CRS3

Thanks Roy,
May take you up on that.
Having a very rough day my friends. It's hard to compare because Ive had so many different kinds of rough days. I feel really hungover and I have not hada drink in ?????12 days. Apathy is the best way to describe it. Just blank,
Nada. That was always a danger sign for me before. Oh will this roller coaster ever end. Im so tired.
---J

Dan

And recognizing that immediately is of supreme importance Jay. The beast is calling you. You know that.
When we see a hazard before it hits us, we stand a much better chance of dealing with it without getting harmed.
Every day is going to be different in terms of how you feel about what you are doing. That's a given. How we decide to react to these unpleasant days is what ultimately is remembered. We forget the unpleasantness of a moment. We may not forget how we dealt with it.
Dispute that voice with all you have.
It's your power.

kckman

jzuma, remember nothing goes on forever. all rollercosters eventually come to a stop. usually when they have ended and you look back at the ride, as time goes it was over faster then it seemed when you were on it. hang on check your safty belt make sure you are not going to fly out at the next drop off. i am with you and together we will ride through all of this. nothing left to do now is to just ride the ride for a while. as the hoppers say in a bugs life "lets ride".

CRS3

Thanks Dan,Kck,
With all the rides Ive gone through the last couple of weeks you would think I would know this. Cant act till the rides over. I think Im just tired of riding.
Can someone please smash the damn rollercoster and bash the heads of the carnies!
"when the going gets tough, the tough(well this one) wants to run away with a horrifying scream"
---J Im hangin

Anna

Hi Jay,

Sorry you're having a rough day. Just believe it will be better. Your body and mind are still going through a lot of changes and you just need to hang in there. Congratulations on 12 days. That's terrific!

Love, Anna

CRS3

Thanks Anna,
Just the short time Ive been on here is making me feel better. I dont know if thats good,bad or denial. But I'll take it. Roller coasters on its way up. But I know it's comming back down. It just goes to fast some days.
---J

tryinagain

J--
How ya hangin bud? I am right beside you, check your safety belt and get ready for the next drop, its a doozie!! Get ready to put your arms up with me and remember...Breathe and scream if you need to!!! There is a reason people scream on these things, it is not fear...it is to keep you breathing and to keep you from puking your guts out.! Sound familiar??
Football Slap and Good Job,
Roy

CRS3

I do know that. Had a crappy morning,Apathetic really.Tried moving around the boards started to feel better but realized it was just superficial. Feeling in dangerous territory. So,I decided I was going to go to an AA meeting. Never been before. Called the hotline,found a meeting close to where I was at and just went. I hated it. I hated everything about it. There were about 40-50 people there.The people I heard talk were idiots. Im sorry,Im not usually judgmental. After all,I am also an idoit at times. But this was different.
I must have heard the F#@$ word 100 times in the 20min I was there. Seemed to be the adj,noun and verb for everyone. I think I heard it nine times in one sentence. I saw 3 people sleeping,many non-interested(I understand that) I gotta stop cause I just cant tell you how disgusted I feel.
It feels like I reached out for something to grab onto and Im still trying to wipe it off my hands.
People coming over to my house tonight to watch the Laker game. Everyone's going to be drinking,Hot tub on,music blaring,I just dont even want to go home. But If I dont I know I'll drink for sure. Im so damn sick of the ups and downs. After two weeks I thought I would feel just a glimmer of stability.Another sigh! Good God maybe apathy is the way to go.
Help me out friends
---J

Dan

That was ONE meeting, Jay.
Bloody unfortunate, but not unusual. There are a lot of lost souls in the rooms. I'm sure you will do yourself a favor by not judging what can be a great book by the torn cover page.
As for the gathering at your house tonight...
That's a test writ large.
You have some serious thinking to do Jay.
I know we've discussed this, but AA is but one form of support network.
Wrong.
Let's figure this out then...

