I guess you guys are all correct. What was once broken can never be re-established exactly the same. I turned to my family because I thought I had made enough headway with my effort. However, this resulted in me getting my heart broken by a source I perhaps expected it from the least as well as 'continued ammunition' for the 'other party'. Of course, I don't consider my family the 'other party' for this or for any other action.
One thing I noticed in the time preceding the relapse, is how willing I was to give my progress or lack thereof away for judgement to outside sources - sort of expecting them to make the final call. I've adopted a mindset in which I am easily hurt by external rejection - both professionally as well as in personal matters. I never placed myself in position 'Number 1' - something that, in retrospect, I perhaps should have done (or at least with increased intensity in places where it mattered the most). It was always someone else that came first. I didn't 'get stepped on', I let it happen.
Ruthlessness is something I've worked hard to surpress in myself. Finding excuses to be ruthless in the past was never an issue - it was me, me, me all the way. Until I realised, it really was 'me, me, me', since there was no one else around anymore. Which created a shift towards listening and taking others into account. Now, it seems, I am at a point where the two are difficult to make sense of - where do I stand fast? Where do I 'let it be'?