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Chronic Relapsers on SR

Old 10-07-2017, 08:29 PM
  # 21 (permalink)  
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I was a chronic relapse (not while on here though). But I was on various other sites such as SMART. I keep coming on here and see the compassion, support, ESH that everyone shares and it's absolutely amazing. As a AA'er , the primary purpose is to carry the message to the alcoholic who still suffers. If it weren't for those that have come before me, I'd be doomed. I'm grateful for this site and it's helped me tremendously.
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Old 10-08-2017, 03:14 AM
  # 22 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by JScatt View Post
Hey everyone! I don't post much but I do read here everyday, still sober since mid May and a lot has to do with this great place.
Anyway, as I read everyday I see a few members who seem to relapse like once a week and each time its for the same reason, same trigger, same excuse and each time they are given great advice by long time sober folks.
Seems each time this advice is ignored and the person is back seeking advice on how to quit, same advice is given again, ignored again then the person is back again asking for advice on how to quit....YET AGAIN!
I've noticed this with some who have been members for years.
I guess my question is...How the heck are some of you guys so patient, when do you (if ever) just say "screw it, do what ya wanna do" especially when you are just repeating the same advice over and over and over?
Fair question Jscatt. I am here primarily because I have a message to carry, and trying to do that keeps me sober.

Sometimes there is a bonus where something I said helps someone else, but I never know who that might be. Letís say our chronic relapser CRman, keeps coming back following the pattern you describe. All those who follow the thread will see CRmanís example of what doesnít work but they will also see a lot of useful suggestions from which they might benefit themselves, especially if they relate to CRmanís circumstances.

We donít all have to recover to be an example to others, sadly. The revolving door is not in perpetual motion, eventually it ceases to admit the individual because they have died.

CRmanís experiences also serve to illustrate the obsession of the mind. Obsession can be a good thing. Without it we may not have airplane, cars, or manned lunar flight. But those obsessive engineers were obsessed with the goal, flying for example. Whenever an experiment went wrong they took what lessons they could from the failure, re-evaluated their approach, and tried something new. They did not repeat unsuccessful experiments hoping for a different result

CRmans problem is that his obsession is that he can solve his problem in the future by doing more of what didnít work in the past. Plain insanity as it applied to me, doing the same thing in the same way, expecting different results. We hope that CRman will eventually see the truth of his situation and change his strategy, but even if he doesnít, many other readers will learn a lot from his experience, and the help that is offered.
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Old 10-08-2017, 04:38 AM
  # 23 (permalink)  
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Welcome to SR Sinclair28.

I'll keep it short and direct

Plenty of help and support here - feel free to start your own thread about yourself if you like.

D
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Old 10-08-2017, 04:43 AM
  # 24 (permalink)  
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I'm a chronic relapser.

If others had given up on me, I'd be a goner by now. If I'd given up on myself, I would've been gone even sooner. I'm so grateful to places like SR, AA, and my loved ones who continue to support me even when I'm struggling.

As for others, I'm not really keeping tabs on who's chronically relapsing, not taking advice, etc. I'll come in and share my experience & support because not only does it potentially help others, but it helps me and serves as a reminder. It doesn't matter to me if it's someone's 1st post or 1000th. It's no real skin off my shoulder either way, and it doesn't change my response. I just know what it's like to be in their shoes, and that's the only thing that matters to me.
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Old 10-08-2017, 04:47 AM
  # 25 (permalink)  
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yep thats me, im reminded every day that i test the patience of the good x

how times fly when i am having so much fun lol
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Old 10-08-2017, 06:36 AM
  # 26 (permalink)  
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Because it was me, for years. Thats part of addiction. Its always my hope people recover

From an avrt perspective, the av wants people to give up on them and give them an excuse to drink. There's always hope though, and drinking only makes things worse
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Old 10-08-2017, 06:39 AM
  # 27 (permalink)  
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That kind of thinking will keep you drinking. Youíre starting to compare your journey to others as if youíre not as bad. Picking up again usually lies down that road.


