Originally Posted by
mtnmagic 
I can't stand the emotional pain anymore of drinking. It really boils down to that.
That was me exactly, Marie. I couldn't stand the pain of living another day like that. And I knew that I couldn't stop drinking and that I would have to keep living like that.
That's when I realized fully the hopelessness and futility of life as I'd been living it. That's the day I picked up the phone and called a guy in AA who talked about a spiritual awakening as being the only hope for many alcoholics. I followed his directions, which were directions from the Big Book, and took the actions suggested. I recovered, and I've never had to feel like that again.
Marie, it's been 3 years of trying to get sober for you. Some people can go to an AA meeting, make some new friends, hang out, not drink a day at a time, and feel pretty good about it. And then some of us need a spiritual solution as outlined in the book. We need it because we can't go on like we're doing.
All you have to do is find the person in that meeting that knows about the spiritual solution offerred by taking the actions of the 12 steps. And then be willing to follow their lead.