Dan

Jay! It's really total egocentric self-interest...
It's one of the ways I stay sober. It's all about me
But you're very welcome Jay.

Dan

Jay, one of the members here sent me this this morning.
He's one of the moderators. The real busy ones!
I thought you might find it interesting.
Today's thought is:

"Depressions are transition times for me," an older fellow stated. "I
look at my lows as a preparation period, and inner time to growth and
change even though I'm not consciously aware of what's going on inside
me. But I didn't always think this way.

"I used to get terrified when I got into one of those low periods. Every
time I did, I questioned everything I ever believed in. I doubted
myself and my abilities, my opinions and values, my friends and my
boss. Nothing escaped my painful questioning. I thought for sure I was
going insane. The pain was so unbearable I wanted to drink, work
harder, anything, to distract me from my anguish.

"Now, when I get low, I take it more in stride. I think of my depression
as part of a natural cycle. Just as nature has its fall, winter, and
spring, I, too, have a period of shedding old growth for new growth. I
just endure my grey days knowing the sun will shine again just as the
trees will bloom after winter. As part of the natural world around me,
I, too, have my seasons of joy and sorrow."

Today I will remember that my lows are as natural as my highs. I will
not become overwhelmed and exaggerate the significance of my
depressions. I will endure patiently, knowing that whatever faces me
will pass in time.


You are reading from the book:



The Reflecting Pond by Liane Cordes

Copyright 1981 by Hazelden Foundation.

CRS3

"Depressions are transition times for me," an older fellow stated. "I
look at my lows as a preparation period, and inner time to growth and
change even though I'm not consciously aware of what's going on inside
me. But I didn't always think this way

Dan,Still have not got the quote thing down. Your sindtructions were fine,my home computer is a dinosaur.
This is a great quote. Ive heard this many times before but it's lost in th fog. I will try and remember it.
Important question to all
After reading my post from last night I see I ws definately intoxicated while riding. Not from alcohol but from the meds my dr gave me. It scared me.
I have not yet taken any today and am deciding if I should. Is it smart to quit an addiction as powerful as aclohol only to replace it with yet another addictive drug? I read up on the stuff he's giving me and it's not that bad but it is still "habit forming" And the feeling of the high was so nice after a week of misery. Should I really be taking this stuff? Would like as many opinions as possible on this.
Thanks
---J
PS Dan, dont be so modest, egocentric or not, you literally save lives! Thanks

Dan

Jay, I have little or no experience with meds. But I do know that if a physician prescribes something, you are supposed to do as prescribed . I know you've been reading about Joe in the Don't Quit thread. Try and get some perspective. Our friend Roy is also a good example here I think. If you are feeling some relief from the pain of withdrawal, just go with it. I understand however your concern with the habit forming aspect of meds. This is perhaps where you will start addressing what I call the big picture. Not the substance any longer, but addiction itself.
Like I say often, ask an addict for an opinion and you're going to get one! Don't mess with the meds Jay. Talk to your doctor about how you feel. Dosage may need to be looked at.
Keep posting

mackat

jay-LISTEN UP!!!
i would go immediately to a group of recovering alkies [i do AA but whatever] and i would ask them which local MD really know about us. my latest sponsee is so grateful that his detox MD had been one of us- the ffirst couple of docs were gonna put him on some really bada$$ [superaddictive] meds.

I wish i had been keeping records of how often this happens- it sure seems too often! S'way too easy to just throw meds at us- when we zombie out we are much less pains in the a$$!!
the local drunks with decent sober time are the best resource for getting the true skinny
mackat

CRS3

Thanks for the input.
I will talk to my doctor about my concerns. I aee min i a few days so I will keep taking them AS PERSCRIBED for now. If anthing it is a great relief to the 1000 mph brain activity and I did get the best sleep Ive had since I started all this.

AA- Im just horrified of going to an AA meeting and talking face 2 face with people. I have not really had a postitive opinion of AA in the past(but Ive never been to one) But I also realize this is my next step.Ive been relying on this site but I need more. I have the number of the local AA site in my area,Ive been avoiding the call. I will call and find out the info.Just another step in the right direction. Right??!! (scared of what?, Maybe scared of really getting better?)
Thanks,I'll make the call
---J

tryinagain

Jay,
Hey there, that sounds like a rhetorical question to me. You are just thinking and trying to figure this whole thing out. I have been there too, still there actually and probably will be for life for all I know. It is not always about the alcohol, it is that in the absence of it you are seeing things that you have not seen before. Leaves you wondering, sometimes about everything. Thanks for posting, I love this thread. It is doing a lot of teaching to the old and new alike. Hang in there man, you are doing great!!
Roy

zoomer

J I see a shrink and I take meds. I think it was very wize of you too look up your medication yourself to see what was what. I never ever take anything that is addictive... I might like it too much! Remember too it's your body,so you have the right to say what goes in it. For the most part Jay medication is all about trial and error and I do not know of any one to get the right kind and the right dose the first time on medication. If I do not like the medication and it's effects on me, for the most part I tell my shrink and I try something else or I toss them down them toilet then tell my shrink. I take medication to improve my life or my dealings with life. Anyway, AA is a suggestion not a must. It's a good idea,but don't beat yourself up if your not into going. There are lost of listings here on SR for all different types of recovery based programs. As I see it, your talking to your doctor,your coming here, so you are working some sort of program... Keep up the good work!

