Neighbor and pool situation
 

Something is really festering with me currently. I'm trying to avoid angry situations because I tend to be weak with my resolve to not drink when angry. I wanted to put this thread out there because it is eating at me. It is small in the big picture of life... But if something small could make me drink then it isn't small afterall and I have to deal...

So I set myself up... I have an in-ground swimming pool. My neighbors that share my fence line and the ones behind me are really cool people and they have 3 small children. The ones next door have a 5 year old and a 3 year old. The ones from the back have a 7 year old girl.

So being Mr. nice guy I opened the invite, "oh you can bring your kids swimming anytime...." Boy did I open a can of worms. It has turned into an almost every day event. I never thought in a million years that would happen. I thought well, maybe once a week. Now they are starting to use it during the week day when I'm working. My desk faces my pool. I'm too nice to say it's not a good time. So kids are yelping and screaming and splashing during my work day. Then the week-ends I don't always want them over. I want my privacy and my own company. My husband and I like to skinny dip.. Get it??

So... when we left out of town last week I checked our security cameras and they were all out at my pool without asking!! We just saw the guy too and he said nothing about using our pool. I'm now thinking LIABILITY situation if God forbid someone where injured or drowned. And a few days before that the dad next door was floating in my pool again while we weren't home like it's his pool.

Also they are partiers but not bad like me... as far as alcohol goes. I'm o.k. with pot, but I don't smoke it and I don't want my 16 year old son exposed to it at my home. Well I was sunning recently and looked down and found a big roach... I was pretty pissed but again, didn't say anything.

They keep buying me gifts too. They just bought me floating wine glasses as I haven't announced my new SOBER AF attitude.

I want to withdraw this open invitation I have somehow created. I want to reclaim our privacy. I want to pull the plug so to speak.

I don't how to approach it... They knew I was upset when I found they were using our pool as soon as we left for the airport. That is a totally separate issue. Really feel violated there. Then the petsitter shows up with all these people in my back yard having a pool party with my dogs he was hired to watch. It's just so awkward.

I don't hate them, I just don't want them having this pool pass.

It's my fault but I need to change it... any recommendations as to how to proceed...

My worries are that I'm going to keep holding it inside and then burst.

Wow, that would drive me crazy. This is definitely a situation where you wish you could take back your initial invitation, but, you can't. I would go for being nice, but honest. I would tell them you didn't realize how noisy and disturbing it is for you, working at home, when people are in the pool. I would say that it's affecting your work more than you imagined. Secondly, the liability issue is huge. I would expect you would be in all kinds of legal trouble, not to mention emotional, if there was an accident in your pool and you weren't there. You could mention that it's too stressful for you to consider what might happen.

Whether or not that would work and you would remain friends, I'm not sure. But, I think it's worth the risk for your peace of mind.

I agree with Anna. I'd tell them that due to legal and personal considerations, the pool invitation is rescinded until further notice.

Where I live, a pool would be considered an "attractive nuisance" as it could attract people and accidents. I'd tell you that you're afraid of someone having an accident and that you've been advised to make the pool off limits.

I'm sure they'll be upset, but too bad. If they want a pool they can get their own.

I'm sure since you have a pool you also have a fence around your yard?

If yes simply put a lock on the gate. Add a sign which says No Admmitance without permission

End of story

Thanks.

Wow. You're well within your rights to lay some grounds rules. And I wouldn't be shy about it. You can do it and be nice at the same time.

The flip side is that if you don't deal with this now, its going to eat at you for a long time. Right?

Definitely putting a lock on the gate since they are coming on my property when I'm not home.

theres some pretty big liability being a pool owner.even if a possible injury was caused by someone trespassing

What ever you do- DO NOT DRINK! Think this through, write stuff down...make a proactive, informed decision and approach your neighbours in neutral territory..if poss. Don't deal with it when you are feeling belligerent.
End of the day- it is your pool, your space, your rules. Do not apologise, do not accuse..just use simple statements.. It is also your work environment. Support offered. The BIG issues are in some ways are easier to deal with- life/death, divorce, but the everyday niggly ones- can annoy, then obsess, then turn into big issues. Either way- you need to deal with it- for the sake of your recovery, it will be a good way to learn new skills.

I definitely agree with the others about the liability issue. maybe tell a little fib and put it on your insurance company. say you just renewed your policy and inquired about it and they thought it was a very bad idea.

I own a hunting property with numerous tree stands on it and I was concerned about liability so I asked my insurance agent about it and the first thing he said is you give nobody permission to be on it and better yet post it too which I did. according to him as long as I don't intentionally create a dangerous situation I have nothing to worry about. they would be trespassing. it's unfortunate the way things have to be today.

drain the pool?

Anger can turn into resentments for many including myself. For alcoholics this is serious business as you've alluded to. In sobriety being upfront and honest with people regardless of outcome helps me deal with these issues. The daze of me drinking at people are over hopefully. You've clearly explained in your post what needs to be said.

Best of luck

I wouldnt feel bad about putting a lock on the gate and keeping it there. You dont have to explain yourself to anyone. This is your pool.

EXCELLENT! Lol

Hi sunshine. I feel for you - what a predicament. I think I'd say my insurance agent advised against allowing people to use it without specific permission & that you'd need to get more liability insurance. For one thing, you're supposed to maintain a non-slip area to prevent falls - & if you're not even home how can you know if anyone's in danger?

Who knew people would take such advantage? It's like a bad SNL skit.

Wow they are being incredibly rude! Talk about taking advantage.

I agree with what everyone else has said. This is your property, your home, your liability, likely, and most of all your peace of mind at stake.

You said:

"I want to withdraw this open invitation I have somehow created. I want to reclaim our privacy."

You have every right to do just that! Be firm, direct and honest. Don't apologize. They are the ones who should apologize. If they are bent out of shape or annoyed you can live with that. You are not being unreasonable. You made a mistake by being too generous, but you don't have to keep paying the price. It's your home.

Certainly don't let your annoyance over this tempt you to drink.

I really appreciate everyone's advice and support. This is really helping me out for this inevitable conversation I must have with them. *gah* the thought of it brings so much anxiety. I'm hoping to talk to the main offender (lol) face to face tomorrow. It is what it is. And yes would make a great SNL. I love this place!!

This is why I don't talk to my neighbors :lmao

Jeez...give 'em an inch and they take a mile!
It is a liability. It's disrupting your work. It is plain rude to be leaving roaches on your property. Beyond busting through boundaries. I can't even imagine people would do these things. If someone offered me to come use the pool..I'd thank them but graciously decline.
They are sending you guilt gifts.
You are well within your right to rescend.
Good luck, we are all behind you!
Jules

the skinny dipping thing with hubby would be a wee bit strange,though.

I learned something once, probably from my mom, she's the best, if you have to say something bad or difficult, say 3 things nice first.

So: "I really like that our pool is a nice place for your kids to play, I am happy they enjoy it so much, it's nice to have neighbours that are also friends, that said, I need to ask that you cut back on your use of the pool. I have found it to be really distracting to my work which I didn't realise when I opened the invite and I also would appreciate being able to enjoy the pool privately just myself and my husband. Going forward please ask me in advance if you would like to use the pool for a quick dip. I also have to ask you not to use the pool at all if I am not at home, it is a liability issue and my insurance company won't cover me should anything happen, I can't risk that, and it is not a good idea for you either."