I need help
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2017
Location: Missouir
Posts: 108
Thank you all! Your comments mean more to me then I can properly explain. Honestly not sure if I hadn't found SR, I may have already back-slid into the old habit. Working on day 4 sober. Saturday morning at work doing what I typically do. No AV for me during the day. It usually begins working on me towards the evening. A very hard thing to accept is that I've done this to myself. That I've cultivated my drinking. Thirty plus years of seeking the highest quality and finest in all varieties of alcohol. What an astonishingly arrogant thing to do. Truth is, my last bender was very inexpensive vodka. I can still remember pouring that last exact amount. Telling myself; "yep that will do it" the rest until I woke up is a blur. I know I cannot win this battle on my own.
I know I cannot win this battle on my own.
That's key.
I'm a pretty smart guy with a few fancy degrees and I figured I could think and strategize my way out of my alcohol problem.
Well, after a good 20 years of trying various methods to drink in moderation, I finally gave up and admitted I was an alcoholic. It still wasn't easy, but I was getting close to losing stuff, like my marriage, my health, maybe my job, and certainly my self respect.
I can tell you today, that sobriety is possible, even after years of nightly indulgence.
That's key.
I'm a pretty smart guy with a few fancy degrees and I figured I could think and strategize my way out of my alcohol problem.
Well, after a good 20 years of trying various methods to drink in moderation, I finally gave up and admitted I was an alcoholic. It still wasn't easy, but I was getting close to losing stuff, like my marriage, my health, maybe my job, and certainly my self respect.
I can tell you today, that sobriety is possible, even after years of nightly indulgence.
It would be nice to be able to enjoy a glass of arsenic so that my life can continue to be out of control.
Welcome Sam,
This is a great forum for support during the early days. I never labelled myself as an alcoholic but in the back of my mind I knew I had an alcohol problem. It was the only thing that motivated me, getting home for a drink ,waiting for 12 o'clock so I could have a drink . That soon turned into 11am. All day weekend binge I told myself it was ok because I work hard and I deserved it. In the blink of an eye 9 years of this behaviour had me exhausted and forgetful.
Long story short , in may I decided to get off the crazy train , I have had a slip but still determined and it's a lot easier now. I don't want another 9 years and another...it's never too late for anyone as far as I'm concerned. Good luck to you friend. Wishing you all the best!
This is a great forum for support during the early days. I never labelled myself as an alcoholic but in the back of my mind I knew I had an alcohol problem. It was the only thing that motivated me, getting home for a drink ,waiting for 12 o'clock so I could have a drink . That soon turned into 11am. All day weekend binge I told myself it was ok because I work hard and I deserved it. In the blink of an eye 9 years of this behaviour had me exhausted and forgetful.
Long story short , in may I decided to get off the crazy train , I have had a slip but still determined and it's a lot easier now. I don't want another 9 years and another...it's never too late for anyone as far as I'm concerned. Good luck to you friend. Wishing you all the best!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 2,966
Yes it can. I think self reflection is what kept me going back time and time again. I'm trying to put as much energy into NOT drinking and fixing my life as I did drinking and "fixing" my life. It does get better with time... like a bad breakup from a toxic relationship; One day you don't think about it..the next you do..ect..ect.. Hang in there and post here when you're thinking about having "just one'.
Hi Sam....Congrats on Day 5. Im new here too with 19 days alcohol and 12 days Nicotine free. SR has been so awesome and when I learned AV recognition training, something, literally, turned over in my mind about addiction for the first time in 25 years...you are in the right place!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2017
Location: Missouir
Posts: 108
Day 6 Monday morning. I attended my first AA meeting. It was not what I expected but not bad. There were approximate 20 people there discussing their own experiences and understanding of Alcoholism. A few were dealing with drug abuse too. I am a private person and it is hard for me to speak openly in public. That said I did appreciate the openness of the people there. I know I will not drink alcohol today.
Well done for gettng to your first meeting.
It's fine not to share in the main meeting. Plenty of people don't always share. Some peope never share in that way. As you get to know a few people you will maybe find it easier to chat one to one. And, if you want to talk more openly, once you have found people who you most relate to and trust you might find yourself doing that as well. We can learn a lot from listening.
BB
It's fine not to share in the main meeting. Plenty of people don't always share. Some peope never share in that way. As you get to know a few people you will maybe find it easier to chat one to one. And, if you want to talk more openly, once you have found people who you most relate to and trust you might find yourself doing that as well. We can learn a lot from listening.
BB
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2017
Location: Missouir
Posts: 108
Day 7 sober. Did not sleep much last night. My mind would not shut down. On any other given night before my pursuit of sobriety, I would have slept with no issues. Primarily do to the amount of alcohol in my system. I know I am not dealing with chronic pain now since my hip replacement. There is no reason for me to consume alcohol. At work now, it will be a busy day and I will be okay today. Prayers to those in Huston.
SS,
I have sleeping problems too. It used to be that even when I was sleeping my brain continued to race all night. It's exhausting. My doctor prescribed a non-addictive medication to help with this and it has helped me tremendously! Perhaps you can speak with your GP?
O
I have sleeping problems too. It used to be that even when I was sleeping my brain continued to race all night. It's exhausting. My doctor prescribed a non-addictive medication to help with this and it has helped me tremendously! Perhaps you can speak with your GP?
O
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2017
Location: Missouir
Posts: 108
Day 8 sober, feeling better about where I am at this point. I have a sporting event with friends tomorrow evening. Beer and brats are the usual at this event. If my resolve remains I will be trading the beer for soda or water. A week ago I was standing at the edge of a large cliff. My last off the rails bender was bone shaking. To believe I am capable of destroying everything I've worked so hard to gain. For what? A moment of alcohol induced pleasure? Have I no self respect no self esteem? For me it is either get busy living or get busy dying. (Morgan Freeman: Shawshank Redemption) Today I know I can remain sober. This is my mission this is my resolve.
SS,
I'm concerned at the "if" in your resolve. Don't doubt yourself, DO the thing. If there is still an "if," you might want to consider taking a pass this time. Sucks, I know, but putting yourself into a drinking situation could send you off again. It would me. In fact, I'd be secretly planning the relapse right now - and might be keeping that secret from myself!
O
I'm concerned at the "if" in your resolve. Don't doubt yourself, DO the thing. If there is still an "if," you might want to consider taking a pass this time. Sucks, I know, but putting yourself into a drinking situation could send you off again. It would me. In fact, I'd be secretly planning the relapse right now - and might be keeping that secret from myself!
O
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Join Date: Oct 2015
Location: Neenah
Posts: 9
I was sober for 14 years at 1 time and never felt right at those things.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2017
Location: Missouir
Posts: 108
Obladi, Don't Remember, gregslo thank you. Your comments and insights are the very thing that make this site work for me. Not sure about your handles though. (just kidding) I will give some thought about not going to the baseball game tomorrow evening. I now recognize the "if" implication. Without question at this moment right now I would not even consider consuming alcohol. Again thank you, you are all helping me cope and deal with all the addiction.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2017
Location: Missouir
Posts: 108
Day 9 Sober. At the office early this morning. There is work on my desk to finish up before Labor Day. Still having troubles sleeping, but I do not feel terribly tired. Keeping my mind focused on where I am heading. Every time I think about alcohol, I stop what I am doing and run through scenarios of pros vs cons. I am okay right now and my resolve is strong.
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