Bekindalways

Heya Kk, glad to be an electronic ear for you to vent. All I can do is make supportive monosyllabic sounds . . . .hmmm . . . .ah . . . yep . . . . .and that sort of thing. It really sounds like you are truly grappling with all the crap life sends you on its own terms. I so hope more will be revealed in the coming days and weeks.

I'm also liking the "Be where your hands are."

I've had a tough conversation with a young friend today. She has inadvertently become the caregiver of a mutual friend of ours because of the pandemic. I am deeply grateful to her but it left me a bit disheartened. Ugh.

Good stuff of the day: I have a bread pudding in the oven; I'm enjoying watching the seeds sprout; I'm planting new ones most days; we may get more snow tomorrow which is kind of fun for a change.

I'm off to read Dees article, do more push ups and wash a ruffle.

Bekindalways

Well, I read the article and did the push ups but never got to the ruffle.

Dee, I actually really liked the article.

kk1k5x

Bad start to the day today - up early, decided to make coffee, awake for a bit and then fell back asleep for most of the afternoon (until 4 pm - guess I'm really tired from something...).
Still managed to string together the 6-6.5 pages I needed for the day, so I'm okay on that front for the day. Talked with the work guy again and there still haven't been any new translation offers, which cause for major concern. He said that if next week doesn't bring any work, even he has to start looking for alternative ways of earning an income for the time being. This is not good, in fact it's complete ********.

Finished my evening with some research tasks, pulled and cleaned some data and sent it to the professor. There was an 'urgent' call for papers and I guess we're looking into participating. Maybe it works out, maybe it won't. We'll have to see.

Today was also a grocery store day, meaning I replenished some stores. Wore the mask to the stores today - walking around with it otherwise is okay, but have to avoid any sort of panting because you just don't get enough air.

End of Day 325. I did not drink today.

Bekindalways

Kk, I keep hoping to hear that whatever is bringing you down has cleared out of your system but it doesn't look that way.

No huge news other than a storm is moving through and my state is working towards 100 deaths. As testing is so sparse here I don't think counting cases really shows much . . . sigh.

It was my big get out of the apartment day. I took out the trash and picked up the mail . . . yeeehaw!

saoutchik

Sending positive vibes out to everyone in these difficult times. London looks like some weird dystopia film set without any people on the streets. It is affected my work too.

Bekindalways

Sigh. I had to go out of my Dad's apartment to get a shopping list and credit card to a shopper. I met a resident of the facility who seemed upset to see me. Family is not allowed to visit. I explained I was a caregiver. Sigh.

I get more upset than I want when I meet with negativity. I know I'm doing the right thing for all involved. Also I know everyone is on edge; I just wish it didn't feel so bad about something so minor. Ugh.

Well onward. I did get some time in on finances which feels good.

Now to work on a collar, do some exercise and load the dishwasher. Yeehaw.

Note: I'm not feeling that Yeehaw but I hope y'all appreciate the effort.

kk1k5x

To you to, Sao. I hope the impact isn't too bad.

Sorry you had such an experience, Bekind. I guess we're all trying to keep our wits about but sometimes slip up in that regard.

I somehow managed to do 9.5 pages today, although I slept until like 1 or 2 pm. But this translation seems somehow neverending, I tell ya. I have like 11 pages left for the next two days, so the load is smaller thanks to today - although I've mostly been on schedule, it seems like the yet to be translated parts replenish their numbers overnight. I'm still holding out hope that something comes in next week.

They predict that the virus' peak will arrive in about two weeks here. I hope everyone stays safe and healthy, the doctors and nurses have the strength and stamina to carry on ...but I also can't wait for this **** to be over already.

I found a documentary about y'know 'secret UFO documents' etc. The only reason I found it was because I was searching whether Giancarlo Esposito (played Gustavo Fring in Breaking Bad and Better Call Saul) had narrated any documentaries lol. His voice managed to put me to sleep last night at around 3 am. Guess I now might want to check out what the documentary was actually about. And fall asleep in the process again.

End of Day 326. I did not drink today.

