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Fantabulous Secular Connections Check-in Part VIII

Old 08-29-2011, 12:01 PM
  # 401 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by Cerberus View Post
Good luck, Huskypup

it sounds like you are having a hard time and I hope you get through it quickly. I know the vehicle thing is stressful and you do need one for work. Sometimes when everyday things are getting to me I think "how will I feel about this situation 6 months from today? (or a month or a year from today?)" Chances are it will be done and over with and you will wonder why you worried so much.

let us know how the talk with the boss goes.
The talk with my supervisor went fine, now, just to wait on that check, and start looking, and cross my fingers the next car does not give me a lot of grief!

Yeah, I do wonder how I will feel about this 6 mos to a year from now...hopefully, if the next car runs well, and does not bring lot of expenses, I will feel much relieved!

So it has been 39 days, so far. I have posted on my spiral steps thread, again, I think it is going to be more or less a 'journal', as it does not seem to elicit a lot of comment. It seems many steppers just want to keep it just like the original, and not personalize them, or have 13 or 16 or however many steps, and ways of approaching them!
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Old 08-30-2011, 12:46 AM
  # 402 (permalink)  
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Still here, still sober. Lost my mother last week at age 65 to pneumonia. She had been suffering from a rare quick acting genetic dementia. I believe she knew where that was going to take her when she chose to deny the antibiotics (we both saw how this disease took my great aunt from us).

The last day Mom and I spent together was a blessed one. First, I let her know that if comfort care was her wish, I would respect it to the end. The message was "We are a team". I brought in my mom's favorite song: I had ripped a copy off of YouTube onto my phone and played it for her. I cried. She was so filled with joy that I even remembered that song from 30 years before. She told me she was scared. I rubbed her feet and told her I loved her and it was going to be okay. I made a little list of comfort items to bring the next day. Then I said goodbye and before I could bring those items to her, she had passed. She stopped breathing while asleep early in the morning.

Now I'm planning her celebration of life, notifying family as I can (she lost many items in the few months the dementia set in).

The beauty is that I was able to be there for my mother, and other loved ones of hers. I am able to sit here now, type this and cry without needing to blot out my emotions with drugs and alcohol.
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Old 08-30-2011, 12:46 AM
  # 403 (permalink)  
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Still here, still sober. Lost my mother last week at age 65 to pneumonia. She had been suffering from a rare quick acting genetic dementia. I believe she knew where that was going to take her when she chose to deny the antibiotics (we both saw how this disease took my great aunt from us).

The last day Mom and I spent together was a blessed one. First, I let her know that if comfort care was her wish, I would respect it to the end. The message was "We are a team". I brought in my mom's favorite song: I had ripped a copy off of YouTube onto my phone and played it for her. I cried. She was so filled with joy that I even remembered that song from 30 years before. She told me she was scared. I rubbed her feet and told her I loved her and it was going to be okay. I made a little list of comfort items to bring the next day. Then I said goodbye and before I could bring those items to her, she had passed. She stopped breathing while asleep early in the morning.

Now I'm planning her celebration of life, notifying family as I can (she lost many items in the few months the dementia set in).

The beauty is that I was able to be there for my mother, and other loved ones of hers. I am able to sit here now, type this and cry without needing to blot out my emotions with drugs and alcohol.
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Old 08-30-2011, 08:40 PM
  # 404 (permalink)  
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Does anyone else feel that when people call alcoholism "cunning, baffling and powerful" that it is a form of anthropomorphism? It bothers me
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Old 08-30-2011, 08:43 PM
  # 405 (permalink)  
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Oh wow...shockozulu....I read your post after I posted mine...I'm so sorry for your loss. I am so grateful you got to spend time with your Mom before she passed.

Hugs...xoxo
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Old 08-31-2011, 08:22 AM
  # 406 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by LaFemme View Post
Does anyone else feel that when people call alcoholism "cunning, baffling and powerful" that it is a form of anthropomorphism? It bothers me
LOL...It sure is. Now that I have a great deal less exposure to the program the espouses such, now its just laughable nonsense.
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Old 08-31-2011, 09:23 AM
  # 407 (permalink)  
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So sorry for your loss, shockozulu.
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Old 08-31-2011, 09:55 AM
  # 408 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by LaFemme View Post
Does anyone else feel that when people call alcoholism "cunning, baffling and powerful" that it is a form of anthropomorphism? It bothers me
Is this to say it is somewhere between a fox and a wolf?

