Effed Up Royally
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Location: Western NY
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Whalebelow - sorry you feel that way, but I can't really relate to what you are saying. I don't think being an addict makes someone 'damaged goods'. When I met my wife I wasn't an addict anyway. Sure, I partied hard, but I was single in my 20s in NYC. I don't think I was the only one drinking heavy and partying with some coke on the weekends. When looking to my peers I was never the one who got sloppy drunk and do stupid **** anyway. At that time it was take it or leave it for me. I am drawing a blank trying to think of anyone I met in my age group that didn't at least drink heavily on weekends. Maybe I was just running with the wrong crowd, but that includes everyone that I knew at work as well. So, unless I was going to start creeping around grocery stores trying to pick someone up at the vegetable isle I was going to stay single. Even if I somehow pulled that part of it off the ensuing 'date night' would have ended up at a bar, club, house party or whatever.
If what you are saying is true then, conservatively, half of the female population in Manhattan is insane. Actually, after writing this last line I may have given some credence to your point, because I don't think a 50% estimate is too far off.
I may have gone on with the boozing to turn into an alcoholic, but I drank heavily for years and it was always take it or leave it. With opis it was immediate, daily use. That didn't start until after I met my wife so if I was damaged goods then I got damaged afterwards.
I am not sure what day I am on, but I am still feeling lousy. My doctor appointment is tomorrow morning so we will see how that goes.
If what you are saying is true then, conservatively, half of the female population in Manhattan is insane. Actually, after writing this last line I may have given some credence to your point, because I don't think a 50% estimate is too far off.
I may have gone on with the boozing to turn into an alcoholic, but I drank heavily for years and it was always take it or leave it. With opis it was immediate, daily use. That didn't start until after I met my wife so if I was damaged goods then I got damaged afterwards.
I am not sure what day I am on, but I am still feeling lousy. My doctor appointment is tomorrow morning so we will see how that goes.
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Join Date: Sep 2013
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Whale below, I see exactly what you're saying and I have to agree. I've always connected with "crazy" people more than the perfect citizen type. I think crazy does attract crazy.
I married my husband in jail , what does that even say about my mental state? Who does that?? I think allot boils down to self esteem and what we feel we deserve in a partner.
I must really hate myself to load my body with drugs, smoke , eating disorders of every kind and put up with abusive, controlling, alcoholic men...
You've got a point.
Opio, I'm sorry you're feeling bad though and I hope it passes soon for you.
I'm glad to see you and your wife making an effort in fixing what needs fixing, especially for the kids sake. In all this they ultimately suffer the most.
I sometimes wish I had kids, a reason to stay sober you know? Being childless without any real responsibility can become a disaster when you don't love yourself enough to stop.
I hope tomorrow is a much better day for you!
I married my husband in jail , what does that even say about my mental state? Who does that?? I think allot boils down to self esteem and what we feel we deserve in a partner.
I must really hate myself to load my body with drugs, smoke , eating disorders of every kind and put up with abusive, controlling, alcoholic men...
You've got a point.
Opio, I'm sorry you're feeling bad though and I hope it passes soon for you.
I'm glad to see you and your wife making an effort in fixing what needs fixing, especially for the kids sake. In all this they ultimately suffer the most.
I sometimes wish I had kids, a reason to stay sober you know? Being childless without any real responsibility can become a disaster when you don't love yourself enough to stop.
I hope tomorrow is a much better day for you!
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Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 1,854
Originally Posted by OpioPhobe 
Whalebelow - sorry you feel that way, but I can't really relate to what you are saying. I don't think being an addict makes someone 'damaged goods'. When I met my wife I wasn't an addict anyway. Sure, I partied hard, but I was single in my 20s in NYC. I don't think I was the only one drinking heavy and partying with some coke on the weekends. When looking to my peers I was never the one who got sloppy drunk and do stupid **** anyway. At that time it was take it or leave it for me. I am drawing a blank trying to think of anyone I met in my age group that didn't at least drink heavily on weekends. Maybe I was just running with the wrong crowd, but that includes everyone that I knew at work as well. So, unless I was going to start creeping around grocery stores trying to pick someone up at the vegetable isle I was going to stay single. Even if I somehow pulled that part of it off the ensuing 'date night' would have ended up at a bar, club, house party or whatever.
