Thank you everyone for your support.
I did try to reach out before I relapsed. I turned to the people I take as my closest - my family. I tried to explain to them how discomforting my conference trip had been and why. They brushed it off. So when I came home that first night and they could smell the alcohol on my breath, is when the questioning started etc. The next day, we were supposed to have a family dinner, yet I was 'forced' to announce to those members coming in from out of town that the event is off because I had consumed alcohol. It was embarrassing and for me, a punch in the gut.
I reached out, they wouldnt listen, I took a drink and they ridiculed me, made me feel worse. That then started the weeklong war of attrition, sober during the day to work, drunk in the evenings because I couldnt 'cope'.
In the end, all the responsibility is still mine. I didnt do enough to avoid my current situation