Blogs


Notices

Reaching out

Old 05-27-2017, 05:52 PM
  # 1 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Feb 2015
Posts: 1,167
Reaching out

Hi.

I am coming off of a very bad drunken experiece and I cannot say anything for myself or why this happened again. I just feel alone. If someone who's doing better or feels like in the same position could PM me, I would be very grateful.
kk1k5x is offline  
The Following 13 Users Say Thank You to kk1k5x For This Useful Post:
2muchpain (05-27-2017), aasharon90 (05-28-2017), Carlotta (05-28-2017), columbus (05-27-2017), CreativeThinker (05-28-2017), D122y (05-28-2017), Dee74 (05-27-2017), herculana (05-27-2017), Mags1 (05-27-2017), PhoenixJ (05-28-2017), RevivingOphelia (05-30-2017), Steely (05-27-2017), WeaverBird (05-28-2017)
Old 05-27-2017, 06:20 PM
  # 2 (permalink)  
Administrator
 
Dee74's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 187,768
Blog Entries: 1
I understand the wanting privacy but why not let things develop in a thread as well K? Share as much or as little as you like...

You may not only help yourself but help someone else too?

D
Dee74 is offline  
The Following 11 Users Say Thank You to Dee74 For This Useful Post:
Berrybean (05-27-2017), Carlotta (05-28-2017), D122y (05-28-2017), Delilah1 (05-27-2017), herculana (05-27-2017), least (05-28-2017), Mags1 (05-27-2017), mystified (05-28-2017), Steely (05-27-2017), TinkerB (05-28-2017), WeaverBird (05-28-2017)
Old 05-27-2017, 08:58 PM
  # 3 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Feb 2015
Posts: 1,167
I will try and keep this as conservative as possible. Right now, I just dont know what to share, to be honest. Restating the failures would be the same story, slightly different words.
kk1k5x is offline  
The Following 5 Users Say Thank You to kk1k5x For This Useful Post:
D122y (05-28-2017), Dee74 (05-27-2017), Delilah1 (05-27-2017), Mags1 (05-27-2017), WeaverBird (05-28-2017)
Old 05-27-2017, 09:10 PM
  # 4 (permalink)  
Member
 
Steely's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: NSW - Australia
Posts: 8,852
But that's most of our stories kk15x. Lots of us relapse (me) and it's hard to come back, but so worth it. I do hope you begin to share here kk1 as apart from yourself, and as Dee says, it does help others. We need you too.

What exactly is happening, or has happened?

Little or as much as you like.
Steely is online now  
The Following 5 Users Say Thank You to Steely For This Useful Post:
D122y (05-28-2017), Dee74 (05-27-2017), Delilah1 (05-27-2017), TinkerB (05-28-2017), WeaverBird (05-28-2017)
Old 05-27-2017, 09:10 PM
  # 5 (permalink)  
Member
 
SimplyFree's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2017
Location: Colorado
Posts: 1,298
Welcome kk. We all have moments with alcohol that we want to forget. Coming here is a great step if you are interested in pursuing sobriety. You might start with letting us know what your thoughts are on sobriety. We all are here because we got tired of alcohol controlling us and stealing our lives. Welcome!
SimplyFree is offline  
The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to SimplyFree For This Useful Post:
Dee74 (05-27-2017), Delilah1 (05-27-2017), Nia1971 (05-28-2017), WeaverBird (05-28-2017)
Old 05-27-2017, 09:57 PM
  # 6 (permalink)  
Hillbilly Girl
 
MariahGayle's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: In my Garden
Posts: 3,910
Keep posting kk, as said I think we can all relate to the self loathing & the dispair of it. I know it's what brought me here & so much support & encouragement here. Be kind to yourself
MariahGayle is offline  
The Following 5 Users Say Thank You to MariahGayle For This Useful Post:
D122y (05-28-2017), Dee74 (05-27-2017), Delilah1 (05-27-2017), SimplyFree (05-28-2017), WeaverBird (05-28-2017)
Old 05-27-2017, 10:00 PM
  # 7 (permalink)  
Administrator
 
Dee74's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 187,768
Blog Entries: 1
Originally Posted by kk1k5x View Post
I will try and keep this as conservative as possible. Right now, I just dont know what to share, to be honest. Restating the failures would be the same story, slightly different words.
I don't think what happened is as important as why it happened , or what you're going to do about it now K

