Fantabulous Secular Connections Check-in Part VIII
Shape-Shifting Super-Hero
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Eating Tofu!
Posts: 882
Originally Posted by Cerberus 
Good luck, Huskypup
it sounds like you are having a hard time and I hope you get through it quickly. I know the vehicle thing is stressful and you do need one for work. Sometimes when everyday things are getting to me I think "how will I feel about this situation 6 months from today? (or a month or a year from today?)" Chances are it will be done and over with and you will wonder why you worried so much.
let us know how the talk with the boss goes.
it sounds like you are having a hard time and I hope you get through it quickly. I know the vehicle thing is stressful and you do need one for work. Sometimes when everyday things are getting to me I think "how will I feel about this situation 6 months from today? (or a month or a year from today?)" Chances are it will be done and over with and you will wonder why you worried so much.
let us know how the talk with the boss goes.
Yeah, I do wonder how I will feel about this 6 mos to a year from now...hopefully, if the next car runs well, and does not bring lot of expenses, I will feel much relieved!
So it has been 39 days, so far. I have posted on my spiral steps thread, again, I think it is going to be more or less a 'journal', as it does not seem to elicit a lot of comment. It seems many steppers just want to keep it just like the original, and not personalize them, or have 13 or 16 or however many steps, and ways of approaching them!
Reach Out and Touch Faith
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: On a Sailboat
Posts: 3,871
Still here, still sober. Lost my mother last week at age 65 to pneumonia. She had been suffering from a rare quick acting genetic dementia. I believe she knew where that was going to take her when she chose to deny the antibiotics (we both saw how this disease took my great aunt from us).
The last day Mom and I spent together was a blessed one. First, I let her know that if comfort care was her wish, I would respect it to the end. The message was "We are a team". I brought in my mom's favorite song: I had ripped a copy off of YouTube onto my phone and played it for her. I cried. She was so filled with joy that I even remembered that song from 30 years before. She told me she was scared. I rubbed her feet and told her I loved her and it was going to be okay. I made a little list of comfort items to bring the next day. Then I said goodbye and before I could bring those items to her, she had passed. She stopped breathing while asleep early in the morning.
Now I'm planning her celebration of life, notifying family as I can (she lost many items in the few months the dementia set in).
The beauty is that I was able to be there for my mother, and other loved ones of hers. I am able to sit here now, type this and cry without needing to blot out my emotions with drugs and alcohol.
The last day Mom and I spent together was a blessed one. First, I let her know that if comfort care was her wish, I would respect it to the end. The message was "We are a team". I brought in my mom's favorite song: I had ripped a copy off of YouTube onto my phone and played it for her. I cried. She was so filled with joy that I even remembered that song from 30 years before. She told me she was scared. I rubbed her feet and told her I loved her and it was going to be okay. I made a little list of comfort items to bring the next day. Then I said goodbye and before I could bring those items to her, she had passed. She stopped breathing while asleep early in the morning.
Now I'm planning her celebration of life, notifying family as I can (she lost many items in the few months the dementia set in).
The beauty is that I was able to be there for my mother, and other loved ones of hers. I am able to sit here now, type this and cry without needing to blot out my emotions with drugs and alcohol.
Reach Out and Touch Faith
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: On a Sailboat
Posts: 3,871
Still here, still sober. Lost my mother last week at age 65 to pneumonia. She had been suffering from a rare quick acting genetic dementia. I believe she knew where that was going to take her when she chose to deny the antibiotics (we both saw how this disease took my great aunt from us).
The last day Mom and I spent together was a blessed one. First, I let her know that if comfort care was her wish, I would respect it to the end. The message was "We are a team". I brought in my mom's favorite song: I had ripped a copy off of YouTube onto my phone and played it for her. I cried. She was so filled with joy that I even remembered that song from 30 years before. She told me she was scared. I rubbed her feet and told her I loved her and it was going to be okay. I made a little list of comfort items to bring the next day. Then I said goodbye and before I could bring those items to her, she had passed. She stopped breathing while asleep early in the morning.
