Class of August 2018 Part 5
Member
Join Date: Aug 2017
Location: In the Country
Posts: 530
Evening dear Augustians,
Oh doom & gloom, arrived back home to chilly,piddley weather after two weeks of lovely hot weather. Unpacking and Washing being done, but I am doing it with ill grace and stomping about like a toddler with a mega tantrum
. I do make myself chuckle sometimes.
Sad to see that JT not here today. I hope & pray that you will come back Tony....You have not lost your 54 days, they are still there to hold you in good stead whilst you get through the tough days that you know are to come. You are a kind,caring insightful man to us here Tony, time to try it out on yourself.
This group means a great deal to me! Each and every one of you adds to my day,every day. I am sorry I don't comment much individually at times and that will change.
Thanks for being here Augustians, sending Love & hugs your way, SP
Oh doom & gloom, arrived back home to chilly,piddley weather after two weeks of lovely hot weather. Unpacking and Washing being done, but I am doing it with ill grace and stomping about like a toddler with a mega tantrum
. I do make myself chuckle sometimes.Sad to see that JT not here today. I hope & pray that you will come back Tony....You have not lost your 54 days, they are still there to hold you in good stead whilst you get through the tough days that you know are to come. You are a kind,caring insightful man to us here Tony, time to try it out on yourself.
This group means a great deal to me! Each and every one of you adds to my day,every day. I am sorry I don't comment much individually at times and that will change.
Thanks for being here Augustians, sending Love & hugs your way, SP
Member
Join Date: Jul 2018
Location: New England, USA
Posts: 194
Hello Augustonians!
On a positive note, welcome back SweetP...no matter how much you don't want to be back =] Glad you had a wonderful trip and hope the journey back to reality isn't too jarring.
And Ayers, in everything I didn't get to say 30 DAYS!!! Take heart that for some reason around that time I felt very much the way you did as did others at the same time (eh, hem...won't call him out right now). It passed quickly. Well, it didn't feel fast at the time, but stay strong. I hope your mood is changing.
I have been thinking about you, me, us all day.
I feel like I want a sticky like Dee:
Psssst.....want to know why I am always talking about how much I love this class?
Here is the thing. Early on I talked about drinking being a house I used to live in and I had moved and couldn't go back. Some people said they weren't there yet and I understand that. Heck, I am not saying I don't look in the windows every now and then and don't ever miss that place.
But put another way, the genie is out of the bottle. You can't put it back. Heck, the genie is dead. You can't unring this bell. It has run and is loud and clear. I don't like the word alcoholic. I don't like thinking about labels in general. But one thing that resonated early on when I was lurking and people were questioning if they had to stop was, "Normal drinkers don't find and post on a site like this."
I was lurking when I was doing it on my own and stringing together a day, a week or whatever at a time for....gosh years. Then I started engaging. I am not the person I was when I posted day one. I am not the person I was at day 30. You have helped me grow in a way I couldn't have done it on my own by sharing your stories. I have learned about me.
So we all know we have a problem and that is why we are here. But my screen name is not SuzesDrinking or SuzesAlcoholism. It is SuzesSobriety. You are on my sobriety journey and I on yours. If we all know we have a problem, then there are only two choices. Continue the cycle or get better.
I am here for you and for us to get better. This is my last class, period. Sometimes I feel like a novice or like I am saying something wrong because I have not been around the block here. Even today I am thinking, is Dee going to think I am bugging Tony too much? Am I too naive to be fighting for people to stay?
But what I envision is that, for everyone's own benefit, they will have to get back on this journey. Back on the roller coaster that has ups and downs. Get off the merry go round from hell. And when I know or hope that that will happen, I think, but this class! Why would you want to leave this class and start all over again.
It is not always easy. But it is better. It is quite frankly the most rewarding thing I have done for a long time for me and the growth I have experienced with the honesty of all these people and their raw stories all over the world is something I would pay money to experience.
