Hevyn

That's how I felt the last time I tried to have a few - 'There's nothing there for me'. It's so easy to look back fondly on the early days of drinking - when we still had some control. Those days are never coming back. We've crossed the line from social to alcoholic drinking - every time we pick up it leads to a bad place. You know that now more than ever, Sam. Sometimes we just need further proof. You are back - you're doing this.

Samsheppard64

Thank you Arpeggioh I can here the tune you are playing. Hey D, thanks for the support and I will take you advise and step up my attendance. I must report that I am very lucky to have support here and at home. My wife did not flinch she said she knows it took a long time for me to get to this point and she did not expect I could turn the spigot off overnight. Her statement understandably is not a free pass for another relapse. I do not want to go back to the way I was. Knowing the difference for only a couple of months between complete sobriety and the haze. Well if the haze had anything of value to offer I would not be here today. I will remain sober today. Sam

Samsheppard64

Thank you Hevyn, It looks like between 60 to 90 days is my hurdle. There was a different feeling this last time. A thought I hope will hold like concreted. "There is nothing there for me" No doubt as many times as I've waked that pathetic path without finding even a spec of gold. You'd think common sense would prevail. You cannot see the prize if your sight is blurred. The preponderance of analogies in the affirmative for sobriety is evidence enough for the rational person. May I find and hold my rationality. Sam

Samsheppard64

Hello I am Sam and I am a alcoholic. I thought I could manage my drinking on my own. March 31, 2018 I found out just how wrong that thinking was and that I am powerless against my addiction. My evening ended with me in jail and facing my 4th dui over a 30 years. Life for me going forward will be very difficult. I pray someone will come to know my story and find the answers they need and get help.

doggonecarl

Difficult, yes. But less difficult if you find sobriety. Hellishly difficult if you continue drinking.

biminiblue

I agree, you've racked up enough consequences, right?

Going forward will be so much easier if you aren't drinking on top of your current issues. I hope you will find the help you need. You'll get through this.

Samsheppard64

Thank you doggonecarl and biminiblue. I have a sponsor and attending AA every morning before work. The difficulty I am having at this moment is dealing with regret. Hopefully with time this will find its proper place in my psyche.

biminiblue

I think regret can be a good instructor. I graduated from regret, you will too.

I haven't done anything seriously bad for me since I quit drinking. I haven't placed myself in dangerous or risky situations. I've slowed down my reactions and have learned to take that pause before acting. After some time of doing that I began to see how much better I felt by doing the, "next right thing."

It takes some time, but the best time to start is always now.

Dee74

I'm sorry Sam.

While it's true you're doing to face some pretty heavy stuff, I reckon that quitting drinking will actually make that road the less difficult of the roads to choose.

I'd be focusing on a detailed and effective recovery plan. Nothing says remorse like action for change.

https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...very-plan.html (What exactly is a recovery plan?)

Samsheppard64

Thanks D. Attending AA fellowship each morning before work and my sponsor is working the big book with me after the office closes. I was not a everyday all day drinker. Never drank alcohol until after 5:00pm. All the same I know I am a alcoholic and powerless to fight my alcoholism on my own. My hope is someone will read my posts and find help before it is too late.

Verdantia

Thank you for sharing your powerful story, Sam. You've had a difficult go of it, but drinking always makes everything infinitely worse. I wish you all the best on your sober journey; it's excellent that you are in AA and have a sponsor.

Samsheppard64

Attending AA fellowship meetings Monday through Friday. Never thought I'd feel this way but the fellowship is real and it is working for me.

Hevyn

That's wonderful news, Sam. Maybe you're more receptive to it this time.

Dee74

Thats really good news Sam

D

Samsheppard64

Picked up my 1 month coin last week 4/30/18. The weight of the pending criminal case drags on me constantly. The state will most assuredly seek to charge me with a felony and send me to prison. What hurts the most is reading my posts and realizing I was trying to deal with my drinking before my legal issues even existed. Is there hope at this point? I'm not going to drink today but I am hurting and the feeling of hopelessness is ever present. Sam

Dee74

Hi Sam
congrats on that chip

I don;t pretend to be a fortune teller but I've seem people here get a more lenient sentence because it's obvious they've shown remorse and are working hard to stay sober.

Don't let the AV fool you into thinking you're just doing this for court tho.
I believe you really want to change, regardless of the legal outcome, yeah?

I drank all day every day for several years. Now I don't.

I believe there is always hope

D

Samsheppard64

It has been a few months and I am remaining sober. Picked up my 4 month coin this week. Been doing okay for he most part, working 12 to 13 hours 7 days a week helps me not to think about my criminal case. Happened to talk to a vendor yesterday. He was telling me about him being sentenced 120 days in prison for his DUIs. After talking with him I've been extremely depressed. Honestly I am not sure my married, my business nor I can survive such a penalty. It is and I will (am) a total disgrace. I barley slept last night and my thoughts are of how to end myself without causing even more pain to others. Alcohol has ruined what should have been a well deserved good life. Sam

Nonsensical

Congrats on 4 months, but this post ^^ reads like you still need help.

Obviously you're at a low point. but how committed are you to believing your life is permanently and irretrievably ruined? Because if you can let go of that commitment to catastrophe for a while, you might put yourself in a position to make it better.

Best of Luck on Your Journey.

ChloeRose63

Everyone's case is different. Just as everone's diagnosis of a disease is not the same. You should only be listening to your case worker and legal councel for a professional opinion. Do not start imagining the worst. You don't need the stress. You need to have peace of mind that you will get through it one day at a time.

Dee74

Hi Sam - no matter what happens, your life is not ruined. You are reclaiming your life right now/.

The worst case scenario is meat and drink for the AV - it wants you demoralised despairing and beaten...but a little hope and faith can work real miracles.
Stay hopeful

D