All in all, Rome wasn't built in a day, eh? kk1k5x accountability thread
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Originally Posted by saoutchik 
Yeah, I seem to have an unerring knack for making the wrong decisions that defies the law of averages so your not alone on that score Tatsy.
Me three, especially if there is money concerned. I just have no respect for money and its ability to slip through my fingers.
kk, I watched that Aaron Hernandez thing last week or a couple weeks ago. I dunno, it seemed like, "Here, let's throw all this outrageous stuff out there and see what happens." I feel bad for his girlfriend and baby daughter. Now that stuff is out there, whether or not it's even true. It was kind of the same way with "Making a Murderer." Interesting, probably partly true, but mostly just scintillating/salacious. If there's anything Netflix is good at it's controversy. Easy when you don't have sponsors to please.
I only believe about 1/4 of what Netflix says in their "EntertainUmentaries."
Give me the old days of TV where not much gave me nightmares.
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"Ribs, Documentaries and Bad Decisions: The Story of K and Friends"
I've managed to make some progress today on the writing. The reading for the review is super intensive (more so than I predicted), which means I've spent a lot of time just looking up stuff, writing a sentence or two and then doing the reference for it.
No ribs tonight. But there will be documentaries. I'd like to avoid bad decisions though.
End of Day 259. I did not drink today.
I've managed to make some progress today on the writing. The reading for the review is super intensive (more so than I predicted), which means I've spent a lot of time just looking up stuff, writing a sentence or two and then doing the reference for it.
No ribs tonight. But there will be documentaries. I'd like to avoid bad decisions though.
End of Day 259. I did not drink today.
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Didn't get to work today until evening. Watched a bball game and a movie during the day (The Current War) and then figured I'd take a nap. The nap turned into a full-blown 4.5 hour sleep.
Sometimes I wonder if on most days, I'm actually functioning through a fairly severe lack of energy and then at some points, such as today, I just sleep it off in one big procrastination day.
I still read, wrote and impoved the manuscript in the evening. It's not bad stuff, considering it was Tuesday and I have until the next Monday, basically. To give an idea of my progress, I'm at around 2700 words atm and the final thing has to be between 8-10k. There are still some parts missing from the more intro side of things prior to getting down to business. Still waiting on the prof to activate, too.
My hope for tomorrow is to finish the initial parts so I can start with the main research materials on Thursday, do that for 2 days and then finish it all up on the weekend.
End of Day 260. I did not drink today.
Sometimes I wonder if on most days, I'm actually functioning through a fairly severe lack of energy and then at some points, such as today, I just sleep it off in one big procrastination day.
I still read, wrote and impoved the manuscript in the evening. It's not bad stuff, considering it was Tuesday and I have until the next Monday, basically. To give an idea of my progress, I'm at around 2700 words atm and the final thing has to be between 8-10k. There are still some parts missing from the more intro side of things prior to getting down to business. Still waiting on the prof to activate, too.
My hope for tomorrow is to finish the initial parts so I can start with the main research materials on Thursday, do that for 2 days and then finish it all up on the weekend.
End of Day 260. I did not drink today.
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Ugh. It's getting to me! :P
I feel stuck with the manuscript and it's slow-going. I'm at 3500 tonight, giver or take. It sucks when that word counting thing has to coincide with the thinking/reading/writing for 'safety reasons'. For the most part, my brain just seems to have cramped up or tensed up. No sign of the professor as yet either. But, on that last account, I promised I wouldn't complain - it is what it is. Whilst I hope this work won't be a total POS when it's submission time, I somehow feel it won't be particularly exciting either. Perhaps it's just a current feeling.
I do feel a sense of restlessness, though. A feeling of 'wish this was over already'. Of course, it will be in ...4 days lol. Then I'll welcome work for about 30 minutes or an hour, start moaning about that and dreaming about the next opportunity for writing.
As far as my brain is concerned, there's no 'win' option in there right now, just musical chairs of discomfort.
Meh. Gotta deal with it and push forward. If I did all the references right now, I'd probably be at 3750 haha. Give credit to the word accountant, always there to remind me of my shortcomings haha.
Once more, I must see how far I can get tomorrow
It's curious ...that although the situation is growing in stressfulness, I haven't even had a glimmer of an idea about booze. Truly, I only really think about alcohol (not in a drinking sense, except in past tenst) when I come to read stuff on SR or post my daily. Doesn't cross my mind too often in my very-very regular/routing daily business anymore.