So this is not a rah rah, this class is great. This class is a miracle and a lifeline. Don't wait for another. Sooner or later we all have to beat this. Let this group, this time, this miracle be the one. If you slip, get back on the roller coaster and scream your head off, but don't give up.
One last thought below. Thanks for letting me get this off my chest.
On a positive note, welcome back SweetP...no matter how much you don't want to be back =] Glad you had a wonderful trip and hope the journey back to reality isn't too jarring.
And Ayers, in everything I didn't get to say 30 DAYS!!! Take heart that for some reason around that time I felt very much the way you did as did others at the same time (eh, hem...won't call him out right now). It passed quickly. Well, it didn't feel fast at the time, but stay strong. I hope your mood is changing.
I have been thinking about you, me, us all day.
I feel like I want a sticky like Dee:
Psssst.....want to know why I am always talking about how much I love this class?
Here is the thing. Early on I talked about drinking being a house I used to live in and I had moved and couldn't go back. Some people said they weren't there yet and I understand that. Heck, I am not saying I don't look in the windows every now and then and don't ever miss that place.
But put another way, the genie is out of the bottle. You can't put it back. Heck, the genie is dead. You can't unring this bell. It has run and is loud and clear. I don't like the word alcoholic. I don't like thinking about labels in general. But one thing that resonated early on when I was lurking and people were questioning if they had to stop was, "Normal drinkers don't find and post on a site like this."
I was lurking when I was doing it on my own and stringing together a day, a week or whatever at a time for....gosh years. Then I started engaging. I am not the person I was when I posted day one. I am not the person I was at day 30. You have helped me grow in a way I couldn't have done it on my own by sharing your stories. I have learned about me.
So we all know we have a problem and that is why we are here. But my screen name is not SuzesDrinking or SuzesAlcoholism. It is SuzesSobriety. You are on my sobriety journey and I on yours. If we all know we have a problem, then there are only two choices. Continue the cycle or get better.
I am here for you and for us to get better. This is my last class, period. Sometimes I feel like a novice or like I am saying something wrong because I have not been around the block here. Even today I am thinking, is Dee going to think I am bugging Tony too much? Am I too naive to be fighting for people to stay?
But what I envision is that, for everyone's own benefit, they will have to get back on this journey. Back on the roller coaster that has ups and downs. Get off the merry go round from hell. And when I know or hope that that will happen, I think, but this class! Why would you want to leave this class and start all over again.
It is not always easy. But it is better. It is quite frankly the most rewarding thing I have done for a long time for me and the growth I have experienced with the honesty of all these people and their raw stories all over the world is something I would pay money to experience.
So this is not a rah rah, this class is great. This class is a miracle and a lifeline. Don't wait for another. Sooner or later we all have to beat this. Let this group, this time, this miracle be the one. If you slip, get back on the roller coaster and scream your head off, but don't give up.
One last thought below. Thanks for letting me get this off my chest.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2018
Location: New England, USA
Posts: 194
On futility, this is what popped into my head when I read your post JT. Aren't there only two options here? Just back in or face death, period. But part of why I thought of you is the part of not giving in to life's futility whether wise, good, artist....or leader. There is more and futility is passing.
So perhaps a bit morbid and perhaps a bit trite, but what came to mind for all of us on our darkest days.
Do not go gentle into that good night,
Old age should burn and rave at close of day;
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
Though wise men at their end know dark is right,
Because their words had forked no lightning they
Do not go gentle into that good night.
Good men, the last wave by, crying how bright
Their frail deeds might have danced in a green bay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
Wild men who caught and sang the sun in flight,
And learn, too late, they grieved it on its way,
Do not go gentle into that good night.
Grave men, near death, who see with blinding sight
Blind eyes could blaze like meteors and be gay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
And you, my father, there on the sad height,
Curse, bless, me now with your fierce tears, I pray.
Do not go gentle into that good night.
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
So perhaps a bit morbid and perhaps a bit trite, but what came to mind for all of us on our darkest days.
Do not go gentle into that good night,
Old age should burn and rave at close of day;
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
Though wise men at their end know dark is right,
Because their words had forked no lightning they
Do not go gentle into that good night.