Interesting analogy! I have a keen interest in both foxes and wolves, and wild dogs in general...especially foxes. Perhaps by understanding them better, I can avoid falling pray to their wiles.

Well, another day here, 41 I think...tomorrow I will tale to my therapist about some aspects of recovery I am questioning: I take a multi-faceted approach, and am wondering how 'close' to AA my relationship should be, in relation to my personal history, sense of self esteem, and other modes of seeking recovery...to what extent is limited participation helpful, and to what extent does it raise the question of being a threat to the group authority, and thus set up the dynamic of choosing to move towards greater inclusion by accepting the dogma, or greater exclusion by remaining independent? I have followed a path that re-writes the steps in much different language, focusing on the positive, the creative and the nurturing...but perhaps it is best to follow this more on my own, though group contact is helpful. I often think to myself: perhaps I should start an alternative recover group myself, open to different modalities. Or that almost any group of recovering people is beneficial, in ways, but that the greater the dogma, the lesser I feel comfortable and willing to participate. And there it is: this social aspect that nonetheless seems helpful. Maybe best to stay at arms length, here, and play it by ear. Or perhaps I am just lonely.
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Old 09-01-2011, 11:47 AM
  # 409 (permalink)  
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Gosh, this section seems to have really dried up!

One thing I have found is that it is difficult to find social support for secular based recovery...both on and especially off-line, it is much harder to find meaningful human contact. Thus far the meetings I have gone to have served more or less as a stand in for this, but as time goes on, and increasing connections are forged, there is an increasing amount of cognitive and existential dissonance with AA and the underlying sin/redemption paradigm. As time has gone on the social aspects of this conflic have become more difficult to juggle.

I have started to look into starting a secular based group, and how to go about it...one that embraces a multiplicity of approaches. I have contacted several local churches, Unitarian, Episcopal, checking out room availability. But how to draw and attract a membership? This is one thing I have been exploring.
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Old 09-01-2011, 01:55 PM
  # 410 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by HuskyPup View Post
Gosh, this section seems to have really dried up!

One thing I have found is that it is difficult to find social support for secular based recovery...both on and especially off-line, it is much harder to find meaningful human contact. Thus far the meetings I have gone to have served more or less as a stand in for this, but as time goes on, and increasing connections are forged, there is an increasing amount of cognitive and existential dissonance with AA and the underlying sin/redemption paradigm. As time has gone on the social aspects of this conflic have become more difficult to juggle.

I have started to look into starting a secular based group, and how to go about it...one that embraces a multiplicity of approaches. I have contacted several local churches, Unitarian, Episcopal, checking out room availability. But how to draw and attract a membership? This is one thing I have been exploring.
I really understand this, Huskypup. You are right--it IS a bit difficult to find face to face meetings of secular support groups.

I agree with you that it is important to build networks of secular recovery, but I've found myself preferring to do this by helping build an existing program rather than start a whole new one. That's one of the reasons I've gotten involved with SMART Recovery. It is the biggest and best organized of the secular support groups and it provides training and support for starting meetings.
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Old 09-01-2011, 02:20 PM
  # 411 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by HuskyPup View Post
I have started to look into starting a secular based group, and how to go about it...one that embraces a multiplicity of approaches. I have contacted several local churches, Unitarian, Episcopal, checking out room availability. But how to draw and attract a membership? This is one thing I have been exploring.
Husky,

LifeRing Secular Recovery always appeared to me to have a very open approach to its member's recovery method. They do have their own literature, but did not seem to be averse to anyone supplementing it. LifeRing meetings also allow cross-talk.

Perhaps you might be able to start a LifeRing meeting?
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Old 09-01-2011, 04:49 PM
  # 412 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by AVRT View Post
Husky,

LifeRing Secular Recovery always appeared to me to have a very open approach to its member's recovery method. They do have their own literature, but did not seem to be averse to anyone supplementing it. LifeRing meetings also allow cross-talk.

Perhaps you might be able to start a LifeRing meeting?
That is true, AVRT. SMART has a more..."organized" approach than LifeRing and might be a better fit for an individual who is looking for less structure.

