Fantabulous Secular Connections Check-in Part VIII
Eyes Open, No Fear
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Canada
Posts: 287
Does there have to be a Deep Dark Secret?
hello and good morning to you all!
So here's me at 24 days of what feels like a relatively easy final decision to quit drinking. That's not to say that making the decision over the past oh, 13 years or so was easy. Moderation is so not my friend. But once I made the decision, told my husband and actually did it and found out that life does not actually suck without alcohol, it's been pretty easy. Just don't drink! The End.
So in an effort to make sure that I stay quit, I read, I research - that's just what I do. So many times I have stumbled across some version of " Quitting is the easy part, (HA!) now you have to discover why you drank so much and work on those issues"
Does anyone else feel like there really are no 'other issues'? No big bad dark secret to uncover? I drank because I liked how it made me feel, and I kept drinking because that's what alcohol does?
just thinking out loud here. interested in what you all think.
So here's me at 24 days of what feels like a relatively easy final decision to quit drinking. That's not to say that making the decision over the past oh, 13 years or so was easy. Moderation is so not my friend. But once I made the decision, told my husband and actually did it and found out that life does not actually suck without alcohol, it's been pretty easy. Just don't drink! The End.
So in an effort to make sure that I stay quit, I read, I research - that's just what I do. So many times I have stumbled across some version of " Quitting is the easy part, (HA!) now you have to discover why you drank so much and work on those issues"
Does anyone else feel like there really are no 'other issues'? No big bad dark secret to uncover? I drank because I liked how it made me feel, and I kept drinking because that's what alcohol does?
just thinking out loud here. interested in what you all think.
Never settle.
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Under immense pressure
Posts: 1,505
Cerberus... yes! I drank cuz my friends were drinking, we were having a good time. Some bad crap happened, I won't lie, and it contributed to me starting to use drugs (because I needed a diversion). But really, when it comes down to it, drugs were fun. A diversion more interesting than TV. It wasn't until it got out of hand that I realized I shouldn't have started. But it was still fun until that point.
Your attitude, not your aptitude, will determine your altitude
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Oxnard (The Nard), CA, USA.
Posts: 13,966
Originally Posted by Cerberus
Does anyone else feel like there really are no 'other issues'? No big bad dark secret to uncover? I drank because I liked how it made me feel, and I kept drinking because that's what alcohol does?
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: "I'm not lost for I know where I am. But however, where I am may be lost ..."
Posts: 5,273
cerebrus that's not how it was for me, but I certainly think it could be that way for others. Once I got sober I found that I continued to do other self destructive things that were causing me problems in my life...but in the absence of that I don't think I would have delved in deeper if there was really nothing to look for. I have found that some folks want to convince others there is "something deeper" just because it was that way for them. so um...no I don't think there has to be a deep dark secret 
Shape-Shifting Super-Hero
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Eating Tofu!
Posts: 882
Hey everyone, woah, the weirdest day ever, we had an earthquake near where I work, outside of DC...the 7 floor library is a mess, books everywhere, shelves collapsed like dominoes, some cracks in the stairwells. No injuries, luckily, but the building is closed for inspection, so we got sent home from work early...we might have tomorrow off, as well.
Well, day 33 (I think, but I am losing count ), and glad the quake so far seems not to have caused any serious injuries, but sure felt weird, never felt the ground move under my feet, like that.
Well, day 33 (I think, but I am losing count ), and glad the quake so far seems not to have caused any serious injuries, but sure felt weird, never felt the ground move under my feet, like that.
Shape-Shifting Super-Hero
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Eating Tofu!
Posts: 882
Hi anew!
Gosh, it is quiet in these secular parts!
Doing ok here, 43 days, never thought I would have seen this, if you asked me a month or two ago.
Where has everyone disappeared to? Come back, or we will hunt you down
Gosh, it is quiet in these secular parts!
Doing ok here, 43 days, never thought I would have seen this, if you asked me a month or two ago.
Where has everyone disappeared to? Come back, or we will hunt you down
Never settle.
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Under immense pressure
Posts: 1,505
Yay for earthquakes; that's geology in action! LOL ya know those darn geologists, we're always excited about natural disasters. HP, glad it's only a mess to clean up and nothing worse.
So... a couple days ago this guy I've been dating-- who was kind of instrumental in me getting off drugs early on, he was kind of like a sponsor, in a secular, non-program-using, "I used to do dope and you can always talk to me" sort of way-- posted on Facebook that he was in a relationship (and not with me). How nice of him to let me know, right? So I was pretty mad, and I posted a screen shot from my cell phone of text messages from him only a few days before that about how much he loved me, and I tagged him in it with a note that said if he was going to let me know we were done via Facebook.... well, fair's fair, I will react via Facebook. Probably not my most mature moment, but frankly, I don't feel bad and I'm not removing the post (mostly because I enjoy reading my friend's replies that he wasn't good enough for me anyway. A little shameless ego-petting kinda helps, right?).
