Neighbor and pool situation
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2013
Posts: 1,533
Originally Posted by tomsteve 
good on ya!
ya know, as much as it seemed ya made a point ya like to go skinny dippin with hubby,wth are you doing here!?!?!?!?!?!
ya know, as much as it seemed ya made a point ya like to go skinny dippin with hubby,wth are you doing here!?!?!?!?!?!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2013
Posts: 1,533
Originally Posted by tomsteve
good on ya!
ya know, as much as it seemed ya made a point ya like to go skinny dippin with hubby,wth are you doing here!?!?!?!?!?!
ya know, as much as it seemed ya made a point ya like to go skinny dippin with hubby,wth are you doing here!?!?!?!?!?!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2016
Location: Wareham, Mass
Posts: 7,067
Hi, sunshine.
Maybe you are just feeling a bit guilty?
Totally understandable.
But all you did was take back something that was yours.
And you had to do it because someone had no boundaries.
That doper dad would come over with kids was so not on.
Suppose someone drowned while he was impaired?
That would have been awful.
So...try not to worry overmuch about this. If the friendship is impacted by your being the grown up, then it really wasn't much of a friendship.
Peace.
Maybe you are just feeling a bit guilty?
Totally understandable.
But all you did was take back something that was yours.
And you had to do it because someone had no boundaries.
That doper dad would come over with kids was so not on.
Suppose someone drowned while he was impaired?
That would have been awful.
So...try not to worry overmuch about this. If the friendship is impacted by your being the grown up, then it really wasn't much of a friendship.
Peace.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Western NY
Posts: 1,209
Sunshine - they may be dodging you because they feel guilty about the way they acted. They blatantly took advantage of the situation.
If they are pissed about it then they got it twisted. It is your pool not theirs. How about some gratitude that they got to use it in the first place.
I had a terrible problem with people pleasing throughout my life until I really started my recovery. Certain people distanced themselves from me as I changed, because they saw that I wasn't going to tolerate their BS any more. At times I would feel guilty about being a 'bad guy', but that went away over time. The reality was that I wasn't being the 'bad guy'. I was sticking up for myself. It is almost second nature now. Thank God for that because it gave me time to focus on myself and find real friends.
If your neighbors want to pout about the situation it is probably a blessing in disguise. Good for you for sticking up for yourself.
If they are pissed about it then they got it twisted. It is your pool not theirs. How about some gratitude that they got to use it in the first place.
I had a terrible problem with people pleasing throughout my life until I really started my recovery. Certain people distanced themselves from me as I changed, because they saw that I wasn't going to tolerate their BS any more. At times I would feel guilty about being a 'bad guy', but that went away over time. The reality was that I wasn't being the 'bad guy'. I was sticking up for myself. It is almost second nature now. Thank God for that because it gave me time to focus on myself and find real friends.
If your neighbors want to pout about the situation it is probably a blessing in disguise. Good for you for sticking up for yourself.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2017
Posts: 40
I think I'd go with the idea as mentioned of stating you didn't realise just how much everyone using your pool would disturb your work. If it were me i'd probably put a notice up, saying very politely something like...
"While you're my neighbours and I love you lot, I'm struggling to work with all the noise around the pool at the moment and need some headspace for a while to complete my work... Thanks for your understanding!"
Just my opinion, but then they'll read it and understand... if they don't accept it, then I'd be direct and say NO!
"While you're my neighbours and I love you lot, I'm struggling to work with all the noise around the pool at the moment and need some headspace for a while to complete my work... Thanks for your understanding!"
Just my opinion, but then they'll read it and understand... if they don't accept it, then I'd be direct and say NO!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2013
Posts: 1,533
Since this latest drama is kind of related to the main Pool Offender (PO) I thought I'd share this in this thread.
So the main PO's wife recommended her co-workers brother to be our petsitter before we told everyone there is no more open invitation to the pool. So as awkward as things are with the neighbors we used this guy for the second time while we went out of town for 1 night. We used him once before for a few days and he was perfect!!
