Class of August 2021 Support Thread Part 9
Member
Join Date: Sep 2016
Location: Kansas City, MO
Posts: 1,121
Hilarious about the dance and your observation regarding your husband’s discomfort. Good for you for getting out there and throwing down!
Regarding my running regimen, it’s on hold until my knee heals completely. Replaced it with swimming, which I love too. The pool opens at 5:00am, so I can get in my laps before work. All good!
Regarding my running regimen, it’s on hold until my knee heals completely. Replaced it with swimming, which I love too. The pool opens at 5:00am, so I can get in my laps before work. All good!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2021
Location: Litchfield, SC
Posts: 585
Duchess took a turn for the worse last night and after driving her down to the full service emergency vet and a full workup, I knew I had no other choice but to let her go peacefully. She died in my arms. It was the worse thing I've ever been through. She was only 5 years old, never had any kind of health problems. I could barely process what the vet was telling me, but it was an aggressive form of bone marrow cancer, no sign, no cure.
I've been a devout Christian my entire life, but this just seems so senseless and randomly cruel.
I could write an entire book on my life with her--she was the smartest, most curious, vocal, and sometimes exasperating cat I've ever had. Both her and Bandit I actually talk with.
I lost my beloved Dixie 18 months ago--if anyone had told me back then I would lose 2 out of 3 in that period, I would have gone insane. Which, perhaps, tells us something about knowing too much about the future.
Here I think the focus is that I was flat on my back 52 days ago, utterly helpless and utterly useless. I shudder to think of going through this in that condition. What kind of dad? You know?
I drove two hours dead of night through the dark, darkness of the forest, my heart in pieces, mindful that is a dangerous drive where you can't take your eyes off the road for a second.
Almost home I notice the parking lot was full at one of the local dive bars. 2:30 a.m. And I was reminded how unimaginable it would be to drink over this and come to the following day with just another anvil on top of me.
Sociopath at a meeting: "not an alcohol related issue." Yeah? Really? So again, thank God I have here to come to.
I've been a devout Christian my entire life, but this just seems so senseless and randomly cruel.
I could write an entire book on my life with her--she was the smartest, most curious, vocal, and sometimes exasperating cat I've ever had. Both her and Bandit I actually talk with.
I lost my beloved Dixie 18 months ago--if anyone had told me back then I would lose 2 out of 3 in that period, I would have gone insane. Which, perhaps, tells us something about knowing too much about the future.
Here I think the focus is that I was flat on my back 52 days ago, utterly helpless and utterly useless. I shudder to think of going through this in that condition. What kind of dad? You know?
I drove two hours dead of night through the dark, darkness of the forest, my heart in pieces, mindful that is a dangerous drive where you can't take your eyes off the road for a second.
Almost home I notice the parking lot was full at one of the local dive bars. 2:30 a.m. And I was reminded how unimaginable it would be to drink over this and come to the following day with just another anvil on top of me.
Sociopath at a meeting: "not an alcohol related issue." Yeah? Really? So again, thank God I have here to come to.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 2,917
SS, I am so very sorry. And what I heard at the end was also the loneliness of someone (a particular person?) saying that a profound loss like this is not an alcohol related issue. How sad if someone did say something like that. The overwhelming pain and fear we can feel just being alive on this planet is what we thought we were relieving with alcohol. That well trod path in our psyches doesn’t change just because we stop drinking. At least, not completely. Recognizing that dulling and obliviating is how you used to handle something like this, that you would put another anvil on yourself at a time of feeling buried already, is absolutely alcohol related in my mind. i am sorry if you are ever made to feel like there is not a place for recognizing that in a meeting. I may be misunderstanding the end but in any event I am glad you can come here and lay it all bare.
Member
Join Date: May 2018
Location: Where I’ve longed to be all my life…..here, now.
Posts: 7,345
Wow, NL, wonderfully said!
SS, I love kitties so much too, I’m so sorry for your loss.