End of Day 261. I did not drink today.
I feel stuck with the manuscript and it's slow-going. I'm at 3500 tonight, giver or take. It sucks when that word counting thing has to coincide with the thinking/reading/writing for 'safety reasons'. For the most part, my brain just seems to have cramped up or tensed up. No sign of the professor as yet either. But, on that last account, I promised I wouldn't complain - it is what it is. Whilst I hope this work won't be a total POS when it's submission time, I somehow feel it won't be particularly exciting either. Perhaps it's just a current feeling.
I do feel a sense of restlessness, though. A feeling of 'wish this was over already'. Of course, it will be in ...4 days lol. Then I'll welcome work for about 30 minutes or an hour, start moaning about that and dreaming about the next opportunity for writing.
As far as my brain is concerned, there's no 'win' option in there right now, just musical chairs of discomfort.
Meh. Gotta deal with it and push forward. If I did all the references right now, I'd probably be at 3750 haha. Give credit to the word accountant, always there to remind me of my shortcomings haha.
Once more, I must see how far I can get tomorrow
It's curious ...that although the situation is growing in stressfulness, I haven't even had a glimmer of an idea about booze. Truly, I only really think about alcohol (not in a drinking sense, except in past tenst) when I come to read stuff on SR or post my daily. Doesn't cross my mind too often in my very-very regular/routing daily business anymore.End of Day 261. I did not drink today.
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You have super turns of phrase, Kk, "musical chairs of discomfort" how descriptive! But I hope you remove the final wrapper off the present, and step away from the chairs today.
From where I'm sitting, you're being productive...you could always start adding some references early, to give the word count a boost.
From where I'm sitting, you're being productive...you could always start adding some references early, to give the word count a boost.
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Thanks Dee, Tatsy and Sao
I pushed it to half today. Lots of new (currently unwritten) references, lots of reading again. My professor contacted me to let me know she's still 'here'. I knew she was going to teach abroad for a week - now she's there and one of her family members has been diagnosed with a serious illness which completely levelled her ... I was very sad to hear such news. This writing is important, but it never is and never can be more important than the well-being of people, or too important to be understanding and give respite to those who are overburdened as is. If need be, I think I can do it completely on my own, too.
Today I did feel the 'fatigue', as it's day 5 already. I'm half way there, with some ideas still in storage, so I'll keep inching closer to the goal over the next few days. And hopefully make it in time.
I'm starting to watch the miniseries about Waco. See if it's something worth looking at. If it's not sth I like right now, I'll save it for later and watch PBS documentaries instead. And then to sleep.
End of Day 262. I did not drink today.
I pushed it to half today. Lots of new (currently unwritten) references, lots of reading again. My professor contacted me to let me know she's still 'here'. I knew she was going to teach abroad for a week - now she's there and one of her family members has been diagnosed with a serious illness which completely levelled her ... I was very sad to hear such news. This writing is important, but it never is and never can be more important than the well-being of people, or too important to be understanding and give respite to those who are overburdened as is. If need be, I think I can do it completely on my own, too.
Today I did feel the 'fatigue', as it's day 5 already. I'm half way there, with some ideas still in storage, so I'll keep inching closer to the goal over the next few days. And hopefully make it in time.
I'm starting to watch the miniseries about Waco. See if it's something worth looking at. If it's not sth I like right now, I'll save it for later and watch PBS documentaries instead. And then to sleep.
End of Day 262. I did not drink today.
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Ugh, it's nearly 1.30 am and I'm deadtired.
Pushed the text to 5100 today. Lol, still keeping some of the references in storage for when I start feeling super desperate about my progress or lack thereof.
Anywho, time to go to bed ...and to face the task again tomorrow. Well, there are 3 days left now before this specific project comes to a close. It's not going to be particularly easy, but I still think I can make it happen.
End of Day 263. I did not drink today.
Pushed the text to 5100 today. Lol, still keeping some of the references in storage for when I start feeling super desperate about my progress or lack thereof.
Anywho, time to go to bed ...and to face the task again tomorrow. Well, there are 3 days left now before this specific project comes to a close. It's not going to be particularly easy, but I still think I can make it happen.