If what you are saying is true then, conservatively, half of the female population in Manhattan is insane. Actually, after writing this last line I may have given some credence to your point, because I don't think a 50% estimate is too far off.
I may have gone on with the boozing to turn into an alcoholic, but I drank heavily for years and it was always take it or leave it. With opis it was immediate, daily use. That didn't start until after I met my wife so if I was damaged goods then I got damaged afterwards.
I am not sure what day I am on, but I am still feeling lousy. My doctor appointment is tomorrow morning so we will see how that goes.
If what you are saying is true then, conservatively, half of the female population in Manhattan is insane. Actually, after writing this last line I may have given some credence to your point, because I don't think a 50% estimate is too far off.
I may have gone on with the boozing to turn into an alcoholic, but I drank heavily for years and it was always take it or leave it. With opis it was immediate, daily use. That didn't start until after I met my wife so if I was damaged goods then I got damaged afterwards.
I am not sure what day I am on, but I am still feeling lousy. My doctor appointment is tomorrow morning so we will see how that goes.
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Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: Berwick
Posts: 128
Originally Posted by OpioPhobe
Whalebelow - sorry you feel that way, but I can't really relate to what you are saying. I don't think being an addict makes someone 'damaged goods'. When I met my wife I wasn't an addict anyway. Sure, I partied hard, but I was single in my 20s in NYC. I don't think I was the only one drinking heavy and partying with some coke on the weekends. When looking to my peers I was never the one who got sloppy drunk and do stupid **** anyway. At that time it was take it or leave it for me. I am drawing a blank trying to think of anyone I met in my age group that didn't at least drink heavily on weekends. Maybe I was just running with the wrong crowd, but that includes everyone that I knew at work as well. So, unless I was going to start creeping around grocery stores trying to pick someone up at the vegetable isle I was going to stay single. Even if I somehow pulled that part of it off the ensuing 'date night' would have ended up at a bar, club, house party or whatever.
If what you are saying is true then, conservatively, half of the female population in Manhattan is insane. Actually, after writing this last line I may have given some credence to your point, because I don't think a 50% estimate is too far off.
I may have gone on with the boozing to turn into an alcoholic, but I drank heavily for years and it was always take it or leave it. With opis it was immediate, daily use. That didn't start until after I met my wife so if I was damaged goods then I got damaged afterwards.
I am not sure what day I am on, but I am still feeling lousy. My doctor appointment is tomorrow morning so we will see how that goes.
If what you are saying is true then, conservatively, half of the female population in Manhattan is insane. Actually, after writing this last line I may have given some credence to your point, because I don't think a 50% estimate is too far off.
I may have gone on with the boozing to turn into an alcoholic, but I drank heavily for years and it was always take it or leave it. With opis it was immediate, daily use. That didn't start until after I met my wife so if I was damaged goods then I got damaged afterwards.
I am not sure what day I am on, but I am still feeling lousy. My doctor appointment is tomorrow morning so we will see how that goes.
Take care out there
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Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Western NY
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Just got back from the doctor visit. It went fine, and I do like the doctor. He wasn't judgmental or anything about it, which was cool. There was an assistant in the room at the same time though, which was a bit annoying.
I told him to never prescribe me a narcotic - ever - because I 'liked them too much'. There was an assistant in the room, which was a little annoying. Rather than referring to the specific DOC by name I told him that it was a C1 narcotic, and he kind of gave me a nod that he got it. I didn't want to use the 'H' word in front of the assistant. He said that it wasn't a problem and that they would put down allergic to opiates in my file. Thinking back on it, I do wish I had confirmed with him that Tramadol would be on that list too. Sometimes I have had doctors that would write scripts for Tramadol because it was 'non-narcotic' (that is BS in my book). Actually, I should have just said no C2s at all, which would have taken out the amps too. Well, I can tell him at the next appointment I guess. Maybe I should just write out a "no-prescribe for OpioPhobe list' for the next appointment. It would be long and distinguished.
