Class of May 2021 Support thread Part Two
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Join Date: May 2020
Location: Florida
Posts: 1,025
Originally Posted by phoebe64 
Cool! Several years ago, we vacationed in Treasure Island, but I couldn’t talk the kids into going to a museum/gallery while on a beach vacation. Some might not know that I make beaded jewelry, used to do a lot more. That led to a love of glass beads and glass art. I might someday try my hand at lamp work, but you need a well ventilated area, and I’m a bit nervous about the torch.
There was a glass blowing studio that offered lessons right down the street from my house but I was too scared to even go in to see the demonstrations. I thought I'd catch on fire or the place would go up with me in it! I'd be nervous about the torch too.
Once my boyfriend was working on my house and set this sawzall? thing on my front porch when he was done with it so I asked if I could put it away so any neighborhood cats couldn't get near it. I picked it up by the handle and it somehow turned on so I dropped it while turning to throw it into my front yard and it almost hit one of my porch columns. I screamed and ran around to my back door. He was trying not to laugh. *eyeroll
That was it for me and tools! At least ones that might be dangerous.
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Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 2,747
Wow Phoebe I am impressed. If someone so much as shrugs at me rationalizing drinking I'm rushing to the bar. I'm very happy to hear your sober muscles set you straight. Maybe you just had to verbally organize and hear the words come out of your mouth. I like the visual of waking the beast, also was thinking a lot about "can of worms" today. Like I used to say I only drank wine but then everything just ended up in my belly at any time. A can of worms. So the boundary had to be set
Just had a really difficult session in therapy. I am really frustrated with life and yes feeling invisible and worthless and triggered. Of course I had to go ahead and celebrate myself yesterday and talk about my triggers. Then I immediately got one. My ex deleted me off of social media and I thought we were on good terms. I thought everything was ok. We weren't communicating frequently but periodically and I thought we were friendly. I wish he had warned me or had the courtesy to tell me he felt he needed to do that. So, I feel erased and invisible just like I have with all of my family members and both ex husbands and now him. I'm just something to erase. Major major triggers for me right now.
Feeling very alone and hopeless and like life will never be ok and no one will love me and stay by me. And I honestly think I am right.
Just had a really difficult session in therapy. I am really frustrated with life and yes feeling invisible and worthless and triggered. Of course I had to go ahead and celebrate myself yesterday and talk about my triggers. Then I immediately got one. My ex deleted me off of social media and I thought we were on good terms. I thought everything was ok. We weren't communicating frequently but periodically and I thought we were friendly. I wish he had warned me or had the courtesy to tell me he felt he needed to do that. So, I feel erased and invisible just like I have with all of my family members and both ex husbands and now him. I'm just something to erase. Major major triggers for me right now.
Feeling very alone and hopeless and like life will never be ok and no one will love me and stay by me. And I honestly think I am right.
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Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: German Village, Columbus with my love ♥
Posts: 88,535
I don't think you are right dear Plenny 
s
I think that this stuff hurts and it can take us to our dark place.
Personally ~ I kind of hate social media.
My sister used FB 3 years ago to viciously disown me, and so I stayed away for a while which became longer.
And now I only use Messenger to chat with family and friends in Aus.
Before you saw that your ex did this love, you were in a good place.
Proud of yourself. Free.
And we all adore you. And you are not alone. xx ❤️
sI think that this stuff hurts and it can take us to our dark place.
Personally ~ I kind of hate social media.
My sister used FB 3 years ago to viciously disown me, and so I stayed away for a while which became longer.
And now I only use Messenger to chat with family and friends in Aus.
Before you saw that your ex did this love, you were in a good place.
Proud of yourself. Free.
And we all adore you. And you are not alone. xx
❤️
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Join Date: Nov 2020
Posts: 338
First, I am feeling somewhat better physically today, not so much pain, but pain none the less. I had to bite the bullet and finally take a muscle relaxer yesterday. I hate those things and don't react well to them. Dry mouth and stiff muscles the next day (today) but I can usually get the muscles to free themselves up.
I look forward to Thursday. I realized, after the muscle relaxer kicked in that the pain was being generated from the right side of my back and it just made me hurt all over. Thursday should fix that.
I have physical therapy on my neck again tomorrow. This sure isn't working out well. I have more pain in my shoulders then before. I am really not thinking this pain is generated by my neck but by my left shoulder. I had an x-ray done and the shoulder is full of arthritis, It is really time for me to an orthopedic doctor. This really is an easy fix. Go in and clear out the bone spurs and what-not microscopically and good to go. Getting a referral to an orthopedic doctor has just proved to be impossible. I just don't know why.