End of Day 263. I did not drink today.
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Working since morning, the thing is now up to 6100. I am hanging on. Just need to make sure my brain keeps dispensing from the willpower reserves.
Will see, if I come back to it tonight (as I've essentially reached the 'marker'), but for now I'm going to have a big salad and some ovenbaked fries me thinks. And then watch bball and maybe even that Ford vs Ferrari movie that came out.
Hope all is well with everyone.
Will see, if I come back to it tonight (as I've essentially reached the 'marker'), but for now I'm going to have a big salad and some ovenbaked fries me thinks. And then watch bball and maybe even that Ford vs Ferrari movie that came out.
Hope all is well with everyone.
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Just to close off the day. Didn't go back to writing tonight, too toast for that and feeling kinda off healthwise as well. Not sure what that's about exactly, maybe just the tiredness acting up.
Watching the Ford vs Ferrari movie. Seems like a good flick, good actors.
At least my bball team won a tough game! Very inspirational :P y'know "one shot, one kill; no luck, just skill" lol.
Off to bed soon.
End of Day 264. I did not drink today.
Watching the Ford vs Ferrari movie. Seems like a good flick, good actors.
At least my bball team won a tough game! Very inspirational :P y'know "one shot, one kill; no luck, just skill" lol.
Off to bed soon.
End of Day 264. I did not drink today.
saoutchik
Join Date: Jan 2015
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I'm glad you're stil making progress kk, and best wishes to your professor's relative.
Ford Ferrari was very good in some aspects and you're right, the acting was excellent. One thing that annoyed me about it though was that Ford was portrayed as the underdogs to the unbeatable giants Ferrari whereas in truth it was the other way around. Ferrari were a string and chicken wire outfit in those days.
Ford Ferrari was very good in some aspects and you're right, the acting was excellent. One thing that annoyed me about it though was that Ford was portrayed as the underdogs to the unbeatable giants Ferrari whereas in truth it was the other way around. Ferrari were a string and chicken wire outfit in those days.
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Guess they have to build the drama from some place, right, Sao? :P
Did start writing today before noon but got sidetracked because my aunt and her husband came for a visit, bringing along what will soon become my new nightstand. Can keep my glasses, the remote and some books somewhere other than the window sill or the floor lol.
After a couple of hours of chatting and coffee, which was great, I felt good but had no motivation to write. It's as if this willingness was completely absent. So I watched some comedy panel shows (8 out of 10 cats) and dozed off.
Then got back to writing somewhere around 7.30pm or so and called it quits now, 5 hours later. I managed to push the text to 7100. While there's still ways to go, I have to admit - I'm kind of proud of what I've managed here over the past week Currently, I only have to add some and then fix all of the references + add a conclusion or some concluding thoughts. Reaching 8000 or getting real close to it should not be a problem anymore.
Unfortunately, I have heard nothing from the professor in the meanwhile. Kinda makes me worried as she's not one to abandon responsibilities. Assuming she's back home today and tomorrow is the 'deadline day', I'm fixing to think she'll make an appearance one way or another. I can't submit work with her name on it if she hasn't read the whole thing. Then again I'm more concerned about what that bad diagnosis of the fam member might have been and how the prof is doing.
Anywho, I'm at 7100, that's good, I've come this far mostly on my own and I will see this thing to its conclusion without a doubt. Have to give props to sobriety for allowing me to stay on task for a week, yes - bitch and moan a lot but also give myself a chance of finishing the thing
End of Day 265. I did not drink today.
Did start writing today before noon but got sidetracked because my aunt and her husband came for a visit, bringing along what will soon become my new nightstand. Can keep my glasses, the remote and some books somewhere other than the window sill or the floor lol.
After a couple of hours of chatting and coffee, which was great, I felt good but had no motivation to write. It's as if this willingness was completely absent. So I watched some comedy panel shows (8 out of 10 cats) and dozed off.
Then got back to writing somewhere around 7.30pm or so and called it quits now, 5 hours later. I managed to push the text to 7100. While there's still ways to go, I have to admit - I'm kind of proud of what I've managed here over the past week
Currently, I only have to add some and then fix all of the references + add a conclusion or some concluding thoughts. Reaching 8000 or getting real close to it should not be a problem anymore.Unfortunately, I have heard nothing from the professor in the meanwhile. Kinda makes me worried as she's not one to abandon responsibilities. Assuming she's back home today and tomorrow is the 'deadline day', I'm fixing to think she'll make an appearance one way or another. I can't submit work with her name on it if she hasn't read the whole thing. Then again I'm more concerned about what that bad diagnosis of the fam member might have been and how the prof is doing.
