Originally Posted by
kk1k5x 
Thank you everyone for your support.
I did try to reach out before I relapsed. I turned to the people I take as my closest - my family. I tried to explain to them how discomforting my conference trip had been and why. They brushed it off. So when I came home that first night and they could smell the alcohol on my breath, is when the questioning started etc. The next day, we were supposed to have a family dinner, yet I was 'forced' to announce to those members coming in from out of town that the event is off because I had consumed alcohol. It was embarrassing and for me, a punch in the gut.
I reached out, they wouldnt listen, I took a drink and they ridiculed me, made me feel worse. That then started the weeklong war of attrition, sober during the day to work, drunk in the evenings because I couldnt 'cope'.
In the end, all the responsibility is still mine. I didnt do enough to avoid my current situation
I feel for you KK. Thing is, no matter how much our families love us, it doesn't mean that they are capable of understanding alcoholism or addiction. That's why I needed (and will continue to need) the support of other recovering alcoholics, both here on this forum and in AA.
Please stay close to the folk on here and reach out online for support. Maybe even consider getting to some meetings locally. The support is available, but we need to seek it out in the right places. Please try not to feel hurt by your families inability to give you what they need. It is very painful for our loved ones to watch us self-destruct and not know what to say or do to change things - reading around the Friends and Family subforum on here helped me to appreciate that.
Take care. BB