Linners820

I really relate to your post in so many ways. I think it's more than ok to post here, but I get how you feel. I think everyone in the class is at different levels of progress with the same goal. You're right, being here is better than not.

Pelagic263

Same deal on my end Linners. Stay the course.

I've been so broke it was hopeless. Now there's plenty and it's still hopeless. I keep making money, but what I want is priceless.

Common denominator: alcohol. Plus depression.

Yes I drank again. Long story involving a road trip, my favorite countryside watering hole, a stop by the liquor store, etc. Etc.

Sorry if this makes little sense.

Taplow, Franzen is good. Kind of a jerk in some regards, but dam if he can write sentences.

Not done. Day one.

venuscat

Of course it's fair and perfectly fine love.....talking this stuff through helps us to find clarity. Talk through your goals if you would like to...I know writing things down helps me find my truth.

I can hear you are still in the stage of questioning this, and there is nothing wrong with that. There is no requirement to have stopped drinking all the way in order to be part of this wonderful community....we help and support each other in whatever way is needed.

If I had had people who understood me in my 30s that I could talk to I would have made this decision years ago. As it was, it was tell people who were unimpressed with me (family) or talk to AA friends who kept saying things like "maybe you are not ready".

Um, I was ready. I just needed to answer my questions around this first. So talk as much as you like about this.

So glad you are here love. ❤️

venuscat

Sending love dear Pelagic.

The triggers can be so so hard, especially with Halloween I think.
And roadtrips and favourite watering holes....those are things I struggled with big time. s

Today is a new day....and Friday.....let's all stay safe together. s ❤️

Neverthought

Awe Thanks!

You'll be there in the blink of an eye.

On the other hand, continue to take time to recognize your accomplishments and enjoy the moment!

I find, after a certain period, I become more disciplined and organized and that gives me a sense that the world is not spinning as fast, as apposed to myself scrambling to keep my feet below me and wondering what I did the night before all while saying to myself "something has to change and this has to stop" for 6 months or more straight.....I'll never really be able to put a finger on that!

Citrus

soberbythesea and Pelagic. Keep trying, never give up. It all seems so overwhelming so much of the time, but I truly believe we can all beat this.

taplow

Hi venuscat, no I wasn't doing major repairs, just trying to reset the stupid timer to stop the heating being on all the time. I couldn't remember how to do it - probably should have waited until I was properly awake.
Still, it gave me a chance for a brie break - I ended up eating a whole triangle of it smeared with Dijon mustard and pepper.
I wish I wouldn't do this nocturnal feasting. I'm always having to think of odd jobs to justify getting up and eating. Tonight I'm planning to varnish my neighbour.

Zura

Good morning all (Saturday here)

Citrus: Salmon and potatoes, homemade yoghurt and granola.......*drools. Sounds like your having a blast with your lil family

Linners: I'm sorry for your troubles and lack of rest, you are still rocking sobriety though

Taplow, soberbythesea, MagnumCat and Pelagic: Im so glad you all came back so quickly, that is a kind of progress so well done

Joy: Zombiepalooza sounds awesome! Remember, head shots lol

Neverthought: Congratulations on your milestone Lollapalooza 92 would have rocked too.

Venuscat: Im glad your looking after yourself, you give so much Halloween and pizza sounds like a great way to wrap up a day.

Bit of a yucky day for me yesterday with low health and then of course a bit of a low mood followed. Its still an improvement on how i used to feel so im looking at the brightside. Still not feeling great so I am happily cancelling all plans today, no guilt attached.

I hope everyone is having/has a great Friday.

FallingLeaves

I'm lurking...

venuscat

Hi Zura honey, happy Saturday.

And hello dear FallingLeaves.
Please keep posting so I can see your avatar.....yep, it's all about me.
Kidding....so much love. xxxxxxxx

Dee74

welcome FL

Be good to yourself Linners - It doesn't sound like its your fault things are going badly.


