Class of August 2018 Part 5
Member
Join Date: Dec 2016
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 2,279
Suze, JT is here and reading I can feel it..
I go to bed on day 30 with a very heavy heart, not only selfishly but also for the suffering our friend is going through.. I'm worried if we can't manage to talk him around we will lose him for months.. Like he said we learn our class mates patterns, I'm worried because I know his...
I go to bed on day 30 with a very heavy heart, not only selfishly but also for the suffering our friend is going through.. I'm worried if we can't manage to talk him around we will lose him for months.. Like he said we learn our class mates patterns, I'm worried because I know his...
Member
Join Date: Jun 2015
Location: London, UK
Posts: 165
Originally Posted by JustTony 
I got drunk.
Very drunk.
I drink to forget.
It’s useless. I feel useless today.
I offer no excuses. I never do. I’m utterly in control of my own actions.
Dee - I work so hard to have a plan but it never solves my issue. Sometimes people have just been broken by their journey.
So poor old me. I’m going to get smashed again today so here is the ‘disease’ front and centre for you all to discuss and try and rationalise. Like I would have done in your place. At least I had 54 days. Here we go liver! Get ready.
I’m sorry I let down anyone who saw me as a leader. I never asked to be a leader. Please follow your aspirations with a vigour towards your happiness. I have your back. For whatever that is worth.
Please don’t call me out to post as I won’t come back. It’s not what I do.
Tony.
Very drunk.
I drink to forget.
It’s useless. I feel useless today.
I offer no excuses. I never do. I’m utterly in control of my own actions.
Dee - I work so hard to have a plan but it never solves my issue. Sometimes people have just been broken by their journey.
So poor old me. I’m going to get smashed again today so here is the ‘disease’ front and centre for you all to discuss and try and rationalise. Like I would have done in your place. At least I had 54 days. Here we go liver! Get ready.
I’m sorry I let down anyone who saw me as a leader. I never asked to be a leader. Please follow your aspirations with a vigour towards your happiness. I have your back. For whatever that is worth.
Please don’t call me out to post as I won’t come back. It’s not what I do.
Tony.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2018
Location: New England, USA
Posts: 194
Originally Posted by Red78
Suze, JT is here and reading I can feel it..
I go to bed on day 30 with a very heavy heart, not only selfishly but also for the suffering our friend is going through.. I'm worried if we can't manage to talk him around we will lose him for months.. Like he said we learn our class mates patterns, I'm worried because I know his...
I go to bed on day 30 with a very heavy heart, not only selfishly but also for the suffering our friend is going through.. I'm worried if we can't manage to talk him around we will lose him for months.. Like he said we learn our class mates patterns, I'm worried because I know his...
Member
Join Date: Jul 2018
Location: New England, USA
Posts: 194
David and anyone else my lack of thinking before I post inadvertently missed (and I’m sure I’ve missed people so I’m sorry and it’s not any indication of my thoughts just typing too fast)....
Well done on the interview!!! Sending you positive vibes while you wait.
Well done on the interview!!! Sending you positive vibes while you wait.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2018
Location: Texas
Posts: 341
Originally Posted by JustTony
I got drunk.
Very drunk.
I drink to forget.
It’s useless. I feel useless today.
I offer no excuses. I never do. I’m utterly in control of my own actions.
Dee - I work so hard to have a plan but it never solves my issue. Sometimes people have just been broken by their journey.
So poor old me. I’m going to get smashed again today so here is the ‘disease’ front and centre for you all to discuss and try and rationalise. Like I would have done in your place. At least I had 54 days. Here we go liver! Get ready.
I’m sorry I let down anyone who saw me as a leader. I never asked to be a leader. Please follow your aspirations with a vigour towards your happiness. I have your back. For whatever that is worth.
Please don’t call me out to post as I won’t come back. It’s not what I do.
Tony.
Very drunk.
I drink to forget.
It’s useless. I feel useless today.
I offer no excuses. I never do. I’m utterly in control of my own actions.
Dee - I work so hard to have a plan but it never solves my issue. Sometimes people have just been broken by their journey.
So poor old me. I’m going to get smashed again today so here is the ‘disease’ front and centre for you all to discuss and try and rationalise. Like I would have done in your place. At least I had 54 days. Here we go liver! Get ready.
I’m sorry I let down anyone who saw me as a leader. I never asked to be a leader. Please follow your aspirations with a vigour towards your happiness. I have your back. For whatever that is worth.
Please don’t call me out to post as I won’t come back. It’s not what I do.
Tony.