Husband drank yesterday. He worked outside for a good while and was sitting on the back porch so I went out to tell him what a good job he had done. He was sitting with a wine cooler. Oh, well, he is a grown man. We sat down to dinner and wanted to know if I wanted a margarita with him. No. He guessed he wouldn't have one either then. Geeze. We will see what tonight brings. My answer is still no but he has been in and out of the house all day with doctor appointments so no drinking today.
Got a call from my son who is getting married in Sept. I have not seen him in three years and when I did his fiancé acted out like a 12yr old with a screaming, crying fit that lasted 2 hours till my son said they should leave. I sh*t you not. Yes, leave and we didn't talk for a long time after that. I never got an apology, an explanation, and was told recently I should be over it by now. A 35 yr old woman acts out like that in your home and you just get over it? Maybe it is me? IDK I did ask my son that before he got married that we spend some time together, visit. I don't want to just show up at his wedding having not seen him in so long. He told me yesterday he just didn't have the time. I offered to go up to their house and see them, they have no room for me. He doesn't want to make the drive to my house but maybe we could meet half way? A neutral place for diplomatic talks, I guess. I really don't want to do that, that is more money spent, too easy to turn it into a vacation to smooth things over and not really talk. Their wedding is, of course, a destination wedding and I just don't want to go it. I am the only one from our family he has invited because she hates the rest of our family. What to do, what to do? Could I just come up with amebic dysentery and bow out? I pray and pray about this one and God is giving me no answers, or at least the answer I want to hear.
So this me AND I am sober!!!! I made it 5 days now and half way done with day 6. The one thing I did learn last time sober is that life doesn't become a bed of roses because I am not drinking, it does make it easier to stop jumping up and down on those thorns! No big decisions need to made right now. I am headed toward wine:30 and plan on getting through it.
Plenny, I am proud that you handled yourself so well at the BBQ and it is great you salvaged the night. Social media can be awful. It has sure split my husbands family (brothers and sisters) apart over politics. I don't get into it but they also cut me off too, I am guilty by association, I guess. It is a shame too because his sister's husband has terminal cancer and at a time she could use all the family support she could get, she will not let him reach out to her.
Everyone have a good sober evening!
OneThing
I look forward to Thursday. I realized, after the muscle relaxer kicked in that the pain was being generated from the right side of my back and it just made me hurt all over. Thursday should fix that.
I have physical therapy on my neck again tomorrow. This sure isn't working out well. I have more pain in my shoulders then before. I am really not thinking this pain is generated by my neck but by my left shoulder. I had an x-ray done and the shoulder is full of arthritis, It is really time for me to an orthopedic doctor. This really is an easy fix. Go in and clear out the bone spurs and what-not microscopically and good to go. Getting a referral to an orthopedic doctor has just proved to be impossible. I just don't know why.
Husband drank yesterday. He worked outside for a good while and was sitting on the back porch so I went out to tell him what a good job he had done. He was sitting with a wine cooler. Oh, well, he is a grown man. We sat down to dinner and wanted to know if I wanted a margarita with him. No. He guessed he wouldn't have one either then. Geeze. We will see what tonight brings. My answer is still no but he has been in and out of the house all day with doctor appointments so no drinking today.
Got a call from my son who is getting married in Sept. I have not seen him in three years and when I did his fiancé acted out like a 12yr old with a screaming, crying fit that lasted 2 hours till my son said they should leave. I sh*t you not. Yes, leave and we didn't talk for a long time after that. I never got an apology, an explanation, and was told recently I should be over it by now. A 35 yr old woman acts out like that in your home and you just get over it? Maybe it is me? IDK I did ask my son that before he got married that we spend some time together, visit. I don't want to just show up at his wedding having not seen him in so long. He told me yesterday he just didn't have the time. I offered to go up to their house and see them, they have no room for me. He doesn't want to make the drive to my house but maybe we could meet half way? A neutral place for diplomatic talks, I guess. I really don't want to do that, that is more money spent, too easy to turn it into a vacation to smooth things over and not really talk. Their wedding is, of course, a destination wedding and I just don't want to go it. I am the only one from our family he has invited because she hates the rest of our family. What to do, what to do? Could I just come up with amebic dysentery and bow out? I pray and pray about this one and God is giving me no answers, or at least the answer I want to hear.