D
Dee74 is offline  
The Following 7 Users Say Thank You to Dee74 For This Useful Post:
Berrybean (05-27-2017), D122y (05-28-2017), Delilah1 (05-27-2017), least (05-28-2017), Mags1 (05-27-2017), Nia1971 (05-28-2017), WeaverBird (05-28-2017)
Old 05-27-2017, 10:23 PM
  # 8 (permalink)  
Member
 
Delilah1's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: California
Posts: 12,146
I'm glad you are here. I found it really helpful to post and read a lot in the beginning. I still do quite a bit now as well.

I was a member of several monthly classes, but finally made it stick with the January 2016 class, having a group of people who were on the journey with me, and at the same place in their recovery was/is very helpful.

I also really like the 24 hour thread. It's a great way to check in each day, and you will find many wonderfully supportive people there.

The first few weeks are the hardest, but they are worth it.

Looking forward to seeing you on here!
Delilah1 is offline  
The Following 6 Users Say Thank You to Delilah1 For This Useful Post:
D122y (05-28-2017), Dee74 (05-27-2017), Mags1 (05-27-2017), SimplyFree (05-28-2017), SnazzyDresser (05-28-2017), WeaverBird (05-28-2017)
Old 05-27-2017, 10:36 PM
  # 9 (permalink)  
Member
 
Mags1's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: UK
Posts: 14,358
Blog Entries: 1
k, you're very brave to take the step to come here. In the past I just ignored myself, I knew drinking was taking over my life but was helpless so I gave in, and gave in and gave in. Then eventually I stopped, I found SR and realised there was a life, a good life without alcohol. Really!

Give it a try, k. When you're feeling like drinking, play the tape, imagine the end result, not the first drink, but the tenth, twentieth, the next morning, the misgivings, hangover, embarrassment perhaps! Then come here to SR, where people who know what you're going through can help you.
Mags1 is online now  
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to Mags1 For This Useful Post:
D122y (05-28-2017), Dee74 (05-27-2017), WeaverBird (05-28-2017)
Old 05-28-2017, 12:01 AM
  # 10 (permalink)  
Member
 
Berrybean's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 6,868
Blog Entries: 2
Originally Posted by Dee74 View Post
I don't think what happened is as important as why it happened , or what you're going to do about it now K

D
I agree with Dee. Maybe this is a good time to read / reread the threads about making a plan and look at those ideas which you haven't yet tried making a part of your recovery. They could be the thing that makes the difference. If this latest relapse can be the thing that acts as the one that brings the 'gift of desperation' (as I've heard it called) to try what you have so far been reluctant to try, then good can come out of it. This thread of Dee's is one of my favourites and has helped skills many people. ...http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...y-plans-1.html

The darkest moments in my own journey were very painful, but when I look back they were also the times became catalysts for change because they gave me the gift of desperation, and made me willing to try what I'd previously point blank refused to entertain the thought of. And those things turned out to be the very things I needed (No wonder my AV fought them so hard!)

Sending prayers and love to you, with wishes for sustained sobriety and strong recovery in the near future.

BB
Berrybean is offline  
The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to Berrybean For This Useful Post:
Dee74 (05-28-2017), Mags1 (05-28-2017), SimplyFree (05-28-2017), WeaverBird (05-28-2017)
Old 05-28-2017, 05:25 AM
  # 11 (permalink)  
Canine Welfare Advocate
 
doggonecarl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,565
Blog Entries: 22
You titled your post, "Reaching Out."

The time to reach out, when you are struggling, is before you drink. Not after. I speak from experience. My relapse was planned and I didn't bring it to SR because I didn't want to be talked out of it.

But I didn't mind carrying my regrets about relapsing back to SR. Sort of backwards, you think?
doggonecarl is offline  
The Following 6 Users Say Thank You to doggonecarl For This Useful Post:
AnvilheadII (05-28-2017), Dee74 (05-28-2017), Mags1 (05-28-2017), SimplyFree (05-28-2017), thomas11 (05-28-2017), WeaverBird (05-28-2017)
Old 05-28-2017, 05:49 AM
  # 12 (permalink)  
Member
 
CreativeThinker's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2017
Posts: 1,476
Blog Entries: 197
Hey KK,

I've been in your position many times. I was once 11 months sober and I relapsed...it sucks, I know! A lot of people here know too.