Now I'm planning her celebration of life, notifying family as I can (she lost many items in the few months the dementia set in).
The beauty is that I was able to be there for my mother, and other loved ones of hers. I am able to sit here now, type this and cry without needing to blot out my emotions with drugs and alcohol.
The last day Mom and I spent together was a blessed one. First, I let her know that if comfort care was her wish, I would respect it to the end. The message was "We are a team". I brought in my mom's favorite song: I had ripped a copy off of YouTube onto my phone and played it for her. I cried. She was so filled with joy that I even remembered that song from 30 years before. She told me she was scared. I rubbed her feet and told her I loved her and it was going to be okay. I made a little list of comfort items to bring the next day. Then I said goodbye and before I could bring those items to her, she had passed. She stopped breathing while asleep early in the morning.
Now I'm planning her celebration of life, notifying family as I can (she lost many items in the few months the dementia set in).
The beauty is that I was able to be there for my mother, and other loved ones of hers. I am able to sit here now, type this and cry without needing to blot out my emotions with drugs and alcohol.
Your attitude, not your aptitude, will determine your altitude
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Oxnard (The Nard), CA, USA.
Posts: 13,899
Originally Posted by LaFemme
Does anyone else feel that when people call alcoholism "cunning, baffling and powerful" that it is a form of anthropomorphism? It bothers me
LOL...It sure is. Now that I have a great deal less exposure to the program the espouses such, now its just laughable nonsense.
Shape-Shifting Super-Hero
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Eating Tofu!
Posts: 882
Originally Posted by LaFemme
Does anyone else feel that when people call alcoholism "cunning, baffling and powerful" that it is a form of anthropomorphism? It bothers me
Interesting analogy! I have a keen interest in both foxes and wolves, and wild dogs in general...especially foxes. Perhaps by understanding them better, I can avoid falling pray to their wiles.
Well, another day here, 41 I think...tomorrow I will tale to my therapist about some aspects of recovery I am questioning: I take a multi-faceted approach, and am wondering how 'close' to AA my relationship should be, in relation to my personal history, sense of self esteem, and other modes of seeking recovery...to what extent is limited participation helpful, and to what extent does it raise the question of being a threat to the group authority, and thus set up the dynamic of choosing to move towards greater inclusion by accepting the dogma, or greater exclusion by remaining independent? I have followed a path that re-writes the steps in much different language, focusing on the positive, the creative and the nurturing...but perhaps it is best to follow this more on my own, though group contact is helpful. I often think to myself: perhaps I should start an alternative recover group myself, open to different modalities. Or that almost any group of recovering people is beneficial, in ways, but that the greater the dogma, the lesser I feel comfortable and willing to participate. And there it is: this social aspect that nonetheless seems helpful. Maybe best to stay at arms length, here, and play it by ear. Or perhaps I am just lonely.
Shape-Shifting Super-Hero
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Eating Tofu!
Posts: 882
Gosh, this section seems to have really dried up!
One thing I have found is that it is difficult to find social support for secular based recovery...both on and especially off-line, it is much harder to find meaningful human contact. Thus far the meetings I have gone to have served more or less as a stand in for this, but as time goes on, and increasing connections are forged, there is an increasing amount of cognitive and existential dissonance with AA and the underlying sin/redemption paradigm. As time has gone on the social aspects of this conflic have become more difficult to juggle.
I have started to look into starting a secular based group, and how to go about it...one that embraces a multiplicity of approaches. I have contacted several local churches, Unitarian, Episcopal, checking out room availability. But how to draw and attract a membership? This is one thing I have been exploring.
One thing I have found is that it is difficult to find social support for secular based recovery...both on and especially off-line, it is much harder to find meaningful human contact. Thus far the meetings I have gone to have served more or less as a stand in for this, but as time goes on, and increasing connections are forged, there is an increasing amount of cognitive and existential dissonance with AA and the underlying sin/redemption paradigm. As time has gone on the social aspects of this conflic have become more difficult to juggle.