CRS3

Thanks all,
It's just kind of a day by day process.My emotions are still a wild roller coaster ride. It's not just the different emotions but the magnitude if the emotions. I'ts like ecerything is amplified by 10. Had a big fight with my wife last night and I thought, fine Im just going to go get smashed. In the wat to the store I stopped at a park and just sat there for an hour. Thinking. Came to the conclusion it was not worth it. Ive realized I cant act on my emotional response aat any given moment. They are too(dysfuntionall) unstable. I have to remember just to stop thinking for a while before i make a desicion.
Still not drinking, thats the main thing and my ultimate goal. Thats the only thing I really need to focus on right now. It's hard with all the other life situations going on. I realize I dont know how to do anything without drinking. Sometimes I think Im on the emotional level of a teenager and that pisses me off. What are you gonna do? Nothing Ive decided. Just dont act on anything right now.
Thanks
---J

mackat

heh J
wow!!
freekin miracle s'what that was!!!
i so remember the day i could look at a bottle and say "no thanks"

re "Sometimes I think Im on the emotional level of a teenager :
Yeppirs, i lived a life that for 44 yrs revolved around getting whatever my whim wanted, when i wanted it [usually 'right now] yep- about yer average 14 yr old response to life.....those emotional response mechanisms were not rebuilt by this drunk overnight...but i do laugh at myself because i usually catch those tantrums at the start, instead of regretting 'em when i'm done
congrats on being tested
god's workin in yer life too
mackat

zoomer

Good Morning J! Whew that was a close call and sometimes the only thing a person has to hold on to is "not drinking",but sometimes that's not enough either. of course your emotions are bouncing back and forth,it's all part of the deal. I think now too you might want to set up something to avoid the close call again,you might not be so lucky next time. It's great that you come to SR,but the computer is not going to jump out and stop you from heading to the store if ya know what I mean. Again, there are programs listed here on SR (tons of them),or you can keep it simple and check out an AA meeting... Perhaps look in your phone book for other help as well. Sometimes one creats a fight in order to justify a drinking spout,or uses a a fight to creat a drinking spout. I guess If i were you I'd learn how to protect myself from being tested again because you will be tested again and again and again....

tryinagain

Good on ya man!! I have been there too many times to count. Even make it to the store and look at the liquor. I would stand there a little while until I calmed down and then ask myself if it is worth it? Hmmmm....nope comes to mind. As far as the 14 yr old mentality, that cracks me up because my daughter is that age. Look on the bright side, when they are 14 there is really very little that either parent or child can relate to. We can relate now because we have something in common, we are emotionally equal!! LOL

Roy
Hang in there, you are doing great!!!

CRS3

Thanks all,
Roy, Never thought of it quite that way. Maybe I should enroll in Jr High for a while so there are people I can relate to.
Im reading all the posts and it just breaks my heart. So many people hurting.
People other than myself. Couldnt look past that for a while. Sometimes I still cant. It feels like Im just on the prelude of a very long book. But Im writing it as I go along. This site drains me so much sometimes I either waddle in self pity or forget that I even have a problem. I was glad to hear from you Roy.
I am glad your doing ok.
till later---J

Chy

Jay, stick with it, it's a very good book if you keep reading

tryinagain

Thanks, (blushing). You have to know how funny that is to see a grown very large and muscular man actually do that. Not too much touches me, but that did. Glad to be here man, keep coming back.
Give it back because it is not all yours,
Roy

PS. You might and might not get that "give it back thing" but you will if you dont already!!!!

:friday:

CRS3

Roy,
The giving back thing is getting stronger. Im just trying to wait till I think I can give useful advice. Im holding back alot for fear of saying the wrong thing.
PS - The blushing,know what you mean. But Im on the other end. An aging non-muscular who seems to start weeping in the middle of the grocery store and the the shoppers thinks is cause Im reading the latest story on Britney Spears.(it was the closest mag I could grab)
---J

tryinagain

lol, not sure if I will be back but thanks for that. You are doing great and keep it up!!
Roy

kckman

jzuma, thanks for the support. this is going to really sound crazy but i am gald i am not suffering alone here. i hope you are feeling better today. your thread has been a great help to me. this old habit is not an easy one on the old mind body and spirit.

it has been a good day in spite of the addict me pestering me pretty much all day. it wants a drink and i am easly confused and disracted by it. it is with me right now. i want to feel it now. i say bring it on. i am standing my ground today. staying sober a day at a time.

we have been abusing alcohol for many years and i guess we are going to have to expect and except the fact that recovering from it will be unconfortable and tricky. we are not going to get better over night. glad to be albe to hang with you through this rehab process.

CRS3

Thanks Kck,
The more on the phyco bus the better. I know what you mean about the cravings. Still very strong. Ive said this before but you would think after all the horrid nights of withdrawal It would not even sound appealing.
I wish. Everyday I want to drink. Sometimes every hour,every minute,every,well you get it. I just decided I cant. Not an option. NO WAY.
I hope all the long term sobriety people are not chuffing at me right now.
But it's the mind set I have to have to get through every day. It sure is exhausting mentally though. Another month of this and I wont just be posting the smilies,I'll BE a smilie! I looked through the list to see if i could find one I might look like. Of course,Its not there. I'll have to make that on myself.
Thanks all ----J

tryinagain

So what is on your mind, I might just suprise you with the graphics that I can create. Full 3d, shrek, monsters life, nemo, all that. Not being arrogant, just what I do, ya know.
Love Ya Man and hang in there,
Roy