Dee74

I think not seeing well is quite a big thing to get upset about/'fanatical' about LHW.
I appreciate that other people may have weightier problems - but that really doesn't impinge on the validity of your situation, IMO

D

VikingGF

LHW- You have a lot going on. Health concerns are the one area where it is generally very hard to "take it easy" but understanding that the addition of anxiety to any situation is never helpful did assist me in managing my own behavior in the past, and my mom has a diagnosed anxiety disorder- she is in full control now with the help of her therapist and her pretty strong reliance on meditation/prayer and her circle of friends. She has worked hard to recover from her addictions, her undesired behaviors and she is my role model. So, there is another side- it is attainable. One day at time seems to be a pretty universal mantra! You're doing great staying sober through so many diversions- excellent work.

Listen to this cool thing- I had a patient this week who is young (mid-sixties) and 7 years sober from alcohol and opiates. He mentioned that to me as an aside- and he said to me that being in a rehab facility and losing so much of his independence (can't live alone but doesn't need much support- kind of assisted living level) and giving up his house, etc has made him "Want to drink for the first time in a long time." Guess who had all the right words to say? That's right- I gave him all the support that I have learned from being here on SR with you guys and at the end of it we both felt pretty darn satisfied. No drinks that day. I so much would like to become an addictions counselor. I know it's tons of school and hours of clinical- and none of what I do now can be counted as any credits. I'm 57 in 2 months. I'm not able to stop working to go to school, going part time would have me broke and doing that until I'm 60 something. Am I making up these roadblocks in order to not try- or are they valid? I am finally enjoying my work- it was the alcohol this WHOLE time that was making me so miserable- but now I feel like I must do MORE MORE MORE- is that me just not allowing myself to be content with what is a pretty good life? Why?

I'm learning a new language. Maybe that will keep me focused for a bit. Oh, and my stained-glass project! Just wait and see!

Wishing you all a great weekend!

Free2bme888

LHW, I’m glad everything checked out ok. How scary!

No, you aren’t fanatical IMHO 🤓❤️ Anything chronically wrong like blurry eyesight for extended weeks can make anyone insane. I’m sorry your spouse wasn’t all that supportive. Glad you felt some improvement in small increments.

Viking, I turned 60 in Australia, we are all about the same age🤩

Also, I guess you have to weigh the options. Maybe talk casually to an addiction counselor about their motivations for getting in to their line of work, etc and have them describe their worst and best days.

Which second language? I know French, it was fun to converse in Morocco as that is the universal language there, besides arabic.

Sounds like you really helped your patient! Encounters like that make all the BS of healthcare delivery worth it.

love you all

L

Dee74

That's fantastic you were able to advise VGF
D

LoveHateWhine

Thanks everyone!

I certainly didn't mean to imply Mr. LHW was not supportive. He has been an absolute SAINT.

What he was trying to say was the doctor told me to give it at least 3-4 weeks before things started to improve! He was there. He heard it. I expected improvement in 3 days, or at the latest 10 days. Hence his comments were to tell me to please be patient...the 3-4 weeks is not even up yet and I am expecting perfection. He knows I am obsessing, but he has attended all of my follow up appointments and has listened. He said I just need to be patient and just calm down.

He has been GREAT through all of this. Honestly don't know what I would do without him.

My "final" post op appointment is late this coming week. We will see.

Thanks all....

LHW

VikingGF

Third language, Free- Portuguese. It's challenging but feels good to stretch the brain muscles.

Free2bme888

Oh, sorry misinterpreted LHW. I am such a dork 😬😫😁

Viking, cool. We had to stop in Azores on way home and go through customs. A gorgeous place Portugal ‘owns’

❤️🤓

Bodhi02

Hey all checking in here from a wedding in ghettysburg, pa. I’m back in my room
snuggled up with a cup of tea and twizzlers watching the parent trap. I lasted pretty long at the wedding and even made it to the bonfire after party. People started getting really drunk and I felt myself getting pretty annoyed so I peaced out. My husband was the best man and gave a really nice speech. During the day, while the wedding party was getting ready I asked and went to lunch with a few of the other groomsmens’ wives downtown. It was a great day, awesome burger, and a farmers market. It felt good to get together with some new people. Im glad I put myself out there and Im feeling very comfortable in my own skin.


We’re starting to tell people outside the family about the pregnancy. It’s a little nerve racking with all the losses we’ve experienced in the past.

