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Old 09-02-2014, 08:51 PM   #41 (permalink)
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Opio so glad that you are feeling better! Idk why this Wellbutrin hasn't been working for me to quit smoking?!? It looks like this isn't a good drug to be on. I haven't noticed any problems like what you and others have mentioned....but it's very scary to wake up and do a 180 like you've been doing or suddenly decide to take my life. To think the doctor put me on this vs. Chantix.....said this one is safer.

That's wonderful that you found out what could be causing all this Opio. So glad you are back!
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Old 09-02-2014, 09:10 PM   #42 (permalink)
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I'm glad you're feeling better OP.

I understand the lack of faith in the medical community but I'll recommend again you see a Dr - you have more than one thing going on here and just for your own well being, I think you could really use an outside, expert, opinion.

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Old 09-02-2014, 10:35 PM   #43 (permalink)
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Dee - I agree completely. My appointment with a new doctor is still in place and it is a little over a week away now. I'll discuss the matter with him in detail to see what advice he has. Coincidentally, my wife went to her therapist today, and told her about what happened. Her therapist's reaction was basically that I pulled a stupid stunt and that she wasn't surprised at my response to the meds. The whole thing was pretty stupid (actually it was really stupid) in hindsight, and I shouldn't impulsively say that I would never try ADs at some point. I will say that I have a new found respect for those types of meds though, and this experience will weigh on my future decisions.

If anything positive came out of this it is that I do have a better understanding for some of my wife's behaviors over the past couple years. A lot of the aggressive, irrational behavior that I exhibited was similar to what I had seen with her. She was on the same medication at the time so I feel guilty that I didn't take her complaints seriously.

Also, I don't want to come across as trying to slyly focus the conversation on the Wellbutrin, while glossing over the fact that I was sniffing all the amps prior to taking it. It's not like the Wellbutrin sent me into a time warp. The title to my thread is right on and I am not trying to blame all of this on the Wellbutrin.

Anyway, I know that there is still a lot of work ahead of me with ADs or without ADs, with meetings or without meetings, etc.
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Old 09-02-2014, 10:40 PM   #44 (permalink)
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My friends son was put in Wellbutrin at 9 years old. He ran in front of a car one day. The car swerved and missed him. She asked him why he did it. He said he thought it would be better to end things and make it all go away. NINE!
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Old 09-02-2014, 11:08 PM   #45 (permalink)
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Glad you're feeling some slight relief.

Ssri's are also the devil incarnate.

Just my personal experiences.

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Old 09-03-2014, 08:50 AM   #46 (permalink)
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This morning has been rougher than yesterday so far. Still at 0.5mg Xanax and 1 amp in the AM. Sleep wasn't too bad early in the night, but I definitely felt rough when I woke up. I had a nefarious, nervous energy when getting up. My morning cigarette blunted it somewhat, but it wasn't just the nicotine. The best way I could describe it is the nervous restlessness when trying to go to sleep while dopesick (albeit in a mild form).

Last night at dinner my wife offered me wine a few times. At first the offer was for a glass of wine, which I refused. Then the offer was for me to just taste it, which I also refused. So, on the alcohol front things have been going well.

Thinking back on yesterday, one thing that I am puzzled by is why I didn't have a massive hangover. I'm not complaining, but it just seems strange.

Mama - I can't even imagine giving a 9 year old one of those medications. Was it for ADD? I always find it a little ironic when people describe children with ADD performing better academically with meds. Well, no ****! Little Johnny is hopped up on amphetamines all day.

YoungTom - You are right on about coming off of the SSRIs. I watched the wifey go through that, and it looked incredibly terrible.

I actually took the Wellbutrin specifically because it is a DNRI rather than an SSRI. My, clearly faulty, rationale was that it would help offset the amp withdrawal better than an SSRI. I am going to ask the doctor what he thinks happened. He is probably going to find me annoying for asking esoteric questions like that.
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Old 09-03-2014, 10:28 AM   #47 (permalink)
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Hi my friend!
Sorry you are having a bad day! Remember it's a two steps forward...one step back sort of thing? So hang on....tomorrow should be a better day. Praying for you that it is opio.

Looks like you have some important things to discuss with your Doctor. He should listen and explain things.....but I know it's rare to have a doctor spend more than 5 mins. with you. Hope it goes well for you.
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Old 09-03-2014, 11:01 AM   #48 (permalink)
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One of the worst wds I ever had was a ct of Paxil and Valium over a Christmas holiday. Handfuls of percs couldn't even cut through it. Ssri's are brutal.
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Old 09-04-2014, 11:42 AM   #49 (permalink)
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Yesterday was rough. I went up on the Xanax and went back to the alcohol last night as well. This morning has been OK so far except my ears keep ringing. I have noticed that I feel pretty good at certain points during the day and then I get slammed at other points.

