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Rest In Peace
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Southern Cal
Posts: 408
Day 3 almost free??
Dont know if I'll ever be free. But for now it's been 50.5 hrs. I started to feel al little better last night and was able to eat something. Tried to go to bed though and damn if it didnt all come back yet again. I get my hopes up nad bang it slams a sledge hammer on my head. Last night was probably the worst I felt(I couldnt even move to try and GET to the coputer) But it didnt last all night.
about 3am I calmed down enough(gotta be from exhaustion) that I did fall into a kind of sleep on and off for four hrs. Got up and the shakes were quite a bit better. Still got a headache but not quite as bad. I cant hope it will last though cause I thought it was better before.A couple of good things though(might be long) When I told my wife last week I was going to quit drinking on Monday she just said yeh right. She heard this many times before. But last night when I was shaking and sweating but silent I think she realized I was serious and finally understood how hard this is. She started rubbing my back and running her hand over my head like I was a little baby. I cant tell you what a comfort that was. I started crying. This morning I talked with my friend and he said since he did know much about alcoholism why dont I teach him about it. We talked for four hrs. That somehow lifted alo of stress off my chest. Maybe all these things leading up to this were a good thing. You have to feel the total isolation before you can truely appreciate the relief. I dont know. Thank you all. Even when I could not make it to the computer I knew you all were there. And all the encouragment and the pages I read earlier were constantly in my mind. It was like I was getting mental emails!
Here goes another day.
---J
about 3am I calmed down enough(gotta be from exhaustion) that I did fall into a kind of sleep on and off for four hrs. Got up and the shakes were quite a bit better. Still got a headache but not quite as bad. I cant hope it will last though cause I thought it was better before.A couple of good things though(might be long) When I told my wife last week I was going to quit drinking on Monday she just said yeh right. She heard this many times before. But last night when I was shaking and sweating but silent I think she realized I was serious and finally understood how hard this is. She started rubbing my back and running her hand over my head like I was a little baby. I cant tell you what a comfort that was. I started crying. This morning I talked with my friend and he said since he did know much about alcoholism why dont I teach him about it. We talked for four hrs. That somehow lifted alo of stress off my chest. Maybe all these things leading up to this were a good thing. You have to feel the total isolation before you can truely appreciate the relief. I dont know. Thank you all. Even when I could not make it to the computer I knew you all were there. And all the encouragment and the pages I read earlier were constantly in my mind. It was like I was getting mental emails!
Here goes another day.
---J
Member
Join Date: Apr 2004
Posts: 8,709
Originally Posted by jayzuma
When I told my wife last week I was going to quit drinking on Monday she just said yeh right. She heard this many times before. But last night when I was shaking and sweating but silent I think she realized I was serious and finally understood how hard this is. She started rubbing my back and running her hand over my head like I was a little baby. I cant tell you what a comfort that was. I started crying. ---J
Thanks Jay.
Rest In Peace
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Southern Cal
Posts: 408
Hi all,
Thanks for all the support. I need to try and spend more time with you all. I gain so much streangth from it. I'ts starting to get real busy today and the rest of trhe week due to all the things I committed to(intentionally) to get through this week.
My prayers,thoughts and mental emails are with you all.
Keep em commong at me as well. I need it!!
---J
Thanks for all the support. I need to try and spend more time with you all. I gain so much streangth from it. I'ts starting to get real busy today and the rest of trhe week due to all the things I committed to(intentionally) to get through this week.
My prayers,thoughts and mental emails are with you all.
Keep em commong at me as well. I need it!!
---J
Member
Join Date: May 2003
Location: El Paso, Tx
Posts: 5,862
Ya know Jay, just about everyone of us has crawled through the doors here, at the lowest point in our lives. Some worse then others. But the success stories, the love, kindness, compassion, and genuine concern we have for each other here, is what kept me coming back and what has kept me sober.
We know how hard it is, we know with determination, courage, and support, your going to make it. Try to get some of that melatonin for sleeping, and I hope your trying to stomach some vitamins for the muscle spasm and shakes. The worst is almost over my friend. Hang in there, huge, huge, hugs coming your way.
We know how hard it is, we know with determination, courage, and support, your going to make it. Try to get some of that melatonin for sleeping, and I hope your trying to stomach some vitamins for the muscle spasm and shakes. The worst is almost over my friend. Hang in there, huge, huge, hugs coming your way.