When my daughter had her devastating car accident 21 years ago, people would come up to me at my church and would say something like, “well God doesn’t give you anything you can’t handle”
well let me tell you, in my humble opinion, God doesn’t give us anything to “handle “. But God is there to help us through the hard times. My pastors daughter was raped and was almost killed, and I thought they would quit being pastors of our church. And one of their sermons, which was about four years after my daughter’s accident, said and “please don’t tell us that God gave us this to ‘handle’, or to test our faith”. They didn’t quit the church. Their other children became atheists though.
Im so happy you were given the gift of Duchess, and the joy you received by loving her. She is at peace…
Big hugs
SS, I love kitties so much too, I’m so sorry for your loss.
When my daughter had her devastating car accident 21 years ago, people would come up to me at my church and would say something like, “well God doesn’t give you anything you can’t handle”
well let me tell you, in my humble opinion, God doesn’t give us anything to “handle “. But God is there to help us through the hard times. My pastors daughter was raped and was almost killed, and I thought they would quit being pastors of our church. And one of their sermons, which was about four years after my daughter’s accident, said and “please don’t tell us that God gave us this to ‘handle’, or to test our faith”. They didn’t quit the church. Their other children became atheists though.
Im so happy you were given the gift of Duchess, and the joy you received by loving her. She is at peace…
Big hugs
Member
Join Date: Aug 2021
Location: Litchfield, SC
Posts: 585
"The overwhelming pain and fear we can feel just being alive on this planet is what we thought we were relieving with alcohol. That well trod path in our psyches doesn’t change just because we stop drinking. At least, not completely. Recognizing that dulling and obliviating is how you used to handle something like this, that you would put another anvil on yourself at a time of feeling buried already, is absolutely alcohol related in my mind. i am sorry if you are ever made to feel like there is not a place for recognizing that in a meeting. I may be misunderstanding the end but in any event I am glad you can come here and lay it all bare."
Thanks, NL, and everyone. I made it through yesterday, the first day without her. It is still hard coming through the front door knowing she's not there, and downstairs knowing she's not on her perch on her chair under the dining room table. I am also haunted by the look in her eyes at the end...they were always so bright and lively.
But I am sober and strong and I have two (kitties) that are equally like my kids, and we will move on together as a family.
Thanks, NL, and everyone. I made it through yesterday, the first day without her. It is still hard coming through the front door knowing she's not there, and downstairs knowing she's not on her perch on her chair under the dining room table. I am also haunted by the look in her eyes at the end...they were always so bright and lively.
But I am sober and strong and I have two (kitties) that are equally like my kids, and we will move on together as a family.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2020
Posts: 517
Yes, NL captured what I wanted to say about that person in your meeting but in a much more eloquent way.
I’m not having too many cravings these days except for dairy like milk and cookies. In the earlier days I had a lot of cravings for peanut butter. Overall Ive been having food aversions and wanted to eat very plain.
I had a really bad night sleep last night. I’ve been tossing and turning a lot as is but I just couldn’t shake this rude comment my brother in law texted in the family chat yesterday. My mother in law brought up Christmas and sending gift ideas and he said I have to step it up this year and not do a joint gift with my husband I have to buy my own gifts for everyone. It’s just such a jerk thing to say. Little does he know Im actually buying the presents for the my in laws. My siblings and I decided a few years ago to not exchange presents. We did a white elephant for a while but it just gets to be a lot when people get married and kids come into play so we were just like save your money it’s no problem. He’s 36 years old and single. Both of my husbands siblings are single and don’t have to buy for anyone else but their immediate family. I honestly would rather not get presents from him. He usually gets me something wine themed that I sell or throw away. Anyway I’m just going to keep doing what I’m doing. He’s a very rude person, very materialistic, obsessed with money and status, and is tough to be around him. He gets very drunk and meaner the more he drinks. So at the end of the day I really shouldn’t take anything he says to heart and not waste time on it. Maybe it’s the hormones but I was stewing over it for a good 24 hours. Ugh time I can’t get back. He lives in Miami so luckily we only see him 1-2x a year (far too much time in my opinion). We’re supposed to see him this weekend and I just plan on avoiding him as much as possible.
