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I need help

Old 08-26-2017, 07:53 AM
  # 21 (permalink)  
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Thank you all! Your comments mean more to me then I can properly explain. Honestly not sure if I hadn't found SR, I may have already back-slid into the old habit. Working on day 4 sober. Saturday morning at work doing what I typically do. No AV for me during the day. It usually begins working on me towards the evening. A very hard thing to accept is that I've done this to myself. That I've cultivated my drinking. Thirty plus years of seeking the highest quality and finest in all varieties of alcohol. What an astonishingly arrogant thing to do. Truth is, my last bender was very inexpensive vodka. I can still remember pouring that last exact amount. Telling myself; "yep that will do it" the rest until I woke up is a blur. I know I cannot win this battle on my own.
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Old 08-26-2017, 11:36 AM
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I know I cannot win this battle on my own.

That's key.

I'm a pretty smart guy with a few fancy degrees and I figured I could think and strategize my way out of my alcohol problem.

Well, after a good 20 years of trying various methods to drink in moderation, I finally gave up and admitted I was an alcoholic. It still wasn't easy, but I was getting close to losing stuff, like my marriage, my health, maybe my job, and certainly my self respect.

I can tell you today, that sobriety is possible, even after years of nightly indulgence.
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Old 08-26-2017, 11:42 AM
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Originally Posted by Samsheppard64 View Post
I know I cannot win this battle on my own.
THAT is excellent to read. many people go many,many years trying to beat alcoholism on their own. many take it to their graves.
now, whats your plan to get help?
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Old 08-27-2017, 12:31 PM
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Originally Posted by Samsheppard64 View Post
After 5:00pm in my office alone-Friday. I still have work to get out, not much though. Jazz playing in the back ground. It would be nice to be able to enjoy a glass of good scotch. Day 3 and already AV is talking to me. I know I can remain sober the rest of today.
Let's change this up a bit:

It would be nice to be able to enjoy a glass of arsenic so that my life can continue to be out of control.
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Old 08-27-2017, 12:56 PM
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Day 5 sober. I'm not in the best of moods but not angry either. Self reflection can be painful. I will make it to day 6.
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Old 08-27-2017, 01:24 PM
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Welcome Sam,
This is a great forum for support during the early days. I never labelled myself as an alcoholic but in the back of my mind I knew I had an alcohol problem. It was the only thing that motivated me, getting home for a drink ,waiting for 12 o'clock so I could have a drink . That soon turned into 11am. All day weekend binge I told myself it was ok because I work hard and I deserved it. In the blink of an eye 9 years of this behaviour had me exhausted and forgetful.
Long story short , in may I decided to get off the crazy train , I have had a slip but still determined and it's a lot easier now. I don't want another 9 years and another...it's never too late for anyone as far as I'm concerned. Good luck to you friend. Wishing you all the best!
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Old 08-27-2017, 01:37 PM
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Originally Posted by Samsheppard64 View Post
Self reflection can be painful.
Yes it can. I think self reflection is what kept me going back time and time again. I'm trying to put as much energy into NOT drinking and fixing my life as I did drinking and "fixing" my life. It does get better with time... like a bad breakup from a toxic relationship; One day you don't think about it..the next you do..ect..ect.. Hang in there and post here when you're thinking about having "just one'.
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Old 08-27-2017, 01:40 PM
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Hi Sam....Congrats on Day 5. Im new here too with 19 days alcohol and 12 days Nicotine free. SR has been so awesome and when I learned AV recognition training, something, literally, turned over in my mind about addiction for the first time in 25 years...you are in the right place!
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Old 08-27-2017, 03:49 PM
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Keep going Sam

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Old 08-28-2017, 06:00 AM
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Day 6 Monday morning. I attended my first AA meeting. It was not what I expected but not bad. There were approximate 20 people there discussing their own experiences and understanding of Alcoholism. A few were dealing with drug abuse too. I am a private person and it is hard for me to speak openly in public. That said I did appreciate the openness of the people there. I know I will not drink alcohol today.
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Old 08-28-2017, 07:45 AM
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Well done for gettng to your first meeting.

It's fine not to share in the main meeting. Plenty of people don't always share. Some peope never share in that way. As you get to know a few people you will maybe find it easier to chat one to one. And, if you want to talk more openly, once you have found people who you most relate to and trust you might find yourself doing that as well. We can learn a lot from listening.

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Old 08-29-2017, 06:20 AM
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Day 7 sober. Did not sleep much last night. My mind would not shut down. On any other given night before my pursuit of sobriety, I would have slept with no issues. Primarily do to the amount of alcohol in my system. I know I am not dealing with chronic pain now since my hip replacement. There is no reason for me to consume alcohol. At work now, it will be a busy day and I will be okay today. Prayers to those in Huston.
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Old 08-29-2017, 07:19 AM
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SS,

I have sleeping problems too. It used to be that even when I was sleeping my brain continued to race all night. It's exhausting. My doctor prescribed a non-addictive medication to help with this and it has helped me tremendously! Perhaps you can speak with your GP?

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Old 08-29-2017, 07:19 AM
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Oh, and congratulations on one full week - that's huge.
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Old 08-30-2017, 05:33 AM
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Day 8 sober, feeling better about where I am at this point. I have a sporting event with friends tomorrow evening. Beer and brats are the usual at this event. If my resolve remains I will be trading the beer for soda or water. A week ago I was standing at the edge of a large cliff. My last off the rails bender was bone shaking. To believe I am capable of destroying everything I've worked so hard to gain. For what? A moment of alcohol induced pleasure? Have I no self respect no self esteem? For me it is either get busy living or get busy dying. (Morgan Freeman: Shawshank Redemption) Today I know I can remain sober. This is my mission this is my resolve.
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Old 08-30-2017, 09:14 AM
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SS,

I'm concerned at the "if" in your resolve. Don't doubt yourself, DO the thing. If there is still an "if," you might want to consider taking a pass this time. Sucks, I know, but putting yourself into a drinking situation could send you off again. It would me. In fact, I'd be secretly planning the relapse right now - and might be keeping that secret from myself!

O
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Old 08-30-2017, 10:04 AM
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I agree that "IF" you have any worry of drinking at this event, it's probably best to skip it for now. I tried to 'test' myself in the past. I'd 'pass' the test a few times,but most of the time I failed.
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Old 08-30-2017, 10:48 AM
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Originally Posted by DontRemember View Post
I agree that "IF" you have any worry of drinking at this event, it's probably best to skip it for now. I tried to 'test' myself in the past. I'd 'pass' the test a few times,but most of the time I failed.
Yes I second that 8 days is great,I would do anything for 1.You mentioned strong av after 8 days,if you still go leave if uncomfortable.
I was sober for 14 years at 1 time and never felt right at those things.
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Old 08-30-2017, 11:29 AM
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Obladi, Don't Remember, gregslo thank you. Your comments and insights are the very thing that make this site work for me. Not sure about your handles though. (just kidding) I will give some thought about not going to the baseball game tomorrow evening. I now recognize the "if" implication. Without question at this moment right now I would not even consider consuming alcohol. Again thank you, you are all helping me cope and deal with all the addiction.
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Old 08-31-2017, 05:04 AM
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Day 9 Sober. At the office early this morning. There is work on my desk to finish up before Labor Day. Still having troubles sleeping, but I do not feel terribly tired. Keeping my mind focused on where I am heading. Every time I think about alcohol, I stop what I am doing and run through scenarios of pros vs cons. I am okay right now and my resolve is strong.
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