Is it the only way?
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,788
The fact that you are questioning your drinking indicates that you may have a problem. I started wondering if I had a problem, but deep down inside I KNEW I did. I too didn't think I could make it without my wine (all day, every day
) but now I know that not only can I make it without drinking, my life is better in so many ways.
Welcome back to SR!
I hope we can help you with support and information. This site sure has, and still does help me. :ghug3
) but now I know that not only can I make it without drinking, my life is better in so many ways. Welcome back to SR!
I hope we can help you with support and information. This site sure has, and still does help me. :ghug3
Follow Directions!
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Fredericksburg, Va.
Posts: 9,730
Wilson below is a quote out of the book "Alcoholics Anonymous" being an alcoholic I totally relate to it, do you?
For me I had to accept the fact that I am an alcoholic and one drink is to many and 1,000 is not enough. I NEVER enjoyed my drinking when I controled it, I only enjoyed my drinking when I let it control me. It is so much easier not drinking at all then being miserable trying to control it.
You are not alone if you can relate to me or the quote I provided.
Wilson there is a solution.
MOST OF US have been unwilling to admit we
were real alcoholics. No person likes to think
he is bodily and mentally different from his fellows.
Therefore, it is not surprising that our drinking careers
have been characterized by countless vain attempts
to prove we could drink like other people. The idea
that somehow, someday he will control and enjoy his
drinking is the great obsession of every abnormal
drinker. The persistence of this illusion is astonishing.
Many pursue it into the gates of insanity or death.
were real alcoholics. No person likes to think
he is bodily and mentally different from his fellows.
Therefore, it is not surprising that our drinking careers
have been characterized by countless vain attempts
to prove we could drink like other people. The idea
that somehow, someday he will control and enjoy his
drinking is the great obsession of every abnormal
drinker. The persistence of this illusion is astonishing.
Many pursue it into the gates of insanity or death.
You are not alone if you can relate to me or the quote I provided.
Wilson there is a solution.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 42
It is hard with my wife, she said I shouldn't make promises as I only break them. I don't trust myself to keep these promises. I am terrified to say I am stopping drinking because I don't want to break yet another promise to her, yet I need her understanding and support. She said she can't understand it as she can control herself, it makes me feel weak and helpless, I feel like a child.
Guest
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 2,013
Just commit to not drinking 'just for today'. If you never pick a drink up 'just for today' then you will never drink alcohol again. Simple...
I had to commit wholeheartadly to recovery from my alcoholism. This meant making everybody who needed to know that I am an alcoholic and now in recovery thus not drinking alcohol anymore. Period.
During the tough-times it makes your resolve much stronger when 'everybody' knows you as a non-drinker as how lousy are you gonna feel when they catch you drinking again?
I had to commit wholeheartadly to recovery from my alcoholism. This meant making everybody who needed to know that I am an alcoholic and now in recovery thus not drinking alcohol anymore. Period.
During the tough-times it makes your resolve much stronger when 'everybody' knows you as a non-drinker as how lousy are you gonna feel when they catch you drinking again?
Follow Directions!
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Fredericksburg, Va.
Posts: 9,730
Oh yes........ promises never kept, my wife heard them for many years, so many years that her & the kids got a place & were getting ready to move when I finally put myself into detox!
When I came out of detox instead of immediate support I got "We will see!". Looking back I understand why, I had made & broke those promises so often they meant nothing, action I have found speaks so much louder then words.
I had to stay sober for myself, I had no assurances that my family was going to stay with me, what I did know was that if I continued to drink I was assured a slow LONELY death from my alcoholism.
I was at the point where I was willing to do what ever it took to stay sober! In detox they told us if we wanted a chance to stay sober we should go to at least 90 AA meetings in 90 days & get a sponsor. I did just that!
My sponsor & other old timers told me if I wanted a chance at long term solid sobriety I needed to take the steps with my sponsor & apply them daily to all areas of my life.
Well that was all 3 1/2 years ago & I have not one single regret except not having woke up earlier.
When I came out of detox instead of immediate support I got "We will see!". Looking back I understand why, I had made & broke those promises so often they meant nothing, action I have found speaks so much louder then words.
I had to stay sober for myself, I had no assurances that my family was going to stay with me, what I did know was that if I continued to drink I was assured a slow LONELY death from my alcoholism.
I was at the point where I was willing to do what ever it took to stay sober! In detox they told us if we wanted a chance to stay sober we should go to at least 90 AA meetings in 90 days & get a sponsor. I did just that!
My sponsor & other old timers told me if I wanted a chance at long term solid sobriety I needed to take the steps with my sponsor & apply them daily to all areas of my life.
Well that was all 3 1/2 years ago & I have not one single regret except not having woke up earlier.
Thriving sober since 12/18/08
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Orlando, FL
Posts: 3,115
I loved to drink too. I think I liked the taste, but that was really an excuse to drink for me. I loved the buzz, getting drunk.. I usually never hated it. Then I crossed an invisible line like it sounds you have, where I 'had' to drink to kill the shakes, and started drinking most every day. I thought I was having fun, while I was killing myself and my marriage.