Aww, Tony -- C'mon, man. Get out of your own way and just jump back in and continue. Continuing with this journey NEEDS to be "what you do." And we all need you.
I remember back when I started reading in this group, you posted some very scary stuff about what this disease does to the body/liver. Maybe you need to go back and read what you wrote to remind yourself of a few of the reasons you stopped.
You've come so far. So you slipped. We've been there. What you do next matters. Just come back.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2018
Posts: 88
Tony, you belong here, with the rest of us, regardless of where we are on the sobriety chart at the moment. My past relapses kept me from coming back to SR for months, even years, probably out of shame or my injured pride, but you called me out and I did come back out of the shadows, breaking my self-imposed solitary confinement history. And if I can break the MO, so can you. I’m calling you back Tony, I need you here. I’m intrigued by your deep and profound thoughts on so many levels, and your willingness to discuss them.
Tony, don’t let this slip pull you down. You’ve already resigned to drinking today; I get that. Get it out of your system and come back for the real battle. Seriously, I too drank wine yesterday, knowing that it’s probably the lamest thing I should be doing now while I await testing to either confirm or rule out breast cancer. So, don’t beat yourself up for giving into the desire to numb your emotions, I DO UNDERSTAND.
Chin up Tony, you are human, and we all make mistakes or choices that may not be in our best interest. But the glory of it is that we can also choose to put down the bottle, dust ourselves off, and come back fighting.
I’m posting this in the class thread instead of PM, knowing you may be reading, but not logging in; been there, done that.
Sending love and cyber hugs your way!
Tony, don’t let this slip pull you down. You’ve already resigned to drinking today; I get that. Get it out of your system and come back for the real battle. Seriously, I too drank wine yesterday, knowing that it’s probably the lamest thing I should be doing now while I await testing to either confirm or rule out breast cancer. So, don’t beat yourself up for giving into the desire to numb your emotions, I DO UNDERSTAND.
Chin up Tony, you are human, and we all make mistakes or choices that may not be in our best interest. But the glory of it is that we can also choose to put down the bottle, dust ourselves off, and come back fighting.
I’m posting this in the class thread instead of PM, knowing you may be reading, but not logging in; been there, done that.
Sending love and cyber hugs your way!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2018
Location: Texas
Posts: 341
So I promised I'd let you know what happened with my Kava experience. I did try it, and I have mixed feelings. Anything that promises pain relief, anxiety relief and a good night's sleep is worth a try in my book.
I can see how kava might be helpful in getting through the first few days of sobriety. It definitely is very relaxing and even a bit sedating. It makes the limbs feel a bit heavy and seemed to slow down my heart-rate and thoughts without making me feel like I was losing focus. And I did have a truly great night of sleep.
On the downside, the stuff tastes terrible. If you've ever tried a valerian root tincture, it's very similar to that. In fact, it seems very similar to valerian overall. It's bitter and made my mouth and throat numb but not in a frightening way. It looks and tastes like what you'd find in a mud puddle after a rainstorm. Yuck.
In addition, there is some controversy about whether it is toxic to the liver. From what I've read, blends that are made from only the root of the plant are not harmful, but those made with the stem and leaves mixed in have reportedly harmed people. The problem, of course, is that because it isn't standardised, it's hard to tell exactly what you're getting.
I definitely didn't feel like it was something that would reanimate my wish to drink. And it isn't something I would use regularly, but I am glad to have another tool in the insomnia-combat toolbox. I'd definitely try kava again on a sleepless night. It beats the heck out of turning to wine or vodka.
I can see how kava might be helpful in getting through the first few days of sobriety. It definitely is very relaxing and even a bit sedating. It makes the limbs feel a bit heavy and seemed to slow down my heart-rate and thoughts without making me feel like I was losing focus. And I did have a truly great night of sleep.
On the downside, the stuff tastes terrible. If you've ever tried a valerian root tincture, it's very similar to that. In fact, it seems very similar to valerian overall. It's bitter and made my mouth and throat numb but not in a frightening way. It looks and tastes like what you'd find in a mud puddle after a rainstorm. Yuck.
In addition, there is some controversy about whether it is toxic to the liver. From what I've read, blends that are made from only the root of the plant are not harmful, but those made with the stem and leaves mixed in have reportedly harmed people. The problem, of course, is that because it isn't standardised, it's hard to tell exactly what you're getting.
