Effed Up Royally
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Western NY
Posts: 1,209
I am still chugging along, but I have a long road ahead of me. There are a few lawyers that I picked out, but I haven't met with them yet. I know that I am just delaying the inevitable, but I guess I am scared. It is going to be a horrible process on me and my children. I know my wife, and it is going to make the War of the Roses look like the Brady Bunch when things are all said and done. Part of me still hopes that things will get better, but that prospect dims more everyday.
I do want to see what my options are about taking the children to live with me during the process. It is going to be damaging to them to be around during the process, and they have already had enough heaped on them that they absolutely didn't deserve. I can already tell that she is preparing for it by keeping accounts hidden from me. She is probably going to send off for Johnny Cochran at $1,500 / hour ($300 / hour for the medium) or his equivalent in family law. The one thing I have going for me is that I don't care about the money to the degree she does. I am not some pipe dreamer though that goes around saying money doesn't mean anything. If you can't keep a roof over your head or food on the table then you have a serious problem. It doesn't provide much above and beyond that though.
In fact, it might be better for my children to grow up away from a wealthy household. There are some folks I have met in life that came from wealthy families that were great people. However, some of the most spoiled, obnoxious people I have come across came out of that environment though. Maybe I just hit a run of bad luck or something, but I really don't want my children to turn out that way. Having grown up in a relatively humble household I was shocked to see how terrible people can be corrupted by money. My wife's family basically split up because of warring factions over inheritance. It really was sad to see people hate their sister, mother, and father all over their inheritance. I thought I had seen people hate each other before, but this was on a whole different level. They have been hating each other for decades now, and I think they would murder one another if they could get away with it. I think they could have made more money than what they are arguing over if they would have applied all that time and energy towards working instead of loathing each other.
Anyway, I got a little off topic, but that was weighing on my mind lately. Even though the road ahead of me is long I do have a sense of relief at knowing that a resolution is possible. I am trying to remain steady and to not allow myself to blame the drug use on the domestic situation. There will be problems in life even once I get through this, but I do believe they will be more manageable. I don't want to get overconfident, and start thinking that I will be 'cured' once this is out of the way. Drugs will always be a danger hovering in the shadows. That being said, long-term sobriety seems realistic to me if I can address this massive source of stress in my life. I think the bottom line is that I can't build a life that is livable without drugs if this issue isn't addressed. Sure, I could get on ADs, go to NA meetings daily, get a therapist, etc., but I would eventually crack. If it was something that I couldn't do anything about it would be one thing, but I can take action to resolve it. And even if I didn't what would be the point? I would still be miserable, which was the whole point of quitting in the first place.
I do want to see what my options are about taking the children to live with me during the process. It is going to be damaging to them to be around during the process, and they have already had enough heaped on them that they absolutely didn't deserve. I can already tell that she is preparing for it by keeping accounts hidden from me. She is probably going to send off for Johnny Cochran at $1,500 / hour ($300 / hour for the medium) or his equivalent in family law. The one thing I have going for me is that I don't care about the money to the degree she does. I am not some pipe dreamer though that goes around saying money doesn't mean anything. If you can't keep a roof over your head or food on the table then you have a serious problem. It doesn't provide much above and beyond that though.
In fact, it might be better for my children to grow up away from a wealthy household. There are some folks I have met in life that came from wealthy families that were great people. However, some of the most spoiled, obnoxious people I have come across came out of that environment though. Maybe I just hit a run of bad luck or something, but I really don't want my children to turn out that way. Having grown up in a relatively humble household I was shocked to see how terrible people can be corrupted by money. My wife's family basically split up because of warring factions over inheritance. It really was sad to see people hate their sister, mother, and father all over their inheritance. I thought I had seen people hate each other before, but this was on a whole different level. They have been hating each other for decades now, and I think they would murder one another if they could get away with it. I think they could have made more money than what they are arguing over if they would have applied all that time and energy towards working instead of loathing each other.
Anyway, I got a little off topic, but that was weighing on my mind lately. Even though the road ahead of me is long I do have a sense of relief at knowing that a resolution is possible. I am trying to remain steady and to not allow myself to blame the drug use on the domestic situation. There will be problems in life even once I get through this, but I do believe they will be more manageable. I don't want to get overconfident, and start thinking that I will be 'cured' once this is out of the way. Drugs will always be a danger hovering in the shadows. That being said, long-term sobriety seems realistic to me if I can address this massive source of stress in my life. I think the bottom line is that I can't build a life that is livable without drugs if this issue isn't addressed. Sure, I could get on ADs, go to NA meetings daily, get a therapist, etc., but I would eventually crack. If it was something that I couldn't do anything about it would be one thing, but I can take action to resolve it. And even if I didn't what would be the point? I would still be miserable, which was the whole point of quitting in the first place.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Thailand
Posts: 824
Don't forget the burden of addiction Opio, I'm clean 5 months now and look back in dread to how unmanageable and chaotic life was an Heroin addict, I'm sure you don't but I think we all have to face that one - life without drugs and the fact it isn't going to be a carnival atmosphere everyday, when I just a drunk in my 20s and fully fledged E head & coke fiend Thursday till Sunday if I ever gave up the drink, parachuted down, got on the Valium to help sleep etc I'd stay sober till the first day I woke up not feeling great, I'd be all indignant - I give up booze and feel like THIS? That was me back on the drink again. Hardest thing I find is facing up to life is still a massive pain in the arse/stress/head wrecker when you're straight - just like we romanticise our addiction at times when in the depths of a cycle on insanity using we romanticise being clean. You a strong guy, love ur kids, Cleary v smart but you seem to be projecting ahead too much, if it Carries on like this etc etc - I appreciate you are under serious pressure at the moment but there no need to live beyond the moment re your addiction. Obviously other events have long term implications but I think it important you try and keep managing your addiction and the domestic front as seperate as possible. Sorry if I sound crass or patronising id never disrespect you mate - got massive respect for what uve done. Stay strong. U only have to stay clean now. A years time or whatever is a year away. Face it then. Keep the faith bro
RIP Maria
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: AR
Posts: 7,654
Hello Opio!
As hard as it seems! Keep your faith in staying clean above all else! This alone will keep your head in the right place!
Would it be possible to get your own place and take the kids with you? Before any legal stuff is started. And BTW? Whoever files first? Usually has the upper hand in what happens! So if your wife is already showing signs of filing? Remember what I told you!
TOD
As hard as it seems! Keep your faith in staying clean above all else! This alone will keep your head in the right place!
Would it be possible to get your own place and take the kids with you? Before any legal stuff is started. And BTW? Whoever files first? Usually has the upper hand in what happens! So if your wife is already showing signs of filing? Remember what I told you!
TOD
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