It's great that there are so many options.
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Old 09-01-2011, 06:12 PM
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Lifering is one idea. There are a few SMART groups here, but they meet at times I work...not to mention, I was barred for life from SMART online, so, somehow, I think I would be a persona non grata in starting a group! It's a long story, but in ways, I found them as rigid as AA, at least in the online permutation. The live meetings I did make seemed different, but not well attended...maybe 1 to 5 other people. The spiral steps appeal to me, as do a variety of approaches...but I like the idea of being inclusive, as opposed to overly regimented.

Well, time to mull this all over, and thanks for the comments and ideas.
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Old 09-01-2011, 07:14 PM
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Good luck Huskypup! Let us know how it goes. I was really lonely in the beginning as well. I used SR to combat that, made a pest of myself. Now my life is pretty packed with healthy activities and loneliness is less of a problem.

I didn't realize wolves and foxes had wiles
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Old 09-01-2011, 07:58 PM
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Also, sometimes this section is hoping...other times not so much. Branching out helped me
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Old 09-01-2011, 10:34 PM
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Husky, I only recently found a lightness with regards to being recovery. The freedom is doing recovery and being done with so as to live life as soon as one can. Everything else is cake.

Recovery discussions have less 'up tightness' with no commitment to 'testify' to the lost souls. More like a welcoming to the fold of ramshackle peeps that please themselves to an addiction free life. No dogma, no rote sayings, no rehearsed point counter point arguments, no stuffy BS that appeals to the only 'in group'.

Man what a release its been.
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Old 09-02-2011, 05:25 AM
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Originally Posted by Zencat View Post
Husky, I only recently found a lightness with regards to being recovery. The freedom is doing recovery and being done with so as to live life as soon as one can. Everything else is cake.

Recovery discussions have less 'up tightness' with no commitment to 'testify' to the lost souls. More like a welcoming to the fold of ramshackle peeps that please themselves to an addiction free life. No dogma, no rote sayings, no rehearsed point counter point arguments, no stuffy BS that appeals to the only 'in group'.

Man what a release its been.
Zencat, I could not agree more!!!!!
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Old 09-05-2011, 04:28 AM
  # 418 (permalink)  
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Happy Labor Day!

We're headed to a covered-dish gathering down by the beach. I'm bringing a couple racks of ribs and grilled corn. I'll also throw together a cooler of Arnold Palmers (1/2 tea and 1/2 lemonade over ice) to keep us cool.

If you're on the roads today, be careful. This is a bad holiday for amateur drunks.
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Old 09-05-2011, 07:37 AM
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Originally Posted by Vlad View Post
If you're on the roads today, be careful. This is a bad holiday for amateur drunks.
“Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?”
~George Carlin
Yes...the drivers are bad enough in my community. Add alcohol/drugs to the mix and watch the hell out.

Hope everyone has a safe and sane Labor Day.


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Old 09-06-2011, 12:16 PM
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Originally Posted by Zencat View Post
Recovery discussions have less 'up tightness' with no commitment to 'testify' to the lost souls. More like a welcoming to the fold of ramshackle peeps that please themselves to an addiction free life. No dogma, no rote sayings, no rehearsed point counter point arguments, no stuffy BS that appeals to the only 'in group'.

Man what a release its been.
Yeah, it has taken me a while to see this, as well. I have to learn to stay away from the tendency to want to fight. The Bugs Bunny/Trickster part of me really does get a kind of kick out or rattling up Elmer Fudd-like old-timers, especially when they are all mean and crabby.

Yet I do my best to be polite, and not too mischievousness.

That is one thing I have found lacking in a lot of organized recovery programs: not enough focus on laughter, and joy.

I only went to 1 AA meeting this week, and felt this was a better balance...I got a ton of organizing done I needed to do where I live, and this made me feel a lot less anxious, plus, the place is really starting to look a lot nicer. I think I need to balance my time more...3 meetings was too much, given all the hours I work/commute a day, and also, looking for a car.

So at this juncture, on day 48 of being sober, I am veering off on a more individual route.

I am still pondering beginning a group, but will take my time, and not rush into it, but rather, give it careful thought, as this is not a race!
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