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A long road - Part 1

Old 07-02-2014, 04:45 AM
  # 181 (permalink)  
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yes, bump....thinking of you this morning Chic....it might help if you write down some of your thoughts that you want to discuss....just notes, so you do not forget something important that you wanted to bring front and center.

I know you said you were a bit nervous, but I think it will be fine. we're all with you.
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Old 07-02-2014, 04:55 AM
  # 182 (permalink)  
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Thank you Fandy. Good idea on making some notes. I just sort of go blank when I sit down with a counselor, at least I did last time.

I am only a little nervous. Nervous is the best of my problems
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Old 07-02-2014, 06:19 AM
  # 183 (permalink)  
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((Chicory)) Thinking of you today and praying all goes well.
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Old 07-02-2014, 04:12 PM
  # 184 (permalink)  
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Finally a moment without cat cares, food cares, car cares.. now a cup of coffee to perk me up!

I had my appt. today, and it went well. She asked all about my son and boy, that's a long story! She ended our discussion saying that she felt that it's very important for him to get into counselling, after first seeing a psychiatrist, in case of meds needs.

We talked about the internet, and it looks like it will probably be the leverage I need to get him to go. Plan is to tell him that I am making him an appt. , because of the way his life is, and because it has to change. And that the internet will be shut off and will stay off until he gets into treatment-therapy, maybe meds. She feels that depression, adhd possibly, and anxiety , along with the strong possibility of alcoholism, sounds most likely, and that it is quite a tricky situation.

She acknowledged that things have been very hard for me as well. She asked me why I am there, and I said that I wanted to do the right things for him, and for me. that I want my life back, and want him to have a life. She thought it unusual for someone to go so long and be so miserable without getting help. I wanted to tell her that he comes from a long line of stubborn sufferers-lol

I really like her. She sounds like Least, in her voice, even looks a bit like her Warm, caring, a good listener. She gently recommended that I might need some more help, and I said basically how often can I come in? So I have another appt, next Wednesday, and I am looking forward to it.

Tomorrow I plan to talk to my son. Check his medicaid and see what kind it is, to see who takes it. If he did not have that, we would be pretty much out of luck. I feel things are going along, God led, and perhaps timing is right.

I felt so helpless, thinking about how impossible it all seems. How my son may never get the help he needs. But then a funny thing... I felt like " Hey, I can do this". I can drum up some courage and faith and step out and pray that deep inside he wants help from his misery. It was a weird feeling, almost like a strange power was present. Like there was someone with a hand at my back, saying, Go on, take steps, you dont know that good things WON'T happen.

It has been a long time since I felt hopeful.

I cannot say that he won't take help. He just might. I think he would listen to someone besides me. He had one counseling session , three years ago or so, and I could tell that he felt relief, and seemed happy afterward.

I know there is no guarantee that he will change. but circumstances here can. my life can. she will help me figure out that one.

the first things she said, after I spoke for a few minutes, was that two things came to her mind...AA and Al-anon. I told her about SR and she wrote it down.

It has helped me so much, being here. There are not so many unanswered questions in my mind about addiction, alcoholism, etc.

anyway, thought I would post and say that I felt it went really well. I can tell that she and I will get along very well. She moved right along and gave me names of therapists and psychiatrist that she trusts.

thanks so much for the wonderful support, everyone. funny how just a little hope makes you feel alive again.

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Old 07-02-2014, 04:23 PM
  # 185 (permalink)  
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Chicory..you went with a mission and were ~prepared~ as you have struggled
and prayed and mostly dear friend ~~you have grown so much~~just in the bit
of time we have interacted on some threads..I see a huge difference..

I'm am so happy for you..however it goes..and whatever the outcome, your baby
step is actually worth an Olympic Gold to me..

Hugs dear friend

lauren
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Old 07-02-2014, 04:27 PM
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(((((chicory))))). I'm so glad it went well for you. It sounds like you got some clarity. I'm hoping this is the beginning for you and your son, both in new lives! Do keep us posted. You do deserve a peaceful home and a happy life. Son may resist it like a mule but eventually he will be glad. maybe he's tired of being drunk. maybe a way can be figured out of rim to go to long term treatment or sober living.

We'll always be here for you.

Much much love!

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Old 07-02-2014, 04:48 PM
  # 187 (permalink)  
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You guys make me tear up..

thanks for being here for me. its worth more than you know, that you believe in me. it makes me believe in me...

sappy, huh? sometimes life is sappy, Pappy.
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Old 07-02-2014, 05:18 PM
  # 188 (permalink)  
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"the internet is the leverage you need" amen.....Chic, come into the sunlight.....take your power back....you have lost enough time being quiet and suffering with this NONSENSE. please, please do not waffle and get soggy with too much sympathy syrup, it ruins the buttery crunch.

(now I want waffles and ice cream of course).

congrats on getting started and keep these appointments.
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Old 07-02-2014, 05:25 PM
  # 189 (permalink)  
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soggy from sympathy syrup? never! I am excited. and only death or cheese cake would keep me from my appointments or from following the plan... don't worry, dear Fandy.
Thanks for the kind words and support and for caring!

and yes, I sure have lost so much time. But as they say, things happen as they should , when they are meant to, when you know better you do better, follow the crunch.. etc.
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Old 07-02-2014, 05:28 PM
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sap? Waffles? sounds like waffles with maple syrup to me! maybe some strawberries! sliced strawberries and whipped cream. Yum!