SBTS - SR is for people struggling - its why we exist - you are very welcome here and it's completely fair for you to keep posting.

one of the things I found when I'd relapse was most of the time nothing terribly bad happened - so even tho I knew I was playing with fire and acting contrary to the person I knew I wanted to be, I was able to rationalise a little drinking was permissible.,...as long as I didn;t crash and burn...

when I did, inevitably, crash and burn I was often in too deep to stop and it woulds sometimes be weeks months or even years later til I stopped again.

I know I'm blunter with you than I may be with others here but we go back a long way.

My advice is to stop now. There is no control with addiction - it's an illusion.

I dunno what about your life right now is making it easy (or easier) to drink than it was before when you were sober for that long period, but I really hope you decide to shut the door behind you before your addiction rips the thing right off the hinges...cos thats a really scary place to be..

D

Linners820

Does curling up with my dog and crying count? I don't like feeling sorry for myself and realize there are worse problems to have. So I'm grateful, because I absolutely know it could always be worse. But I'm worn out with this matter and looking for a decent job is just adding to the stress. I can't seem to get a call back for anything related to my field, so I started applying for a couple part time retail jobs too. You know, just for something. Got an email today from one saying they can't consider me for the job. No reason given as to why. So that was the icing on the discouragement cake, but hey, at least I finally heard something back from someone.

I'm shot. I'm gonna hang around on the forums for a bit and then watch some TV and go to bed early. Done with today.

Dee74

I hope things look up on the job front soon Linners - you're putting yourself out there which is half the battle...

I think a quiet evening doing things you love is a good idea

D

Linners820

Thanks Dee

Citrus

I'm so sorry you've had such a crummy day Linners. I hope that tomorrow things feel less yucky. I am so glad that you are here posting and staying sober. I will remember how you handled today when I have a bad day.

Citrus

I just dropped my middle son off for his first junior high "dance". I am so happy that I am not worrying about waiting until I pick him up to drink. Or begging my husband to come home early from the dinner he is at to pick him up. I really hated my life revolving around drinking. It feels so good to be free from that. I am feeling strong in not drinking, which scares me. I so badly don't want to go back to where I was. But my track record for relapse is so high it is hard to just be comfortable where I am right now. I have no idea if that makes any sense! But I thought I would try to convey how I am feeling.
I certainly know that I am going to really enjoy not being hungover at my sons cross country meet in the morning! I can't wait to be fully present, not wishing I could just go home and climb back in bed!

Missing my Mom alot this evening. She was so excited when my older kids got to go to their first dances. I texted my best friend about it instead. I am coming up on 2 years since my Mom passed and sometimes it feels just like it was yesterday. And other times like it has been an eternity since I got to talk to her. I am finally in a place that I am not breaking down about her being gone all the time anymore. But when sober we sure feel all of the feels bigger. I know she would be proud of me being sober even though she never knew my struggle. So it's nice to use that as a little extra motivation. I can hear her telling me that I am such a strong person and to keep it up.

Sorry for the ramble.... hope you all don't mind me getting all of that off my chest.

Citrus

Welcome, glad you are here!

Linners820

That not-hungover feeling in the morning is priceless. Being at a cross-country meet trying my best to support everyone while secretly feeling like death warmed up sounds horrid, and I'm glad you're not going to be feeling that way either. You'll be present and fresh, the same way you'll be when your son gets home from his first dance tonight!

I'm also missing people that have passed. It's been about two years for me too since a close family member has gone and although it does get a bit easier, sometimes the feels hit me so hard I catch my breath and just sit down and sob still. Like you I feel the "eternity vs. just yesterday" thing. I've come to realize that the grief has just become a part of me. It's not good or bad, it's just there.

Citrus

Linners, that is exactly it. I've learned to live with it being there in the back ground. I lost 3 other family members in less than 3 years before she passed. So I've just slowly learned how to be with loss. She is the very hardest though.

Well, it's about time for me to head to bed. I have a nice mug of extra sleepytime tea to nurse for a bit while I read to wind down.
My son had a fantastic time at the dance. He was so animated in the car on the way home.

Good night and love to all of you Octsobers! ❤

Patcha

Day 19. It's Saturday. I'd like a drink but not today, Satan. Instead, I'm eating anything that doesn't run away from me and guzzling buckets of water.