Bekindalways

Congrats on getting a chunk done Kk. I hope you have some sense of productivity to mix in with the less pleasant emotions.

Sao, I'm thinking that the deserted streets of London is a good thing. May all that is holy protect you and your countrymen/women

I'm feeling a bit better since I last posted. I understand that elderly in nursing homes are being confined to tiny bedrooms to prevent the virus spreading. The idea of my Dad (or almost anyone) being alone in a tiny room for over a month horrifies me. I'm thinking this is the plight of many right now of a variety of ages. Ugh.

The above makes me happy to have my Dad here. He is irritating, affectionate, and happy. I'll take it.

So off to sew on the collar that I'm redoing, fold some laundry and listen to a podcast.

kk1k5x

I'm glad your feeling improved, Bekind.

I am closing the day off a bit sooner tonight. Made progress with the work, should have only about 3.5 or 4 pages left for tomorrow (it's a joke, but I'm sure it'll somehow magically be 5 pages tomorrow lol).

Haven't done much else aside from work, cook/eat and sleep. Well, with a sprinkle of TV watching. Ran out of sweets, though, so I'll see if anything else is needed from the store - if that's the case, I might make a quick dash tomorrow and restock goodies. Don't like making frequent visits to the store (last one was only Thursday, and one before that was last Saturday), but I'd like to have more sweets. Maybe it's just the nerves from this particular translation and the high probability of this translation being 'it' for who knows how long.

Anyways, I'm going to have my fresh lemon tea with honey and get ready for bed. Hope everyone stays safe and healthy, and that the isolation isn't too rough on you.

PS: if you have any documentary recommendations, I'm all ears.

End of Day 327. I did not drink today.

Bekindalways

Another day of making itty bitty progress on my various projects. No huge news.

Courage to you all in whatever you do.

kk1k5x

Finished the translation at around noon today, went to the store after that to get some sweets. Got plenty of chocolate and fruit mentos, and then batter mix for muffins.
I had never made muffins before today, so they turned out a bit 'crooked' - tasted delicious though and that's what counts.

Calling it a day early today, just going to relax and do nothing of substance for the remainder of tonight. I think I need that right about now. We'll see how the translation turned out and whether there'll be any new work in the coming weeks.

End of Day 328. I did not drink today.

saoutchik

Crooked muffins are authentic. As you say it's the taste that counts. Well done on completing your translation. I hope you get some more soon.

Bekind, sorry you experienced that negativity. It might be out of concern for your dad and other residents suppose. Best wishes to him and everyone else on this thread.

I do have a documentary recommendation although it is over 10 years old now. It is called Man on Wire and about a Frenchman and his companions who crossed between the twin towers of the World Trade Centre on a wire. It had extra resonance with me because I remembered being stunned by the event as a 13 year old. It is quite well known as documentaries go so you may have seen it. It is excellent.

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Man_on_Wire

kk1k5x

I bought a computer game today that I had been eyeing for a while now, but it was always too expensive. It's from my favourite grand strategy line ('Total War'). This latest addition was actually nominated for a BAFTA this year, so that says something.

Anyways, maybe an hour after I'd made the purchase, I got some work! It was four pages and cents, but it was almost exactly the price of the game. Made me sort of smirk, thinking "oh well, someone from 'upper management' thought I could really use the game, I guess ..."

Made gizzard sauce again. Well, actually I just let them simmer with onions, garlic, mushrooms, bell peppers and sundried tomatoes (the last three pieces don't go in at the beginning). I'll make a rice dish out of it tomorrow, it's going to be tasty.

In other news - downstairs neighbours are drunk again. Heard the guy growling on the balcony earlier. Given what's going on, and that they're in the so-called 'risk group' (probably for more reasons than just age) anyways, it boggles my mind and is also perfectly clear as to why they'd drink. That's what alcoholics in active addiction do.


On some days, I look back at the crazier times when I was 18 or 19, and think of the exceptionally gruesome situations in which I was drunk. The sun was out for most of today and they're predicting very warm weather this week, so that made me think of one time where I and another guy were completely out of it, the sun was completely burning and we were just out of control. All I really remember is not being able to stand up properly and how horrible the heat felt. And that the hangover was even more horrific after that. By that time we had casually moved into the 'hair of the dog' routine - as long as we had some money to our names, we were getting drunk.