CRS3

Thanks Dan,
Your usually the first to reply. Thanks
I dont know what there is to figure out. I guess I just have to try and ride this wave like all the others. I just wish it would start getting even just a little bit easier. Im gettin real,real tired,emotionally bankrupt,physically bottomed out. I guess that about says it

Dan

Yep, it does.
So that's why tonight is going to be a bitch Jay. There's a catchy little thing I learned in AA.
H.A.L.T
Hungry
Angry
Lonely
Tired.
Four ingredients, among many, that can spell relapse. It's true, believe me. Add to that the worry of a gathering of friends where the old behaviors will be so tempting because you are tired and angry.
I'm worried for you Jay, and I hope others have some ideas for you, 'cause I'm fresh out man. It's at this point that I close my eyes and start talking to myself.

Dan

Out of ideas...
I lied! For tonight, how about you indulge in your next favorite activity?
Could be an adventure...

CRS3

Thanks Dan,
As long as you dont starting answering yourself in the mirror
I think thats ok.
Maybe I'll just drink a whole bottle of castoriol and claim sickness
That will bring a whole new meaning to :Flush:

Im joking here,but it's no joke

kckman

j. i cant really respond to the AA thing. i do know about the wild ride it is to get and stay sober. it aint easy. i am tellin you my brother i have had periods of time that last any where from 1-4 weeks no drinking and then off i go again. i dont want to do it like that again. that is what scares me now cause i have been a major retread. i hope i have learned to not keep repeating relaspe over and over. but i am a long ways from out of the woods.

it sounds like you got a party to go to tonight at your house? can you cancell it.

remember we didnt get here over night we have been practiing our addiction for many years. i think in all fairness we need to give ourselves some major time to get better. i am with you my brother.

CRS3

Dan,
Good thought, but to indulge on my next favorate activity, would most likely involve a pretty wasted woman by that time. I'll get more into that on the relationship pagte later.

Kck,
To cancle is not an option. Im at work,Party at the house has already started.
I think I may have something to hold on to though. I will post it shortly

---J
Starting on an up swing for the moment. Never know how long it's gonna last.

CRS3

When I was in my late teens I used to be a passionate rockclimber. I lived in Colorado at the time and my best friend(still best friend to this day) would often go out to Red Rocks or somewhere in Manatou Springs and rockclimb.
We thought ropes were for the whimps so we never used them. Well, one morning we decided to try and tackle this pretty advanced slope without the help of cables or ropes(testosterone raging). We got about halfway(100yrds with 100yrds to go) and we realized we were stuck. It was straight up and straight down. No foot/hand holes in site.(I must interject the rock in these places were like clay.It could crumble right in your hands). Well, we started getting a little worried since no one knew we were up there. Not just worried,we started crying realizing the danger we were in. Then, to make matters worse, it started raining. We were just hanging there trying to figure out what we were going to do when we came up with a solution. We created,
what we still refer to to this day as "The Basic Rule of rockclimbing" If you follow this one rule none other applies. And you can rest assured that there will be no death and no injury. The basic rule we came up with is, ready?
"DONT FALL" Follow this simple rule and everything will be ok. Our tears went from tears of fear to tears of laughter,down right hysterics.After about 15min of uncontrolable laughter we inched our way down. We had about 15-20 feet left to the bottom when we both slid(not fell) down the rest of the way. I broke my ankle and he had 17 stitches in his arm. During the course of our lives we have reminded ourselves often of the basic rule used in different situations. So Im going to use it for Drinking. DONT FALL! PERIOD!
I feel better. Thanks for letting me share
---J

Dan

Jay, where were you the last time I relapsed...
That my friend, is some serious thinking you did.
Remember I told you earlier I was a little worried for you about tonight...
No more mate.
I'm going downstairs now to look for my climbing gear...

Anna

Jay,

I love that story!

Anna

wingsfree

Pleased to meet you, sorry I'm falling a bit behind these days, but better late then never eh?

So Im going to use it for Drinking. DONT FALL! PERIOD!I feel better. Thanks for letting me share
---J

I love that Jay, hold that thought real close to you.

Anna I'm with you, great story.

kckman

rule #1 don't fall
thanks for shareing that with us. to funny.
have a great time tonight the party sounds like great fun, go T-wolves.