Soooo.... another nightmare petsitter... Logged in to check security cameras and what do I find... a party at 2am... Cars coming and going from our home. I didn't check in until the next day or I would have sent the cops. Sent my mom over the yesterday morning to throw everyone out until we got home late last night. Wine bottles, beer cans... and oh strangers in my HOUSE!! Animals hadn't been walked one time, hadn't bed fed water bowls empty... He said he isn't cashing the check, but this is so beyond money. I'll have to let it go. This isn't just our place to live this is our business... lots to steal... laptops, tools, identity??? I guess this is related to the pool thread because now once the neighbors catch word that the guy they recommended had a party here it will add more weirdness. LOL and yes there was activity in our pool and ironically our pool pump was smoking and is now broken. Probably not related at all but just ironic timing. Here I am at 40 days sober and here this dude is partying in my safe place. Never again! Mom will have to step up to the plate from now on.
So the main PO's wife recommended her co-workers brother to be our petsitter before we told everyone there is no more open invitation to the pool. So as awkward as things are with the neighbors we used this guy for the second time while we went out of town for 1 night. We used him once before for a few days and he was perfect!!
Soooo.... another nightmare petsitter... Logged in to check security cameras and what do I find... a party at 2am... Cars coming and going from our home. I didn't check in until the next day or I would have sent the cops. Sent my mom over the yesterday morning to throw everyone out until we got home late last night. Wine bottles, beer cans... and oh strangers in my HOUSE!! Animals hadn't been walked one time, hadn't bed fed water bowls empty... He said he isn't cashing the check, but this is so beyond money. I'll have to let it go. This isn't just our place to live this is our business... lots to steal... laptops, tools, identity??? I guess this is related to the pool thread because now once the neighbors catch word that the guy they recommended had a party here it will add more weirdness. LOL and yes there was activity in our pool and ironically our pool pump was smoking and is now broken. Probably not related at all but just ironic timing. Here I am at 40 days sober and here this dude is partying in my safe place. Never again! Mom will have to step up to the plate from now on.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2016
Location: Wareham, Mass
Posts: 7,067
Ugh! What a nightmare. The nerve of that guy!
Change your passwords, pins, etc. check your bank account frequently, maybe put a freeze on it and credit cards if you are worried, and check your credit score for possible recent activity.
Hopefully, all will be well.
Bright side: no one was hurt or killed. Animals should be okay with lots of pats and attention.
Sorry this happened. People are just pieces of work sometimes.
Change your passwords, pins, etc. check your bank account frequently, maybe put a freeze on it and credit cards if you are worried, and check your credit score for possible recent activity.
Hopefully, all will be well.
Bright side: no one was hurt or killed. Animals should be okay with lots of pats and attention.
Sorry this happened. People are just pieces of work sometimes.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
that really sucks, sunshine.
personally i wouldnt let it go unti, i found out if there were legal ramifacations possible for the POS dog sitter.
seems just letting it go would be enabling and not letting this assclown face the consequences of his actions.
only gonna add weirdness if ya let it.
its gonna be hard, but accepting ya allowed it will help. but that doesnt mean just allow the POS get away with it- how many other times has he done this to other people? probably a lot.
next time might be wise to do a background check maybe?
personally i wouldnt let it go unti, i found out if there were legal ramifacations possible for the POS dog sitter.
seems just letting it go would be enabling and not letting this assclown face the consequences of his actions.
only gonna add weirdness if ya let it.
its gonna be hard, but accepting ya allowed it will help. but that doesnt mean just allow the POS get away with it- how many other times has he done this to other people? probably a lot.
next time might be wise to do a background check maybe?
The road goes on forever
Join Date: Jul 2016
Location: Southern USA
Posts: 1,107
Wow.. That was crazy ! The nerve of some people.