He called me last night to say that my post (which I managed to post while he was asleep, and so was on his wall for about 8 hours before he untagged himself) had made his new gf mad and she's not sure she wants to be in a relationship with him now. He seemed upset that I wouldn't back down on this, he tried to apologize and tell me he made a mistake and didn't mean to hurt me, etc. But... dude, really? I'm not spending my life wondering when someone else will suddenly have more appeal and he'll leave me again. And after I made that clear he started threatening to kill himself.
There I was on the phone with him, texting a couple friends wondering how to handle it (replies came back: tell him goodbye; make sure the slits run down the wrist, not across; offer him a more accurate gun, etc. I love my friends! lol) and I was on Facebook with this other girl he used to date, who told me that she broke up with him because she got tired of the suicide threats and I shouldn't worry about it. What a miserable jerk, but if he hadn't pulled all that crap I'd probably still feel bad about the relationship ending.
What a day. And now time to go to work...
So... a couple days ago this guy I've been dating-- who was kind of instrumental in me getting off drugs early on, he was kind of like a sponsor, in a secular, non-program-using, "I used to do dope and you can always talk to me" sort of way-- posted on Facebook that he was in a relationship (and not with me). How nice of him to let me know, right? So I was pretty mad, and I posted a screen shot from my cell phone of text messages from him only a few days before that about how much he loved me, and I tagged him in it with a note that said if he was going to let me know we were done via Facebook.... well, fair's fair, I will react via Facebook. Probably not my most mature moment, but frankly, I don't feel bad and I'm not removing the post (mostly because I enjoy reading my friend's replies that he wasn't good enough for me anyway. A little shameless ego-petting kinda helps, right?).
He called me last night to say that my post (which I managed to post while he was asleep, and so was on his wall for about 8 hours before he untagged himself) had made his new gf mad and she's not sure she wants to be in a relationship with him now. He seemed upset that I wouldn't back down on this, he tried to apologize and tell me he made a mistake and didn't mean to hurt me, etc. But... dude, really? I'm not spending my life wondering when someone else will suddenly have more appeal and he'll leave me again. And after I made that clear he started threatening to kill himself.
There I was on the phone with him, texting a couple friends wondering how to handle it (replies came back: tell him goodbye; make sure the slits run down the wrist, not across; offer him a more accurate gun, etc. I love my friends! lol) and I was on Facebook with this other girl he used to date, who told me that she broke up with him because she got tired of the suicide threats and I shouldn't worry about it. What a miserable jerk, but if he hadn't pulled all that crap I'd probably still feel bad about the relationship ending.
What a day. And now time to go to work...
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: "I'm not lost for I know where I am. But however, where I am may be lost ..."
Posts: 5,273
OMG gneiss love your post. You sound like me lol I have those not so mature moments too. I just posted in the relationship section about my relationships woes...the one area I just can't seem to get much of a handle on! Maybe some of you guys have some thoughts for me???
(No contact from here on out with the fella is highly recommended).
Shape-Shifting Super-Hero
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Eating Tofu!
Posts: 882
Urg, ug. Blah.
About 17 days ago, my car got totaled while parked in a hit and run....and I am so worried about all this has brought about. First, there is the car search...I am not seeing much out there in my price range that looks very reliable... and the insurance check for $1,500 will take at least another 7 to 10 days to arrive, and the free rental car is now over, only lasted 7 days. I have no money to rent one on my own, and also no credit card to do so.
I'm worried about work next week when we resume Fall hours, on Wednesday. I can take the train down, but not back, as none run that late. It is a 40 mile drive. I have looked into car-pooling, but nobody is heading that way at 11: 30 PM. And, as the 'evening circulation supervisor', my duties are to close, and nobody wants my crappy hours.
I'm also scared of what all might be wrong when I do get another cheap car that runs, even if a mechanic checks it out, anything can still happen. My budget is about $3k to $3.5k, and that is really stretching it. I have no credit. Well, really bad credit. So I have been sad and worried, here, as this is taking much longer than I thought, and just not seeing any cars that look decent, and when I call on a lot of Craigs-List ads, they are fakes, and I end up getting things like, "hi, this is Linda. I like long walks on the beach, and cuddling in the sand...". And these are car ads. Almost everyone I call seems fake. In ways, I hate Craigslist because it has become like a monopoly, and there are few listings fort used cars I have found outside of it, at least for cheap ones. There is cars.com, but not much there, mostly pricey dealers. Arg. I wish that jerk would not have hit our car and totaled it...this is such a costly mess at a time I am really hurting financially, and barely getting by.