Good men, the last wave by, crying how bright
Their frail deeds might have danced in a green bay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
Wild men who caught and sang the sun in flight,
And learn, too late, they grieved it on its way,
Do not go gentle into that good night.
Grave men, near death, who see with blinding sight
Blind eyes could blaze like meteors and be gay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
And you, my father, there on the sad height,
Curse, bless, me now with your fierce tears, I pray.
Do not go gentle into that good night.
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2017
Posts: 1,246
Originally Posted by SuzesSobriety 
On futility, this is what popped into my head when I read your post JT. Aren't there only two options here? Just back in or face death, period. But part of why I thought of you is the part of not giving in to life's futility whether wise, good, artist....or leader. There is more and futility is passing.
So perhaps a bit morbid and perhaps a bit trite, but what came to mind for all of us on our darkest days.
Do not go gentle into that good night,
Old age should burn and rave at close of day;
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
Though wise men at their end know dark is right,
Because their words had forked no lightning they
Do not go gentle into that good night.
Good men, the last wave by, crying how bright
Their frail deeds might have danced in a green bay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
Wild men who caught and sang the sun in flight,
And learn, too late, they grieved it on its way,
Do not go gentle into that good night.
Grave men, near death, who see with blinding sight
Blind eyes could blaze like meteors and be gay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
And you, my father, there on the sad height,
Curse, bless, me now with your fierce tears, I pray.
Do not go gentle into that good night.
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
So perhaps a bit morbid and perhaps a bit trite, but what came to mind for all of us on our darkest days.
Do not go gentle into that good night,
Old age should burn and rave at close of day;
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
Though wise men at their end know dark is right,
Because their words had forked no lightning they
Do not go gentle into that good night.
Good men, the last wave by, crying how bright
Their frail deeds might have danced in a green bay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
Wild men who caught and sang the sun in flight,
And learn, too late, they grieved it on its way,
Do not go gentle into that good night.
Grave men, near death, who see with blinding sight
Blind eyes could blaze like meteors and be gay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
And you, my father, there on the sad height,
Curse, bless, me now with your fierce tears, I pray.
Do not go gentle into that good night.
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
I am shaken today, perhaps we all are? I want the torch to keep burning. Its up to us.
Administrator
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,457
good to hear from you doubledee and Sweetpeacan 
Tony I hope you're reading and you see that this group doesn't need you to carry them...but it might be good to let yourself be carried for a while?
D
Tony I hope you're reading and you see that this group doesn't need you to carry them...but it might be good to let yourself be carried for a while?
D
Member
Join Date: Aug 2018
Location: Texas
Posts: 341
I'm getting ready to turn in for the night, and I just realized something: I haven't had a nightmare since quitting drinking. I used to have them all the time.
Just another one of the benefits of sobriety, I guess. I hope you all have sweet dreams tonight!
Just another one of the benefits of sobriety, I guess. I hope you all have sweet dreams tonight!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Western US
Posts: 9,012
Ahh Dee, thanks so much for the picture with the torch. I really appreciate it.
Ben, I think you might have been the latest (but probably not the last -sigh) to slip. Can you and any of the others who have slipped talk about it a bit. I don't know if planning for what to do in the case of a slip is practical but it seems so to me. I'm wanting all of you to promise to come back as soon as possible if you slip. Come back as bosky as a bishop and still drinking but come back. I in turn promise to come back if I hit the joy juice!!!
I had a day of adulting. Took my old Dad to Cosco (a huge grocery warehouse that he loves). Shopping is getting a bit much for him but probably keeps him going. Also did some bill paying, laundry, took out trash/recycle and probably the biggest adult task of the day: the dreaded cleaning of the refrigerator.
Darkling I love that poem. I know I have heard bits of it before. It seems to be about raging against old age and death but I like to think of it more as being about raging against death inside of life: addiction and the many other ways we die while living.