I have started to look into starting a secular based group, and how to go about it...one that embraces a multiplicity of approaches. I have contacted several local churches, Unitarian, Episcopal, checking out room availability. But how to draw and attract a membership? This is one thing I have been exploring.
Member of SMART Recovery
Join Date: Mar 2010
Posts: 1,722
Originally Posted by HuskyPup
Gosh, this section seems to have really dried up!
One thing I have found is that it is difficult to find social support for secular based recovery...both on and especially off-line, it is much harder to find meaningful human contact. Thus far the meetings I have gone to have served more or less as a stand in for this, but as time goes on, and increasing connections are forged, there is an increasing amount of cognitive and existential dissonance with AA and the underlying sin/redemption paradigm. As time has gone on the social aspects of this conflic have become more difficult to juggle.
I have started to look into starting a secular based group, and how to go about it...one that embraces a multiplicity of approaches. I have contacted several local churches, Unitarian, Episcopal, checking out room availability. But how to draw and attract a membership? This is one thing I have been exploring.
One thing I have found is that it is difficult to find social support for secular based recovery...both on and especially off-line, it is much harder to find meaningful human contact. Thus far the meetings I have gone to have served more or less as a stand in for this, but as time goes on, and increasing connections are forged, there is an increasing amount of cognitive and existential dissonance with AA and the underlying sin/redemption paradigm. As time has gone on the social aspects of this conflic have become more difficult to juggle.
I have started to look into starting a secular based group, and how to go about it...one that embraces a multiplicity of approaches. I have contacted several local churches, Unitarian, Episcopal, checking out room availability. But how to draw and attract a membership? This is one thing I have been exploring.
I agree with you that it is important to build networks of secular recovery, but I've found myself preferring to do this by helping build an existing program rather than start a whole new one. That's one of the reasons I've gotten involved with SMART Recovery. It is the biggest and best organized of the secular support groups and it provides training and support for starting meetings.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: « USA » Recovered with AVRT (Rational Recovery) ___________
Posts: 3,680
Originally Posted by HuskyPup
I have started to look into starting a secular based group, and how to go about it...one that embraces a multiplicity of approaches. I have contacted several local churches, Unitarian, Episcopal, checking out room availability. But how to draw and attract a membership? This is one thing I have been exploring.
LifeRing Secular Recovery always appeared to me to have a very open approach to its member's recovery method. They do have their own literature, but did not seem to be averse to anyone supplementing it. LifeRing meetings also allow cross-talk.
Perhaps you might be able to start a LifeRing meeting?
Member of SMART Recovery
Join Date: Mar 2010
Posts: 1,722
Originally Posted by AVRT
Husky,
LifeRing Secular Recovery always appeared to me to have a very open approach to its member's recovery method. They do have their own literature, but did not seem to be averse to anyone supplementing it. LifeRing meetings also allow cross-talk.
Perhaps you might be able to start a LifeRing meeting?
LifeRing Secular Recovery always appeared to me to have a very open approach to its member's recovery method. They do have their own literature, but did not seem to be averse to anyone supplementing it. LifeRing meetings also allow cross-talk.
Perhaps you might be able to start a LifeRing meeting?
It's great that there are so many options.
Shape-Shifting Super-Hero
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Eating Tofu!
Posts: 882
Lifering is one idea. There are a few SMART groups here, but they meet at times I work...not to mention, I was barred for life from SMART online, so, somehow, I think I would be a persona non grata in starting a group! It's a long story, but in ways, I found them as rigid as AA, at least in the online permutation. The live meetings I did make seemed different, but not well attended...maybe 1 to 5 other people. The spiral steps appeal to me, as do a variety of approaches...but I like the idea of being inclusive, as opposed to overly regimented.
Well, time to mull this all over, and thanks for the comments and ideas.
Well, time to mull this all over, and thanks for the comments and ideas.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: New England
Posts: 5,285
Good luck Huskypup! Let us know how it goes. I was really lonely in the beginning as well. I used SR to combat that, made a pest of myself. Now my life is pretty packed with healthy activities and loneliness is less of a problem.