So this me AND I am sober!!!! I made it 5 days now and half way done with day 6. The one thing I did learn last time sober is that life doesn't become a bed of roses because I am not drinking, it does make it easier to stop jumping up and down on those thorns! No big decisions need to made right now. I am headed toward wine:30 and plan on getting through it.
Plenny, I am proud that you handled yourself so well at the BBQ and it is great you salvaged the night. Social media can be awful. It has sure split my husbands family (brothers and sisters) apart over politics. I don't get into it but they also cut me off too, I am guilty by association, I guess. It is a shame too because his sister's husband has terminal cancer and at a time she could use all the family support she could get, she will not let him reach out to her.
Everyone have a good sober evening!
OneThing
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Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: German Village, Columbus with my love ♥
Posts: 88,535
One Thing ~ I read about your son last time you told us, but you added a lot more detail this time....um....I am not a mum, but with all that has happened, I do not think I would go to the wedding. You would be doing it for your son....and he is not even willing to meet you halfway here, literally.
I share your issues with shoulder and neck. It is agony. s
I really hope Thursday's procedure helps your back. xx
I share your issues with shoulder and neck. It is agony.
sI really hope Thursday's procedure helps your back. xx
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Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 2,850
I am having a really hard time with AV. Had some bad news that will affect quite a few things this afternoon and I am just stressed. I know drinking will help absolutely nothing. Trying to stay strong. At a baseball game. I will not stop at a gas station.
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,477
I'm sorry for your bad news citrus - keep reminding yourself that drinking won't change the bad news...and drinking won't make you any more capable in dealing with it - in fact it will probably make things look worse?
D
D
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Join Date: Nov 2020
Posts: 338
I know you will stay strong Citrus, you can get through this much better sober then not. You have a lot of stress lately. Treat yourself gently.
Thank you Venus. Everything that I have read about the subject of a mom not attending a son's wedding means making a bad situation worse by not showing him support? How can this situation really be worse? It is not like we will be part of his family anyhow. I just feel like it would be so uncomfortable and awkward. How am I going to make side bets that they will not last either without getting caught...joke. Seriously, I just don't know what to do.
I am ending day 6, y'all! I will head to bed in just a bit. I must admit it has been a hard AV day and I have found myself being pissy for no particular reason other then AV whispering in the back ground. One good thing about pain is that I could put it off on that. I know the truth but I didn't want to share that having a glass of wine was floating around in the back ground.
My husband didn't have a drink today, so that was helpful. We had left overs for dinner, so the nice dinner excuse didn't work. I think what got to me most was that he leaves on Friday for Canada. I hate weekends alone. I need to find some more binge worthy shows and if I feel better, get my fanny out side. I have to come up with a plan.
Good night all and I hope tomorrow is better for you Citrus.
OneThing
Thank you Venus. Everything that I have read about the subject of a mom not attending a son's wedding means making a bad situation worse by not showing him support? How can this situation really be worse? It is not like we will be part of his family anyhow. I just feel like it would be so uncomfortable and awkward. How am I going to make side bets that they will not last either without getting caught...joke. Seriously, I just don't know what to do.
I am ending day 6, y'all! I will head to bed in just a bit. I must admit it has been a hard AV day and I have found myself being pissy for no particular reason other then AV whispering in the back ground. One good thing about pain is that I could put it off on that. I know the truth but I didn't want to share that having a glass of wine was floating around in the back ground.
My husband didn't have a drink today, so that was helpful. We had left overs for dinner, so the nice dinner excuse didn't work. I think what got to me most was that he leaves on Friday for Canada. I hate weekends alone. I need to find some more binge worthy shows and if I feel better, get my fanny out side. I have to come up with a plan.
Good night all and I hope tomorrow is better for you Citrus.
OneThing
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Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 2,850
Thank you Dee and OneThing. ❤ Being sober does make everything easier. My tear ducts have gotten a good work out, but atleast I'm not drunk texting or calling anyone!
Some more things got piled on that made me feel even worse. But I got through. I truly hope atleast a little of it is better after some sleep.
OneThing way to go on day 6! AV needs to be put in a cage with duct tape over its mouth. It really does get easier to manage with every day we stay sober. Suze probably had some good show suggestions!
A weekend plan sounds great. Hubby and I have our 20 year anniversary coming up on Saturday and we have zero plans. Well we have a baseball game (of course), but that's it. I'll have to think tomorrow on what to do so that I don't get the thoughts that drinking to celebrate is the way to go.
I am off to bed. Thank you all for being here.