May the spirit of that carouser, from the distant past, St. Augustine ,watch over us all and most of all over our favorite booger brained brother JT (I'm trying to make you laugh JT although I know, in the place you are, laughter probably doesn't reach - ugh. Yep been in my version of that place.)
Ben, I think you might have been the latest (but probably not the last -sigh) to slip. Can you and any of the others who have slipped talk about it a bit. I don't know if planning for what to do in the case of a slip is practical but it seems so to me. I'm wanting all of you to promise to come back as soon as possible if you slip. Come back as bosky as a bishop and still drinking but come back. I in turn promise to come back if I hit the joy juice!!!
I had a day of adulting. Took my old Dad to Cosco (a huge grocery warehouse that he loves). Shopping is getting a bit much for him but probably keeps him going. Also did some bill paying, laundry, took out trash/recycle and probably the biggest adult task of the day: the dreaded cleaning of the refrigerator.
Darkling I love that poem. I know I have heard bits of it before. It seems to be about raging against old age and death but I like to think of it more as being about raging against death inside of life: addiction and the many other ways we die while living.
May the spirit of that carouser, from the distant past, St. Augustine ,watch over us all and most of all over our favorite booger brained brother JT (I'm trying to make you laugh JT although I know, in the place you are, laughter probably doesn't reach - ugh. Yep been in my version of that place.)
Member
Join Date: Aug 2018
Location: Texas
Posts: 341
Hi Bekind -- I was one of those who slipped. For me it was a choice. A very bad choice, of course, but definitely it was all me. I wasn't overwhelmed by some force I couldn't control. It was good to get over it quickly and come back here.
I think it's important for me to recognize the part ego plays in this whole disease. The first step in AA is to admit one is powerless. And for some of us that's hard. We're used to being in control of other aspects of our lives and showing up with strong and capable personas even if we're fighting our way through the haze of sweaty heart palpitations and hangover wooze. Ego told me I could handle drinking. I can't. Ego also told me I should be embarrassed about slipping. I'm not. I'm only human.
I get that you may want to plan for the worst, but really, no matter how loud the AV gets at times, you still have a choice. I think I'm going to prepare for, and visualize good things happening from now on. What we expect to manifest often becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I'm visualizing all of us manifesting the very best, healthiest, life-affirming versions of ourselves.
I think it's important for me to recognize the part ego plays in this whole disease. The first step in AA is to admit one is powerless. And for some of us that's hard. We're used to being in control of other aspects of our lives and showing up with strong and capable personas even if we're fighting our way through the haze of sweaty heart palpitations and hangover wooze. Ego told me I could handle drinking. I can't. Ego also told me I should be embarrassed about slipping. I'm not. I'm only human.
I get that you may want to plan for the worst, but really, no matter how loud the AV gets at times, you still have a choice. I think I'm going to prepare for, and visualize good things happening from now on. What we expect to manifest often becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I'm visualizing all of us manifesting the very best, healthiest, life-affirming versions of ourselves.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 1,055
JT, Come back soon. Everyone else has pretty much said what I was thinking. We have all fallen back. But we're here because we want a better version of ourselves. The wine will always sting you in the end. It's a liar and a thief. Don't let it keep you away long. We care about you.
Barbs, Please check in and let us know how you're doing. I hope you have a great time!
I am feeling really good. Not missing the wine and extremely thankful for sobriety. It almost feels selfish saying that when one of us is down and wounded, but we need to keep this class going strong and positive. Today I ran 4 miles in the morning then my husband and I went for a 6 mile walk in the afternoon. It was a glorious fall day here! Came home and baked pumpkin bread.........the house smells delicious. I love fall!
Love to all and a good night.
Barbs, Please check in and let us know how you're doing. I hope you have a great time!
I am feeling really good. Not missing the wine and extremely thankful for sobriety. It almost feels selfish saying that when one of us is down and wounded, but we need to keep this class going strong and positive. Today I ran 4 miles in the morning then my husband and I went for a 6 mile walk in the afternoon. It was a glorious fall day here! Came home and baked pumpkin bread.........the house smells delicious. I love fall!