I definitely didn't feel like it was something that would reanimate my wish to drink. And it isn't something I would use regularly, but I am glad to have another tool in the insomnia-combat toolbox. I'd definitely try kava again on a sleepless night. It beats the heck out of turning to wine or vodka.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2018
Posts: 88
Ayers, I loved your rant! You got this, getting it out of your system releases the building pressure that could become a trigger. Thank you for your concern and support in the ongoing medical issue. This is a first for me, I’ve never had a medical condition that wasn’t addressed right away; it is very frustrating. Thursday, I received a letter regarding the ultrasound results, advising further testing to rule out that the abnormality isn’t benign (cancer); yes, the “C” word. What’s worse is that this is the third weekend that I’m not exercising, vacuuming, or doing any heavy lifting to avoid aggravating the area. I have a room taped and ready to paint, but that’s on hold too.
It is what it is, and I’ll deal with whatever the final prognosis is, but I do want to speed this up so I know what’s going on. I am so thankful that my job is very busy and keeps me focused during the day, it's evenings that I'm struggling with.
Ben, enjoy the game and lean on your SO to get you through the weekend sober. Thinking of you and sending good vibes your way.
David, best wishes to you on the job front. I hope you get the job offer soon!
Suze, I so appreciate your posts, and for calling Tony back – I couldn’t have said it better. Congratulations 60 days!
Hills, congratulations on 35 days!
Darkling, Barbs, Bekind, Matrac, Alice, Red, and everyone else, thank you for being a part of this class and sharing the ups and downs of your journeys.
It is what it is, and I’ll deal with whatever the final prognosis is, but I do want to speed this up so I know what’s going on. I am so thankful that my job is very busy and keeps me focused during the day, it's evenings that I'm struggling with.
Ben, enjoy the game and lean on your SO to get you through the weekend sober. Thinking of you and sending good vibes your way.
David, best wishes to you on the job front. I hope you get the job offer soon!
Suze, I so appreciate your posts, and for calling Tony back – I couldn’t have said it better. Congratulations 60 days!
Hills, congratulations on 35 days!
Darkling, Barbs, Bekind, Matrac, Alice, Red, and everyone else, thank you for being a part of this class and sharing the ups and downs of your journeys.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2015
Location: London, UK
Posts: 165
Originally Posted by SuzesSobriety
David and anyone else my lack of thinking before I post inadvertently missed (and I’m sure I’ve missed people so I’m sorry and it’s not any indication of my thoughts just typing too fast)....
Well done on the interview!!! Sending you positive vibes while you wait.
Well done on the interview!!! Sending you positive vibes while you wait.
Sober Soldier
Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: U.S.A.
Posts: 1,911
Originally Posted by JustTony
Please don’t call me out to post as I won’t come back. It’s not what I do.
Try to stop and listen closely to the conversation that’s going on in your head, the one only you can hear. Is that really what YOU want? Try to think.
I can only speak for myself and I can say you certainly have NOT let me down. It took guts to come on here and even admit that you drank. That alone tells me that the real Tony is in there reaching out. We are here brother. Don’t let yourself go down that dark road. You have our back well guess what we have yours too and we’re not just going to forget about you.
Speak soon friend.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2017
Location: Florida
Posts: 1,320
OK, my turn. JT-I hope you remember what Dee has told us many times. It took him many years to finally win. Each experience is a learning experience. We are supposed to learn from each one and eventually we have that last learning experience that finally leads to the life we want. Come back and chalk this up to learning.
David-Good luck on the job front. I know it's stressfull.
Suze-Congrats on 60 days! Hills on 35 days!
Barbs-Wishing the best for you!
Thinking of everyone, but doing this from memory
Day 38 here. I have to tell you that having the discipline to change eating habits is very tough. I wanted to quit several times yesterday. Then I would think of my health. Sound familiar? I held strong and feel better today because of it. I still seem to be dealing with the infection that led to all of the doctor visits. Got a call from my doctor yesterday, saying I needed to come in for another test. Turns out, there is still infection in me and he'll need to try different antibiotics. Ready for this to be over. Just don't feel right. After being pain free for 2 days, had a severe gout episode. Doing a little better today.
Feels good to not be thinking about drinking or even being challenged. I'm good at just being a hermit in my house. Suze-haven't gone looking for the keys I threw away
Hope everyone has a great weekend!
David-Good luck on the job front. I know it's stressfull.
Suze-Congrats on 60 days! Hills on 35 days!
Barbs-Wishing the best for you!
Thinking of everyone, but doing this from memory
Day 38 here. I have to tell you that having the discipline to change eating habits is very tough. I wanted to quit several times yesterday. Then I would think of my health. Sound familiar? I held strong and feel better today because of it. I still seem to be dealing with the infection that led to all of the doctor visits. Got a call from my doctor yesterday, saying I needed to come in for another test. Turns out, there is still infection in me and he'll need to try different antibiotics. Ready for this to be over. Just don't feel right. After being pain free for 2 days, had a severe gout episode. Doing a little better today.