It sounds like you have a laundry list of excuses to keep on drinking.. lots of people do.
I wish you the best in what you decide to do, but I know for this alcoholic, hitting bottoms, worrying about my husband leaving me or breaking promises to him, worry about my health, simply became more important to me than the taste of a cold beer on a warm summer day.
You're worried that if you stop drinking you'll inevitably fail or even worse, well that might happen if you choose. Or you can keep drinking and make sure it does.
You're afraid to break promises to your wife.. She has nothing to do with your recovery, don't make her promises. This is between you, and yourself. Not your wife, not the people who you think are your friends that will be happy to tie one one with "one last time" (there's a huge number of people that become critically ill and/or die that way, the one last 'hurrah' before quitting.. so be careful.. I agree with LifeIs on that one, it sounds like a horrible way to spend a birthday!!).
This is up to you. You aren't 'like a child', you just need help and support.
It doesn't seem you're done yet. Hopefully the things you fear wont happen soon, but they're all "yets" anyways, and will eventually.. sounds like you've been pretty close to hurting yourself, the dui, the relationship troubles.. when one or all three of those give, boy will you wish you would have prevented them from happening. Because you CAN now. Knowing the problem that alcohol is playing in your life, and willingly continuing to choose alcohol over your life is a real hallmark of how destructive this stuff is. Kills, ends marriages, jobs, lands folks in prison ..
For what it's worth, I enjoyed the sunset last night with my 4 month old and husband.. sans alcohol and it was one of the most beautiful moments yet.
It sounds like you have a laundry list of excuses to keep on drinking.. lots of people do.
I wish you the best in what you decide to do, but I know for this alcoholic, hitting bottoms, worrying about my husband leaving me or breaking promises to him, worry about my health, simply became more important to me than the taste of a cold beer on a warm summer day.
You're worried that if you stop drinking you'll inevitably fail or even worse, well that might happen if you choose. Or you can keep drinking and make sure it does.
You're afraid to break promises to your wife.. She has nothing to do with your recovery, don't make her promises. This is between you, and yourself. Not your wife, not the people who you think are your friends that will be happy to tie one one with "one last time" (there's a huge number of people that become critically ill and/or die that way, the one last 'hurrah' before quitting.. so be careful.. I agree with LifeIs on that one, it sounds like a horrible way to spend a birthday!!).
This is up to you. You aren't 'like a child', you just need help and support.
It doesn't seem you're done yet. Hopefully the things you fear wont happen soon, but they're all "yets" anyways, and will eventually.. sounds like you've been pretty close to hurting yourself, the dui, the relationship troubles.. when one or all three of those give, boy will you wish you would have prevented them from happening. Because you CAN now. Knowing the problem that alcohol is playing in your life, and willingly continuing to choose alcohol over your life is a real hallmark of how destructive this stuff is. Kills, ends marriages, jobs, lands folks in prison ..
For what it's worth, I enjoyed the sunset last night with my 4 month old and husband.. sans alcohol and it was one of the most beautiful moments yet.
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
Welcome ....
I sure hope you can quit ...before your wife walks away.
Your love of alcohol is really messing up your life.
Hmmm?
You are putting alcohol before her. Can you not see that?
Blessings to both of you
I sure hope you can quit ...before your wife walks away.
Your love of alcohol is really messing up your life.
My wife is the most important person in my life and I keep disapointing her which is
You are putting alcohol before her. Can you not see that?
Blessings to both of you
Last edited by CarolD; 04-05-2010 at 08:18 PM.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 42
I can see it and it hurts me. the sad think is I don't trust myself, My wife doesn't trust me with drinking and I don't trust myself anymore. I had a wonderful few days with her sober and it was great but I thought thinks are perfect why don't have a drink with her. she was like you shouldn't but I was sure I could handle just one drink. I drank a little more that night but then the next day I got trashed.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 42
Honestly I'm finding it really hard, quiting for two or three days at a time. Sometimes it feels it would be easier to just drink right through. I feel strange in some ways I feel good like I'm waking up from a fog or groggy dream but then an strange anxiousness is there. I talked about my relationship with my wife the hard part is I feel no surrport because like I said she doesn't trust me and I don't trust myself too. I feel I have to win her trust back. Little thinks are bothering me and I am becoming sensitive. I'm trying my best but of course I will make mistakes and I need praise, encouragement and not critizism now.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,456
I think the thing is we don't get to dictate how other people feel Wilson - several people were very sick and tired of me when I quit...they were annoyed and frustrated and I think that was reasonable given my behaviour over many many years....I needed both time and action to show them I'd changed.
I agree that endless negativity is not good tho, however understandable - thats why I spent a lot of time here in the early days
Being emotional and sensitive and irritable is all part of the process Wilson - but it doesn't last forever - keep moving through it and stay focused on why you're doing this.
