Originally Posted by
kk1k5x 
Thank you everyone for your support.
I did try to reach out before I relapsed. I turned to the people I take as my closest - my family. I tried to explain to them how discomforting my conference trip had been and why. They brushed it off. So when I came home that first night and they could smell the alcohol on my breath, is when the questioning started etc. The next day, we were supposed to have a family dinner, yet I was 'forced' to announce to those members coming in from out of town that the event is off because I had consumed alcohol. It was embarrassing and for me, a punch in the gut.
I reached out, they wouldnt listen, I took a drink and they ridiculed me, made me feel worse. That then started the weeklong war of attrition, sober during the day to work, drunk in the evenings because I couldnt 'cope'.
In the end, all the responsibility is still mine. I didnt do enough to avoid my current situation
I turned to my family and friends too - no support.
With the benefit of 10 years on, I can see now, for me, that was kind of like the hostage taker asking for help from the hostages.
Like someone else said, it didn't mean my fam and friends didn't love me - but they were fed up and frightened by my repeated returns to alcohol.
It was hard for them to retain perspective or divorce themselves from the problem.
I found real support and understanding amongst the people who'd been what I'd been through
D