I still have my doctor appointment all set and ready to go next week. To be candid though, I am not very optimistic that anything productive is going to come of it. My expectation is to get a referral to a specialist, and I probably won't get an appointment for weeks or months with them.

As far as plans in the mean time go, here is where I am at. I am going to throw out all remaining alcohol from the house this afternoon. Things don't go well when it is staring me in the face. I am going to flush the rest of the amps also. The Xanax I am keeping around until I see the doctor (in case I start 'bugging out' again). I was able to sleep for quite a while last night so I am good to go if I have some sleepless nights ahead of me.
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Old 09-04-2014, 11:54 AM   #50 (permalink)
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Sorry opio you had a tough day yesterday. I think you are wise to keep the Xanax. Good you thru out the other stuff. The ear ringing reminds me of Xanax withdrawal....but I also had that when I got off my anti-D's.

Praying for you buddy!
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Old 09-04-2014, 12:09 PM   #51 (permalink)
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Ditto on the ear ringing. I had it bad coming off the benzos and AD. Lasted for months.
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Old 09-04-2014, 02:55 PM   #52 (permalink)
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Opio this is my first day here and first day without a perc or vic I appreciate reading your post people like you are going to get me through this we all need each other
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Old 09-04-2014, 03:01 PM   #53 (permalink)
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I hope you get more out of the Drs visit than you think you will Opio

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Old 09-04-2014, 03:45 PM   #54 (permalink)
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Brian - I can offer my personal experiences with regards to opi withdrawal, but I must say that, at this point, I don't know how much I can bring to the table on broader topics. The one thing I would say is that, for me, addiction is clearly a problem that is much broader than a single substance or class of substances. Just because I took a certain substance in the past and was OK with it doesn't mean that is the case now. With amps, they got me hard and it was pretty much instantaneous. If I had had a support system in place (e.g. a sponsor) it may have helped. It definitely wouldn't have hurt.

With alcohol I had already seen that first hand, and knew ahead of time to stay away from it. Once the amps flipped the switch though it was all bets off. I am very lucky to have avoided going back to the H over the past couple weeks. There were a couple days where I had some real cravings, and the cravings had honestly been minimal from my last quit in February. The cravings for the H have quieted down considerably, because I know exactly what will happen if I take that route.

Dee - I could use a pleasant surprise with the doctor. I do hope that it goes better than I am expecting.
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Old 09-04-2014, 06:35 PM   #55 (permalink)
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Opio you are starting to sound more and more like yourself! I know you have a long road ahead of you but I also know you are capable of getting clean. We all are. We just have to work through all the bull that tried to stop us. I have faith in you!
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THE BATTLE IS
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ONE IS EVIL. IT IS ANGER, SORROW,
REGRET, GREED,
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INFERIORITY, LIES
THE OTHER IS GOOD.
IT IS JOY, PEACE LOVE, HOPE KINDNESS,GENEROSITY,
TRUTH
"WHICH WOLF WINS?"
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Old 09-05-2014, 08:24 AM   #56 (permalink)
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Ok. The amps are out of the picture now. I didn't have many left anyway. Access has been removed there.

As far as the booze goes, I got rid of all beer but the wife threw a hissy when I told her I was going to throw out her wine collection. Well, it is what it is with that I guess. There is really no way to eliminate access to booze anyway as the store is 5 mins away.

The ear ringing has been easing up this AM. We'll see how things go today, but so far so good. I am going to just see how the day goes and drop the Xanax as well if I can make it.
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Old 09-05-2014, 08:33 AM   #57 (permalink)
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Opio new at this got a question what are amps ?
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Old 09-05-2014, 09:18 AM   #58 (permalink)
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Amphetamines. Not methamphetamines - the Adderal / Dexedrine type amphetamines.
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Old 09-05-2014, 09:21 AM   #59 (permalink)
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Okay I abused them few years back still remember that sweet taste wonder I didn't blow my heart up wow
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Old 09-05-2014, 09:29 AM   #60 (permalink)
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Ok. The amps are out of the picture now. I didn't have many left anyway. Access has been removed there.

As far as the booze goes, I got rid of all beer but the wife threw a hissy when I told her I was going to throw out her wine collection. Well, it is what it is with that I guess. There is really no way to eliminate access to booze anyway as the store is 5 mins away.

The ear ringing has been easing up this AM. We'll see how things go today, but so far so good. I am going to just see how the day goes and drop the Xanax as well if I can make it.
So glad you threw away the alcohol! I'm glad you're feeling better too. I remember having ear ringing when I stopped klonopin. I wasn't addicted of even taking them everyday but for some reason I had the worst ear problems and headaches.
You're doing really great and sound like your old self again, I'm so proud of you. I know how difficult these steps are. I'm just glad you reached out sooner than later. Hope today is better than yesterday for you. Thinking of you.
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