Anywho, I'm at 7100, that's good, I've come this far mostly on my own and I will see this thing to its conclusion without a doubt. Have to give props to sobriety for allowing me to stay on task for a week, yes - bitch and moan a lot but also give myself a chance of finishing the thing
End of Day 265. I did not drink today.
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Done. It finally clocked in at around 8800 words (it had to be between 8 and 10k). And the professor finally contacted me - she's going to read it and add stuff and then we'll submit it tomorrow.
I am deadtired, but I DID IT.
The process isn't complete yet, but I've done my bit, I'm happy with the effort and ...my fingers no longer itch, because I've scratched it and then some lol. The bonus here is that this manuscript/article was the only major thing on my study plan for the upcoming semester. Emphasis here on 'upcoming', cause I've completed the thing before the semester even started! Something like this would have never happened when I was drinking. Thank you sobriety !
Okay, time for bed.
End of Day 266. I did not drink today.
I am deadtired, but I DID IT.
The process isn't complete yet, but I've done my bit, I'm happy with the effort and ...my fingers no longer itch, because I've scratched it and then some lol. The bonus here is that this manuscript/article was the only major thing on my study plan for the upcoming semester. Emphasis here on 'upcoming', cause I've completed the thing before the semester even started! Something like this would have never happened when I was drinking. Thank you sobriety
!Okay, time for bed.
End of Day 266. I did not drink today.
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Wow, manuscript completed, how awesome are you Kk, as you rock sobriety. I'm so pleased it all fell into place, with your determination, whilst combatting procrastination, and your Professor contacting you last minute, despite her family issue.
I must admit, I'm intrigued regarding the subject matter.
I must admit, I'm intrigued regarding the subject matter.
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On the topic ... let's just say it involves discussing new technologies and what people on huge online platforms think of them 
That's about as vague as it gets, but it's the best I can do for now.
I got some translation work in the afternoon, 2,5 pages or so. It was funny, because when I opened the text I was like "okay, what is it that I usually do now ..." They say you know a vacation was really a vacation when you can't remember how to do your work lol, so I guess I had an excellent one. Made me think of my brain as one of those venues where they have to switch out the setup depending on the event, e.g. basketball game, concert etc.
I still haven't heard back from the prof. We were supposed to submit it today, but not a peep has reached me. It's kind of weird, being the 'nagging adult' in this situation, but after I got sober, deadlines got really important to me. Then again, I can't help but think that perhaps I simply involved an already overwhelmed professor in a project she didn't have time for but gracefully agreed to anyways as a way of offering support. Nevertheless, I'm not going to deny a certain degree of being annoyed with the situation.
I've thought about this a lot, actually, how I'm reverting back to the kid I was at like ...12. But with 18 extra years of life experience. Diligence was my thing and I'd go to great lengths to maintain that characteristic. Heck, I remember being like 10 or something and my aunt giving me a mock shoulder rub because I'd been working on my homework for so long. I know that kid's determination did not always come from the healthiest of sources, but I also wish I had understood (or someone had explained to me in a way I'd understand) that the bad stuff can be let go. Basically, that I would have either spontaneously understood or someone could have told me "to take what I need and leave the rest".
The further I get from day 1, the easier it is to reflect on certain past events with a clear and peaceful mind. The pain has mostly gone, although I do get dream visits from that first love of mine. It's weird to write this, but even those dreams have gotten friendlier. There used to be only painful longing in them, but the past few that occurred involved a certain understanding. I even remember one fleeting moment from such a dream, where ...mm either I told her or just told myself that it wasn't all my fault and I do not have to keep carrying this around with me forever. These are but memories - at best, events in the life of a troubled young person that can be learned from and let go, because they do not determine what awaits me in the future. I guess that's the biggest difference between reflecting on things whilst drunk and whilst sober, i.e. one of those "I don't think about the past too much, because I'm not headed that way".