I hope all is well with you.. Congrats on 40 days. Stat strong! I am sure being sober allows you to view this and handle the "right" way.
We take our dog to the Vet (kennel) when we are away. It cost a few bucks and I hate to leave him there.. But at least he's looked after. Plus I don't like strangers in my home at all!
I hope all is well with you.. Congrats on 40 days. Stat strong! I am sure being sober allows you to view this and handle the "right" way.
We take our dog to the Vet (kennel) when we are away. It cost a few bucks and I hate to leave him there.. But at least he's looked after. Plus I don't like strangers in my home at all!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2016
Location: middle of nowhere
Posts: 2,849
I'm sorry sunshine. Be a duck. Be teflon. Everything rolls off your back, nothing sticks to you. 
(this is what I tell myself over and over when I'm really mad or really struggling or feeling really offended)
Congrats on 40 days!! And keeping it together in spite of all the drama
I would think rationally if there is anything you can do about the situation, or if it's already been dealt with as it needs to be.
Sometimes, looking to teach a person a lesson is perpetuating resentment towards them and their actions. We need to look at the lessons we can learn from the incident, which I think you have done.
Does he have an online presence where he advertises his services? You could leave an honest review about him if so, but really would it make anything better about what's happened and would it make you feel better?
The thing is, I find situations like these and wanting to show people their consequences somehow has ramifications on my own peace of mind. I call it bad juju.
Eventually, people like that, their bill comes due and they will have to pay for your actions. It's not our place to decide their punishment or pass judgment.
You both made bad calls. But, you got a valuable lesson out of it.
You're eons farther ahead than this guy.
I feel kind of sorry for him. And grateful that nothing of value was taken or affected by the incident. Most importantly and above all, your sobriety.
Sometimes we have to find a way to laugh at the drama. Makes it a little easier to let it go and put it behind us.
(this is what I tell myself over and over when I'm really mad or really struggling or feeling really offended) Congrats on 40 days!! And keeping it together in spite of all the drama
I would think rationally if there is anything you can do about the situation, or if it's already been dealt with as it needs to be.
Sometimes, looking to teach a person a lesson is perpetuating resentment towards them and their actions. We need to look at the lessons we can learn from the incident, which I think you have done.
Does he have an online presence where he advertises his services? You could leave an honest review about him if so, but really would it make anything better about what's happened and would it make you feel better?
The thing is, I find situations like these and wanting to show people their consequences somehow has ramifications on my own peace of mind. I call it bad juju.
Eventually, people like that, their bill comes due and they will have to pay for your actions. It's not our place to decide their punishment or pass judgment.
You both made bad calls. But, you got a valuable lesson out of it.
You're eons farther ahead than this guy.
I feel kind of sorry for him. And grateful that nothing of value was taken or affected by the incident. Most importantly and above all, your sobriety.
Sometimes we have to find a way to laugh at the drama. Makes it a little easier to let it go and put it behind us.
The road goes on forever
Join Date: Jul 2016
Location: Southern USA
Posts: 1,107
Originally Posted by Delizadee
The thing is, I find situations like these and wanting to show people their consequences somehow has ramifications on my own peace of mind. I call it bad juju.
Eventually, people like that, their bill comes due and they will have to pay for your actions. It's not our place to decide their punishment or pass judgment.
Sometimes we have to find a way to laugh at the drama. Makes it a little easier to let it go and put it behind us.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2013
Posts: 1,533
I had previous done a background and social media check. He has a real job as an accountant for the City of Durham. And my he is my neighbors co-workers brother so I assumed we were good. lol. I'm o.k. with it all now. The house is in tact. Checked out the trash can and yes a big wine bottle and beer cans but not much. One really odd thing is the toilet paper roller in the bathroom has been ripped out of the wall. WTH? lol we will see what other bizzare things I find. He apologized profusely, as he should. We prefer a house sitter since we also have 2 cats and fish and lots of deliveries here... so I just don't know what the future holds. I need a sweet lil' lonely old lady... That would be perfect...