D
I agree that endless negativity is not good tho, however understandable - thats why I spent a lot of time here in the early days
Being emotional and sensitive and irritable is all part of the process Wilson - but it doesn't last forever - keep moving through it and stay focused on why you're doing this.
D
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 42
I hope it works though. I feel sorry for her. How can she possibly understand right?
It might just be the right approach from her? I know which side of me she wants to be with, after all she did fall in love with me in the past.
This forum is helping, It's a friends birthday this weekend but I think I'm just going to excuse myself. I don't feel like it as I know what will happen.
It might just be the right approach from her? I know which side of me she wants to be with, after all she did fall in love with me in the past.
This forum is helping, It's a friends birthday this weekend but I think I'm just going to excuse myself. I don't feel like it as I know what will happen.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 42
One question for everyone.
Is it just the alcohol or are a pleasure repceptors all messed up. ie. for short term buzzes?
When I was a teenager a smoked cannabis very heavily and would have said I was addicted, at the time I thought it was great, a drug you can't overdose on and not physically addictive. I did scratch around on the carpet trying to find crumbs desperatly sometimes though. To be honest when I stopped I started heavily instead, one think the cannabis did was rob my sex drive completly and I wanted to have fun with being a college.
What I'm saying is somethings I tend to have done quite compulsivly but then again others not, I've taken cocaine and ecstacy but they never got a grip on me and it was only ever a something for the weekend thing.
My father is a drinker but also a workoholic, and I thing that work saves him from the drink in some ways. He says he doesn't want to retire even though he has the money and I think what he would be bad if he retired so maybe it is him being clever?
Has any one found you have switched to other things after quitting? Not drugs but maybe work, art, exercise or something like that and you get your buzz from that?
Is it just the alcohol or are a pleasure repceptors all messed up. ie. for short term buzzes?
When I was a teenager a smoked cannabis very heavily and would have said I was addicted, at the time I thought it was great, a drug you can't overdose on and not physically addictive. I did scratch around on the carpet trying to find crumbs desperatly sometimes though. To be honest when I stopped I started heavily instead, one think the cannabis did was rob my sex drive completly and I wanted to have fun with being a college.
What I'm saying is somethings I tend to have done quite compulsivly but then again others not, I've taken cocaine and ecstacy but they never got a grip on me and it was only ever a something for the weekend thing.
My father is a drinker but also a workoholic, and I thing that work saves him from the drink in some ways. He says he doesn't want to retire even though he has the money and I think what he would be bad if he retired so maybe it is him being clever?
Has any one found you have switched to other things after quitting? Not drugs but maybe work, art, exercise or something like that and you get your buzz from that?
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,456
I worked hard at trying to work out why I felt needed a 'buzz' wilson - I'd already gone from pot to booze...I didn't want to start something new if I could help it.
I think I lead a pretty normal life - it's got normal highs and lows, I have things I love and I'm passionate about...I'm not a saint and I still have vices but they're not likely to kill me...so if I did any damage to any receptors, I think I've worked around it fine LOL.
Be careful you're not running away with yourself here. I found the best thing to do initially was focus on not drinking. Thats more than enough to be going on with.
What other people did, or even what you did in the past, is nowhere near as important as what you do now
D
I think I lead a pretty normal life - it's got normal highs and lows, I have things I love and I'm passionate about...I'm not a saint and I still have vices but they're not likely to kill me...so if I did any damage to any receptors, I think I've worked around it fine LOL.
Be careful you're not running away with yourself here. I found the best thing to do initially was focus on not drinking. Thats more than enough to be going on with.
What other people did, or even what you did in the past, is nowhere near as important as what you do now
D
Member
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Somewhere in the midwest
Posts: 99
I get some stress release from exercise now instead of alcohol, but as I'm basically lazy in a sedentary way, there's no worries about it becoming my new addiction. An hour a day is all I do. I understand the need to fill the time formerly spent using with something else. You have to be careful that it's not a different, also unhealthy form of escape. Finding something you're passionate about, that's another story. But first, find yourself, the sober you.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 42
Well this is my 4th day not drinking, I feel alive but I have to win my wifes trust and love back. She said it will take time and I understand but she doesn't understand me. She says she has never asked me to stop drinking just not drink too much and I don't think she understands what it is like for me. She showed me a video she had taken with her phone of me drunk 5days ago and I don't remember it, I was terrible in it looking like a stereotypical drunk in a movie. Judging from the time it was taken I knew I had blacked out a long time that day. I am happy a found this sight as I need support.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Guelph, Ontario
Posts: 640
Good for you 4 days is great! Ya I think the only way is to abstain. I know that's hard, but most people find pleasure in alcohol , heck I think all alcoholics find pleasure but we have to find pleasure in other stuff and not in alcohol. I know for me I can't drink even though it's not my problem, because it triggers me to want to use. I lilke drinking I like the feeling it gives me but i know drinking will just cause me problems.
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