Class of August 2018 Part 5
Member
Join Date: Mar 2017
Location: UK
Posts: 1,543
I didn’t get any sleep as I intended as my work phone kept ringing. All in all the calls I received weren’t negative - they just didn’t allow me to drop off.
A feeling of emptiness and futility (in general - not about sobriety) seem to consume me this evening. I’m in my warm winter coat and sitting outside in the dark as I listen to the very strong wind and sounds of the country. It’s a bit of ‘me time’.
Normally I would be accompanied by a glass of red wine (typically Shiraz), which would be getting steadily colder in the outdoors (not something I liked to be honest as I preferred red wine at room temperature). Only red bush tea tonight.
During my first weekend of sobriety we won a bottle of red wine at a village charity event. Spanish Rjoca and it still sits in my wine rack today. I have no temptation to drink it but funnily enough I remember it’s there for the first time in weeks.
So I make it through another night. It’s nearly 20:30 in the UK and I’ll be in bed in 90 minutes or less.
I hope that I feel better tomorrow as today has really taken the wind from my sails.
Passing the torch.
JT.
A feeling of emptiness and futility (in general - not about sobriety) seem to consume me this evening. I’m in my warm winter coat and sitting outside in the dark as I listen to the very strong wind and sounds of the country. It’s a bit of ‘me time’.
Normally I would be accompanied by a glass of red wine (typically Shiraz), which would be getting steadily colder in the outdoors (not something I liked to be honest as I preferred red wine at room temperature). Only red bush tea tonight.
During my first weekend of sobriety we won a bottle of red wine at a village charity event. Spanish Rjoca and it still sits in my wine rack today. I have no temptation to drink it but funnily enough I remember it’s there for the first time in weeks.
So I make it through another night. It’s nearly 20:30 in the UK and I’ll be in bed in 90 minutes or less.
I hope that I feel better tomorrow as today has really taken the wind from my sails.
Passing the torch.
JT.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2017
Location: UK
Posts: 1,543
Ben - you’re not useless. You know you’re not useless. You’re just in a rut and addicted like all of us to a way of dealing with life and using a pervasive/persuasive substance.
You’ll never be judged by me in any other way.
I’ll try and help you whenever I’m able.
Tony
You’ll never be judged by me in any other way.
I’ll try and help you whenever I’m able.
Tony
Member
Join Date: Feb 2016
Location: Washington State
Posts: 591
Hi Everyone - Just a quick checkin on day 27. Things are going fairly well. Work has kind of been kicking my butt this week but I haven't really had much in the way of cravings to use, so nothing too bad going on there. I'm planning to take my cats to the vet later today, so continuing to take care of tasks I'd been putting off in my depressed using state. I wish you all the best 
Member
Join Date: Aug 2017
Posts: 1,246
Hope you get a decent sleep Tony. I have just run in from my garden where the rain is falling in sheets and the debris from the recent storm is everywhere.....it feels lonely and bleak. I know those feelings of futility that you describe well. I associate it with drinking too (along with many, many other feelings). I hope tomorrow will be better. One way or another, these feelings will pass, just like everything else.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2017
Location: In the Country
Posts: 530
Hello my lovelies,I can hardly believe that the holiday I was so angsty about nearly two weeks ago is almost over,
However, all good things must come to an end and it has been good.Some wonderful respectful and caring talks with my hubby about my drinking and my recovery and where it's all going from now, good stuff with no recriminations. I feel good and positive.
Ben, I have a lot of respect for you, but not for being useless. Here to listen/ help. Be a bit kinder to yourself.
JT, sorry you are feeling somewhat low, I hope it passes soon.
Love to you all and looking forward to getting back to my regular check ins and moving on forward with you, my lovely Augustians. SP :
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: nj
Posts: 470
60 Days today! I’m very excited. Took my daughter out for a burger (it was a personal celebration for me, a treat for her) since I got home early (a rarity). Off to my last back to school night - one kid in college, second one will go to college next fall. It’s going to be a year of “lasts” for me, and jhow fitting since I had my last drink this yr too.
Hang in there all. The hardest day was the first.
Hang in there all. The hardest day was the first.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: nj
Posts: 470
JT, get rid of that bottle if you can’t get it off your mind! Make a short-term goal, set your mind to something you’ve been procrastinating about, or plan for fun....those things help me. Hope you get to bed early and rest tonight
Member
Join Date: Sep 2016
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 697
Tony, it sounds like the stress of work has caught up with you. I hope you sleep well and tomorrow is a better day.
Suze, what a trip. So glad you posted. I hope you feel better soon.
Bob, I’m glad you’re not in pain anymore. I think the Atkins diet is very similar to the keto diet. Thanks for the update.