Love to all and a good night.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 1,055
Suze, Beautiful posts. You have a real way with words (not one of my gifts.) This is my last class too. I have thrown the keys away, and I never want to enter that house again. This class is my lifeline.
Thank you all for your thoughtful posts.
Thank you all for your thoughtful posts.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2018
Posts: 88
Good evening fellow Augustonians, well I’m bracing myself and hopefully all of you too, I got a letter in the mail today (dated September 14) notifying me that my MRI was approved. Turns out I wasn’t crazy, as I took the call last Friday., instead of letting it go to voicemail. Only thing is, the authorization was for my brain. Seriously??? Looks like my darling doctor’s office coded the request wrong, something they didn’t address in my latest telephone conversation. I can only hope that the next approval is quicker. Ugh!!!!
JT, if you’re out there, get back here asap! Not only do I need your advice and guidance, I miss you!
Suze, thanks for the poem, I haven’t thought of that one for a very long time, but it does resonate dearly to me now.
Alice, so glad to hear that you no longer have nightmares, I can’t remember who mentioned sleep paralysis before, but that is something I experienced many years ago during childhood,;waking up from a nightmare, but unable to scream. It was horrible; many times, being awake and “imagining” a presence in the room, but unable to utter a sound. Terrifying!
Dee, thank you for overseeing all of these threads, I know it must consume so much of your time, and I am so appreciative of your time and dedication. You are a true inspiration for me!
JT, if you’re out there, get back here asap! Not only do I need your advice and guidance, I miss you!
Suze, thanks for the poem, I haven’t thought of that one for a very long time, but it does resonate dearly to me now.
Alice, so glad to hear that you no longer have nightmares, I can’t remember who mentioned sleep paralysis before, but that is something I experienced many years ago during childhood,;waking up from a nightmare, but unable to scream. It was horrible; many times, being awake and “imagining” a presence in the room, but unable to utter a sound. Terrifying!
Dee, thank you for overseeing all of these threads, I know it must consume so much of your time, and I am so appreciative of your time and dedication. You are a true inspiration for me!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2016
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 697
Well, I made it through my son's final reception sober! I have to admit, it was not always easy. My AV was whispering and at times screaming, just a sip of your son's scotch won't hurt you... that glass of merlot looks so good... but I reminded myself that that is no longer a part of my life. I drank cucumber water and chamomile tea.
I have been thinking of all of you throughout the day. I hope to catch up with everyone when I get back home to my computer. You are all such a big part of my recovery. Thank you!
I have been thinking of all of you throughout the day. I hope to catch up with everyone when I get back home to my computer. You are all such a big part of my recovery. Thank you!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2016
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 2,279
Originally Posted by Barbs
Well, I made it through my son's final reception sober! I have to admit, it was not always easy. My AV was whispering and at times screaming, just a sip of your son's scotch won't hurt you... that glass of merlot looks so good... but I reminded myself that that is no longer a part of my life. I drank cucumber water and chamomile tea.
I have been thinking of all of you throughout the day. I hope to catch up with everyone when I get back home to my computer. You are all such a big part of my recovery. Thank you!
I have been thinking of all of you throughout the day. I hope to catch up with everyone when I get back home to my computer. You are all such a big part of my recovery. Thank you!
Re-Tread
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Meditation
Posts: 1,300
Hi August class,
I am still in this battle. Still sober.
I have had a few flashes in my mind to drink but I pushed them aside.
Otherwise life is going steady. No major complaints.
I have not been here reading much and when I have its been to study the AVRT threads. Those have been amazingly helpful to me.
I did see that you drank Tony. I am really upset to hear that as I love your posts and positive attitude. Please dont bail out. Even if you are still drinking its better for you here. And for us.
ODAATC im sorry to read everything that you are going through. My prayers are with you.
Everyone else I hope to catch up at some point.
Keep on grinding out sober days
I am still in this battle. Still sober.
I have had a few flashes in my mind to drink but I pushed them aside.
