SS, I am so very sorry. And what I heard at the end was also the loneliness of someone (a particular person?) saying that a profound loss like this is not an alcohol related issue. How sad if someone did say something like that. The overwhelming pain and fear we can feel just being alive on this planet is what we thought we were relieving with alcohol. That well trod path in our psyches doesn’t change just because we stop drinking. At least, not completely. Recognizing that dulling and obliviating is how you used to handle something like this, that you would put another anvil on yourself at a time of feeling buried already, is absolutely alcohol related in my mind. i am sorry if you are ever made to feel like there is not a place for recognizing that in a meeting. I may be misunderstanding the end but in any event I am glad you can come here and lay it all bare.