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Chronic Relapsers on SR

Old 10-12-2017, 06:38 AM
  # 41 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by August252015 View Post
^Agree.

I counter the word slip with relapse - that may perhaps sound harsh to some but the reality is our disease KILLS and we should never underestimate its power - AND we are never guaranteed another chance to get sober.
Agree too , ive used the term slip , the term slip is like a pet word term for saying F- it and buying drink so going forward I won't use the word slip in the context of deliberately getting drunk .
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Old 10-12-2017, 07:16 AM
  # 42 (permalink)  
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Thankfully not many on this site would say, "screw it, do what ya wanna do" . I'm a chronic relapser all the way. If it were as simple as taking someones advice then that would be fricken magic...You: "Just don't drink/use. " Me: "O.K. Wow I never knew it was that easy."

Right, doesn't work that way. But I do get where you are coming from. Like Dee says focus on your own 'garden'. If us chronic relapsers bother you just keep scrolling. Peace!
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Old 11-11-2017, 04:33 PM
  # 43 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by charliesworld View Post
There must be a very small number of people who get it first time. Decide they are going to stop and then actually stop.

For me, I learn more about myself with each relapse and the subsequent soul searching that goes on after it. When I am not drinking I don't do that - I busy myself with life and then let my guard slip.
I think we may be dealing with a little confirmation bias here, charliesworld. It seems likely that those who come to the point that they decide they will quit, hell or high water, no matter how difficult that choice might prove to be, aren't those who make repeated cries for help on message boards due to recurring failures. In fact, we really have no idea what number of us who became dependent on alcohol actually accomplished that - it might be the majority after all. There is no way to know for sure unless you could be positive you asked everyone.

For me, it was getting busy with life that ensured my sobriety. It was the slow death of alcoholism that finally pushed me to demand more. And yes, I am one of those who quit drinking just the once.

For those who are still ambivalent about this, I know you can do this. You can make this decision to quit and never look back. Onward!
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Old 11-11-2017, 05:27 PM
  # 44 (permalink)  
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I was a chronic relapser and pray to God that I won't be again. I think the mess that I am in now would not have happened if I would have kept posting again and again when I relapsed and decided on another day one. But I was afraid to come back and more afraid/ashamed/too depressed to post after I kept falling down. It was hell all of the time when not drinking and then in the end it was hell when I was drinking.... but I was giving up and not posting at all. I didn't want to put it out there that I failed...again. I wish I could do it over again. I would post every time. And I would begin again every time here on the boards where at least others understood that I did mean it each and every time that I said I wasn't going to drink.
I love this place but I'm not going to say I love every single post. Some speak deeply to me and some not at all. I am all about that saying of take what you need or can use and let the rest go by. Ditto on the scroll on by sentiment expressed previously. And also on the comment about if you can help or give from experience, maybe that's your part to do for someone else - I know people have certainly done that for me. Best wishes to everyone on their sobriety or attempts at it.
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Old 11-11-2017, 05:34 PM
  # 45 (permalink)  
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I would like to add that without the compassion of the people on this site, the ones suffering from chronic relapse, active addiction, or just plain foolish behavior may not have any place to turn. I believe that the guilt and shame that accompanies addiction keeps some from reaching out. I would hate to see this site become a "Sober Only" forum, people should be welcomed to come as they are, as often as they need to......

Bless SR for being a lifeline to many, including myself.
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Old 11-11-2017, 05:38 PM
  # 46 (permalink)  
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I used to hold resentments against other alcoholics relapsing ,
I used to wonder why I was successful at staying sober when they were "getting away with it ".
That was how lacking in compassion the alcoholism made me , i was jealous of relapsing alcoholics .. i was pretty sick .

I used to get frustrated when people i liked went back out, it isn't my struggle. i'm not God, the world and other people don't work to my ideas and attitudes about the world . I accept it's out of my control .

my disappointments , my hurt wasn't useful for their fight , their sobriety or serial relapses are not my personal emotional problem to solve or carry .

I can sympathise / empathise , i can share my experience but the burden is theirs to own and to deal with . I can see it , i can say how i delt with my years of give up then go back out , i can encourage but i don't have to have pick up others mess and spread it round my own head anymore .

