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I am an Alcoholic

Old 12-14-2009, 11:18 PM
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I am an Alcoholic

My name is Marie and I am an alcoholic.

I joined this site in December 2006 and the most sobriety that I have been able to pull together was 40 days.

That was with the help of AA every single day.

Funny thing, through these years I come here almost daily. I just read and hope and then do nothing to help myself.

I would like to help myself stay sober.

I can't describe the fear, anxiety and pain in my life, yet I know that many of you know exactly how I feel.

So I will reach out one more time. I will go to a meeting tomorrow.

There is no horrible consequences as a result of my drinking except to myself.
I'm not in the trouble with the law. I still have my job, though I don't know how. Financially is not good, but I can make ammends as I have to.

I can't stand the emotional pain anymore of drinking. It really boils down to that. I would kill myself except for the pain it would cause my two sons. So
it is time to be humble and ask for help. Please help. You don't have to be nice, just help guide me to a sober life. I am willing.
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Old 12-14-2009, 11:30 PM
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Welcome back to SR....

Good to know you are beginning again
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Old 12-14-2009, 11:35 PM
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Sounds tough.

It seems like you carry a lot of guilt over drinking. I think if I was in your state of mind, I would first do whatever I could to cut loose from past failings and acknowledge that they can't hold you back from succeeding THIS time. Rationally compose yourself with the mantra there's no reason you can't succeed this time taking it one day at a time.

That's how I would start anyway. Give yourself a clean slate, mentally. Good luck.
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Old 12-14-2009, 11:45 PM
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((((mtnmagic))))

here you are, here we are. You are not alone.

So sorry for your pain.

55438
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Old 12-14-2009, 11:59 PM
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Hey MM
welcome back

As long as you keep trying, you're in the game Marie - took me years don't forget....
you're not alone - you have all of us in your corner too

D
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Old 12-15-2009, 01:17 AM
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Originally Posted by mtnmagic View Post
I can't stand the emotional pain anymore of drinking. It really boils down to that.
Yeah, me too. Bottom is where you find it...

Welcome


TB
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Old 12-15-2009, 03:24 AM
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Congratulations for not giving up!!!!!
Just wipe the slate and start again! We are all in this together,I am definately a fellow struggler so I know how you feel.
kind regards Julia
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Old 12-15-2009, 03:38 AM
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Hi Marie,

You might be supprized to find out how many people have tried for years before they got sober for good, me 3 years ago i gave it a good try and before that, I have slipped up as many times as anyone here I'd guess, but I am keep trying, hopfully this time I will be sober for good. It's only been 10 days but I feel better now and have hope.

Just dont give up, your not alone...
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Old 12-15-2009, 03:42 AM
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Marie... can you stay sober for just 24 hours? If so, do that today. Don't tell yourself you have to do this for the rest of your life... you just have to do this for 24 hours today. Tomorrow will get here soon enough, and who knows, it may never get here. Just worry about today.

Get to some AA meetings (Daily), get a sponsor, and don't drink. You can do this.
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Old 12-15-2009, 03:56 AM
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Marie glad to see you back, you ask for suggestions, here are a few questions/suggestions.

Are you willing to go to any lengths to get and stay sober?

If you are then it is time to be brutally honest with your self and politely honest in all of your affairs. It is time to become open minded, do not close your mind to anything until you have given it your best. It is time to be willing to do what ever it takes to stay sober. If some one suggest to go to meetings and get phone numbers and call those people do it, I know it sounds stupid calling people for no other reason then to say "Hi, how you doing?", but what this does is create a network of people that you are comfortable calling because this gives you the comfort to call them when you are thinking of drinking.

Do you have a sponsor or a temporary sponsor?

Having a sponsor saved my butt, when I had questions about AA or how to stay sober he was my go to guy, but my phone network was my safety net when I could not get hold of my sponsor.

If you do have a sponsor have you taken the steps with her?

For me the fellowship was awesome in regards to face to face support as well as them sharing thier experience, strength, & hope, but meetings and the fellowship were not the key to me maintaining my sobriety and regaining my sanity.

I needed a solution to my problems and a higher power of my choosing and understanding to help me work the solution to my problems. The steps led me to a solution and a HP to aide me in that solution. The steps resulted in me having the obsession to drink lifted & for my sanity to be returned.

Get into the middle of AA, do not sit on the side lines listening and watching, get into the fellowship & the program, help others through service work.

AA is a program of action, not inaction! We take the steps, we clean house & we help others.
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Old 12-15-2009, 04:20 AM
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The steps resulted in me having the obsession to drink lifted & for my sanity to be returned.

Get into the middle of AA, do not sit on the side lines listening and watching, get into the fellowship & the program, help others through service work.

AA is a program of action, not inaction! We take the steps, we clean house & we help others.
.....

that is my experience........please note that taz talks of taking action....rather than only sitting in meetings waiting to be struck down happy joyous and free..

the turning point came for me when i put the same passion into the suggested program of action as i did my drinking.

if i can be of any help please feel free to pm me.......or take a tour of "twelve step support"

god bless.
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Old 12-15-2009, 05:04 AM
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I remember you very well, Marie - so glad to see you. You were here before me, and I enjoyed your posts. I had no idea you were struggled so. It took me years of half-hearted attempts to finally be terrified enough to do stop. One day, the light just dawned and I knew I couldn't put my body through it anymore.