Some more things got piled on that made me feel even worse. But I got through. I truly hope atleast a little of it is better after some sleep.
OneThing way to go on day 6! AV needs to be put in a cage with duct tape over its mouth. It really does get easier to manage with every day we stay sober. Suze probably had some good show suggestions!
A weekend plan sounds great. Hubby and I have our 20 year anniversary coming up on Saturday and we have zero plans. Well we have a baseball game (of course), but that's it. I'll have to think tomorrow on what to do so that I don't get the thoughts that drinking to celebrate is the way to go.
I am off to bed. Thank you all for being here.
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Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: Western Wisconsin
Posts: 1,706
Morning all - Well, didn’t make it through the long weekend without drink but did at least keep it from spiraling to the bad end point. I’m not justifying or saying I can drink normally but was able to stop after just a few days instead of two weeks. I have atopic dermatitis and it has gotten really bad the last few weeks. I have a dermatologist appointment next week and I’m trying to get through it to the appointment. I think that might have been a trigger or it just was that I wanted to drink. I don’t know but I’m never going to give up and stop working on sobriety.
Plenny, I’m glad your feeling better and I hope things keep improving. OneThing, I’ve had my share of back problems too, thankfully it usually goes away with rest and treatment. Your sons wedding sounds like a very difficult situation to have to deal with on top of not drinking. Free, I hope you heal quickly. A broken foot sounds painful. Citrus, congrats on 20 years of marriage! My wife and I celebrated our 30th last week.
Plenny, I’m glad your feeling better and I hope things keep improving. OneThing, I’ve had my share of back problems too, thankfully it usually goes away with rest and treatment. Your sons wedding sounds like a very difficult situation to have to deal with on top of not drinking. Free, I hope you heal quickly. A broken foot sounds painful. Citrus, congrats on 20 years of marriage! My wife and I celebrated our 30th last week.
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Join Date: Nov 2020
Posts: 338
Citrus, I knew you could do it and I am sure you are proud of yourself this morning, I am!
Plenny, I am also glad you are feeling better.
Happy, I am thinking of you and hope you are doing well.
Me...well I am in a funk this morning! I just feel so foggy and could crawl back to bed and sleep. I am determined to make today #7, maybe this is withdrawal? I am sure if I got myself up and moving I would feel more awake.
I did sleep well last night and I do have physical therapy this afternoon. I am going to have to tell this really sweet guy that his neck exercises made me feel worse. I put a menthol/camphor patch on my shoulder last night and slept great. He really didn't want me to use them, but I really don't like pain, so I win. I hate giving a professional my nonprofessional opinion but I have been at this a loooong time..
My husband is out this morning getting blood work done and a rapid covid test to leave for Canada Friday. This afternoon he has an appointment with the cardiologist. He had an "event" in April and spent a night in the hospital undergoing a bunch of tests. They said he was okay but it is good that he is now seeing a cardiologist.
My situation with my son still weighs heavy on my mind and heart. Other then being invited to the wedding, I think we are invited, he said he wanted us to be there. I had a thought that invitations will be going out soon and I have never talked ( or met) her parents. I am really not comfortable with them putting our name on the invitation, if they do at all. My son did mention the other day that arrangements had been made for the rehearsal dinner, normally that is for the grooms family to arrange. It is just a messed up situation.
I did ask my husband if he thought it was okay for me to tell my son we will not be coming before invitations went out. He doesn't think it is a good idea. We should just show up, bite the bullet and go. I am not of the same thought. Oh well. I need to get this off my mind and start being glad for tomorrow, the second part of my procedure. I should have a few months of comfort from that.
I really appreciate everyone's support in my son situation. It is hard. We were so close at one time. I am not the only parent who has experienced this so I should take comfort in that. It just stinks for everyone of us and there are no easy answers.
I sure hope everyone has a good sober day. I am going to get moving and wake myself up!
One Thing
Plenny, I am also glad you are feeling better.
Happy, I am thinking of you and hope you are doing well.
Me...well I am in a funk this morning! I just feel so foggy and could crawl back to bed and sleep. I am determined to make today #7, maybe this is withdrawal? I am sure if I got myself up and moving I would feel more awake.
I did sleep well last night and I do have physical therapy this afternoon. I am going to have to tell this really sweet guy that his neck exercises made me feel worse. I put a menthol/camphor patch on my shoulder last night and slept great. He really didn't want me to use them, but I really don't like pain, so I win. I hate giving a professional my nonprofessional opinion but I have been at this a loooong time..