Free2bme888

Bodhi, so glad you had a good time, met with new people, and bowed out when you were done with the evening. What an honor to have your husband give a speech as the best man!

We are all so excited about baby Bodhi too. Thanks for checking in🤓

Free2bme888

James, a HUGE shout out for your 100 days!

I am ecstatic for you, and for all of us.

What we each choose, echoes out into the universe.

Thank you for sticking with us, and choosing life, a life free from the killing chokehold of active addiction.

Free2bme888

Please join me for breakfast!

VikingGF

Free- about 30% of my patient population and coworkers are from the Azores- the islands are so beautiful- I think if I traveled to Portugal, I'd be more inclined to go to Lisbon and travel to Spain, but the Azores are more attractive to me each year. The culture is so interesting and different from Spain- and the language IS kicking my butt- as someone who gets by quite well in Español, it's surprising how hard the language is- I guess that is my own ignorance, thinking it would be easy. So many people say, Oh, if you can speak Spanish, you can speak Portuguese- but my Spanish speaking friends disagree. It is helping a little with the vocab- but the pronunciation has me working hard.

Baby Bodhi!! Glad you are spreading the good news, Bodhi- so happy for you.

SS- How you doing out there? Miss seeing you.

James- NYC is treating you well, I hope! Make sure you hit Katz's Deli for a sandwich if you are in the area. (They may be closed for the holiday- or slammed for the holiday!!!) I am dying for a good bagel and lox- I feel like this was a conversation a year ago!! Right, Venus? At any rate- it's a great way to start a new year and celebrate a significant milestone. More on that on your post out on the board.

LHW- How many fingers am I holding up? Hope things are clearing up- all in good time, right?

Today I have plans- TWO Wellness/Psychic fairs, an artisan donut shop and then a movie and a cuddle with the best dog later- when the rain arrives. It's a good life.

Have a good one. I'll pick out a crystal for everyone today.

venuscat

For sure, I always have good bagels and smoked salmon here. I am not a fan of Katz, I don't like their food, but if you want, you can order most of their menu items online through DoorDash now. Just saying.

Love to everyone. ❤️

ClearPath64

Thanks for the invitation Lynn, but I seem to have done pretty well on my own this morning. Heavenly!

Free2bme888

James, SUHWEET!

Did you know I went to highschool in NY, and get REAL NYC bagel and ‘Regulah’ kawwwfeee?

Thanks for the wonderful memory lane moment 🤓🌆🥯

SouthernSober

That's the best looking bagel I've ever seen.

SouthernSober

Thanks, Viking. Didn't realize it'd been a few days.

I am having one of those bad days in which nothing particularly bad happens--but it's just a bad day. Down. Uninspired. Just took out my contact lenses, put on my lounge shorts and fave-these-days Kennebunkport sweatshirt.

Duchess' passing hit me hard today and I'm mourning other things as well. I'll just say relationship things. There are huge, empty spaces in the life I had most of the year. I am here with my music and Bandit and Tigger, thankfully, but there are still huge, empty spaces.

And all sorts of unanswered questions. Why and how, mostly. I may never find out.

This is what I think of as "intermediate sobriety"--when you've put in enough time not drinking is now the default setting, the constant obsession has been lifted, you know the drill, you know the tools...so what's next is what to do when all of you feels like a cold, rainy, dreary day that won't stop.

Gonna post these familiar Bruce Hornsby lyrics, which seem to say it better than I could:

SWAN SONG

This is no fond farewell
You can be sure I could wish it was no farewell at all
It's been a good long run
Oh to be sure I don't regret much, not much at all

And I'm gonna love the night away
Gonna do what I want to any old day
And all at once I know the clouds are gonna clear for me

And I will do alright
Well in truth, I might
I may be stumbling round on some cold night
And I will miss the times when we were so right
Although it seems so long ago, so long
This is my swan song, I'm gone, gone

This is no sorrowful day
You can be sure I've got no axe to grind at all
It's circumstance or burn out
You can be sure I've been grinding, till I'm grinding to a halt

Sometimes it's the right thing to cut the chord
You've been holding on hard but your hands get sore
Sometimes it's worth it but sometimes you wonder what for

And I will do alright
Well in truth, I might
I may be stumbling round on some dim dim light
And I will miss the times when we were so right
Although it seems so long ago, so long
This is my swan song, I'm gone, gone

And I will do alright
Well in truth, I might
I may be stumbling round in some cold night

And I will do alright
Well in truth, I might
And I may be stumbling round in some cold night
And I will miss the times when it was so right
Although it seems so long ago, so long, hey hey
This is my swan song, I'm gone, gone
This is my swan song, gone, I'm gone

Oh, I'm gone
Yeah, I'm gone
Well I've been long, gone, gone
Long gone
Yeah yeah

Well, hope to be back here tomorrow morning with my coffee and a better frame of mind.