Ben, no shame here. So glad your right back here.
Ayers, I love your upbeat and supportive posts. They always make me smile
I have had a very busy day at work today. But it felt great to be productive and ease some of my boss’s burden.
I know I have said this before, but really, I can’t thank all of you enough for your posts. The insight so many of you have is just amazing. It really gets one thinking…
Speaking of thinking, I have thought a lot about my recent dream about drinking and entertaining the thought of it at my son’s reception on Saturday and at my upcoming trip to MX of Nations in two weeks (another place where most people are drinking all hours of the day/night). I think with these two upcoming events along with my anxiety about them was the underlying cause of my drinking dream and unexpected cravings. Although, it wasn’t quite cravings, it was more of just wanting to through caution to the wind and let loose. I need to find an acceptable way to do that.
Anyway, I will not drink at my son’s reception or at the MX race. I will not drink today or any other day. I threw the key away to that life. I hope I don’t forget that again!
I hope our MIAs post soon!
Suze, what a trip. So glad you posted. I hope you feel better soon.
Bob, I’m glad you’re not in pain anymore. I think the Atkins diet is very similar to the keto diet. Thanks for the update.
Ben, no shame here. So glad your right back here.
Ayers, I love your upbeat and supportive posts. They always make me smile
I have had a very busy day at work today. But it felt great to be productive and ease some of my boss’s burden.
I know I have said this before, but really, I can’t thank all of you enough for your posts. The insight so many of you have is just amazing. It really gets one thinking…
Speaking of thinking, I have thought a lot about my recent dream about drinking and entertaining the thought of it at my son’s reception on Saturday and at my upcoming trip to MX of Nations in two weeks (another place where most people are drinking all hours of the day/night). I think with these two upcoming events along with my anxiety about them was the underlying cause of my drinking dream and unexpected cravings. Although, it wasn’t quite cravings, it was more of just wanting to through caution to the wind and let loose. I need to find an acceptable way to do that.
Anyway, I will not drink at my son’s reception or at the MX race. I will not drink today or any other day. I threw the key away to that life. I hope I don’t forget that again!
I hope our MIAs post soon!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2018
Posts: 451
Wow, there are a lot of really meaningful posts lately.
JT, I'm so sorry that I'm in a bad time zone to connect and tell you how sorry I am you are having a rough day, and wish you a better Friday, or Saturday, or however long it takes. I really hate down days … So when you wake up, I hope you get my message of caring and support!
60 days Matrac! Wow, I'm blown away. You have come a long, long way on this journey.
Ben, every single one of us has been where you are. And we're all back, right here with you.
Hi StartingOver, Darkling and SweetP! And Mike, you mentioned being comfortable at the gym. I knew I'd be relatively old, and less fit, and wouldn't have the hottest lycra compared to the others, but just decided I didn't care and showed up and worked out. I even ran a 5K (came in near the back of the pack, but yay me!).
Anyway, I hope the people struggling tonight hang on to all of us, we've got your back … and make it through to tomorrow.
JT, I'm so sorry that I'm in a bad time zone to connect and tell you how sorry I am you are having a rough day, and wish you a better Friday, or Saturday, or however long it takes. I really hate down days … So when you wake up, I hope you get my message of caring and support!
60 days Matrac! Wow, I'm blown away. You have come a long, long way on this journey.
Ben, every single one of us has been where you are. And we're all back, right here with you.
Hi StartingOver, Darkling and SweetP! And Mike, you mentioned being comfortable at the gym. I knew I'd be relatively old, and less fit, and wouldn't have the hottest lycra compared to the others, but just decided I didn't care and showed up and worked out. I even ran a 5K (came in near the back of the pack, but yay me!).
Anyway, I hope the people struggling tonight hang on to all of us, we've got your back … and make it through to tomorrow.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Western US
Posts: 9,003
Heya all,
I'm still behind on reading but looks like some have hit some rough patches. Keep hacking away at it all. I'm with Zoey, in that I hope we can all throw out a bit of a communal/peer-preasure life line to hold onto as you surf whatever it is that is washing over you.
Ben, if you are falling. No worries just get up and come back to us. No matter what shape you are in, come back; tell us what happened or don't tell us what happened. Just. Come. Back.
JT, I get that sense of impending doom and bottomless futility on occasion. It usually means I'm about to have a hot-flash . . . hmmm . . . probably not relevant to your situation. I hope a deep sleep is rearranging your psyche enough that tomorrow is better.
Mike, I always think you are an hour or so behind me in the NW US as I'm in Colorado. I hope you are doing okay and manage to get a bit of sleep. Ugh insomnia!!