Gold Member
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: It's raining again!
Posts: 2,494
Wow you are an insperation Jay and I'm deeply moved that we could walk the path with you. I hope tonight is a better night for you and your family and you get some nice needed rest! (((((((((((((Huggys)))))))))
Rest In Peace
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Southern Cal
Posts: 408
63.5hrs---Feeling alot better physically(despite the lack of sleep) I have not eaten in so long,Ijust had a HUGE meal. Im stuffed. Feels pretty good. Still mild shakes but nothing compared to yesterday. The psycho thing about it is now that the really bad stuff is getting better(I think,it usually gets worse at night) Im really craving a drink. No worries right now. Not gonna do it. This alcy stuff sucks though. What a mind -----Game.
Im so exhausted. Hoping for a good sleep. Thanks to all, prayers to all---J
Im so exhausted. Hoping for a good sleep. Thanks to all, prayers to all---J
Member
Join Date: Apr 2004
Posts: 8,709
Originally Posted by jayzuma
The psycho thing about it is now that the really bad stuff is getting better(I think,it usually gets worse at night) Im really craving a drink.
Rest In Peace
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Southern Cal
Posts: 408
Day four. Thought I was gonna see the door
Thanks Dan,
I slept lie a rock last night. Unfortunately I felt like total crap when I woke up this morning. Shakes back pretty bad, the creepy crawlies back as well. I dont understand. I thought /i was all done with that. Is this normal? Im chillin though. 78hrs now. Most of them bad hrs.
I got up this morning and was in real hurry cause I have alot to do. Took a shower,put on my shirt,underwear,socks shoes, got up to run out the door,passed a mirrior and was like oops, something is missing here. Forgot the pants. Thos was a part of being sober I had not counted on. Drunk, I could understand but sober? I just had to laugh at myself.
Anyway, A lot of mind stuff going on as well right now. A lot of buttons were pushed last night. Got real stressed. I had to just stop,take a deep breath and look inside to see what was going on. I think a lot of the buttons I push myself. Being a prisoner for the last 20yrs I now see a little bit of freedom. It scares me. My comfort zone is being in prison. I know what to expect. Not drinking,I dont know what the hells going on. I think I can push my own buttons without the help of anyone just to get back to my comfort zone.
Make sense?
Thanks to all. I realize I have only scratched the surface on what it's going to take to sustain this.
----J
I slept lie a rock last night. Unfortunately I felt like total crap when I woke up this morning. Shakes back pretty bad, the creepy crawlies back as well. I dont understand. I thought /i was all done with that. Is this normal? Im chillin though. 78hrs now. Most of them bad hrs.
I got up this morning and was in real hurry cause I have alot to do. Took a shower,put on my shirt,underwear,socks shoes, got up to run out the door,passed a mirrior and was like oops, something is missing here. Forgot the pants. Thos was a part of being sober I had not counted on. Drunk, I could understand but sober? I just had to laugh at myself.
Anyway, A lot of mind stuff going on as well right now. A lot of buttons were pushed last night. Got real stressed. I had to just stop,take a deep breath and look inside to see what was going on. I think a lot of the buttons I push myself. Being a prisoner for the last 20yrs I now see a little bit of freedom. It scares me. My comfort zone is being in prison. I know what to expect. Not drinking,I dont know what the hells going on. I think I can push my own buttons without the help of anyone just to get back to my comfort zone.
Make sense?
Thanks to all. I realize I have only scratched the surface on what it's going to take to sustain this.
----J
Gold Member
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: It's raining again!
Posts: 2,494
LOL J, I had to laugh at the missing pants! Don't worry we all go through the fog even if we have been strait for awhile. They say it takes 7 days to detox,but the worst is over after day 3. Your probibly real tired and your body is shaking from being tired that is all. Watch your caffeen intake and sugar intake,that can make you shaky as well! I knew this woman once I use to go to collage with. She got all the way to school came in the cafateria took off her rain coat and we all noticed she forgot her skirt! She had to miss class to go home to get her skirt! She was even a "normie"!