But, arenít we all chronic relapsers? Which one of us on this site stopped drinking the very first time they tried? Isnít that why we most of us ended up here, we tried on our own behind the scenes and got worried? I think all those day ones before we started posting here count as relapses, we just didnít shine a light on them by posting. And I relapsed a ton after joining here a few years back, I just didnít post. I wish I had.
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Old 10-08-2017, 02:40 PM
  # 28 (permalink)  
 
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Originally Posted by JScatt View Post
.... still sober since mid May...
Still?

What is your present plan for your future use of alcohol, JScatt? Are you going to drink again in this lifetime, or are you not?

Originally Posted by JScatt View Post
.... I see a few members who seem to relapse like once a week and each time its for the same reason... I've noticed this with some who have been members for years.
An astute observation. If you ponder the questions I asked above, and perhaps try to answer them, you may be able to gain more insight into this phenomenon, JScatt.
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Old 10-08-2017, 02:50 PM
  # 29 (permalink)  
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I joined this site in 2010. My last drink was in 2016. The path is not the same for everyone. I gave up altogether on trying to quit because I was ahamed to admit that I was struggling and that I failed again. It takes so much courage to come here and fess up when youíve been drinking again. The best approach to this (as with most situations in life) is one of compassion. If you donít get through to the original poster, you may just help someone else who is following the thread.
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Old 10-11-2017, 02:55 PM
  # 30 (permalink)  
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To the OP. Thanks for putting this question out there. Being a chronic relapser myself, I often wondered the same thing. Often, it kept me from posting, because I felt like such a loser, failure. Every time I had to go back to day one.

But, I reckon many folks here didnt just get it right away. This site is such a blessing, and refuge to many. Sure its embarrassing to keep slipping back into addiction, but Im sure most people on here get it. Im so thankful to have a place to come to for support, and advice. No matter how often need be.

SR family.
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Old 10-11-2017, 04:21 PM
  # 31 (permalink)  
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I'd never get frustrated. If they keep trying and they honestly want to change then eventually it will happen. So I don't view a chronic relapser any different than I do someone who relapsed for the first time. Both need help and advice and that is what this site is for.

I'm here to help people and get help myself. How many times someone has relapsed is immaterial to me. I'll help anyone out in anyway I can.

Everyone has their own battles they are fighting. Some are in worse situations than others so of course it might be harder for them to quit but the point is if they keep trying and keep fighting eventually they will get there.
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Old 10-11-2017, 05:30 PM
  # 32 (permalink)  
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Thank God these people were here when I started in 2011. I now have almost one year . I don't know what I would have done without these wonderful people and this forum. I relapsed so many times in those years . Didn't always post about it but I read everyone else's stories. Relapses after relapses. They were me,too. I took all of those stories as my own and gathered them together to finally get 11 months .
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Old 10-11-2017, 07:34 PM
  # 33 (permalink)  
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I've used this sight for accountability from people who understand. It has made such a difference to me. I particularly want to thank Dee for all the hard work put in giving advice and accountability.
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Old 10-11-2017, 10:07 PM
  # 34 (permalink)  
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I don't post here, but this topic made me feel something, if that makes scene... I too am a chronic relapser, but don't post about it, but slowly i am learning the last 15 years of my life is something i can't talk about and need help, somehow... so screw it to all the anxiety and depression... im just gonna say thank you to everyone here that i have read over time... I find myself reading this site more and more everyday, and keep seeing people more like myself here. Before i was in rehab, based on my work forcing me to go, which didnt work out since i screwed up and drank again... I still am drinking, but seeing this really encourages me not just to stop (i already want to do that)... but everyone here has helped overall just to reassure me that im not alone, which in my head is a huge thing since i live alone and don't have anyone to go to. Anyway, ill stop rambling, best wishes to everyone out there struggling.
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Old 10-11-2017, 10:12 PM
  # 35 (permalink)  
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Welcoem aboard betarzan

there's no requirement for you to post at all if you don't want to, but please do feel free - this is a safe and welcoming place

D
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Old 10-12-2017, 12:21 AM
  # 36 (permalink)  
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I don't like the expression 'to have a slip'. Slips, when you fall over in the street or home, are not pre-meditated and are accidental. However, I never drank by accident. It was always a decision I made to buy and drink alcohol. I always wanted the high that alcohol and other drugs gave me, and to be fair, I never put up much of a fight against it.
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Old 10-12-2017, 04:16 AM
  # 37 (permalink)  
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I have relapsed too many times before and after I found SR . This time round I am at 72 days into recovery .
One thing I have said to some people in and out of SR is don,t get smug with your sobriety . I say this because every time I went back out drinking was when I felt comfortable ,smug ,cocky even then BOOM I was away buying booze .

