Class of August 2021 Support Thread Part 9
Member
Join Date: Aug 2021
Location: Litchfield, SC
Posts: 585
Thanks, everyone, for all the kind words and wishes. The emotions come in waves, and I'm just trying to stay occupied.
I have changed my home group and have a new sponsor, both of which are more low key and user friendly. It's the best move I can make given all considerations.
One thing's for sure: I just don't have time or energy for peoples' BS. That's generally true, just especially now. I have more than enough to deal with. I can't let other people add to it.
I have changed my home group and have a new sponsor, both of which are more low key and user friendly. It's the best move I can make given all considerations.
One thing's for sure: I just don't have time or energy for peoples' BS. That's generally true, just especially now. I have more than enough to deal with. I can't let other people add to it.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2017
Location: East Coast US
Posts: 1,837
Thanks, everyone.
Congrats on the 100 days, CP. Way to go.
I am sooooo bored I want to scream. Mr. LHW is now monitoring my "screen time" like a child. Parental controls. LOL! He thinks even a just few minutes a day is too much but I told him if I don't get to read, play a word game or look at something for even 10-15 minutes in a 24 hour period I will go crazy. The doctor did not say I can't do these things, but it's proving to be difficult. As I have said before, I have a new appreciation for those with seeing disabilities.
Right now I am typing this with the PC a full arms length away and my "good (close up) eye" is patched. Working the right eye. I see some slight improvement.
Anyway......Mr. LHW is now yelling "ding ding ding" which means screen time is up for now. LOL.
Everyone have a great day.
Congrats on the 100 days, CP. Way to go.
I am sooooo bored I want to scream. Mr. LHW is now monitoring my "screen time" like a child. Parental controls. LOL! He thinks even a just few minutes a day is too much but I told him if I don't get to read, play a word game or look at something for even 10-15 minutes in a 24 hour period I will go crazy. The doctor did not say I can't do these things, but it's proving to be difficult. As I have said before, I have a new appreciation for those with seeing disabilities.
Right now I am typing this with the PC a full arms length away and my "good (close up) eye" is patched. Working the right eye. I see some slight improvement.
Anyway......Mr. LHW is now yelling "ding ding ding" which means screen time is up for now. LOL.
Everyone have a great day.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2020
Posts: 517
Ooh love that fortune cookie CP!
LHW, keep sharing what you’re going through when you can. Hopefully these difficult days are behind you someday very soon.
SS, how are you doing?
I’ve been thinking a lot about a way of thinking that has caused me a great deal pain. Living in and wanting the ideal world and not accepting the reality. I think of it as should thinking. My BIL should be kind my college friends should be supportive of the changes I’m going through. But the reality is that some people like my BIL are just hurtful whether they mean to be or not. My college friends have their own lives going on and aren’t sober so aren’t able to be supportive. The reality is these friendships have run their course and that’s ok. The reality is my BIL will likely not have a close bond because we have such different values. Living in the ideal is crushing and doesn’t let people be who they are. It boxes them in and is a narrow way for me to think “this is how they should be acting. A good friend should do this. My family should feel likes this”. It’s not easy to accept that things aren’t the way I think they should be but I guess there’s gotta be some silver lining to the reality.
LHW, keep sharing what you’re going through when you can. Hopefully these difficult days are behind you someday very soon.
SS, how are you doing?
I’ve been thinking a lot about a way of thinking that has caused me a great deal pain. Living in and wanting the ideal world and not accepting the reality. I think of it as should thinking. My BIL should be kind my college friends should be supportive of the changes I’m going through. But the reality is that some people like my BIL are just hurtful whether they mean to be or not. My college friends have their own lives going on and aren’t sober so aren’t able to be supportive. The reality is these friendships have run their course and that’s ok. The reality is my BIL will likely not have a close bond because we have such different values. Living in the ideal is crushing and doesn’t let people be who they are. It boxes them in and is a narrow way for me to think “this is how they should be acting. A good friend should do this. My family should feel likes this”. It’s not easy to accept that things aren’t the way I think they should be but I guess there’s gotta be some silver lining to the reality.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2016
Location: Kansas City, MO
Posts: 1,121
Hi Bodhi, I think that it's good that you are assessing your part in those interactions. That those people have their own lives, and reasons for the way they act, which are out of your control. I think that letting go of the "should thinking", while retaining your boundaries and protecting yourself, is a good strategy. Hopefully you can get to the point where you can let the negativity deflect off of you, without giving it a second thought. Much easier said than done though.