Hopefully Healing Up
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Sober, Forever
Posts: 511
I definitely understand
Well, yesterday after taking my daughter to the psych, I thought everything was ok. Turns out that I was wrong. I flipped out and had to go to the emergency room. They said I had an extreme anxiety attack and full on nervous breakdown. They scolded me for doing the cold turkey thing as it causes more problems than it solves and gave me a shot. I dont know what it was but WOW, man that was good. I had to take myself and my daughter to the psych again today and it was helpful. I can also add that they have the BEST drugs on the planet. I am now being treated and even admitted it to my CEO and co-workers. Suprisingly enough, most of them have been through this so they understand. I guess I just never dealt with the pain almost all of my life and it came back to the surface without the self-medication. You might want to seek medical treatment even psych, I know it is hard to do but man do they have good drugs to help cope with this and I can think straight without anything else. Just a suggestion. Congrats on your sobriety but I have learned that after 20+ years drunk, you are going to need some help. I also know that we cannot do it alone and the hardest part is admitting that there may be more problems than just drinking. You sound alot like me so I thought I would throw it out there. That was one of the hardest days in my life to look someone in the face and actually admit the truth, not about my drinking but that I may have a serious mental problem. Just a suggestion man, thats all. Love ya man and congrats on four days!!!!!
Roy
Roy
Rest In Peace
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Southern Cal
Posts: 408
Thanks all for the advice. Roy Im glad your doing ok and I'll take a closer look at your advice.
Im supposed to be at a rehersal dinner right now and slipped away to take a peek.
I love this site and all you brave souls. Im having a rough time but im "standing true"
My own little phrase from Steve King's The Stand If you dont know that already
It helps me. And I need everything I can pull from. Thanks all ---Later---J
Im supposed to be at a rehersal dinner right now and slipped away to take a peek.
I love this site and all you brave souls. Im having a rough time but im "standing true"
My own little phrase from Steve King's The Stand If you dont know that already
It helps me. And I need everything I can pull from. Thanks all ---Later---J
Hopefully Healing Up
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Sober, Forever
Posts: 511
man, you definitely hit a chord there, I love Stephen King. He has to have some abberation to write like he does. I have every book he has ever written. I had half of the collection and my wife provided the other half. Genius, pure genius.
Hang in there man but at the same time learn from my mistakes, dont do this alone, it is dangerous and can kill you.Please......
Roy
Hang in there man but at the same time learn from my mistakes, dont do this alone, it is dangerous and can kill you.Please......
Roy
Rest In Peace
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Southern Cal
Posts: 408
100hrs-----:)
Thanks Roy,
I had already taken your advice. My Doctor told me either I take it or there was a good chance I may not make it. I does help. Though you must have something stronger. Mine does help though.
Real tough night last night. I think Im pretty much done with the physical stuff(Although My Doc does not think so.) It's mostly the mind ----Games.
After the rehearsal dinner/ceremony there was a after get together. Luckily my family and most of the people I know do not use drugs or drink. But everyone was drinking wine. It was real tempting to just have "one glass of wine" Didnt do it though. People kept asking me why I wasnt having a drink. I just said " I dont drink anymore. They all said "good for you" Im pretty lucky.
Still a hard weekend coming. Two weddings in one weekend. Im heavily involved in the planning and singing in one of them. Would appreciate all the prayers you can over the weekend.
Roy, Hang tough. You are my insperation!! No pressure though.
Reallly, no pressure. I hope you are doing well and thanks for all the help
--J
I had already taken your advice. My Doctor told me either I take it or there was a good chance I may not make it. I does help. Though you must have something stronger. Mine does help though.
Real tough night last night. I think Im pretty much done with the physical stuff(Although My Doc does not think so.) It's mostly the mind ----Games.
After the rehearsal dinner/ceremony there was a after get together. Luckily my family and most of the people I know do not use drugs or drink. But everyone was drinking wine. It was real tempting to just have "one glass of wine" Didnt do it though. People kept asking me why I wasnt having a drink. I just said " I dont drink anymore. They all said "good for you" Im pretty lucky.
Still a hard weekend coming. Two weddings in one weekend. Im heavily involved in the planning and singing in one of them. Would appreciate all the prayers you can over the weekend.
Roy, Hang tough. You are my insperation!! No pressure though.
