Originally Posted by
JScatt 
Hey everyone! I don't post much but I do read here everyday, still sober since mid May and a lot has to do with this great place.
Anyway, as I read everyday I see a few members who seem to relapse like once a week and each time its for the same reason, same trigger, same excuse and each time they are given great advice by long time sober folks.
Seems each time this advice is ignored and the person is back seeking advice on how to quit, same advice is given again, ignored again then the person is back again asking for advice on how to quit....YET AGAIN!
I've noticed this with some who have been members for years.
I guess my question is...How the heck are some of you guys so patient, when do you (if ever) just say "screw it, do what ya wanna do" especially when you are just repeating the same advice over and over and over?
It's interesting to note that you observe those that relapse do so on a
weekly basis more or less....doesn't this thus signify that the person is still fully within the cogs of the
addiction cycle...
Advice = rational
Addiction= irrational (physical, emotional etc)
Personally, I've crack cocaine in the mix and the first week withdrawals you are extremely irritable and up and down emotionally. Cravings are extremely strong and you're dreaming about it and getting flashbacks (I've read that to fully withdrawal can take months ((psychologically but also to get your brain chemistry back in balance)) )...
.....maybe a whisky will help me sleep.....and the cycle starts again. Of course you're not thinking rationally in that moment.
I'm heading to the beach for a few days to change the environment and relax.
Anyway, often those that post (those that relapse) are
not in fact looking for advice....
...If you observe some posts they are often looking for
somebody to listen and for
support
I think rationally people probably know what the answer is and then probably feel even more stupid when somebody offers them
unsolicited advice..... ....when perhaps all they were looking for was like minded people to say something like "I
understand what you are going through.." or "listen, you don't have to go through this alone"
I really doubt that those who relapse often come here on a weekly basis and ask "so how do I quit drinking/drugging again?"
Probably more the posts are full of frustration at oneself and the situation that keeps recurring. Exasperation, anger, self loathing......
Again, offering to a person who clearly displays these things in their post unsolicited advice often adds to the frustration. I suppose understanding and compassion are traits that need to be developed......they take control from the person, because I guess it's just so easy to tell someone else how and why etc they can and should change their lives (which again when the advice is unsolicited, it makes us codependent).........and the opposite of codependence is the art of eliciting. If you can find the self control and patience to elicit the solution from the person they don't feel as dumb (like a child who's told the obvious answer) as they have worked out the solution for themselves and you have managed to remain detached (i.e. not codependent )
anyway, just some alternative thoughts on the question.