Then there is the HUGE issue of how to even get out and look at cars, since we do not have a car to go out looking, and mostly, my friends just ride bikes to work...so I can't think of anyone to ask...I just duuno what do do, and am scared.
Day 34/35, but feeling pretty depressed today, just so scared about the car issue, and life in general, holding down this job, and getting by. Not going to drink, but really sad today, I wish this would hurry up and be over, as it is eating up so much time and money and energy.
About 17 days ago, my car got totaled while parked in a hit and run....and I am so worried about all this has brought about. First, there is the car search...I am not seeing much out there in my price range that looks very reliable... and the insurance check for $1,500 will take at least another 7 to 10 days to arrive, and the free rental car is now over, only lasted 7 days. I have no money to rent one on my own, and also no credit card to do so.
I'm worried about work next week when we resume Fall hours, on Wednesday. I can take the train down, but not back, as none run that late. It is a 40 mile drive. I have looked into car-pooling, but nobody is heading that way at 11: 30 PM. And, as the 'evening circulation supervisor', my duties are to close, and nobody wants my crappy hours.
I'm also scared of what all might be wrong when I do get another cheap car that runs, even if a mechanic checks it out, anything can still happen. My budget is about $3k to $3.5k, and that is really stretching it. I have no credit. Well, really bad credit. So I have been sad and worried, here, as this is taking much longer than I thought, and just not seeing any cars that look decent, and when I call on a lot of Craigs-List ads, they are fakes, and I end up getting things like, "hi, this is Linda. I like long walks on the beach, and cuddling in the sand...". And these are car ads. Almost everyone I call seems fake. In ways, I hate Craigslist because it has become like a monopoly, and there are few listings fort used cars I have found outside of it, at least for cheap ones. There is cars.com, but not much there, mostly pricey dealers. Arg. I wish that jerk would not have hit our car and totaled it...this is such a costly mess at a time I am really hurting financially, and barely getting by.
Then there is the HUGE issue of how to even get out and look at cars, since we do not have a car to go out looking, and mostly, my friends just ride bikes to work...so I can't think of anyone to ask...I just duuno what do do, and am scared.
Day 34/35, but feeling pretty depressed today, just so scared about the car issue, and life in general, holding down this job, and getting by. Not going to drink, but really sad today, I wish this would hurry up and be over, as it is eating up so much time and money and energy.
Ethanol Intolerant
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Cascadia
Posts: 665
Hey folks just stopping by to say howdy. Things are going well for me. Still sober, still unemployed, still healthy and enjoying the summer. I stop by every few days, but I have not been real keen on adding my considerable wisdom *ahem to the discussions. (I am just too bloody humble for that.) Take care, some of you have helped me so much, am am eternally in your debt.
Shape-Shifting Super-Hero
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Eating Tofu!
Posts: 882
Well, going to have a talk with my supervisor today, stomach has been all gurgly the past 24 hours, or so, nerves. I've been here just about 5 years, so hopefully they can work around this for a few more weeks.
I was also looking at the sheer cost of getting a vehicle registered...$70 for inspection, then about $250 for tags/reg/tile, maybe more, then tax...so probably $500+, right there. Ouch.
36 days so far, and it has been hard, these past few days, as this drags on. When the car got hit, it was really just the beginning of resisting a 'trigger'...the aftermath has proved to be a lot more difficult than I'd imagined. Maybe I was in denial after the initial shock that this would be easier? Hard to say, just hope to get back to 'normal', or near normal, soon.
I have my agnostics meeting tonight, hopefully that will have a therapeutic effect
I was also looking at the sheer cost of getting a vehicle registered...$70 for inspection, then about $250 for tags/reg/tile, maybe more, then tax...so probably $500+, right there. Ouch.
36 days so far, and it has been hard, these past few days, as this drags on. When the car got hit, it was really just the beginning of resisting a 'trigger'...the aftermath has proved to be a lot more difficult than I'd imagined. Maybe I was in denial after the initial shock that this would be easier? Hard to say, just hope to get back to 'normal', or near normal, soon.
I have my agnostics meeting tonight, hopefully that will have a therapeutic effect
Eyes Open, No Fear
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Canada
Posts: 287
Good luck, Huskypup
it sounds like you are having a hard time and I hope you get through it quickly. I know the vehicle thing is stressful and you do need one for work. Sometimes when everyday things are getting to me I think "how will I feel about this situation 6 months from today? (or a month or a year from today?)" Chances are it will be done and over with and you will wonder why you worried so much.
let us know how the talk with the boss goes.
it sounds like you are having a hard time and I hope you get through it quickly. I know the vehicle thing is stressful and you do need one for work. Sometimes when everyday things are getting to me I think "how will I feel about this situation 6 months from today? (or a month or a year from today?)" Chances are it will be done and over with and you will wonder why you worried so much.
let us know how the talk with the boss goes.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