Member
Join Date: Feb 2016
Location: middle of nowhere
Posts: 2,849
I will come house sit I am fairly boring, haha.
Pipe dreams, I know. I am about 17 thousand miles away from you. But North Carolina sounds much more south than Canada.
At least it was only a short stint. I had two rental homes I dealt with for a couple years. One was my old home, and in a year's time, I had nothing but nightmare renters, no matter what references I got.
One of my renters had a HORSE in the backyard (this house was smack in the middle of town) during parade time. The grass was almost waist high. I had to shovel up horse poop. Then, I had to tear up the berber carpet in the huge master bedroom as they had locked their cat up in there and it peed all over the carpet and soaked into the OSB underneath.
It could always be worse. Lesson learned for me: don't let other people use your property unless you're able to handle a little horse s**t (or a lot)
I just remembered this. lol. makes me laugh now. Ohh, at the time the property destruction I had to deal with through two renters alone was bad enough.
And threats!
I'm glad I didn't have a pool. I'd hate to drown a horse.
I am fairly boring, haha. Pipe dreams, I know. I am about 17 thousand miles away from you. But North Carolina sounds much more south than Canada.
At least it was only a short stint. I had two rental homes I dealt with for a couple years. One was my old home, and in a year's time, I had nothing but nightmare renters, no matter what references I got.
One of my renters had a HORSE in the backyard (this house was smack in the middle of town) during parade time. The grass was almost waist high. I had to shovel up horse poop. Then, I had to tear up the berber carpet in the huge master bedroom as they had locked their cat up in there and it peed all over the carpet and soaked into the OSB underneath.
It could always be worse. Lesson learned for me: don't let other people use your property unless you're able to handle a little horse s**t (or a lot)
I just remembered this. lol. makes me laugh now. Ohh, at the time the property destruction I had to deal with through two renters alone was bad enough.
And threats!
I'm glad I didn't have a pool. I'd hate to drown a horse.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2013
Posts: 1,533
Originally Posted by Delizadee
I will come house sit I am fairly boring, haha.
Pipe dreams, I know. I am about 17 thousand miles away from you. But North Carolina sounds much more south than Canada.
At least it was only a short stint. I had two rental homes I dealt with for a couple years. One was my old home, and in a year's time, I had nothing but nightmare renters, no matter what references I got.
One of my renters had a HORSE in the backyard (this house was smack in the middle of town) during parade time. The grass was almost waist high. I had to shovel up horse poop. Then, I had to tear up the berber carpet in the huge master bedroom as they had locked their cat up in there and it peed all over the carpet and soaked into the OSB underneath.
It could always be worse. Lesson learned for me: don't let other people use your property unless you're able to handle a little horse s**t (or a lot)
I just remembered this. lol. makes me laugh now. Ohh, at the time the property destruction I had to deal with through two renters alone was bad enough.
And threats!
I'm glad I didn't have a pool. I'd hate to drown a horse.
I am fairly boring, haha. Pipe dreams, I know. I am about 17 thousand miles away from you. But North Carolina sounds much more south than Canada.
At least it was only a short stint. I had two rental homes I dealt with for a couple years. One was my old home, and in a year's time, I had nothing but nightmare renters, no matter what references I got.
One of my renters had a HORSE in the backyard (this house was smack in the middle of town) during parade time. The grass was almost waist high. I had to shovel up horse poop. Then, I had to tear up the berber carpet in the huge master bedroom as they had locked their cat up in there and it peed all over the carpet and soaked into the OSB underneath.
It could always be worse. Lesson learned for me: don't let other people use your property unless you're able to handle a little horse s**t (or a lot)
I just remembered this. lol. makes me laugh now. Ohh, at the time the property destruction I had to deal with through two renters alone was bad enough.
And threats!
I'm glad I didn't have a pool. I'd hate to drown a horse.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