Feels good to not be thinking about drinking or even being challenged. I'm good at just being a hermit in my house. Suze-haven't gone looking for the keys I threw away
Hope everyone has a great weekend!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2015
Location: London, UK
Posts: 165
Originally Posted by bobdrop
OK, my turn. JT-I hope you remember what Dee has told us many times. It took him many years to finally win. Each experience is a learning experience. We are supposed to learn from each one and eventually we have that last learning experience that finally leads to the life we want. Come back and chalk this up to learning.
David-Good luck on the job front. I know it's stressfull.
Suze-Congrats on 60 days! Hills on 35 days!
Barbs-Wishing the best for you!
Thinking of everyone, but doing this from memory
Day 38 here. I have to tell you that having the discipline to change eating habits is very tough. I wanted to quit several times yesterday. Then I would think of my health. Sound familiar? I held strong and feel better today because of it. I still seem to be dealing with the infection that led to all of the doctor visits. Got a call from my doctor yesterday, saying I needed to come in for another test. Turns out, there is still infection in me and he'll need to try different antibiotics. Ready for this to be over. Just don't feel right. After being pain free for 2 days, had a severe gout episode. Doing a little better today.
Feels good to not be thinking about drinking or even being challenged. I'm good at just being a hermit in my house. Suze-haven't gone looking for the keys I threw away
Hope everyone has a great weekend!
David-Good luck on the job front. I know it's stressfull.
Suze-Congrats on 60 days! Hills on 35 days!
Barbs-Wishing the best for you!
Thinking of everyone, but doing this from memory
Day 38 here. I have to tell you that having the discipline to change eating habits is very tough. I wanted to quit several times yesterday. Then I would think of my health. Sound familiar? I held strong and feel better today because of it. I still seem to be dealing with the infection that led to all of the doctor visits. Got a call from my doctor yesterday, saying I needed to come in for another test. Turns out, there is still infection in me and he'll need to try different antibiotics. Ready for this to be over. Just don't feel right. After being pain free for 2 days, had a severe gout episode. Doing a little better today.
Feels good to not be thinking about drinking or even being challenged. I'm good at just being a hermit in my house. Suze-haven't gone looking for the keys I threw away
Hope everyone has a great weekend!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: nj
Posts: 470
JT
I’m so sorry for the way that you’re feeling and I sure hope that you’ll reconsider your decision to leave the group.
Being sober is hard and there’s no finish line to sprint toward,. There’s no list of things to accomplish before you’re free. There’s no one to evaluate you,....no certificate of completion. Our condition is something that we have to learn to live with. Slipping is not failing. Some behavior theorists think that it’s a part of change. Perhaps we learn something very valuable about ourselves and our efforts when we make mistakes and what we learn (if we will be honest with ourselves) may well be the thing or things that make us successful in the long run. So get yourself back to the business of living a better life and put this goal above all else until it gets easier. You deserve better and you have help.
I’m so sorry for the way that you’re feeling and I sure hope that you’ll reconsider your decision to leave the group.
Being sober is hard and there’s no finish line to sprint toward,. There’s no list of things to accomplish before you’re free. There’s no one to evaluate you,....no certificate of completion. Our condition is something that we have to learn to live with. Slipping is not failing. Some behavior theorists think that it’s a part of change. Perhaps we learn something very valuable about ourselves and our efforts when we make mistakes and what we learn (if we will be honest with ourselves) may well be the thing or things that make us successful in the long run. So get yourself back to the business of living a better life and put this goal above all else until it gets easier. You deserve better and you have help.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2018
Posts: 1,290
I am amazed at how fond I've grown of each of you in such a short while and as Suze said , you are no longer just names - but people and personalities that I've grown to know.
And this isn't just another group - I spent months reading on SR before becoming a member - and what really struck me about this group was that there was something else here, something deeper, something kapow 'ish!!! Deep and meaningful conversations , always something for thought, always something going on.
And that is what makes me so sad when one of ours wants to leave.
JT I second what Suze said : about calling out to you. There is no way , NO WAY we leave our wounded behind. We will pick you up and carry you if we have to . But for us to stop asking for you to come back - no way!!! And that goes for each and every one of you .
I missed commenting on most of the rest of the crew previously.
Red- so glad it seems you survived last night - hope you don't see it as not having had faith in you , but rather just being worried.
David - happy to hear the interview went well . Holding thumbs for you.