I’m not having too many cravings these days except for dairy like milk and cookies. In the earlier days I had a lot of cravings for peanut butter. Overall Ive been having food aversions and wanted to eat very plain.
I had a really bad night sleep last night. I’ve been tossing and turning a lot as is but I just couldn’t shake this rude comment my brother in law texted in the family chat yesterday. My mother in law brought up Christmas and sending gift ideas and he said I have to step it up this year and not do a joint gift with my husband I have to buy my own gifts for everyone. It’s just such a jerk thing to say. Little does he know Im actually buying the presents for the my in laws. My siblings and I decided a few years ago to not exchange presents. We did a white elephant for a while but it just gets to be a lot when people get married and kids come into play so we were just like save your money it’s no problem. He’s 36 years old and single. Both of my husbands siblings are single and don’t have to buy for anyone else but their immediate family. I honestly would rather not get presents from him. He usually gets me something wine themed that I sell or throw away. Anyway I’m just going to keep doing what I’m doing. He’s a very rude person, very materialistic, obsessed with money and status, and is tough to be around him. He gets very drunk and meaner the more he drinks. So at the end of the day I really shouldn’t take anything he says to heart and not waste time on it. Maybe it’s the hormones but I was stewing over it for a good 24 hours. Ugh time I can’t get back. He lives in Miami so luckily we only see him 1-2x a year (far too much time in my opinion). We’re supposed to see him this weekend and I just plan on avoiding him as much as possible.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: German Village, Columbus with my love ♥
Posts: 88,530
I am sorry, Bodhi, but he does sound like a bit of a jerk. That was not cool at all. Of course, you are choosing and buying the gifts from you and your husband. And I am sure that they are well-thought-out and lovely. 
s ❤️
s ❤️
Member
Join Date: May 2018
Location: Where I’ve longed to be all my life…..here, now.
Posts: 7,345
Ugh, Bodhi.
Family colors come out at holidays, funerals and weddings IMHO.
Texting is ok for some discussions, but tone, and crescendo (which can affect meaning) are lost in translation when it comes to texting. I know on iPhones you can add lines for a conference call. Maybe set a boundary and try that?
Step four really helped me out this year, and I need to do it again, AND, I read and reread articles on letting go of family. One suggestion the articles prompted us to do, is think, “If this person was NOT related to me, would I tolerate how they treat me? Would I be their friend?”
For me, the answer was a loud NO. And I cut two of my three siblings out of my life last December. It hurt, and my codependent self had to get through needing them to love and care about me the way I needed, ‘like family should’, the way I did, I wanted their love and kindness and inclusion so badly. And I just kept taking the bad behavior. When I shared I was pregnant with twins many moons ago, my brother said (and this WAS by phone), “Oh, I’m sorry, geeze, your old!…..oh, I guess I’m supposed to say I’m happy for y’a. So, I guess good luck…….”
I am done since last November, and honestly, like my toxic relationship with alcohol, I am free. It still stings a little, but I’m free.
Big hugs to you, Bodhi.
I liked dairy too 🐮🐮🐮🐮🐮🐮
Family colors come out at holidays, funerals and weddings IMHO.
Texting is ok for some discussions, but tone, and crescendo (which can affect meaning) are lost in translation when it comes to texting. I know on iPhones you can add lines for a conference call. Maybe set a boundary and try that?
Step four really helped me out this year, and I need to do it again, AND, I read and reread articles on letting go of family. One suggestion the articles prompted us to do, is think, “If this person was NOT related to me, would I tolerate how they treat me? Would I be their friend?”