Looking out at the Hudson River off my daughter's balcony this morning. Flight was on time, arrived early, and I shared an Uber with complete strangers, which saved me about 30 bucks. Just struck up a conversation while waiting at baggage claim and next thing you know we're great friends, sharing our life stories in the back of a van! The old me wouldn't have done that. Life is good.
Will check in later. Have a great day you guys!
Looking out at the Hudson River off my daughter's balcony this morning. Flight was on time, arrived early, and I shared an Uber with complete strangers, which saved me about 30 bucks. Just struck up a conversation while waiting at baggage claim and next thing you know we're great friends, sharing our life stories in the back of a van! The old me wouldn't have done that. Life is good.
Will check in later. Have a great day you guys!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: New England
Posts: 4,423
Bodhi, I can’t count how many times I have “readjusted my expectations” in relationships throughout my lifetime. The good news is, that adjustment isn’t always in the down direction- it’s just a matter of finding the right people and putting out the right energy. Letting go, learning boundaries, being honest with myself about what I wanted, that all got real only when I took the wine goggles off. It’s a process, you’re doing so well. I know it’s hard, but it gets better as more authentic people make connections with you.
Member
Join Date: May 2018
Location: Where I’ve longed to be all my life…..here, now.
Posts: 7,345
Happy birthday, James! And I bet the view is awesome.
Bodhi, agree with the other responses here,you are in a healthy place, and I imagine it feels good and uncomfortable at the same time. Maybe I’m projecting, but that’s what it is for me.
NL, glad you didn’t get a ticket from the cop, it’s so nice to have grace bestowed on us, and it’s a wonderful reminder to pay it forward to others.
SS, glad you got a new group and sponsor. I think the people we allow to stay in our lives are crucial to our well being.
Viking, how are you, wise one?
Gotta get the chemical peel off my face, more later
love to all
Bodhi, agree with the other responses here,you are in a healthy place, and I imagine it feels good and uncomfortable at the same time. Maybe I’m projecting, but that’s what it is for me.
NL, glad you didn’t get a ticket from the cop, it’s so nice to have grace bestowed on us, and it’s a wonderful reminder to pay it forward to others.
SS, glad you got a new group and sponsor. I think the people we allow to stay in our lives are crucial to our well being.
Viking, how are you, wise one?
Gotta get the chemical peel off my face, more later
love to all
Member
Join Date: Aug 2021
Location: Litchfield, SC
Posts: 585
Thanks, Bodhi, and all of you. I've been following along and waiting until something really struck me. This morning, two things did.
First, life is too often painful and incomprehensible. That's the human condition. People that don't have a problem with alcohol often are maladjusted to life's problems in other ways. Either way--I feel like I need to increase my mental toughness. What's the opposite of that? Drinking as a crutch, then a broken crutch. Is stoicism a part of this new way of life? I would say yes, to a certain degree...as long as I examine, understand, and do something about the character traits that made me susceptible to an alcohol problem in the first place.
Segues into second, just as I just don't have the "dubious luxury" of alcohol, I don't have the dubious luxury of reacting, vs. responding (or in some cases, just avoiding or ignoring, if it gets to that) to people and their own maladjustments. I. Just. Don't. The cruel, arrogant, and selfish sociopath bragging about time in the program but literally threatening people and disrupting meetings? Would not go there any more than I would go into a downtown bad neighborhood at 2 a.m. His telling me that a dying family member "isn't alcohol related?" Well, that's his problem, not mine--and it looks like his problem isn't fixable. I remember the late, great journalist Charley Reese writing in his farewell column: "To everyone who wished me well--thanks. Everyone else, go to hell."
The idea itself of alcohol vs. non-related issue is, seems to me, a fools errand. I think the point is to deal with all issues before they become alcohol related. Here's the tricky part: my default setting is not drinking, has been for well over a year. But my default character traits are still set to the things that led me to becoming a problem drinker. Do you see what I mean?
Borrowing from Viking to wrap this up:
"The good news is, that adjustment isn’t always in the down direction- it’s just a matter of finding the right people and putting out the right energy. Letting go, learning boundaries, being honest with myself about what I wanted, that all got real only when I took the wine goggles off. It’s a process, you’re doing so well. I know it’s hard, but it gets better as more authentic people make connections with you."
best, SS
First, life is too often painful and incomprehensible. That's the human condition. People that don't have a problem with alcohol often are maladjusted to life's problems in other ways. Either way--I feel like I need to increase my mental toughness. What's the opposite of that? Drinking as a crutch, then a broken crutch. Is stoicism a part of this new way of life? I would say yes, to a certain degree...as long as I examine, understand, and do something about the character traits that made me susceptible to an alcohol problem in the first place.
