Hevyn

It's wonderful that you have 9 days, Sam. We know how hard you worked to get there.

Samsheppard64

Beginning day 10, I know I will remain sober today. It is was less difficult making it to day 10 this time. I read through all the posts again, starting from the beginning earlier this year. What is noticeable is my AV is far less demanding. The tools I've picked up here from my fellow travelers are effective. This place is real and it really helps. Sam

Nowsthetime

Hi!

Something that works for me is posting here when my AV is loud and BEFORE I drink.

I have enjoyed reading your thread. Keep us posted and reach out for support, we are always here.

How’s your plan looking? Have you heard about AVRT?

Samsheppard64

Hello Nowsthetime, I believe I know the "AV" part of AVRT but I am unfamiliar with the acronym. Please enlighten me.

Today begins day 11 and I know I will remain sober today. Friday, and as usual I'm in the office early enjoying coffee and quite before day officially begins. This afternoon a rather important meeting is scheduled. It is a wonderful feeling knowing I will be as sharp as a tack. I pray any person seeking sobriety my words spark even the slightest of recognition. I am a much better person sober.

ChloeRose63

AVRT: Addictive Voice Recognition Technique

For more info Google Rational Recovery
You may want to click on "Crash Course" and check it out.

Nowsthetime

As Chloe said, addictive voice recognition technique.

Knowing these principles has had a real positive effect on my recovery, it’s like it made things click. I have never been to AA but I do adopt some of their basic principles together with AVRT & SR I have been able to build a solid plan that has been working for me for months. Getting sober is easy, maintaining that sobriety is the tough thing and that is why we have to work our plan every day and not get complacent. I am not very tech savvy but if you do a quick search you will find information about a plan. It is really not something set in stone it is something that you will modify to your liking.

Having a plan has definitely made a difference for me.
You sound great. Keep us posted.

Samsheppard64

Thank you both for your guidance. I've read through the RR Crash Course. AVRT I see, if used correctly can be an effective weapon. Personal responsibility and acceptance has a whole new color in the RR environment. I uncomfortably associate with the beast in me concept/reality. For years I've had this little saying I said t o myself. To think all this time I believed it was regarding my career. Only to find out it was me trying to save me from myself; Ha! "Life is work, work is life, make life work" I will be working on a plan. Sam

Samsheppard64

Two weeks in and sober. Does not feel like a mile stone more like a box to be checked. Reflecting back to a time when I was much much younger. I know now I allowed music I listened to lead me in a unproductive direction. Pink Floyd especially. "Comfortably numb" total BS. Not angry, just disappointed I chose to walk down that path. I have Marlon Brando in my ear "I could have been a contender I could have been somebody". What has my desire for the high life cost me? 30 years of broken dreams? One failed relationship after another? Financial struggles that never needed to be? Yeah and more. Well I am here and I am saying no more. I want to live damn it! Sam

Samsheppard64

Good morning to all you beautiful people. Carpe-diem to all who are sober because you have chosen to be sober. May God bless and help guide all who are seeking sobriety but have yet to have found it. Your life is yours. For me life is work and work is life so today I am am making life work. I know I will remain sober today. Sam

Samsheppard64

Well it is definitely "tis the season to be jolly". Vendors have been stopping by, never really gave it any thought in past years. They all seem to be bring me wine or beer..LOL. Good grief I must be a easy target. I have thanked each of them and passed the booze to the other staff members. Hopefully I'm not doing anyone harm. It has been a goo productive day. Looking forward to heading home soon. Wife is happy that I am serious about my sobriety. Sam

Samsheppard64

Three weeks sober and I am definitely aware of the AV push to compromises my progress. Am I unable to use my own experienced voice of reason? Good grief I feel as though I am actually debating with a diabolic creature of destruction. What is there to debate. By all measure my day today is a pleasure and gift. I need and desire these days. They must be chained together unbreakable linked with the mightiest of bindings. I know will remain sober today. Sam

Dee74

yeah don't debate - it has nothing to contribute to the life you want or the man you want to be

D

BixBees505

Keep making life work, Sam. So worth it. Thanks for sharing here. Helps many.

dwtbd

No need for debate , not one iota of Its motivation has anything to do with making Life Work. No need to battle a worthless , pathetic, ultimately powerless quadrapolegic parasite, separate and dismiss , you got this !