For me, the answer was a loud NO. And I cut two of my three siblings out of my life last December. It hurt, and my codependent self had to get through needing them to love and care about me the way I needed, ‘like family should’, the way I did, I wanted their love and kindness and inclusion so badly. And I just kept taking the bad behavior. When I shared I was pregnant with twins many moons ago, my brother said (and this WAS by phone), “Oh, I’m sorry, geeze, your old!…..oh, I guess I’m supposed to say I’m happy for y’a. So, I guess good luck…….”
I am done since last November, and honestly, like my toxic relationship with alcohol, I am free. It still stings a little, but I’m free.
Big hugs to you, Bodhi.
I liked dairy too 🐮🐮🐮🐮🐮🐮
Member
Join Date: May 2018
Location: Where I’ve longed to be all my life…..here, now.
Posts: 7,345
All righty, I reread all of our class posts from chapter 2-5.3.
Wow!
Really good stuff……
I appreciate you all, and see that misspelling and posting has been my MO for a LONG time. Thank you all for putting up with that.
James, I noticed you went to NYC around this time last year too. Hope you have a great time and safe travels.
🤓❤️🌃
Wow!
Really good stuff……
I appreciate you all, and see that misspelling and posting has been my MO for a LONG time. Thank you all for putting up with that.
James, I noticed you went to NYC around this time last year too. Hope you have a great time and safe travels.
🤓❤️🌃
Member
Join Date: Sep 2017
Location: East Coast US
Posts: 1,836
Hi everyone and to those who are wondering....I am NOT drinking. I just can't flipping see! It's so hard.
My eye doc says I need to try to spend most of my day focusing only on DISTANCE....trying to look at things more than 6 feet away. Hence why I am not on here very much.
I can see pretty good now close up. The eye that had the surgery is still swollen....which is a rare complication. Hence I can't see more than 3 feet. He wants me to try to only focus on distance...to allow my brain to "train the right eye" to be the one that sees far away and the "left eye" to only see close up. It takes practice.
It seems to be working slightly......but I tried to drive across the street today and could not do it. My FINAL eye appointment with the surgeon is on 9/29 and it will be determined then if I need to continue to wear glasses.
I just want it all over with.
I am sorry I have been MIA. And for the fact I really can't read everyones posts. It just too hard on my eyes.
Bye for now....
LHW
My eye doc says I need to try to spend most of my day focusing only on DISTANCE....trying to look at things more than 6 feet away. Hence why I am not on here very much.
I can see pretty good now close up. The eye that had the surgery is still swollen....which is a rare complication. Hence I can't see more than 3 feet. He wants me to try to only focus on distance...to allow my brain to "train the right eye" to be the one that sees far away and the "left eye" to only see close up. It takes practice.
It seems to be working slightly......but I tried to drive across the street today and could not do it. My FINAL eye appointment with the surgeon is on 9/29 and it will be determined then if I need to continue to wear glasses.
I just want it all over with.
I am sorry I have been MIA. And for the fact I really can't read everyones posts. It just too hard on my eyes.
Bye for now....
LHW
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,522
SouthernSober, I am so very sorry for the loss of your beloved cat, Duchess. Of course, you will grieve for her and miss her terribly, but I know you will be able to deal with the feelings.
LHW, I'm sorry about the troubles with the eye post-surgery. I have read about using one eye for distance and one for close up and it seems complicated and difficult to train your brain that way. I hope things improve for you.
LHW, I'm sorry about the troubles with the eye post-surgery. I have read about using one eye for distance and one for close up and it seems complicated and difficult to train your brain that way. I hope things improve for you.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2016
Location: Kansas City, MO
Posts: 1,121
Hi everyone. Just doing some final prep for my trip tomorrow and thought I should check in. Lynn, you are correct about last year. It was a birthday trip then. This time it's to dog sit for the kids when they head to Spain. I'll be working during the days and then exploring on my own during the evenings and on the weekend. Should be fun.