I also confessed the recently screw up, and told him that it really had me concerned. To be honest, the alcohol worries me the most given how ubiquitous it is in daily life. I can cut off supply for the other, which is a tremendous help for me. I also told him how I had taken the Wellbutrin on my own, and that it made me psychotic so that wasn't going to work. In addition, I told him that I would be extremely hesitant to take any of the ADs after that experience.
At the end of the visit I got a referral to a therapist and I am supposed to get some blood work done as well. That was what I was expecting to come out of it so I guess it is par for the course.
Today I have been feeling better actually. Sleep wasn't too bad last night. This is probably going to sound crazy, but I actually felt better yesterday after I had some coffee. The irritability calmed down a bit. Maybe this whole thing was from caffeine withdrawal. If that is the case then I am truly doomed. Life without coffee...ugh.
I told him to never prescribe me a narcotic - ever - because I 'liked them too much'. There was an assistant in the room, which was a little annoying. Rather than referring to the specific DOC by name I told him that it was a C1 narcotic, and he kind of gave me a nod that he got it. I didn't want to use the 'H' word in front of the assistant. He said that it wasn't a problem and that they would put down allergic to opiates in my file. Thinking back on it, I do wish I had confirmed with him that Tramadol would be on that list too. Sometimes I have had doctors that would write scripts for Tramadol because it was 'non-narcotic' (that is BS in my book). Actually, I should have just said no C2s at all, which would have taken out the amps too. Well, I can tell him at the next appointment I guess. Maybe I should just write out a "no-prescribe for OpioPhobe list' for the next appointment. It would be long and distinguished.
I also confessed the recently screw up, and told him that it really had me concerned. To be honest, the alcohol worries me the most given how ubiquitous it is in daily life. I can cut off supply for the other, which is a tremendous help for me. I also told him how I had taken the Wellbutrin on my own, and that it made me psychotic so that wasn't going to work. In addition, I told him that I would be extremely hesitant to take any of the ADs after that experience.
At the end of the visit I got a referral to a therapist and I am supposed to get some blood work done as well. That was what I was expecting to come out of it so I guess it is par for the course.
Today I have been feeling better actually. Sleep wasn't too bad last night. This is probably going to sound crazy, but I actually felt better yesterday after I had some coffee. The irritability calmed down a bit. Maybe this whole thing was from caffeine withdrawal. If that is the case then I am truly doomed. Life without coffee...ugh.
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Join Date: Sep 2014
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Opio you mentioned tramadol in your post several years ago my doc prescribed them like opies I ate the like candy that was the worst withdrawals I've ever been through for a non narcotic drug bull s***that was three days of misery man oh well not going to have to go through any wds again going to promise the whole world that lol have a good one bud
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Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: Boston, MA
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I'm glad to see you working through things
Just my two cents about Wellbutrin. A long time ago I tried it for quitting smoking. Before any real need for ADs (no depression then), before all the addiction mess, before all the crazy health stuff. I guess I could say I was a "normie" when I used it
So to be honest, I knew nothing about ADs. Of course I thought I was getting Zyban, a new pill to help with smoking cessation....had no idea the generic was Wellbutrin and that it was an AD until the doctor told me. When I started taking it I remember the people at work laughing at me, because I didn't know how ADs work, didn't know anything about them at the time at all. So I kept waiting for this big smile to plant itself on my face and figured I'd be on cloud nine. When I mentioned this they all said "it's just an anti-depressant, it's not like you took E!"
Anyway, I took it for a couple of months and I did quit smoking. I also for the first time in my life started having crazy panic attacks. When I went back to my doctor she told me that not only is it one of the only ADs that does not include an anti-anxiety med in it, but that as a side effect it can be known to cause anxiety.
I had to come off of it. It was a shame because it helped with the smoking, but I found it debilitating mentally for me. I have been on a couple different ADs since then (needed for depression, nothing to do with the smoking) and have never had that kind of reaction on any of the others. Just saying, maybe don't completely give up on other ADs if you think they may help, sometimes it's a matter of finding the right one. What stinks is it usually take several weeks for them to get in your system so it's a lengthy process. But for me, Wellbutrin is a no go as well.