Otherwise life is going steady. No major complaints.
I have not been here reading much and when I have its been to study the AVRT threads. Those have been amazingly helpful to me.
I did see that you drank Tony. I am really upset to hear that as I love your posts and positive attitude. Please dont bail out. Even if you are still drinking its better for you here. And for us.
ODAATC im sorry to read everything that you are going through. My prayers are with you.
Everyone else I hope to catch up at some point.
Keep on grinding out sober days
Member
Join Date: Aug 2018
Posts: 1,290
Good morning , Augustonians , Sunday morning
Suze , your post was wonderful, so heartfelt, and I can second everything you said . The poem …. I have copied it and saved it – beautiful, thank you.
Dee, thank you for the “passing the torch “. So thoughtful of you.
Imagine a bunch of people having to learn to swim, with a huge marathon/ swimming the channel as their aim.
On the first day , some of us will tentatively wet our toes, then put our wrists into the water and slowly ease ourselves into the pool, shivering. Others will dive right in, bracing the cold head-on. And some others will need someone to physically give them a push into the water.
Some will stay on the side, and say they will try tomorrow. And so the squad will begin their training, swimming their laps, getting stronger and fitter together, and swimming better each day.
Some might need to hold on to the side at times, to catch their breath, but still finish their laps for the day. Others may try to get out of the pool, and decide they have had enough, but the rest of the team will try and encourage them to stay and keep going.
Some may nearly drown while trying – but will the squad look on and swim past that person?
Of course not, they will help that person get to the side to catch their breath ,or to even get out and sit a lap out, until they are ready to get back in.
Some may miss a day or so of practice, and show up again the next day. The squad will be grateful for their return, because they are a team, and they need that person in the relay race they have to swim, to pass the baton. And no-one will blame the one who missed a day or two of practice, because they all know they will probably also miss a day here and there.
But they all know, the longer you wait to get back to training and swimming your laps everyday, the longer it will take to get fit again .
Thank you to all who helped me with their comments. Much appreciated.
Have a good Sunday team August! ONWARDS !!!
Suze , your post was wonderful, so heartfelt, and I can second everything you said . The poem …. I have copied it and saved it – beautiful, thank you.
Dee, thank you for the “passing the torch “. So thoughtful of you.
Imagine a bunch of people having to learn to swim, with a huge marathon/ swimming the channel as their aim.
On the first day , some of us will tentatively wet our toes, then put our wrists into the water and slowly ease ourselves into the pool, shivering. Others will dive right in, bracing the cold head-on. And some others will need someone to physically give them a push into the water.
Some will stay on the side, and say they will try tomorrow. And so the squad will begin their training, swimming their laps, getting stronger and fitter together, and swimming better each day.
Some might need to hold on to the side at times, to catch their breath, but still finish their laps for the day. Others may try to get out of the pool, and decide they have had enough, but the rest of the team will try and encourage them to stay and keep going.
Some may nearly drown while trying – but will the squad look on and swim past that person?
Of course not, they will help that person get to the side to catch their breath ,or to even get out and sit a lap out, until they are ready to get back in.
Some may miss a day or so of practice, and show up again the next day. The squad will be grateful for their return, because they are a team, and they need that person in the relay race they have to swim, to pass the baton. And no-one will blame the one who missed a day or two of practice, because they all know they will probably also miss a day here and there.
But they all know, the longer you wait to get back to training and swimming your laps everyday, the longer it will take to get fit again .
Thank you to all who helped me with their comments. Much appreciated.
Have a good Sunday team August! ONWARDS !!!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2018
Posts: 2,279
Morning all
Bekind asked about my slip. I’d been sober 50+ days and felt healthy and secure. AV was largely quiet and I wasn’t thinking about alcohol much. My routine was good but there were some things, on retrospect, that this time round I’ll do differently.
I keep mentioning work. It’s not compatible with my health, mental health and sobriety. It’s no coincidence I slipped two weeks into the new term. I need to work but I need to be sober more. So I have an end I sight having negotiated a change of roles for end of Janurary. There was a temptation to leave the hard work of sobriety to then but being drunk just makes me feel so awful I can’t wait that long!!