Segues into second, just as I just don't have the "dubious luxury" of alcohol, I don't have the dubious luxury of reacting, vs. responding (or in some cases, just avoiding or ignoring, if it gets to that) to people and their own maladjustments. I. Just. Don't. The cruel, arrogant, and selfish sociopath bragging about time in the program but literally threatening people and disrupting meetings? Would not go there any more than I would go into a downtown bad neighborhood at 2 a.m. His telling me that a dying family member "isn't alcohol related?" Well, that's his problem, not mine--and it looks like his problem isn't fixable. I remember the late, great journalist Charley Reese writing in his farewell column: "To everyone who wished me well--thanks. Everyone else, go to hell."
The idea itself of alcohol vs. non-related issue is, seems to me, a fools errand. I think the point is to deal with all issues before they become alcohol related. Here's the tricky part: my default setting is not drinking, has been for well over a year. But my default character traits are still set to the things that led me to becoming a problem drinker. Do you see what I mean?
Borrowing from Viking to wrap this up:
"The good news is, that adjustment isn’t always in the down direction- it’s just a matter of finding the right people and putting out the right energy. Letting go, learning boundaries, being honest with myself about what I wanted, that all got real only when I took the wine goggles off. It’s a process, you’re doing so well. I know it’s hard, but it gets better as more authentic people make connections with you."
best, SS
Administrator
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,473
The good thing about recovery for me is that if I don’t like something about myself I can keep tinkering, changing and growing until I’m satisfied I’m at my best.
Of course…I’m not at my best yet…it’s an ongoing programme
D
Of course…I’m not at my best yet…it’s an ongoing programme
D
Member
Join Date: Sep 2016
Location: Kansas City, MO
Posts: 1,121
Originally Posted by Dee74 
The good thing about recovery for me is that if I don’t like something about myself I can keep tinkering, changing and growing until I’m satisfied I’m at my best.
Of course…I’m not at my best yet…it’s an ongoing programme
D
Of course…I’m not at my best yet…it’s an ongoing programme
D
You've played a large role in getting me to this point Dee and I am so grateful to have found SR all those years ago.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2016
Location: Kansas City, MO
Posts: 1,121
Morning check in from NYC. Cool morning, windy, in the low 50s. The only reason that I mention that is because I have to find the coats for these little short-haired dogs before I take them out this morning to do their morning business. It's quite a process, as my daughter's apartment is on the 34th floor. The dachshund can barely walk, so she gets to ride in a stroller. The puggle is on a leash. Down through the lobby of the apartment building, out to the sidewalk, and a short walk to a small area of dirt that serves as the community bathroom. It's quite a juggling act to get them to do their thing, pick up after them, and dispose of everything properly. I'm not sure how the kids manage this during the winter, but I guess you do what you have to do.
Exercise won't be an issue, though swimming won't be on the agenda until I get back home. I have assessed the Hudson River and decided that it won't suffice as a lap pool. Plenty of walking opportunities. Took a long one last night, including a good chunk of Central Park. The apartment complex has a really nice gym, so I'm going to try and incorporate some weight work into the after-work plans.
So much to do, but I do have to work today, so I'd better get rolling. Today is Day 100 for me. Going to celebrate tonight with a gigantic slice of pizza. I'll be thinking about each and every one of you, and how you helped get me to this point in my life. Forever in your debt. I plan to pay it forward for the rest of my life. Least I can do.
Exercise won't be an issue, though swimming won't be on the agenda until I get back home. I have assessed the Hudson River and decided that it won't suffice as a lap pool. Plenty of walking opportunities. Took a long one last night, including a good chunk of Central Park. The apartment complex has a really nice gym, so I'm going to try and incorporate some weight work into the after-work plans.
So much to do, but I do have to work today, so I'd better get rolling. Today is Day 100 for me. Going to celebrate tonight with a gigantic slice of pizza. I'll be thinking about each and every one of you, and how you helped get me to this point in my life. Forever in your debt. I plan to pay it forward for the rest of my life. Least I can do.
Member
Join Date: May 2018
Location: Where I’ve longed to be all my life…..here, now.
Posts: 7,345
Cool beans, James!
Triple digits!
Wow, what a PIA on dogs. 😬
Good plan on workout and walks.
GIGANTORE HUGS 🎏🪅🪄🎉🎈❤️🎊🎁🎊❤️🤓🎈🪅🎏🪄🎉🪄🎏🪅🎉🎈❤️🎊🎁🎊❤️🎊🎁🎈🪅🎉🪄🎏🪅🎉🪄🎏🪅🎉🪄🎏🪅🎊❤️🎊 🎁🎊❤️🤓🎈🤓🎈❤️🎊🎁🎊🎁🎏🪅🎉🪄
Triple digits!
