I need help
 

My life is out of control. Alcohol appears to be my god and god hates me. Alcohol has played a part of my entire adult live. An uncountable amount of times I've woke up after a night of excessive drinking and told myself "I will never do that again". How do I stop the stupid jerk in me that says, “go on one beer won’t hurt you”? I want to live and the path I’m on will only deliver me a terrible and painful end. Why am I continuing to drink alcohol knowing full well want the end result will be? I need help.
Sam

Welcome,Sam! This place is great for support and advice. I'd read around and make a plan to avoid that 'thought/voice' of why not? You now have the knowledge that your 'off switch' does not turn off. Just like everyone else here.

Welcome!

It's good that you recognize the Addictive Voice. You can learn that it's not you and that you can hear it and let it go. You don't have to act on it. You are continuing to drink alcohol because you are an alcoholic. It's that simple, and yet it's very difficult to stop. We are here to offer support.

Great to meet you, Sam!

I did the same thing for decades. I guess I always thought somehow, magically, I'd control the number of drinks I had. I only set out to be sociable & relaxed - to reduce stress. Yet I never knew what would happen once that first drink was in my system. It always led me to danger & an unexpected outcome. You are not alone - we all get it. Keep posting - it will help to be here with those who understand what you're going through.

It's a harsh reality to come to terms with knowing logically that alcohol is poison and causes our lives to be pure hell, yet we 'believe' we can't function without it. I am slowly learning that alcohol is not required in order to be social or have a good time - its the total opposite. But because alcohol messes up your brain chemistry, you lose clarity, thoughts can't possibly be logical because there is poison in our bodies.
So you need to get some sober time under your belt and rid your body of alcohol - clarity will then come and logic will prevail.
For me, I had to go to inpatient treatment because I couldn't string 2 days sober together. Do whatever it takes to get some distance between your last drink and you will feel a lot more confident and ready to fight this booze battle.
:)

Welcome to the forum - I'm glad you found us.

You know - all us folk here and in the AA meetings that are undoubtedly going on in your home town and neighbouring areas (possibly without you even being aware of their existance) are evidence to the fact that it is possible to break out of this cycle.

I have come to believe in the last three years that God in fact loves me very much. Not because I'm great - but because HE is.
Today, instead of letting your false God drag you to your knees, why not go down on your knees and send up a simple prayer asking the God who does love you to help you.

This is a very well-used prayer you might like to borrow if you're not used to praying or can't think how to start...

God. I am powerless over my alcoholism. My life is unmanageable even though I try to control it. Please help me to understand the true meaning of this powerlessness and my addiction. Remove from me all denial of my addiction, and help me to stay sober today and reach out for the help I need. Amen.

Like others have said, your AV - alcoholic voice is at full strength right now because you've been feeding it so long. It is pretty hard to recognise and ignore at first, but we all managed it, so you can learn as well if you want to enough.

I will say though - there isn't any painless or comfortable way to get through the first weeks of sobriety. We lose our life-long crutch and comforter and have yet to build up new tools for dealing with life. That's why, for so many of us, support from other alcoholics further along the path of revovery was (and continues to be) so valuable. This place along with AA has been what helped me learn how to live without alcohol.

Anyway - welcome to the forum. Keep reading and posting.

I wish you all the best for your sobriety and your recovery. BB

Welcome Sam :)

D

WELCOME! I need support, regular on the ground support- to share the burden. Hope, luck, prayers and self will always failed. As it has for many of my FOO. A doc- for physical health and monitoring my depression, a psychologist to help me change my thinking, a counsellor for the addiction stopping bit.
Detox first- under medical help- it is unsafe to cold turkey, I had seizures. Rehab is a very good idea- to change, set up a long term plan with support. Posting here- especially at night and meetings- they are free and help.
Support to you.

Detox preferably with medical help. Then get into a rehab. It is the best way to get on the path of recovery.

Welcome!

Thank you Poppy79, I'm 3 days in from my last major off the rails binge. I know I won't drink today as I've been here many times before. It is 8 to 10 days for me when the desire is screaming in my ear. Feed me feed me! Just like that stupid man eating plant from little shop of horrors.

At work sober day 3. Looking over my cc statement. My last bender cost me $7,500. The depression of who I am is flooding over me. I've never tried writing about what is going on with me. Hope here is the proper place. I am 53 years old and must change or the end is near. Thank-you all for being supportive and for being out there. Bless you all.

I would do this also. About every month or so, I'd 'clean up' my life for a while,just to tear it all down again. I've repeated that insanity for the last 15yrs or so of my adult life. I had to get off that 'ride'! It's crazy how much $$ I've saved by not going out to bars,casinos,ect..hell even drinking at home was costing me a lot! Of course I also lost business,friendships,ect..due to my drinking. It's better to be sober and present even though sometimes it doesn't 'feel' that way. Hang in there!

Also join the Class of August 2017 on here, where others have quit at the same time as you and to me it helps to be surrounded by others that are going through it at the same time.

Well done. It all starts with some self-honesty and willingness, and it sounds like perhaps you have that just now.

Why not get to a meeting tonight. You won't be able to shut that AV up, but at least if you're surrounded by some folk strong in their recovery, their experience strength and hope can drown the bugger out for a little while.

While you're looking honestly at the ways alcohol has been making you life unmanageable I would suggest writing it all down. Thing is, that AVis so cunning and good at lying, in a few days it'll have you pining for the 'good old drinking days' and thinking 'it wasn't SObad'. If you have written down ways that it WAS bad this can be brought out for you to read when you need reminding of the reality of the effect of alcohol on your life. Areas for focus could be:
*Finances (sounds like you've started on that one)
*Relationships
*Work
*Your home / living arrangements
*Physical Health
*Mental health (depression etc)
*Integrity (integrity is when what we think, say and do are all the same)

It is also worth noting down what happens when you go out thinking you'll just have 'a few' (that' another area where our memory can get badly affected / beffuddled by our AV twittering on at us).

Take care. BB

After 5:00pm in my office alone-Friday. I still have work to get out, not much though. Jazz playing in the back ground. It would be nice to be able to enjoy a glass of good scotch. Day 3 and already AV is talking to me. I know I can remain sober the rest of today.

or a good meal with a huge glass of ice cold milk. :)

No such thing as good scotch ;)

Hi Sam. The thing is, there's no such thing as "A" glass of scotch for us. One leads to many - and then we're off the rails. No telling where that 'one' will take us.

You sound fed up and ready to do this. Glad you are here - keep talking.

We admitted we were powerless over alcohol - that our lives had become unmanageable.

Without out knowing it, you may have completed step 1 of AA.