Just my two cents about Wellbutrin. A long time ago I tried it for quitting smoking. Before any real need for ADs (no depression then), before all the addiction mess, before all the crazy health stuff. I guess I could say I was a "normie" when I used it
So to be honest, I knew nothing about ADs. Of course I thought I was getting Zyban, a new pill to help with smoking cessation....had no idea the generic was Wellbutrin and that it was an AD until the doctor told me. When I started taking it I remember the people at work laughing at me, because I didn't know how ADs work, didn't know anything about them at the time at all. So I kept waiting for this big smile to plant itself on my face and figured I'd be on cloud nine. When I mentioned this they all said "it's just an anti-depressant, it's not like you took E!"
Anyway, I took it for a couple of months and I did quit smoking. I also for the first time in my life started having crazy panic attacks. When I went back to my doctor she told me that not only is it one of the only ADs that does not include an anti-anxiety med in it, but that as a side effect it can be known to cause anxiety.
I had to come off of it. It was a shame because it helped with the smoking, but I found it debilitating mentally for me. I have been on a couple different ADs since then (needed for depression, nothing to do with the smoking) and have never had that kind of reaction on any of the others. Just saying, maybe don't completely give up on other ADs if you think they may help, sometimes it's a matter of finding the right one. What stinks is it usually take several weeks for them to get in your system so it's a lengthy process. But for me, Wellbutrin is a no go as well.
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Join Date: Jul 2013
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Good news !
You must allow yourself coffee and ice cream.
I heard they recently changed the classification of tramadol because they had proof of the addictive properties and a lot of deaths linked to it. But I dont know where they put it on the list.
You must allow yourself coffee and ice cream.
I heard they recently changed the classification of tramadol because they had proof of the addictive properties and a lot of deaths linked to it. But I dont know where they put it on the list.
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Today has been good so far. Sleep is improving. I had my extra large DD coffee this AM so I am all set. As far as the ice cream goes, I have to lay off for now. I think I ate more cheeseburgers on my road trip than for the rest of the year combined.
I have to go get blood work done for the doc at some point in the next few days. I am a little nervous about that, because it is a vivid reminder of past activities. Also, I wanted to eat more 'normally' for a few days. They would have probably wanted to put me on a cholesterol medication if I had my blood drawn when I first got back (after all those cheeseburgers).
It looks like they made tramadol a C-IV. I had an addict friend that was ordering it online about ten years ago. He said it was real bad coming off of it. It is good to see that the DEA is on top of these things.
I have to go get blood work done for the doc at some point in the next few days. I am a little nervous about that, because it is a vivid reminder of past activities. Also, I wanted to eat more 'normally' for a few days. They would have probably wanted to put me on a cholesterol medication if I had my blood drawn when I first got back (after all those cheeseburgers).
It looks like they made tramadol a C-IV. I had an addict friend that was ordering it online about ten years ago. He said it was real bad coming off of it. It is good to see that the DEA is on top of these things.
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I wanted to give an honest update to the group. Things this weekend did not go well at all. I drank heavily over the weekend, and ended up doing some coke too. That is the first time I did coke since I can't remember. I was numb to life for portions of it, but all around it was one of the most depressing weekends that I have ever had.
I went to an AA meeting this morning, since whatever I am doing clearly isn't working. It went pretty well I thought, and I got the chair's number. I didn't feel as comfortable there as I did in NA meetings in the past. I am going to look for an NA meeting to try as well. If that doesn't work then I will go back to the AA meeting. Since it was my first time there that may have been part of the reason why I was uncomfortable.
I went to an AA meeting this morning, since whatever I am doing clearly isn't working. It went pretty well I thought, and I got the chair's number. I didn't feel as comfortable there as I did in NA meetings in the past. I am going to look for an NA meeting to try as well. If that doesn't work then I will go back to the AA meeting. Since it was my first time there that may have been part of the reason why I was uncomfortable.