When I think back on some of these episodes and things that happened, then as with my downstairs neighbours, it both boggles my mind and is simultaneously also very clear. More importantly, these occasional flashbacks are plenty enough to keep me from not going back there.

It's quite bizarre that what once seemed like a badge of honour or 'the cool thing' to do/to be, first drops to the bottom of the charts of "what I'd like to do" and then just drops out completely. There are still the odd pangs and stuff, but for the most part, I just know - I mean truly know and understand - that if I drink for whatever reason, I will not be able to do what I've been able to do in the past 10 months or so (however bad or lazy I feel about it at times).

There's a whole lot to hold on to in sobriety. There's a whole lot to let go of or give away willingly in drinking. The better choice is obvious.

PS: Sao, I feel as if maybe I started watching the documentary way back when. Can't be sure. I'm still mostly in the ancient/medieval/renaissance military history groove in terms of titles. Something about it has always fascinated me, I can't say exactly what. That's also why I enjoyed my trip to Italy so much.

End of Day 329. I did not drink today.

Bekindalways

I woke up this morning in a bad mood and it continued until I finally took a nap at 1 pm. This helped. I'm feeling better. Also had a piece of cheese cake and this helped too.

Needless to say I didn't get much done other than printing out a few bank statements, planting some poppies that I hope will germinate indoors, and doing 15 min of old person exercise with my Dad. I used to scorn old people exercise but now if I'm off the couch I will take it.

I liked what you said here Kk:
"it boggles my mind and is also perfectly clear as to why they'd drink. "
I never want to lose my understanding of why people do this.

Stay the course all.

kk1k5x

Did not do much today, basically had a day off. Played that computer game for a while - realised that it was the first time in a long time where I actually 'entertained' myself with something. I usually just watch TV, sometimes that's entertaining as well, of course, but the game was something else.

Did a little bit of data analysis, planning to do the same amount tomorrow. I have a coursework deadline coming up in about 2 weeks.

Managed to get some extra shut-eye in the afternoon, and feeling kind of sleepy right now as well at 10 pm.

End of Day 330. I did not drink today.

Bekindalways

I spent most of Tuesday feeling kind of punky. Something wrong with my stomach.

Feeling better this Wednesday morning.

Bekindalways

Felt good for a bit this morning but now back to feeling punk.

I'm drinking ginger tea and found some B12 supplement. I'm always a bit dubious about supplements and tea but heck, at least it makes me feel like I'm doing something.

saoutchik

I posted yesterday- or at least I pressed the submit reply button. Oh well...


Sending positive vibes your way Bekind. I'm sure a B12 supporter will not do you any harm as long as you stick to the prescribed dose. I take it too. Not sure if it does any good.

We have gorgeous weather right now which makes the lockdown even harder.

kk1k5x

The weather here is getting really warm as well. Had to go to the store today and the thing I noticed was that pretty much no one was wearing a mask. Only one woman had a scarf over her nose/mouth. This included older people as well, all fairly relaxed about the distancing.

No new work today. Made a decent pasta bolognese and played the computer game some. Worth the investment, definitely.

Did some relaxed data analysis - still building up towards starting the writing of that course project. Probably 2-3 days worth of data scanning left, before I make some initial conclusions and start crafting the text.

I'll call it a day earlier. Hope everyone is well.

I sparingly take my vit D but I consume citrus fruits enough for a dose of vit C. I probably don't get too many vitamins from my diet. If the weather continues like this, even I might go for a short stroll soon.

End of Day 331. I did not drink today.

kk1k5x

I'm calling it a day earlier today, because I've had a bad headache from the very start of my day. I took some medicine around noon and took a nap, but that only slightly improved the situation. It's evening now and I'm just tired from the whole ordeal.
Days like these are really sucky because you're never above like 30-40% of total ability and motivation.
Got my hands on a PBS documentary about China and I'm goint to put that on, probably doze off.

Hope everyone had a decent day.

End of Day 332. I did not drink today.