Strawbs - so nice to hear from you. How are you doing ?
Hills - congrats ! 35 ! Mike : rooting for you, you are doing so well.
Alice - interesting , the Kava . So glad it helped you . Will also go and read up about it.
Zoey ,SweetP ,Matrac,Bob - hi !
Ben - how did it go today ?
Snufkins - how are you?
Karen - still calling you - miss you !!
I knowww I've missed someone . Sorry .
Odaat and Suze - glad you liked my ranting and raving.Wow,wow on your 60 days , Suze , that is huge! And no, I am not always as cheerful as I come across. What's that poem ...
There was a little girl with a curl
and when she was good she was very good
but when she was bad she was very ,very bad .... Think I got it all wrong , but anyway , get my drift?
I honestly mean it when I say I so much look forward to your morning posts everyday, JT, and I will miss you. Please surprise us all tomorrow and make us very happy by not leaving us and talking to us?
Blessings and much love .
And this isn't just another group - I spent months reading on SR before becoming a member - and what really struck me about this group was that there was something else here, something deeper, something kapow 'ish!!! Deep and meaningful conversations , always something for thought, always something going on.
And that is what makes me so sad when one of ours wants to leave.
JT I second what Suze said : about calling out to you. There is no way , NO WAY we leave our wounded behind. We will pick you up and carry you if we have to . But for us to stop asking for you to come back - no way!!! And that goes for each and every one of you .
I missed commenting on most of the rest of the crew previously.
Red- so glad it seems you survived last night - hope you don't see it as not having had faith in you , but rather just being worried.
David - happy to hear the interview went well . Holding thumbs for you.
Strawbs - so nice to hear from you. How are you doing ?
Hills - congrats ! 35 ! Mike : rooting for you, you are doing so well.
Alice - interesting , the Kava . So glad it helped you . Will also go and read up about it.
Zoey ,SweetP ,Matrac,Bob - hi !
Ben - how did it go today ?
Snufkins - how are you?
Karen - still calling you - miss you !!
I knowww I've missed someone . Sorry .
Odaat and Suze - glad you liked my ranting and raving.Wow,wow on your 60 days , Suze , that is huge! And no, I am not always as cheerful as I come across. What's that poem ...
There was a little girl with a curl
and when she was good she was very good
but when she was bad she was very ,very bad .... Think I got it all wrong , but anyway , get my drift?
I honestly mean it when I say I so much look forward to your morning posts everyday, JT, and I will miss you. Please surprise us all tomorrow and make us very happy by not leaving us and talking to us?
Blessings and much love .
Member
Join Date: Aug 2017
Posts: 1,246
I hope you will come back when you are ready JT. I want to say something that will make a difference to you but everything I try to write just sounds like a platitude. I will spare you that. So, just know I am thinking of you.
Ayers hope you start to feel better soon. Good to hear from you Ben.
Hope everyone makes it safely through the weekend.
Ayers hope you start to feel better soon. Good to hear from you Ben.
Hope everyone makes it safely through the weekend.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2018
Posts: 2,279
I am at the cinema stone cold sooner watching the house with a clock in it’s walls. Drove here on a Saturday evening - that’s quite a novel experience
Slight headache and indulged in an hour kip this afternoon, but aside from that withdrawals not too bad.
Have a nice evening, see you all tomorrow
Slight headache and indulged in an hour kip this afternoon, but aside from that withdrawals not too bad.
Have a nice evening, see you all tomorrow
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: United Kingdom
Posts: 149
Hey everyone, sorry I haven't been online in awhile. Still sober. I had some personal things going on which kept me too busy. I wasn't going to write anything today until I saw that Tony was leaving the group and had a slip up. Please don't Tony. I found your posts very helpful while I was on the forum.
One slip up is seriously not a big deal Tony. Just come right back. This journey doesn't have to be absolutely perfect. I've had a few one or two day binges before this streak but all the days sober have made my life infinitely better. I am quite a perfectionist so I was extremely annoyed with these slips but overtime I've found being more compassionate towards myself has helped these slip ups not take me right down the spiral again.
Hope you come back mate. Hope everybody else is doing good. I'll need to read back through the posts when I get a chance.
One slip up is seriously not a big deal Tony. Just come right back. This journey doesn't have to be absolutely perfect. I've had a few one or two day binges before this streak but all the days sober have made my life infinitely better. I am quite a perfectionist so I was extremely annoyed with these slips but overtime I've found being more compassionate towards myself has helped these slip ups not take me right down the spiral again.
Hope you come back mate. Hope everybody else is doing good. I'll need to read back through the posts when I get a chance.
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