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Join Date: Sep 2014
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Originally Posted by OpioPhobe
I wanted to give an honest update to the group. Things this weekend did not go well at all. I drank heavily over the weekend, and ended up doing some coke too. That is the first time I did coke since I can't remember. I was numb to life for portions of it, but all around it was one of the most depressing weekends that I have ever had.
I went to an AA meeting this morning, since whatever I am doing clearly isn't working. It went pretty well I thought, and I got the chair's number. I didn't feel as comfortable there as I did in NA meetings in the past. I am going to look for an NA meeting to try as well. If that doesn't work then I will go back to the AA meeting. Since it was my first time there that may have been part of the reason why I was uncomfortable.
I went to an AA meeting this morning, since whatever I am doing clearly isn't working. It went pretty well I thought, and I got the chair's number. I didn't feel as comfortable there as I did in NA meetings in the past. I am going to look for an NA meeting to try as well. If that doesn't work then I will go back to the AA meeting. Since it was my first time there that may have been part of the reason why I was uncomfortable.
I miss our conversations, you were such an inspiration to me! Thank you for that!!!!!
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Chasing - I am trying to make it though the day at this at this point. I am not going to give up no matter what happens. There were a lot of times in the past when things seemed hopeless and I kept going despite it seeming futile. That is kind of where I am at now.
Godsent - good to see you again. It looks like you got an upgrade to the 4.0 version, eh? I hope things have been well for you.
Godsent - good to see you again. It looks like you got an upgrade to the 4.0 version, eh? I hope things have been well for you.
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Join Date: Sep 2014
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Originally Posted by OpioPhobe
Chasing - I am trying to make it though the day at this at this point. I am not going to give up no matter what happens. There were a lot of times in the past when things seemed hopeless and I kept going despite it seeming futile. That is kind of where I am at now.
Godsent - good to see you again. It looks like you got an upgrade to the 4.0 version, eh? I hope things have been well for you.
Godsent - good to see you again. It looks like you got an upgrade to the 4.0 version, eh? I hope things have been well for you.
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Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 1,375
I tried coke once but it turned out to be meth (I was 17 and didnt know any better). I was up for 2 days, got in two fights (won both!), and drank gallons of beer. When I woke up, I asked the guy if he had any more of that stuff. Luckily he didn't and that ended my stimulant phase
(I was 17 and didnt know any better). I was up for 2 days, got in two fights (won both!), and drank gallons of beer. When I woke up, I asked the guy if he had any more of that stuff. Luckily he didn't and that ended my stimulant phase Member
Join Date: Sep 2014
Posts: 5
Originally Posted by TiredEnough
I tried coke once but it turned out to be meth (I was 17 and didnt know any better). I was up for 2 days, got in two fights (won both!), and drank gallons of beer. When I woke up, I asked the guy if he had any more of that stuff. Luckily he didn't and that ended my stimulant phase
(I was 17 and didnt know any better). I was up for 2 days, got in two fights (won both!), and drank gallons of beer. When I woke up, I asked the guy if he had any more of that stuff. Luckily he didn't and that ended my stimulant phase Im here for you if you need to vent, or whatever I can do, I feel the leadt I could do is rdturn the favor 😆
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Godsent - congrats on the new addition the the family! I clearly have my hands full with two. I hope your new house is going well and that you are all moved in.
Tired - I would have expected nothing less than wins from you. If you are going to get in a tangle you might as well put a W on the board. Despite my recklessness over the weekend I was able to avoid any physical confrontations. I broke my hand in a bar fight once and a broken bone is the last thing I need right now. That was pretty painful.
Tired - I would have expected nothing less than wins from you. If you are going to get in a tangle you might as well put a W on the board. Despite my recklessness over the weekend I was able to avoid any physical confrontations. I broke my hand in a bar fight once and a broken bone is the last thing I need right now. That was pretty painful.
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Hahaha, well it helps when you can't feel anything. One started with a punch to my jaw (yep, I was running my mouth) and I swear it didn't even register. I just smiled and went to wailing on them. I tried my best to get two dudes to fight me at once but they said I looked crazy and left. I've never liked to fight and generally hate it but I wasn't myself those two days
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