Free2bme888

In-Between

~Melody Beattie

Sometimes, to get from where we are to where we are going, we have to be willing to be in-between.



One of the hardest parts of recovery is the concept of letting go of what is old and familiar, and what we don’t want, and being willing to stand with our hands empty while we wait for God to fill them.



This may apply to feelings. We may have been full of hurt and anger. In some ways, these feelings may have become comfortably familiar. When we finally face and relinquish our grief, we may feel empty for a time. We are in between pain and the joy of serenity and acceptance.



Being in-between can apply to relationships. To prepare ourselves for the new, we need to first let go of the old. This can be frightening. We may feel empty and lost for a time. We may feel all alone, wondering what is wrong with us for letting go of the proverbial bird-in-hand, when there is nothing in the bush.



Being in-between can apply to many areas of life and recovery. We can be in between jobs, careers, homes, or goals. We can be in between behaviors as we let go of the old and are not certain what we will replace it with. This can apply to behaviors that have protected and served us well all of our life, such as caretaking and controlling.



We may have many feelings going on when we’re in-between: spurts of grief about what we have let go of or lost, and feelings of anxiety, fear, and apprehension about what’s ahead. These are normal feelings for the in-between place. Accept them. Feel them. Release them.



Being in-between isn’t fun, but it’s necessary. It will not last forever. It may feel like we’re standing still, but we’re not.

We’re standing at the in-between place. It’s how we get from here to there. It is not the destination.



We are moving forward, even when we’re in-between.



Today, I will accept where I am as the ideal place for me to be. If I am in-between, I will strive for the faith that this place is not without purpose, that it is moving me toward something good.



From the book: The Language of Letting Go: Hazelden Meditation Series

Free2bme888

Dark thirty, folks!

Up, NOT because of anxiety due to poison ingestion, TTL, but to anxiety of the day.

In MN, lots to do to help eldest. I could easily get overwhelmed. I have been dropping “S” bombs, “F” bombs, and hubby and I have had some tiffs, we are so stressed out. It is NOT easy helping someone with brain injury.

What is my plan, you say?

Well, it started now, well, 30 minutes ago, stopping laying there in bed wide awake and getting my bottom up.

Breathing, lots of breathing. Counting to 10 before I decide to sound like a sailor/trucker. Exercise. Got out yesterday, and that yielded a ‘free chair’. (More later to inquiring minds on that). Going for a walk soon, hoping the sun comes up fairly soon so I don’t trip and fall.

Today painting, and patience, and putting some time away for me. That includes now, posting here, to my FOO. And drinking coffee. Lots of ccccooooffffeeeeee 🤓☕️☕️☕️☕️☕️☕️

Lots of love,

L

ClearPath64

Sorry that you were feeling down SS, and I hope that the sunrise today renews your spirit some. Thanks for sharing those song lyrics. I have the song playing in the background as I type this. Wishing you comfort as you deal with these recent losses. Take care of yourself and let time do the healing.

Lisa, I can totally relate to your comments about being happy in your job, but aspiring for more. I don't think that there's anything wrong with that, as long as you give yourself some grace. Your line of work impacts people in need directly every day. And how about here on SR? You've had a direct impact on me, and many others. I'd say that you're doing pretty good. But sure, go out there and kick some more butt. Learn Portuguese. Find other ways to help more people in need. But only because you love it, and it nourishes you. Not because of some nagging voice that says you must do more. You are enough, just the way you are.

Bodhi, tea and twizzlers?! That's some comfort food right there! Glad that you navigated your way through the wedding. Gladder that you are feeling so much more comfortable in your skin. Makes all the difference.

Lynn, I'm glad that you are home safe and sound from your travels. What a whirlwind adventure! And I believe that I missed your milestone birthday while you were down under. Happy 60th to you!

LHW, I hope that you are seeing a little better today and I hope that your follow-up appointment brings good news this week.

By the way, that bagel was every bit as delicious as it looked. Could have made two meals out of it, but it wouldn't have been as good the next day, right? Honestly, there was no way to stop.

Beautiful morning in NYC. Need to get the doggies out and then get cleaned up for work. Wishing everyone a great start to the week.