I didn't realize wolves and foxes had wiles
. Now my life is pretty packed with healthy activities and loneliness is less of a problem.I didn't realize wolves and foxes had wiles
Your attitude, not your aptitude, will determine your altitude
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Oxnard (The Nard), CA, USA.
Posts: 13,899
Husky, I only recently found a lightness with regards to being recovery. The freedom is doing recovery and being done with so as to live life as soon as one can. Everything else is cake.
Recovery discussions have less 'up tightness' with no commitment to 'testify' to the lost souls. More like a welcoming to the fold of ramshackle peeps that please themselves to an addiction free life. No dogma, no rote sayings, no rehearsed point counter point arguments, no stuffy BS that appeals to the only 'in group'.
Man what a release its been.
Recovery discussions have less 'up tightness' with no commitment to 'testify' to the lost souls. More like a welcoming to the fold of ramshackle peeps that please themselves to an addiction free life. No dogma, no rote sayings, no rehearsed point counter point arguments, no stuffy BS that appeals to the only 'in group'.
Man what a release its been.
Member of SMART Recovery
Join Date: Mar 2010
Posts: 1,722
Originally Posted by Zencat
Husky, I only recently found a lightness with regards to being recovery. The freedom is doing recovery and being done with so as to live life as soon as one can. Everything else is cake.
Recovery discussions have less 'up tightness' with no commitment to 'testify' to the lost souls. More like a welcoming to the fold of ramshackle peeps that please themselves to an addiction free life. No dogma, no rote sayings, no rehearsed point counter point arguments, no stuffy BS that appeals to the only 'in group'.
Man what a release its been.
Recovery discussions have less 'up tightness' with no commitment to 'testify' to the lost souls. More like a welcoming to the fold of ramshackle peeps that please themselves to an addiction free life. No dogma, no rote sayings, no rehearsed point counter point arguments, no stuffy BS that appeals to the only 'in group'.
Man what a release its been.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Coastal North Carolina
Posts: 70
Happy Labor Day!
We're headed to a covered-dish gathering down by the beach. I'm bringing a couple racks of ribs and grilled corn. I'll also throw together a cooler of Arnold Palmers (1/2 tea and 1/2 lemonade over ice) to keep us cool.
If you're on the roads today, be careful. This is a bad holiday for amateur drunks.
We're headed to a covered-dish gathering down by the beach. I'm bringing a couple racks of ribs and grilled corn. I'll also throw together a cooler of Arnold Palmers (1/2 tea and 1/2 lemonade over ice) to keep us cool.
If you're on the roads today, be careful. This is a bad holiday for amateur drunks.
Your attitude, not your aptitude, will determine your altitude
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Oxnard (The Nard), CA, USA.
Posts: 13,899
Originally Posted by Vlad
If you're on the roads today, be careful. This is a bad holiday for amateur drunks.
“Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?”
~George Carlin
Yes...the drivers are bad enough in my community. Add alcohol/drugs to the mix and watch the hell out.~George Carlin
Hope everyone has a safe and sane Labor Day.
Shape-Shifting Super-Hero
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Eating Tofu!
Posts: 882
Originally Posted by Zencat
Recovery discussions have less 'up tightness' with no commitment to 'testify' to the lost souls. More like a welcoming to the fold of ramshackle peeps that please themselves to an addiction free life. No dogma, no rote sayings, no rehearsed point counter point arguments, no stuffy BS that appeals to the only 'in group'.
Man what a release its been.
Man what a release its been.
Yet I do my best to be polite, and not too mischievousness.
That is one thing I have found lacking in a lot of organized recovery programs: not enough focus on laughter, and joy.
I only went to 1 AA meeting this week, and felt this was a better balance...I got a ton of organizing done I needed to do where I live, and this made me feel a lot less anxious, plus, the place is really starting to look a lot nicer. I think I need to balance my time more...3 meetings was too much, given all the hours I work/commute a day, and also, looking for a car.
So at this juncture, on day 48 of being sober, I am veering off on a more individual route.
I am still pondering beginning a group, but will take my time, and not rush into it, but rather, give it careful thought, as this is not a race!
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