Samsheppard64

Thanks all. Your words of wisdom and encouragement helps tremendously. In the office early this morning preparing for a busy day. Making is work and feeling great! I will remain sober today. Sam

Samsheppard64

In the office early, it is a good feeling feeling good. Finally paid off my last binge from November. The pain of cleaning up my mess is real and it really hurts. I know I will remain sober today. Sam

Samsheppard64

In the office early this Saturday morning. it is quiet and I have it all to myself. Woke up at 3:30am and not able to relax my thoughts. This journey to a life of sobriety has dredged up memories I've worked diligently to repress. I know I must not be along in this category yet it is still very difficult. There is a specific event that dates back to when I was 17. Not sure I've ever really forgiven myself for letting down what was at the time my best friend. You see my best friend and I were at the top of our athletic pursuits. All state champions it was as large as life could be for teenagers. We partied hard, drank and smoked and did what ever we wanted. I had more then my share of girl friends, and lost my one true real love, which is another story in itself. To the memory that I can't seem to forget or let go. My best friend was Catholic (not sure if it has any bearing) and I am Protestant. My buddy had a rougher go with the girls. He dated this girl named Mary that he seemed to be madly in love with. I remember when they broke up he was devastated and became distraught and self destructive. We still partied together from time to time but I did not follow him down the path he was on. During that time after his break up with Mary he was hanging out with a group of guys that smoked marijuana heavily. That was never really my thing. Don't recall who called who or where we started out but I was driving and we were both very drunk. It was early AM probably 2 or 3 and I was taking my friend home. He had passed out and was in the passenger seat. At some point he shifted and his head landed on my lap. I really did not think much about it, he was my buddy my pal my brother and I was taking him home. At some point he began to move around and he put his hands on me. He was coming on to me! I immediately pushed him off said hell no! When I flipped him back over to the passenger door side he acted as though he was still passed out and did not say a word. I did not say a word either. Instead when I pulled up to front of his house rather then helping him get to the door. I got out of my side and pulled him out of the passenger seat and left him on the sidewalk. I drove off mad that my buddy would do that and wondered why? The next day I was helping my grandmother with a dinner for the Loins club. I remember my parents walking into the kitchen. My Mother's eyes were red and she was crying. My Father walked over to me put his hand on my shoulder and said my friend (he used his name) was dead. I was in shock and said what the hell happened? They told me he had shot himself with a shot gun in his parent's closet. To make it worse his older brother found him and he wasn't dead yet. He had shot himself in the stomach and died in his brother's car on the way to the hospital. The memory is still very painful 37 years later. Am I at fault? I really do not know. If I would have been more understanding would my best friend still be with us today? I am so very sorry my friend I hope you know I did not want to hurt you and would never wanted you to hurt yourself. Please forgive me. Sam

joandmelandhan

Sam I just wanted to pop by and offer my congratulations and support. You're doing this! Yes early sobriety is rocky and things we've numbed away do seep back into our consciousness. So many unfamiliar feelings and emotions return and not all of them good but hey that's what returning to our genuine authentic selves requires. I'm coming up on 5 months and am finding things are calming down. Was plagued by real anger for a while which I put down to my little brain not being capable of processing extreme emotions.
You're allowed to feel negative emotions and I'm sure for many of us guilt is a big one. Just don't let it become something to drink on.
Take care friend

Dee74

I don't think you can blame yourself.

I think 37 years is long enough to beat yourself up Sam.
I'm sure your friend would say the same,

D

doggonecarl

Forgive yourself.