MidnightBlue

Thank you, Bim and Sao.

Bim - You nailed every aspect of the situation. I don't feel I deserve compassion. I am afraid there will be no compassion. And in this particular case we are on totally different pages - I've lost all my family, his family is still around.

I like how you call it self-care.

So, I think I will get my food ready, listen to "Love yourself like your life depends on it" by Kamal Ravikant, and call it an early night.

biminiblue

Also, I think as an alcoholic I had NO healthy boundaries. I don't know, has not-a-date had the time to prove his worth yet? I wouldn't share these types of vulnerable things with someone I didn't know pretty well. I mean, you can put me on ignore if I say something weird. This guy is in your life.

Of course, back in the day I'd blurt everything and then be crushed when people who were relative strangers didn't treat me with kid gloves. I don't know why I told them and conversely I don't know why I let their opinions bother me.

Some people get to know a few things. Few people get to know a lot of things. Almost no one gets to know some things...like maybe a best friend or a therapist.

Just call me over-sharer.

MidnightBlue

Bim, I could be an over-sharer too but I am learning.

As for the not a date - I don't know really yet can he be trusted or not with such vulnerable things. On the other hand I know about his knee surgery (he plays soccer and tore knee ligaments), a bit too much about his younger brother, and that when his father has arguments with his mother he hides in the not-date's apartment for a couple of days.

I wonder - does he overshare?

biminiblue

You'll know he's overshared when he tells you the reason for his parents' arguments and it makes you want to

andyh

I don't think I've got anything very profound to contribute MB, but I hope you're doing okay

andyh

good luck with the job Manta. can I suggest this to wear to the interview:

MantaLady

haha!! Love it 😍

CaptainHaddock

Hi Andy, I saw that cat shirt and when I looked away the walls were “breathing”!

Have good night everyone.

Undrgd

Hey all again!

Weekend 3 from my last contribution - I was doing so well. but I've failed. I hate myself off the back of these moments of weakness!! This is my only place atm to vent and chase answers so sorry for the negativity!

I can't respect alcohol like most in society and the repetitive bad choices that follow are only down to me! Soul destroying.

How do single folk on here cope with not having somebody to bounce off in your moments of weakness?

biminiblue

A lot of us on this thread are single, Undrgd. It's still a one-person-one-hand-one-mouth decision and really only other alcoholics even understand, so you're better off coming here or going to AA meetings if you want to talk about it. Even my own family continued to offer me a cocktail every time I saw them, a decade after I told them I'd quit. (The first time I quit.)



It's been Perfect Snowing here for a couple hours. First, we get very little snow here. If it snows one time per winter and an inch or two sticks to the ground for more than a couple hours - that's a big winter snow for us. It used to snow more but global warming or something has changed that. So what is a Perfect Snow? Big lazy continuous flakes blowing in all different spirals and circles and sideways and up. Not sticking at all. I decided to have a cup of coffee and sit here mesmerized.

saoutchik

Lordy that sweater, how will I sleep tonight?

You haven't "failed" Undergrd, you're just not there yet. Partners/significant others can empathise and be supportive but if they don't have a problem with booze then that's all they can do. The hardest thing for me was to identify what I needed to do in order to not drink.

Another weekend closes here at Saoutchik Towers and somehow or other I remain on the lam from booze jail. Post if you are doing well, post if you're struggling, the effort of clarifying your thoughts to post something does help.

WaterOx

what's up weekend warriors. Just checking in with T-30 minutes until the big game. Just wanted to make a pledge that I will not drink under any circumstances during this game and reiterate my initial pledge for a whole year of sobriety (well technically it's until December but whatever)

I'm just taking a precautionary move here since I will be semi-close to an area with beer available. I say "semi" because it's actually my gym. Yes my "health club" serves beer in the lobby. Classy, right? Anyway, most people won't be drinking, as it's not really the spot for nachos and beer- but better safe than sorry.

Happy Sunday to all and go Rams!

listae

I'm cheering you on for a sober Super Bowl WaterOx.

Undrgrd: you're not alone. Beating yourself up for taking a drink or having a "slip" may make you feel worse, no? For me, I'm learning to identify my "triggers." What makes me want to pick up? What environments or relationships prompt me to want a drink? If I don't feel sure that I'm not going to drink in a certain setting or around certain people, then I stay away.

Now, it's not that I have years and years of sobriety. I have 34 days. But this is how I've managed for 34 days.

listae

Thank you fellow Weekenders! I got through my fifth sober weekend and it was fabulous. I went for a jog/walk two days in a row, cleaned, cooked, and kept life simple. Things are not perfect. But I have so much more energy to do the "normal" things that daily life requires. I can actually do my dishes, make my bed, do my laundry, and prepare my own meals. These are the normal things everyone who is not an aristocrat takes care to do. But for someone who drank alcoholically every day for twenty-years (with the amount of alcohol intake progressing), I feel like a kid who is learning to live on their own for the first time. It still takes a lot of effort for me to do basic tasks but I'm improving. See you next weekend!

PhoenixJ

MNB- grief is a very personal thing, which I for one do not share much. When I do- the feedback I get is usually not wanted. I woke from a coma in the same bed my bro died in in an ICU and found out my dad was dead. Lots of grief and Jan is always a crap month for me (I shared a b-day with dead bro- not twins) and the grief wells up. I do not think mine- or yours is just ruminating. For me it is me trying to work through it and process it now I am in a safe place and no longer drinking. Writing stuff down helps.

CaptainHaddock

Listae, there’s no amount of sobriety time required before anyone of us can start sharing advice on what works for us and what we as individuals are doing to help us stay sober. If as you have done we share this, it also reinforces our individual plan or program for staying sober.

Undrgd, I am married, but as others have said it takes an alcoholic to truly understand what we are having to face and my wife isn’t an alcoholic, so in that sense I am single as well. I find this place perfect for sharing when I need to. As STDragon and someone else said recently, never hesitate to make a “negative post” and in general, don’t shy away from posting no matter the weather.

WaterOx, I hope you enjoyed the game. Damn, the last gym I went to didn’t serve milkshakes or potato crisps, let alone nachos and beer!

MidnightBlue

Morning, weekenders.

Phoenix - I can hardly imagine the amount of grief you've been through. And thank you so much for taking time to respond to me - I really need help in this situation.

CaptainHaddock

Phoenix, let me just say that in my opinion what you have been through and your “road to recovery” are some of the most touching accounts that I have thus far encountered around here. I enjoy your posts and wish you the best!

Midnight, I am hoping that you too will find guidance on the issues that you are currently having to deal with.

WaterOx

thanks! It went fine although there was more beer there than I thought there would be. The superbowl has a way of producing alcohol, even in a gym.

Kind of wish I'd stayed home and not bothered...especially for that game lol

MantaLady

Morning All! Last day at work, the big bosses work in London on a Monday so I won’t have to see them which suits me fine ��

Hope everyone has a good day, be strong MB xx