I just dropped my middle son off for his first junior high "dance". I am so happy that I am not worrying about waiting until I pick him up to drink. Or begging my husband to come home early from the dinner he is at to pick him up. I really hated my life revolving around drinking. It feels so good to be free from that. I am feeling strong in not drinking, which scares me. I so badly don't want to go back to where I was. But my track record for relapse is so high it is hard to just be comfortable where I am right now. I have no idea if that makes any sense! But I thought I would try to convey how I am feeling.
I certainly know that I am going to really enjoy not being hungover at my sons cross country meet in the morning! I can't wait to be fully present, not wishing I could just go home and climb back in bed!
Missing my Mom alot this evening. She was so excited when my older kids got to go to their first dances. I texted my best friend about it instead. I am coming up on 2 years since my Mom passed and sometimes it feels just like it was yesterday. And other times like it has been an eternity since I got to talk to her. I am finally in a place that I am not breaking down about her being gone all the time anymore. But when sober we sure feel all of the feels bigger. I know she would be proud of me being sober even though she never knew my struggle. So it's nice to use that as a little extra motivation. I can hear her telling me that I am such a strong person and to keep it up.
Sorry for the ramble.... hope you all don't mind me getting all of that off my chest.