I tried many times to get sober again after my relapse, but always caved around the 3 month mark. Years went by and before I knew it, a decade had passed.

Don't beat yourself up, it happens. What's important is to learn from it and create a plan that will ensure that it doesn't happen again. Whether it's AA, SMART, coming here more often to post, or any other type of recovery program...whatever you think will work for you.

Take care and be good to yourself!
CreativeThinker is offline  
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to CreativeThinker For This Useful Post:
Dee74 (05-28-2017), Mags1 (05-28-2017), WeaverBird (05-28-2017)
Old 05-28-2017, 10:21 AM
  # 13 (permalink)  
Member
 
PhoenixJ's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: Adelaide, Australia
Posts: 22,730
Blog Entries: 2
PhoenixJ is online now  
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to PhoenixJ For This Useful Post:
Dee74 (05-28-2017), WeaverBird (05-28-2017)
Old 05-28-2017, 12:20 PM
  # 14 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Feb 2015
Posts: 1,167
Thank you everyone for your support.
I did try to reach out before I relapsed. I turned to the people I take as my closest - my family. I tried to explain to them how discomforting my conference trip had been and why. They brushed it off. So when I came home that first night and they could smell the alcohol on my breath, is when the questioning started etc. The next day, we were supposed to have a family dinner, yet I was 'forced' to announce to those members coming in from out of town that the event is off because I had consumed alcohol. It was embarrassing and for me, a punch in the gut.
I reached out, they wouldnt listen, I took a drink and they ridiculed me, made me feel worse. That then started the weeklong war of attrition, sober during the day to work, drunk in the evenings because I couldnt 'cope'.
In the end, all the responsibility is still mine. I didnt do enough to avoid my current situation
kk1k5x is offline  
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to kk1k5x For This Useful Post:
Carlotta (05-28-2017), WeaverBird (05-28-2017)
Old 05-28-2017, 01:31 PM
  # 15 (permalink)  
Member
 
Berrybean's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 6,868
Blog Entries: 2
Originally Posted by kk1k5x View Post
Thank you everyone for your support.
I did try to reach out before I relapsed. I turned to the people I take as my closest - my family. I tried to explain to them how discomforting my conference trip had been and why. They brushed it off. So when I came home that first night and they could smell the alcohol on my breath, is when the questioning started etc. The next day, we were supposed to have a family dinner, yet I was 'forced' to announce to those members coming in from out of town that the event is off because I had consumed alcohol. It was embarrassing and for me, a punch in the gut.
I reached out, they wouldnt listen, I took a drink and they ridiculed me, made me feel worse. That then started the weeklong war of attrition, sober during the day to work, drunk in the evenings because I couldnt 'cope'.
In the end, all the responsibility is still mine. I didnt do enough to avoid my current situation
I feel for you KK. Thing is, no matter how much our families love us, it doesn't mean that they are capable of understanding alcoholism or addiction. That's why I needed (and will continue to need) the support of other recovering alcoholics, both here on this forum and in AA.

Please stay close to the folk on here and reach out online for support. Maybe even consider getting to some meetings locally. The support is available, but we need to seek it out in the right places. Please try not to feel hurt by your families inability to give you what they need. It is very painful for our loved ones to watch us self-destruct and not know what to say or do to change things - reading around the Friends and Family subforum on here helped me to appreciate that.

Take care. BB
Berrybean is offline  
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to Berrybean For This Useful Post:
cellardoor77 (05-28-2017), Dee74 (05-28-2017), WeaverBird (05-28-2017)
Old 05-28-2017, 02:20 PM
  # 16 (permalink)  
Member
 
littlefish's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Sweden
Posts: 1,650
Ditto what Berrybean said: normal people don't understand addiction, whatever form it comes in. They simply don't get it.
That is one reason why discussing your drinking with other people in recovery is so important: they will make observations that are invaluable. They have the experience and usually have been through exactly what you are going through. And, they get it.
I would highly suggest a program, if only to give you a place to share. The isolation and loneliness of drinking and suffering from addiction is so painful. And, it doesn't have to be that way.
littlefish is offline  
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to littlefish For This Useful Post:
Berrybean (05-28-2017), Dee74 (05-28-2017), WeaverBird (05-28-2017)
Old 05-28-2017, 03:42 PM
  # 17 (permalink)  
Administrator
 