I’ve also mentioned my SO. My resentments are magnified and channelled to her (I’ll point out here, as I said to JT once, I’m not saying this is good, it’s what is) and I was trying to work with her to work it through. But I didn’t do this and kept an ongoing rage that I didn’t let go. People kept telling me to but I didn’t.
Lastly, when alarm bells came I didn’t seek
Help I chose to drink. This is the really key bit for me. I understand I can’t become a sober person today or tomorrow, but to become that I have to stay sober everyday. Starting today. When the pressure was on and I made that choice (I made it 10am and drank 5pm ffs!) I need an out. I really should Have stuffed myself with food;’posted on here; or gone to a safe space. Or rung my SO...and here all points merge into one. But it’s that ‘emergency’ bit of the plan I am thinking about
Anyway, I’m equally depressed by my slip and encouraged I managed 50 days. I feel so sorry for JT as I know the pain a slip causes. I don’t wish to alarm people but please be vigilant at 6 weeks to 6 months it seems to me to be slip-central
Today I’m chilling at home. May go to gym; will certainly tidy the house; but mostly I’ll relax. I love the weekend because I wake up feeling confident I won’t drink, even so early in my new start.
Hope everyone has a good day
Bekind asked about my slip. I’d been sober 50+ days and felt healthy and secure. AV was largely quiet and I wasn’t thinking about alcohol much. My routine was good but there were some things, on retrospect, that this time round I’ll do differently.
I keep mentioning work. It’s not compatible with my health, mental health and sobriety. It’s no coincidence I slipped two weeks into the new term. I need to work but I need to be sober more. So I have an end I sight having negotiated a change of roles for end of Janurary. There was a temptation to leave the hard work of sobriety to then but being drunk just makes me feel so awful I can’t wait that long!!
I’ve also mentioned my SO. My resentments are magnified and channelled to her (I’ll point out here, as I said to JT once, I’m not saying this is good, it’s what is) and I was trying to work with her to work it through. But I didn’t do this and kept an ongoing rage that I didn’t let go. People kept telling me to but I didn’t.
Lastly, when alarm bells came I didn’t seek
Help I chose to drink. This is the really key bit for me. I understand I can’t become a sober person today or tomorrow, but to become that I have to stay sober everyday. Starting today. When the pressure was on and I made that choice (I made it 10am and drank 5pm ffs!) I need an out. I really should Have stuffed myself with food;’posted on here; or gone to a safe space. Or rung my SO...and here all points merge into one. But it’s that ‘emergency’ bit of the plan I am thinking about
Anyway, I’m equally depressed by my slip and encouraged I managed 50 days. I feel so sorry for JT as I know the pain a slip causes. I don’t wish to alarm people but please be vigilant at 6 weeks to 6 months it seems to me to be slip-central
Today I’m chilling at home. May go to gym; will certainly tidy the house; but mostly I’ll relax. I love the weekend because I wake up feeling confident I won’t drink, even so early in my new start.
Hope everyone has a good day
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Join Date: Jul 2018
Posts: 2,279
One last thing, I’ve just thought of. I was doing quite well with the AV having a conversation - for example, ‘Why not just drink today?’ (it said) and I’d reply, ‘Well I can if I want. But I choose not to because ....’ and list exactly why not. I think over time this was helping me change my view of alcohol
THE SLIP ONLY CONFIRMED THIS. I’d beg people that when they think about drinking and the ‘slip’ that they understand that it will be exactly the same as before, if not worse. I hear people try it to prove it to themselves, maybe that’s what I did - but take it from me it took about 12 hours to go straight back to square one
THE SLIP ONLY CONFIRMED THIS. I’d beg people that when they think about drinking and the ‘slip’ that they understand that it will be exactly the same as before, if not worse. I hear people try it to prove it to themselves, maybe that’s what I did - but take it from me it took about 12 hours to go straight back to square one
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