My husband is out this morning getting blood work done and a rapid covid test to leave for Canada Friday. This afternoon he has an appointment with the cardiologist. He had an "event" in April and spent a night in the hospital undergoing a bunch of tests. They said he was okay but it is good that he is now seeing a cardiologist.
My situation with my son still weighs heavy on my mind and heart. Other then being invited to the wedding, I think we are invited, he said he wanted us to be there. I had a thought that invitations will be going out soon and I have never talked ( or met) her parents. I am really not comfortable with them putting our name on the invitation, if they do at all. My son did mention the other day that arrangements had been made for the rehearsal dinner, normally that is for the grooms family to arrange. It is just a messed up situation.
I did ask my husband if he thought it was okay for me to tell my son we will not be coming before invitations went out. He doesn't think it is a good idea. We should just show up, bite the bullet and go. I am not of the same thought. Oh well. I need to get this off my mind and start being glad for tomorrow, the second part of my procedure. I should have a few months of comfort from that.
I really appreciate everyone's support in my son situation. It is hard. We were so close at one time. I am not the only parent who has experienced this so I should take comfort in that. It just stinks for everyone of us and there are no easy answers.
I sure hope everyone has a good sober day. I am going to get moving and wake myself up!
One Thing
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Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: German Village, Columbus with my love ♥
Posts: 88,535
(((Citrus))) ❤️
Not drinking through uncomfortable news is a BIG win.
I bet solving the problem will be easy compared to that. xx
One Thing ~ I am thinking that the invitations went out some time ago.
You mentioned they are about to have the rehearsal dinner.
I wonder if there is a way to find out. s xx
And yes, it could well be withdrawal love...last time for me was about 11 days before I stopped feeling exhausted. xx
Scott ~ skin stuff is so hard, I know. Eczema....and before I moved here I hadn't had a problem since I was little. I did a lot of investigation, a lot of trial and error with food. Pretty much stopped sugar. Well, very little.
I am really hoping the specialist will be able to help you.
I definitely know that they will suggest removing alcohol. xx s
Not drinking through uncomfortable news is a BIG win.
I bet solving the problem will be easy compared to that. xx
One Thing ~ I am thinking that the invitations went out some time ago.
You mentioned they are about to have the rehearsal dinner.
I wonder if there is a way to find out.
s xxAnd yes, it could well be withdrawal love...last time for me was about 11 days before I stopped feeling exhausted.
xxScott ~ skin stuff is so hard, I know. Eczema....and before I moved here I hadn't had a problem since I was little. I did a lot of investigation, a lot of trial and error with food. Pretty much stopped sugar. Well, very little.
I am really hoping the specialist will be able to help you.
I definitely know that they will suggest removing alcohol. xx
s
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Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 2,747
Hi One Thing, as someone who once got married and had some family tension and no idea HOW to do things properly to be inclusive and respectful...... I feel for you. I have never been a parent but I am starting to understand how that may feel. Most of all, I am proud of you for sitting with this awkward uncomfortable feeling and not drinking. It's going to be awkward and uncomfortable no matter how you slice it. And much less amplified, with potential for a clear and way more comfortable outcome, sober.
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Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 5,554
Plenny. I can understand that is hurtful that your ex broke contact. I’m sorry. It could have little to do with you, and everything to do with him and his own issues. I’m glad you’re feeling a little better. Onething, I’m sorry about your situation with your son. When is the wedding? I would do whatever feels right to you. I wouldn’t go thinking it will fix anything, and of course, it’s not the day to try to resolve the rift. But, if you are invited, and can go, I’d take the high road, and kill ‘em with kindness. It shouldn’t hurt things. Of course, sobriety is paramount if you go. Separately, I hope your back treatment helps tomorrow. I’m a PT. I’m not sure why yours would recommend against using a pain patch if it helps you sleep, unless he’s applying something else that makes it contraindicated. Definitely let him know if his treatment makes you feel worse. 💕
Scott, sorry you drank, and I empathize with your skin issues. I had the worst year ever battling a dermatitis and rosacea on my face. Ultimately, less turned out to be more for me. I stopped everything but a very simple balm on my face. But, ultimately, it’s been very clear since I started my sober journey(a few short relapses) in January. I still need to quit sugar and possibly gluten. But sobriety has brought better skin.
I was flat out exhausted yesterday. No idea why. But, I went back to bed this morning, after making the boy’s lunch. I dozed off and on until 11:30! I feel well rested now. 🙂. I’m very grateful that I have the flexibility to do that.
Happy, I’m thinking of you too. 💕
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