Keep on , m
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Old 11-11-2017, 06:00 PM
  # 47 (permalink)  
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I've learned a lot in the few weeks since I started this thread, from the responses received. I think I was getting the feeling that it was OK to relapse and it was perfectly normal just as long as you came back here, fessed up and promise to try again. I've always been the "A mistake repeated more than once is a decision" kinda person.
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Old 11-11-2017, 06:09 PM
  # 48 (permalink)  
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A mistake repeated more than once often goes hand in hand with addiction.
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Old 11-11-2017, 06:52 PM
  # 49 (permalink)  
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This is a pretty powerful thread. Iím glad for the blunt original post, and forever grateful for the compassion, wisdom, and patience of the SR denizens who have answered.
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Old 11-11-2017, 07:12 PM
  # 50 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by BixBees505 View Post
This is a pretty powerful thread. Iím glad for the blunt original post, and forever grateful for the compassion, wisdom, and patience of the SR denizens who have answered.
Yes, I am a blunt type of person, I guess I got frustrated with the folks that posted about their weekly relapses...I don't know, I felt like they weren't even trying but constantly coming back for a free pass..if ya know what I mean. But yes, there is a ton of compassion and wisdom on SR and patience
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Old 11-11-2017, 07:26 PM
  # 51 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by JScatt View Post
Yes, I am a blunt type of person, I guess I got frustrated with the folks that posted about their weekly relapses...I don't know, I felt like they weren't even trying but constantly coming back for a free pass..if ya know what I mean. But yes, there is a ton of compassion and wisdom on SR and patience
If I may ask, why would it bother you?
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Old 11-11-2017, 07:29 PM
  # 52 (permalink)  
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I suppose there are those who decide to quit and make it on their first try. These people probably have unicorns as pets. I can understand chronic relapse because I am a card carrying member. When I manage to climb out and stay out, I would not hesitate to reach out help pull someone else out of the hole I am so familiar with.
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Old 11-11-2017, 07:40 PM
  # 53 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by Chilledice View Post
If I may ask, why would it bother you?
I guess it shouldn't.
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Old 11-11-2017, 07:54 PM
  # 54 (permalink)  
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I think it is important to forgive those who relapse but not to be so lenient that it is normalized as "OK."
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Old 11-11-2017, 08:19 PM
  # 55 (permalink)  
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I keep trying. Thatís all I can do. Dee and the folks here have given me a ďpassĒ. They donít applaud my relapse, they just have an open door. I donít think Iím a CR, Iím just in a relapse that has been going on for a few years. Having trouble climbing out. If I was shamed here because I said day one day two day one day zero, I would despair. I love this place.
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Old 11-11-2017, 08:41 PM
  # 56 (permalink)  
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Smile There is always hope if you keep trying!

I was a chronic relapser... until I wasn't. The good folks here kept encouraging me to keep trying until I finally got it. And I finally did. Next month I'll have 8 yrs sober. Don't give up!
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Old 11-11-2017, 08:55 PM
  # 57 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by least View Post
I was a chronic relapser... until I wasn't. The good folks here kept encouraging me to keep trying until I finally got it. And I finally did. Next month I'll have 8 yrs sober. Don't give up!
Awesome!!
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Old 11-12-2017, 01:16 AM
  # 58 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by potatojuice View Post
I suppose there are those who decide to quit and make it on their first try. These people probably have unicorns as pets. I can understand chronic relapse because I am a card carrying member. When I manage to climb out and stay out, I would not hesitate to reach out help pull someone else out of the hole I am so familiar with.
Well, I have a dog as a pet and I quit one time only, when I was finally DONE. 2/21/16 and still going as of today. The only other times I "quit" were times I was literally in the hospital for some reason and didn't have access to it.

Also, I don't remember who said Gottalife's very thoughtful post,
IMO
about CRMan was "patronizing"- WOW. Especially with no elaboration as to why it was taken that way, because I thought it was the essence of thoughtfulness in responding, accurate depiction of many of the variables that go into quitting, what happens when people never do (the revolving door closes analogy) and every word in it was spot in. Just an example, perhaps, of how different people take- read- posts....and why many times the TRUTH - like I have said before: ALCOHOLISM KILLS - seems harsh, extreme or in this case - patronizing.

Like I said in my first post, if I do not feel I can be of service- read: compassionate, for one- in posting I hope I do not in fact post. Sometimes, however, the most compassionate "advice" or "responses" are the starkly honest ones, IMO.

Like I also say often - I'd wish my life in sobriety on anyone and everyone. And I would not have gotten here without some frank talk that I finally heard.
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Old 11-12-2017, 01:23 AM
  # 59 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by nsyap View Post
I think it is important to forgive those who relapse but not to be so lenient that it is normalized as "OK."
I'd perhaps replace the words "forgive" and "lenient" with "sympathize/empathize" and "soft-handed" but agree with the sentiment:

RELAPSE IS NOT A PART OF RECOVERY. When people say that, I cringe. Big. Relapse is a part of addiction. One thing I do find sad and difficult to "answer" less than bluntly is this kind of thinking. It's part of step 1- acceptance (part 2 of step 1 is that our lives have become unmanageable)- that we can't allow room (I could not, to speak strictly for myself) for this concept if we have chosen to go the path of sobriety because it can give that teeny bit of space that is more than enough for our disease to win.
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Old 11-12-2017, 02:19 AM
  # 60 (permalink)  
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This is called Sober Recovery...not Sober Sobriety.
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