(((((chicory))) I know you've made the first few steps and how brave you've been to take them. I'm so proud of you.

much love from Lenina
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Old 07-02-2014, 05:37 PM
  # 191 (permalink)  
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Leelee, thanks sweetie. I know it isn't all that much to get an appt., and to go, but this is, because I am determined to affect change here. Follow through with what ever tough stuff she thinks is needed. It's good to have help.

xoxoxo
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Old 07-02-2014, 06:29 PM
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((((chicory))). I believe it is. making the call, following through on it. Committing to continuing care. That's huge.

Love you mucho!

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Old 07-02-2014, 06:29 PM
  # 193 (permalink)  
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Chocory----I am as pleased as punch!! I've had my fingers and toes crossed, all day, for you---wondering how it was going.

I'm so glad that you clicked---everyone needs a soft place to fall!!

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Old 07-02-2014, 07:14 PM
  # 194 (permalink)  
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Thanks Dandylion!

I was pretty comfortable. I did not stop talking for a while! I felt the good vibes, from all of you here. support feels good.

Keep some toes crossed for me tomorrow. I will talk to my son about the plan, and it won't be pretty, but I will just make it short and sweet and calm and loving. then go to work...lol.
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Old 07-02-2014, 07:56 PM
  # 195 (permalink)  
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chicory...I agree that calm and caring is a very good approach. Who knows?...he might surprise you.

In any case...he will have the whole day to process it. You are now going forth with some planned-out action. I think this will keep you from feeling so "trapped" in inertia.You have made a lot of progress in the last month.

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Old 07-03-2014, 03:46 AM
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Chic, I only wrote that because sometimes you post about "feeling softer" towards your son and I'm afraid that if you don't keep the rules you have stated, you won't be taken seriously.

(but we can still have some good crispy waffles and maple syrup too).

I hope he comes out of his room and you stop having conversations through the closed door...that would frustrate the hell out of me too.

You need some peace of mind and help, doing it all yourself is exhausting. hugs
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Old 07-03-2014, 05:13 AM
  # 197 (permalink)  
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Fandy, I know that! No worries, I understand. I have too much to lose.. like a chance for peace and happiness in my home.

He comes out.. last night he made a chefboyardee pizza.. dinner. We talked a bit, he was sort of standoffish, and I tried to ease the tension a bit. He has plans for the 4th, but I intend to talk to him today, before I leave for work. I work evenings on Thursdays. He could be gone when I get off.

I will be calm, collected, and to the point. with love. Love has to be tough sometimes, yes. Unbending.

I hate talking through the door. That's why I will make it quick... quick enough to say before he walks the distance of the hallway.

This is approximately what I am going to say. The therapist suggested this , and I like it, too.

"Son, this situation has to change, for me. I spoke to a therapist today, and I 'm making you an appt. to speak to a therapist, within two weeks. The internet will be shut off,at the time of your appt. and it won't be back on until you go, and get counseling and treatment for your depression, anxiety,and other issues. This is non negotiable and done with love in my heart."

The two weeks timeline gives me time to get him an appt that i can manage to get him to, since he has no transportation. There is one close enough to us, who the therapist recommended, he can bike there.

I appreciate any and all prayers for us...
love and hugs
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Old 07-03-2014, 07:41 AM
  # 198 (permalink)  
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Lord, why did I think I could tiptoe through a poop mine field?

It wasn't pretty, and I called my daughter to talk to her while he calmed down. He got really mad when I told him I had seen his mail from the second therapist , stating situational depression. He threatened to sue me...good gosh, my mind is hamburger right now.

He thought I had intercepted it in the mail, almost four years ago. I think I just saw it and looked at it. slimy, yes, to read someones mail. but I was desperate for him to get help, and wanted to know what she had determined. He would not tell me at that time . just that he had situational depression. He calmed down when I told him that I had seen it in the trash and read it. now he is all quiet in his room.

I hope I dont have a stroke or heartattack today, from this stressful crap. He went pretty mad, and wow, the letter thing really set him off.

I think I understood him to say, "Well, I will talk to them but they are gonna say the same things I am telling you,,, its the economy, its that I can't get help finding work, its not my fault.... basically thats what he said.

ok, now to calm down. I have to call and make that appt for him. they take his insurance.

I could just puke.... I do not deserve this. But it will be alright. He's going to his friends for their annual 4th party, there are little kids there and they always put off some fireworks for them, and the parties are tamer , because of his friends step children now.


sometimes I think he is crazy.

Deep breathing here.
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Old 07-03-2014, 08:10 AM
  # 199 (permalink)  
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Chicory, just wanted to say sorry you got such a bad response from him.

You don't deserve that. You deserve peace. Please don't buy into his hissyfit...hard not to, I'm sure. I assume you've stated your case to him?

Well, I guess if he doesn't want his mail read, he could always move out? Not that I agree with reading mail necessarily, but geez...

Hugs for today.xx
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Old 07-03-2014, 08:11 AM
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((Chicory)) You did it!! When we go outside our comfort zone ...it is scary! I'm so proud of you.

I wouldn't engage after your point is made. Nothing else to discuss except the appointment time and the consequences if he doesn't follow through. Put on some headphones and tune him out. Whatever he says at this point will be to hurt you for upsetting his world.

You deserve CAKE and lots of it!! Sending you great big hugs!! Well done sweet Chicory, Well Done!!
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