes of various friends. I have to eat. It's the only pure pleasure I have. I just have to make better decisions.
We will be here for you. Keep your cool head about you. It's going to be OK.
much much love from LeeLee
You're 5 pounds overweight??? Oh dear heavens, I bet I have at least 30 or probably
More! I think I've gained at home, eating numerous birthday cakes of various friends. I have to eat. It's the only pure pleasure I have. I just have to make better decisions.
We will be here for you. Keep your cool head about you. It's going to be OK.
much much love from LeeLee
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 13,560
Hugs Chic.
Im running out of here so i dont have to admit to the zucchini bread i ate tonight made by church going elderly women. Definitely not on the diet! On the plus side, im going to have rockin good arms after being on crutches forever and a day! Tomorrow is a new day!
XXX
Im running out of here so i dont have to admit to the zucchini bread i ate tonight made by church going elderly women. Definitely not on the diet! On the plus side, im going to have rockin good arms after being on crutches forever and a day! Tomorrow is a new day!
XXX
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