Reallly, no pressure. I hope you are doing well and thanks for all the help
--J
Hopefully Healing Up
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Sober, Forever
Posts: 511
You are doing great
So what do they have you on if you dont mind me asking? Good for hanging on and if I have learned anything from my cold turkey attempts, it is that it just does not work. Maybe for a little while but eventually it will overtake you. The thing is, it is not how many times you fall it is how many times you find the strength to get back up that counts. As for me, I see my nutcracker in a couple of weeks and they also told me to call if I need anything in the meantime. I was actually accepted this time rather than the old "your just stressed out" garbage. You will get a kick out of this though...my daughter made me laugh so hard I about cried. We went to the store in my car and she said "yep shes a hooptie". I started laughing (which I really needed to do) and asked her what a hooptie is. She proceeded to do the Jeff Foxworthy thing except replacing the redneck with a hooptie. Here is what she said.
1. If you have bulletholes in the back of the car, it is probably a hooptie.
2. If the entire passenger side of the windshield is cracked but the driver side is not, it could really be a hooptie.
3. If you turn on the fan and it makes a loud noise and the engine dies, it is definitely a hooptie.
4. If your windshield wipers have one speed (high) its gotta be a hooptie.
5. If your rear bumper and rear doors are smashed in but the front is not, its a hooptie.
6. If you can start your car without a key, its a hooptie.
7. If you have to bang on your dash to get the stereo to play again, gotta be a hooptie.
8. If you have two perfect hubcaps and the other two are missing, its a hooptie.
9. If your hood is a different color than the rest of the car and has no paint left, its a hooptie.
10. If you have to only go a half turn, back off pressure and then turn again to eventually get your window down....Hooptie.
11. If you can remove your stereo and cd player without disrupting the rest of the car, its a hooptie.
12. If it has all this and still can outrun everything on the road, it is a hooked-up hooptie.
Just like mine.
Peace and Prayers,
Roy
1. If you have bulletholes in the back of the car, it is probably a hooptie.
2. If the entire passenger side of the windshield is cracked but the driver side is not, it could really be a hooptie.
3. If you turn on the fan and it makes a loud noise and the engine dies, it is definitely a hooptie.
4. If your windshield wipers have one speed (high) its gotta be a hooptie.
5. If your rear bumper and rear doors are smashed in but the front is not, its a hooptie.
6. If you can start your car without a key, its a hooptie.
7. If you have to bang on your dash to get the stereo to play again, gotta be a hooptie.
8. If you have two perfect hubcaps and the other two are missing, its a hooptie.
9. If your hood is a different color than the rest of the car and has no paint left, its a hooptie.
10. If you have to only go a half turn, back off pressure and then turn again to eventually get your window down....Hooptie.
11. If you can remove your stereo and cd player without disrupting the rest of the car, its a hooptie.
12. If it has all this and still can outrun everything on the road, it is a hooked-up hooptie.
Just like mine.
Peace and Prayers,
Roy
Rest In Peace
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Southern Cal
Posts: 408
126.5 hrs and still hanging on!
Hi all,
Thanks Roy, That cracked me up. My son loves Jeff Foxworthy and is always quoting him! Im on Serax. It does not help alot but it helps. Im a little concerned about getting addicted to soething while Im trying to quite another. But my Dr just kind of scared me into taking it.
(maybe a long story coming)
I wish I could spend so much more time here but I just have not had the time. I was working yesterday from about 5:00am to midnight for the reception party. All the people that were supposed to help didnt show. So just four of us had to set up the entire recepton area plus,well, to much to explain. m exhausted. Have another one tonight. One thing happend though I would like to share.
About 3:00pm yesterday I went to get gas and I ws so stressed and tired I was just having a pitty party and thinking "maybe I should have waited to stop drinking till after all this was over." I thought there is no way Im going to be able to pull this off unless Im smashed(I was the MC at the reception) Anyway, Im at the pump planning on how I was going to just get a couple of drinks and I looke up. I saw this young homeless man in his early 20's staggering down the road. He could barely put one foot in front of the other.
It touched me in a way that I dont ever remember feeling. I started crying. No not crying,weeping. I was trying to figure out what exactly I was feeling and discovered there wer multiple reasons.
1.I was unloading all the stress of the previous week. No sleep,withdrawals,
the stress of just what had been happening all day.
2. Overwhelming sorrow for the young man I was watching realizing there was absolutely nothing I could do for him at that point.
3. Grateful that that was not me stumbling down the road.
4. Grateful that I alllowed God to give me the strength to come as far as I've come(although it's not that far)
I continued to watch him and cry for quite some time. What it actually did was 100% re-charge my batteries. And a commitment to try as much as possible to reach out to others That night the reception went beatutifully.