Dee74's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 187,768
Blog Entries: 1
Originally Posted by kk1k5x View Post
Thank you everyone for your support.
I did try to reach out before I relapsed. I turned to the people I take as my closest - my family. I tried to explain to them how discomforting my conference trip had been and why. They brushed it off. So when I came home that first night and they could smell the alcohol on my breath, is when the questioning started etc. The next day, we were supposed to have a family dinner, yet I was 'forced' to announce to those members coming in from out of town that the event is off because I had consumed alcohol. It was embarrassing and for me, a punch in the gut.
I reached out, they wouldnt listen, I took a drink and they ridiculed me, made me feel worse. That then started the weeklong war of attrition, sober during the day to work, drunk in the evenings because I couldnt 'cope'.
In the end, all the responsibility is still mine. I didnt do enough to avoid my current situation
I turned to my family and friends too - no support.

With the benefit of 10 years on, I can see now, for me, that was kind of like the hostage taker asking for help from the hostages.

Like someone else said, it didn't mean my fam and friends didn't love me - but they were fed up and frightened by my repeated returns to alcohol.

It was hard for them to retain perspective or divorce themselves from the problem.

I found real support and understanding amongst the people who'd been what I'd been through

D
Dee74 is offline  
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to Dee74 For This Useful Post:
HTown (05-29-2017), SixStringZen (05-31-2017), WeaverBird (05-28-2017)
Old 05-28-2017, 04:48 PM
  # 18 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Feb 2015
Posts: 1,167
I guess you guys are all correct. What was once broken can never be re-established exactly the same. I turned to my family because I thought I had made enough headway with my effort. However, this resulted in me getting my heart broken by a source I perhaps expected it from the least as well as 'continued ammunition' for the 'other party'. Of course, I don't consider my family the 'other party' for this or for any other action.
One thing I noticed in the time preceding the relapse, is how willing I was to give my progress or lack thereof away for judgement to outside sources - sort of expecting them to make the final call. I've adopted a mindset in which I am easily hurt by external rejection - both professionally as well as in personal matters. I never placed myself in position 'Number 1' - something that, in retrospect, I perhaps should have done (or at least with increased intensity in places where it mattered the most). It was always someone else that came first. I didn't 'get stepped on', I let it happen.
Ruthlessness is something I've worked hard to surpress in myself. Finding excuses to be ruthless in the past was never an issue - it was me, me, me all the way. Until I realised, it really was 'me, me, me', since there was no one else around anymore. Which created a shift towards listening and taking others into account. Now, it seems, I am at a point where the two are difficult to make sense of - where do I stand fast? Where do I 'let it be'?
kk1k5x is offline  
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to kk1k5x For This Useful Post:
Dee74 (05-28-2017), WeaverBird (05-28-2017)
Old 05-28-2017, 04:54 PM
  # 19 (permalink)  
Administrator
 
Dee74's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 187,768
Blog Entries: 1
What was once broken can never be re-established exactly the same.
I'm not saying that

It took some time but my relationship with my family is pretty good now - best it's ever been - and my friends now are supportive are 24k gold.

If sobriety was about gaping holes where things we've lost used to be, no one would stay sober.

It's about healing and renewals...new beginnings

D
Dee74 is offline  
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to Dee74 For This Useful Post:
kk1k5x (05-28-2017), rascalwhiteoak (05-28-2017), WeaverBird (05-28-2017)
Old 05-28-2017, 07:00 PM
  # 20 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Feb 2015
Posts: 1,167
It's 5 a.m. Haven't been able to fall asleep. Finished some paperwork earlier in the night. I woyld need time away from my obligations but there is no way for that. My plans didnt include 'major relapse and related anxiety/other problems'.
I guess my (temporary) 'phone on silent' period is about to begin now. For some days at least. I'm dreading the upcoming week.
kk1k5x is offline  
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to kk1k5x For This Useful Post:
Dee74 (05-28-2017), WeaverBird (05-28-2017)

Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off




All times are GMT -7. The time now is 11:21 PM.