Everything is going really great in CP world these days. Creeping up on 100 days. Can't imagine ever going back. This is my new reality.
LHW, hang in there and don't worry about us. Your vision is job #1 right now.
SS, I hope that your cats are providing you comfort during this difficult time.
Bodhi, your brother-in-law needs to get a life. That's all.
I hope that everyone else is doing good. I'll check in from NYC later.
Everything is going really great in CP world these days. Creeping up on 100 days. Can't imagine ever going back. This is my new reality.
LHW, hang in there and don't worry about us. Your vision is job #1 right now.
SS, I hope that your cats are providing you comfort during this difficult time.
Bodhi, your brother-in-law needs to get a life. That's all.
I hope that everyone else is doing good. I'll check in from NYC later.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: New England
Posts: 4,422
LHW- Driving! Overachiever. Rest up and stop reading this!
Dropping by to say hello- I know Free should be home soon (home already?) and James is heading away- safe travels to all.
SS, Thinking of you and sending healing thoughts. Hope your meetings have been blissfully sociopath free- and if not, well, he's a him problem, not a you problem.
Bodhi- Your brother-in-law sounds like a real prize. Press the ignore button in real life. LOL.
NL- Great job on 6 months!
Last night I crashed early and watched Father Stu on Netflix. I am putting this one in the highly recommend column. It was a complete surprise- and I really loved it. Please enjoy.
I placed the last piece in my stained glass work tonight. It was a feeling of triumph! I'll show you as soon as I can- PC and iphone communication issue- they really do not care for each other. I'll figure it out. LOL. Maybe. I still have to wrap each piece in copper tape, then solder them all in place- should be a few more weeks- but then it will be DONE. I look at stained glass so differently now, I can actually make a window or whatever! Isn't that something? It's the little things.
Off to bed- I've been keeping a little too busy- but wow, what a difference from old me- I can't even fathom most of that life anymore. Work, drink, sleep, repeat. My whole life in 4 words. Now I need a dictionary. So don't we all, right?
Great people, great class. Hope you are all doing well and feeling your lives blossoming- despite hardships, despite the unexpected. It's the ups and downs that build the map of our lives- sometimes it's Coffeepot Road and sometimes it's smooth as glass. The magic is that we take it all and deal with it rather than subvert, avoid or make it worse with our behaviors.
Oop- Lisa is rambling again- have a good night all.
Dropping by to say hello- I know Free should be home soon (home already?) and James is heading away- safe travels to all.
SS, Thinking of you and sending healing thoughts. Hope your meetings have been blissfully sociopath free- and if not, well, he's a him problem, not a you problem.
Bodhi- Your brother-in-law sounds like a real prize. Press the ignore button in real life. LOL.
NL- Great job on 6 months!
Last night I crashed early and watched Father Stu on Netflix. I am putting this one in the highly recommend column. It was a complete surprise- and I really loved it. Please enjoy.
I placed the last piece in my stained glass work tonight. It was a feeling of triumph! I'll show you as soon as I can- PC and iphone communication issue- they really do not care for each other. I'll figure it out. LOL. Maybe. I still have to wrap each piece in copper tape, then solder them all in place- should be a few more weeks- but then it will be DONE. I look at stained glass so differently now, I can actually make a window or whatever! Isn't that something? It's the little things.
Off to bed- I've been keeping a little too busy- but wow, what a difference from old me- I can't even fathom most of that life anymore. Work, drink, sleep, repeat. My whole life in 4 words. Now I need a dictionary. So don't we all, right?
Great people, great class. Hope you are all doing well and feeling your lives blossoming- despite hardships, despite the unexpected. It's the ups and downs that build the map of our lives- sometimes it's Coffeepot Road and sometimes it's smooth as glass. The magic is that we take it all and deal with it rather than subvert, avoid or make it worse with our behaviors.
Oop- Lisa is rambling again- have a good night all.
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