Each time I came back here I was welcomed with open arms but don't get me wrong , some of what I was told was harsh but truthful and meant with the best of intentions .
If I had been told to get lost I might be dead , insane or in jail today so I thank each and every one of you on SR whether 1 day or 40 years sober for your perseverance , courtesy and integrity .
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Old 10-12-2017, 04:29 AM
  # 38 (permalink)  
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There must be a very small number of people who get it first time. Decide they are going to stop and then actually stop.

I've found with each relapse, although you hear the same things over and over, each time with experience and introspection, what you get from those words is slightly different.

For me, I learn more about myself with each relapse and the subsequent soul searching that goes on after it. When I am not drinking I don't do that - I busy myself with life and then let my guard slip.
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Old 10-12-2017, 04:34 AM
  # 39 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by shauninspain View Post
I don't like the expression 'to have a slip'. Slips, when you fall over in the street or home, are not pre-meditated and are accidental. However, I never drank by accident. It was always a decision I made to buy and drink alcohol. I always wanted the high that alcohol and other drugs gave me, and to be fair, I never put up much of a fight against it.
^Agree.

I counter the word slip with relapse - that may perhaps sound harsh to some but the reality is our disease KILLS and we should never underestimate its power - AND we are never guaranteed another chance to get sober.
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Old 10-12-2017, 05:21 AM
  # 40 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by JScatt View Post
Hey everyone! I don't post much but I do read here everyday, still sober since mid May and a lot has to do with this great place.
Anyway, as I read everyday I see a few members who seem to relapse like once a week and each time its for the same reason, same trigger, same excuse and each time they are given great advice by long time sober folks.
Seems each time this advice is ignored and the person is back seeking advice on how to quit, same advice is given again, ignored again then the person is back again asking for advice on how to quit....YET AGAIN!
I've noticed this with some who have been members for years.
I guess my question is...How the heck are some of you guys so patient, when do you (if ever) just say "screw it, do what ya wanna do" especially when you are just repeating the same advice over and over and over?
It's interesting to note that you observe those that relapse do so on a weekly basis more or less....doesn't this thus signify that the person is still fully within the cogs of the addiction cycle...

Advice = rational
Addiction= irrational (physical, emotional etc)

Personally, I've crack cocaine in the mix and the first week withdrawals you are extremely irritable and up and down emotionally. Cravings are extremely strong and you're dreaming about it and getting flashbacks (I've read that to fully withdrawal can take months ((psychologically but also to get your brain chemistry back in balance)) )...

.....maybe a whisky will help me sleep.....and the cycle starts again. Of course you're not thinking rationally in that moment.

I'm heading to the beach for a few days to change the environment and relax.

Anyway, often those that post (those that relapse) are not in fact looking for advice....
...If you observe some posts they are often looking for somebody to listen and for support

I think rationally people probably know what the answer is and then probably feel even more stupid when somebody offers them unsolicited advice..... ....when perhaps all they were looking for was like minded people to say something like "I understand what you are going through.." or "listen, you don't have to go through this alone"

I really doubt that those who relapse often come here on a weekly basis and ask "so how do I quit drinking/drugging again?"

Probably more the posts are full of frustration at oneself and the situation that keeps recurring. Exasperation, anger, self loathing......

Again, offering to a person who clearly displays these things in their post unsolicited advice often adds to the frustration. I suppose understanding and compassion are traits that need to be developed......they take control from the person, because I guess it's just so easy to tell someone else how and why etc they can and should change their lives (which again when the advice is unsolicited, it makes us codependent).........and the opposite of codependence is the art of eliciting. If you can find the self control and patience to elicit the solution from the person they don't feel as dumb (like a child who's told the obvious answer) as they have worked out the solution for themselves and you have managed to remain detached (i.e. not codependent )

anyway, just some alternative thoughts on the question.
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