Heck, drinking was a very regular and toxic combination of debilitating delusion and nostalgia. When I read others' stories of success or struggle, I can't help but think how weird drinking was (and also acknowledge how difficult it was to get out of it and stay out of it). Drinking was like self-administering general anaesthesia because of a mosquito bite. It's that helpless sedated state of being where your wits are not entirely about you, just enough for you to vaguely recognise your own existence.
And when I read those stories of struggle, I think of my own smoking at this point. Do I need to get rid of it? YES. Am I doing anything about it? No. That's why I mostly don't post in other people's threads - I think it'd be hypocritical, given how blase I am about my own smoking. My relationship with the idea of quitting smoking is currently the equivalent of saying 'maybe' at the altar.
I found this movie called The Report, which I started watching during the day and will finish now.
Hope everyone had a good day
End of Day 267. I did not drink today.
That's about as vague as it gets, but it's the best I can do for now. I got some translation work in the afternoon, 2,5 pages or so. It was funny, because when I opened the text I was like "okay, what is it that I usually do now ..." They say you know a vacation was really a vacation when you can't remember how to do your work lol, so I guess I had an excellent one. Made me think of my brain as one of those venues where they have to switch out the setup depending on the event, e.g. basketball game, concert etc.
I still haven't heard back from the prof. We were supposed to submit it today, but not a peep has reached me. It's kind of weird, being the 'nagging adult' in this situation, but after I got sober, deadlines got really important to me. Then again, I can't help but think that perhaps I simply involved an already overwhelmed professor in a project she didn't have time for but gracefully agreed to anyways as a way of offering support. Nevertheless, I'm not going to deny a certain degree of being annoyed with the situation.
I've thought about this a lot, actually, how I'm reverting back to the kid I was at like ...12. But with 18 extra years of life experience. Diligence was my thing and I'd go to great lengths to maintain that characteristic. Heck, I remember being like 10 or something and my aunt giving me a mock shoulder rub because I'd been working on my homework for so long. I know that kid's determination did not always come from the healthiest of sources, but I also wish I had understood (or someone had explained to me in a way I'd understand) that the bad stuff can be let go. Basically, that I would have either spontaneously understood or someone could have told me "to take what I need and leave the rest".
The further I get from day 1, the easier it is to reflect on certain past events with a clear and peaceful mind. The pain has mostly gone, although I do get dream visits from that first love of mine. It's weird to write this, but even those dreams have gotten friendlier. There used to be only painful longing in them, but the past few that occurred involved a certain understanding. I even remember one fleeting moment from such a dream, where ...mm either I told her or just told myself that it wasn't all my fault and I do not have to keep carrying this around with me forever. These are but memories - at best, events in the life of a troubled young person that can be learned from and let go, because they do not determine what awaits me in the future. I guess that's the biggest difference between reflecting on things whilst drunk and whilst sober, i.e. one of those "I don't think about the past too much, because I'm not headed that way".
Heck, drinking was a very regular and toxic combination of debilitating delusion and nostalgia. When I read others' stories of success or struggle, I can't help but think how weird drinking was (and also acknowledge how difficult it was to get out of it and stay out of it). Drinking was like self-administering general anaesthesia because of a mosquito bite. It's that helpless sedated state of being where your wits are not entirely about you, just enough for you to vaguely recognise your own existence.
And when I read those stories of struggle, I think of my own smoking at this point. Do I need to get rid of it? YES. Am I doing anything about it? No. That's why I mostly don't post in other people's threads - I think it'd be hypocritical, given how blase I am about my own smoking. My relationship with the idea of quitting smoking is currently the equivalent of saying 'maybe' at the altar.
I found this movie called The Report, which I started watching during the day and will finish now.
Hope everyone had a good day
End of Day 267. I did not drink today.
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I don't know, kk. If you have the time, I think your insights would be very helpful to other people trying to quit.
Like this is a pretty profound paragraph:
Like this is a pretty profound paragraph:
Heck, drinking was a very regular and toxic combination of debilitating delusion and nostalgia. When I read others' stories of success or struggle, I can't help but think how weird drinking was (and also acknowledge how difficult it was to get out of it and stay out of it). Drinking was like self-administering general anaesthesia because of a mosquito bite. It's that helpless sedated state of being where your wits are not entirely about you, just enough for you to vaguely recognise your own existence.
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