Wow, what a PIA on dogs. 😬
Good plan on workout and walks.
GIGANTORE HUGS 🎏🪅🪄🎉🎈❤️🎊🎁🎊❤️🤓🎈🪅🎏🪄🎉🪄🎏🪅🎉🎈❤️🎊🎁🎊❤️🎊🎁🎈🪅🎉🪄🎏🪅🎉🪄🎏🪅🎉🪄🎏🪅🎊❤️🎊 🎁🎊❤️🤓🎈🤓🎈❤️🎊🎁🎊🎁🎏🪅🎉🪄
Member
Join Date: Sep 2017
Location: East Coast US
Posts: 1,837
Hey gang. Hope everyone’s weekend is starting off great.
Spent the past several hours at the medical aid unit. I was sweating, heart palpitations, dizzy, some chest discomfort, pain in back around shoulder. I have heart disease in the family on both the maternal and paternal sides, but all appears to be well. It was likely a severe anxiety attack. EKG and all that is normal.
I had a condo council meeting this morning and it was quite contentious. Not sure I am cut out for that and being blamed for every little thing that the residents don’t like about council decisions. I told people if they don’t like what we decide, then they should volunteer to provide input to the decisions. We have our formal community meeting coming up on Wednesday where all the residents get to listen to the officers discussions and they can take their shots at us and our decisions if they so desire. Also, as you have all read, I am not handing my vision issues well.
I am such a big crybaby. There are far worse problems in this world to have and I should be grateful this is all I am dealing with. Seriously. This is a minor blip in the grand scheme of things. The vision should get better and if it doesn’t, I will just get a new script for new glasses and that will be that. If the condo council is too stressful, I don’t have to volunteer again when my term is up.
Mr. LHW reminded me of the time I told him I came across my 4th grade report card where the teacher wrote “she becomes overly upset with a tiny cut or bruise and is often inconsolable”. I may have written about that here, I can’t remember. Anyway, there is something there that had obviously been extremely traumatic for me as a child to react that way and it is largely unchanged, though I wouldn't say I am inconsolable. But I do obsess about health stuff. The doc said I am “fanatical” about my vision. I said “Isn’t everyone?”
Oh well. Back home now and in my pajamas just relaxing. I am happy to report I do see some improvement in the eye and when we drove to and from the medical aid unit, I was able to see a little further distance wise. (Mr. LHW was driving of course!)
When we got back home, he very kindly said “LHW, you just have to have some patience…please…and just calm down”. I could hear the exasperation in his voice. He’s definitely right about that.
Have a great weekend, everyone.
Spent the past several hours at the medical aid unit. I was sweating, heart palpitations, dizzy, some chest discomfort, pain in back around shoulder. I have heart disease in the family on both the maternal and paternal sides, but all appears to be well. It was likely a severe anxiety attack. EKG and all that is normal.
I had a condo council meeting this morning and it was quite contentious. Not sure I am cut out for that and being blamed for every little thing that the residents don’t like about council decisions. I told people if they don’t like what we decide, then they should volunteer to provide input to the decisions. We have our formal community meeting coming up on Wednesday where all the residents get to listen to the officers discussions and they can take their shots at us and our decisions if they so desire. Also, as you have all read, I am not handing my vision issues well.
I am such a big crybaby. There are far worse problems in this world to have and I should be grateful this is all I am dealing with. Seriously. This is a minor blip in the grand scheme of things. The vision should get better and if it doesn’t, I will just get a new script for new glasses and that will be that. If the condo council is too stressful, I don’t have to volunteer again when my term is up.
Mr. LHW reminded me of the time I told him I came across my 4th grade report card where the teacher wrote “she becomes overly upset with a tiny cut or bruise and is often inconsolable”. I may have written about that here, I can’t remember. Anyway, there is something there that had obviously been extremely traumatic for me as a child to react that way and it is largely unchanged, though I wouldn't say I am inconsolable. But I do obsess about health stuff. The doc said I am “fanatical” about my vision. I said “Isn’t everyone?”
Oh well. Back home now and in my pajamas just relaxing. I am happy to report I do see some improvement in the eye and when we drove to and from the medical aid unit, I was able to see a little further distance wise. (Mr. LHW was driving of course!)
When we got back home, he very kindly said “LHW, you just have to have some patience…please…and just calm down”. I could hear the exasperation in his voice. He’s definitely right about that.
Have a great weekend, everyone.
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