Please stay and let us know how you're doing. You already know that living the way you have been is sucking the life out of you. You sound ready to end the drama and misery of living life in chains. You can do this.
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Old 12-15-2009, 05:48 AM
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Welcome back to SR! Glad you came back and glad you're ready to get sober again. I too have had many slips in the last two years but I too am ready to get serious and live sober. You can do this. Just don't drink for today. (((hugs)))
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Old 12-15-2009, 07:17 AM
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Originally Posted by mtnmagic View Post
I can't stand the emotional pain anymore of drinking. It really boils down to that.
That was me exactly, Marie. I couldn't stand the pain of living another day like that. And I knew that I couldn't stop drinking and that I would have to keep living like that.

That's when I realized fully the hopelessness and futility of life as I'd been living it. That's the day I picked up the phone and called a guy in AA who talked about a spiritual awakening as being the only hope for many alcoholics. I followed his directions, which were directions from the Big Book, and took the actions suggested. I recovered, and I've never had to feel like that again.

Marie, it's been 3 years of trying to get sober for you. Some people can go to an AA meeting, make some new friends, hang out, not drink a day at a time, and feel pretty good about it. And then some of us need a spiritual solution as outlined in the book. We need it because we can't go on like we're doing.

All you have to do is find the person in that meeting that knows about the spiritual solution offerred by taking the actions of the 12 steps. And then be willing to follow their lead.
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Old 12-15-2009, 07:41 AM
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Hi Marie...I would encourage you to post here more often instead of just read. Something about posting really puts you in more control of your sobriety.

40 days is awesome! You did it before, and you can do it again. I went back to AA last night for the first time in a year. It is very difficult for someone who is not an alcoholic to understand what an alcoholic goes through. It seems the best thing to do is surround ourselves with those in recovery, and we're in good company!

As far as your anxiety, have you spoken to a doctor? A big part of my drinking was self-medicating. Once I started to get my anxiety and other problems under control, not drinking became a bit easier.

I never had any real consequences from my drinking, either. I'm married, own a house, have a job that I love, and produced two beautiful children. But my prison was in my own mind, and that made it impossible to be happy about the blessings in my life.

As far as finances, I've learned that money does not equal happiness...happiness stems from what's in your heart. Much like you, I have thought in the past that I will either die from drinking or kill myself from the pain it was causing me. I actually almost died once by drinking everything I could get my hands on and then downing an entire bottle of prescription medication (washed down with beer, of course.) That was before I had children. Now that I have them, I wouldn't think of killing myself, but as I kept drinking, I was dying slowly anyway. And, as a member on this site pointed out, your kids can be a good motivator to stop drinking, but it's only really going to work if you want it for yourself.

Good luck to you, and PM me if you need to talk.
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Old 12-15-2009, 07:59 AM
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Hi Marie,

I think you are exactly right. Getting sober and staying sober is about taking action. I am glad that you're back!
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Old 12-15-2009, 11:04 AM
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Thank you. Just for today I will not drink and I will go to a meeting. The support means alot.
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Old 12-15-2009, 12:08 PM
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Originally Posted by mtnmagic View Post
My name is Marie and I am an alcoholic.

That was with the help of AA every single day.

Funny thing, through these years I come here almost daily. I just read and hope and then do nothing to help myself.

I would like to help myself stay sober.

I can't describe the fear, anxiety and pain in my life, yet I know that many of you know exactly how I feel.

So I will reach out one more time. I will go to a meeting tomorrow.

There is no horrible consequences as a result of my drinking except to myself.
I'm not in the trouble with the law. I still have my job, though I don't know how. Financially is not good, but I can make ammends as I have to.

I can't stand the emotional pain anymore of drinking. It really boils down to that. I would kill myself except for the pain it would cause my two sons. So
it is time to be humble and ask for help. Please help. You don't have to be nice, just help guide me to a sober life. I am willing.
Nice to see you back Marie. My name is Scott and I'm an alcoholic. I joined SR the month before you did, I've been sober since 2005 and I owe every second of my life in recovery to AA and the 12 Steps.

I was a loving husband and father to two kids, and I cruised along for many years without any consequences. It felt like I lost everything overnight, please don't tell yourself that it can't happen to you. I never believed my life would fall apart so quickly. I can tell you however that I've got a much better life now than I thought was possible. But to get where I'm at today, I knew I could never take a drink again.

You don't need our guidance, you know what to do and you know we'll always be here to support you. If you read and do nothing, you'll keep getting what you're getting. Go to that meeting, reach out, get phone numbers, get a sponsor, take action.

Guaranteed to work or AA will gladly refund your misery
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Old 12-15-2009, 01:22 PM
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Never give up, Marie. We're all in this together. Don't be ashamed or fraught with guilt and remorse. Most of us know exactly where you're at and won't judge you for being an alcoholic who is having trouble stopping. We've been there, too. It's just good that you're here and sharing and reaching out. It's good that you're seeking help from AA as well. In my opinion, very little works without that face to face connection that AA provides. ~hugs~
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Old 12-15-2009, 01:36 PM
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Glad to hear you sticking with us. Just keep asking yourself "Am I willing to do anything to stay sober?" I know when I was an active alcoholic, I would do anything to get my alcohol. If I didn't feel well, or it was snowing outside, I would trudge through hell and fire to get my fix. Now are you willing to do the same thing to stay sober? I hope you are. Just remember, you are not doing this alone... we are here and your higher power is here too if you seek him out.

God bless and let's talk tomorrow...you can do this one day at a time.
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