I was a smash as the MC(not smashed). And as I walked around interacting with people I re-discovered a gift I have that I have long forgotten about. My ability to listen and feel and relate to other peoples pain. During the course of the evening differnet people shared some pretty tough life situations with me and some even to tears. And this was a celebration. People all around us are hurting for various reasons with no one to talk to. Wow. How selfish I can be sometimes. I am truely blessed.
All this but sometimes I need to be selfish like I am on this site and talk about nothing but me,me,me. But it also re-charges my batteries.
Thank all of you for your support and giving me a place where I feel comfortable throwing everything out there.
Stand and be true-------J
Thanks Roy, That cracked me up. My son loves Jeff Foxworthy and is always quoting him! Im on Serax. It does not help alot but it helps. Im a little concerned about getting addicted to soething while Im trying to quite another. But my Dr just kind of scared me into taking it.
(maybe a long story coming)
I wish I could spend so much more time here but I just have not had the time. I was working yesterday from about 5:00am to midnight for the reception party. All the people that were supposed to help didnt show. So just four of us had to set up the entire recepton area plus,well, to much to explain. m exhausted. Have another one tonight. One thing happend though I would like to share.
About 3:00pm yesterday I went to get gas and I ws so stressed and tired I was just having a pitty party and thinking "maybe I should have waited to stop drinking till after all this was over." I thought there is no way Im going to be able to pull this off unless Im smashed(I was the MC at the reception) Anyway, Im at the pump planning on how I was going to just get a couple of drinks and I looke up. I saw this young homeless man in his early 20's staggering down the road. He could barely put one foot in front of the other.
It touched me in a way that I dont ever remember feeling. I started crying. No not crying,weeping. I was trying to figure out what exactly I was feeling and discovered there wer multiple reasons.
1.I was unloading all the stress of the previous week. No sleep,withdrawals,
the stress of just what had been happening all day.
2. Overwhelming sorrow for the young man I was watching realizing there was absolutely nothing I could do for him at that point.
3. Grateful that that was not me stumbling down the road.
4. Grateful that I alllowed God to give me the strength to come as far as I've come(although it's not that far)
I continued to watch him and cry for quite some time. What it actually did was 100% re-charge my batteries. And a commitment to try as much as possible to reach out to others That night the reception went beatutifully.
I was a smash as the MC(not smashed). And as I walked around interacting with people I re-discovered a gift I have that I have long forgotten about. My ability to listen and feel and relate to other peoples pain. During the course of the evening differnet people shared some pretty tough life situations with me and some even to tears. And this was a celebration. People all around us are hurting for various reasons with no one to talk to. Wow. How selfish I can be sometimes. I am truely blessed.
All this but sometimes I need to be selfish like I am on this site and talk about nothing but me,me,me. But it also re-charges my batteries.
Thank all of you for your support and giving me a place where I feel comfortable throwing everything out there.
Stand and be true-------J
Hopefully Healing Up
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Sober, Forever
Posts: 511
That is just way too cool
I can relate entirely. Been there done that and I know that you will get through this. You might want to ask your doc about another drug. All that one does is makes you really sick if you drink. I am on effexor and Trazadone for sleep until I can see my psych. I went through the very same thing but there are other situations in my life that I guess I never dealt with. I have had these problems since birth so I cannot blame anyone. My drugs help but give me drymouth and make me tired. I am the general manager under only the President and Ceo of my company so you can only imagine the stress with that one. The drugs help me and my therapist gave me a small poster, I know this language is inappropriate but I hope that they will allow it...Real Stress is keeping yourself from choking the **** out of some ******* that really deserves it. I love that. Thanks for coming back man and I am glad you are finding the same peace here that I have found.
Peace at last,
Roy
Peace at last,
Roy
Rest In Peace
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Southern Cal
Posts: 408
Hi all,
Again I want to thank you all for your support. I would like to ask if you could help me out again. Im in unchartered waters right now and want to know if what I am going through is normal.
It's my first day back at work(I was very lucky to have the week off) and I am so tired. This last week has been such an emotional roller coaster ride.
It's been
Again I want to thank you all for your support. I would like to ask if you could help me out again. Im in unchartered waters right now and want to know if what I am going through is normal.
It's my first day back at work(I was very lucky to have the week off) and I am so tired. This last week has been such an emotional roller coaster ride.
It's been
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