I'm still behind on reading but looks like some have hit some rough patches. Keep hacking away at it all. I'm with Zoey, in that I hope we can all throw out a bit of a communal/peer-preasure life line to hold onto as you surf whatever it is that is washing over you.
Ben, if you are falling. No worries just get up and come back to us. No matter what shape you are in, come back; tell us what happened or don't tell us what happened. Just. Come. Back.
JT, I get that sense of impending doom and bottomless futility on occasion. It usually means I'm about to have a hot-flash . . . hmmm . . . probably not relevant to your situation. I hope a deep sleep is rearranging your psyche enough that tomorrow is better.
Mike, I always think you are an hour or so behind me in the NW US as I'm in Colorado. I hope you are doing okay and manage to get a bit of sleep. Ugh insomnia!!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2017
Location: UK
Posts: 1,543
Morning,
I had a good sleep. Thanks for the messages of support. I’m still lying in bed as I post this but wanted to quickly check in.
Red - don’t drink. Whatever you do. Do anything else but drink. Last night I went to bed for a nap. Had a cola. Sat outside and listened to the wind. I did whatever I had to do but the one thing I knew I couldn’t and shouldn’t. Do not pick up.
Good to see SweetPea and Mattac posting. You both sound so strong. I don’t want to assume anything or encourage your guards to go down but it reads like you’re really cracking through this with aplomb.
Barbs and Zoey - you’re both always so kind to people when you post. Sometimes I want to hear more about you two but you’re normally too busy replying to everyone else!
Good to see you StartingOver. Another that sounds so settled!
Darkling thanks for chipping away at me with positivity last night - I needed that.
Ben - get yourself back in here this morning please. We know you’re a morning check in guy.
Looking forward to Ayres morning contribution.
Anxious to hear from Suze too - hope you’re getting better?
Finally BeKindAlways - has anyone ever picked a more suitable name for themselves on SR?
I’ll try and post more later. Stay Strong.
Tony
I had a good sleep. Thanks for the messages of support. I’m still lying in bed as I post this but wanted to quickly check in.
Red - don’t drink. Whatever you do. Do anything else but drink. Last night I went to bed for a nap. Had a cola. Sat outside and listened to the wind. I did whatever I had to do but the one thing I knew I couldn’t and shouldn’t. Do not pick up.
Good to see SweetPea and Mattac posting. You both sound so strong. I don’t want to assume anything or encourage your guards to go down but it reads like you’re really cracking through this with aplomb.
Barbs and Zoey - you’re both always so kind to people when you post. Sometimes I want to hear more about you two but you’re normally too busy replying to everyone else!
Good to see you StartingOver. Another that sounds so settled!
Darkling thanks for chipping away at me with positivity last night - I needed that.
Ben - get yourself back in here this morning please. We know you’re a morning check in guy.
Looking forward to Ayres morning contribution.
Anxious to hear from Suze too - hope you’re getting better?
Finally BeKindAlways - has anyone ever picked a more suitable name for themselves on SR?
I’ll try and post more later. Stay Strong.
Tony
Administrator
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,438
Hang in there red - it gets better
Glad you sound better today too JT
Congrats Matrac on 60 and startingover on 27...
Hope to hear from you today Ben.
hi bekind, zoeydog, ayers, quitnow, bobdrop, sweetpeacan, DarklingSong
mns Barbs and anyone I missed
D
Glad you sound better today too JT
Congrats Matrac on 60 and startingover on 27...
Hope to hear from you today Ben.
hi bekind, zoeydog, ayers, quitnow, bobdrop, sweetpeacan, DarklingSong
mns Barbs and anyone I missed
D
Member
Join Date: Jul 2017
Posts: 102
Hi Augustonians! Day 34 sober.
Tomorrow will be the first real test of my sobriety. I am helping out at a reunion event at work where there will be A LOT of alcohol. I have been a part of the planning committee for the past 4 months so I can't miss it.
Next weekend will be an even bigger test because my husband and I are having a weekend away with his brother, his brother's partner and our 7 month old nephew at a beach house. Historically when we get together we drink but not this time.
I am feeling strong this past week. I think Red mentioned something like this a few posts back but lately I am getting these flashes of unbridled joy. This is something that I haven't experienced since before I started drinking. Hopefully it continues but I know things are about to get tougher.
Will check in soon and stay close to get through this weekend. Hope those who are a bit down start feeling better soon! Treat yourself on this sober Friday!
Tomorrow will be the first real test of my sobriety. I am helping out at a reunion event at work where there will be A LOT of alcohol. I have been a part of the planning committee for the past 4 months so I can't miss it.
Next weekend will be an even bigger test because my husband and I are having a weekend away with his brother, his brother's partner and our 7 month old nephew at a beach house. Historically when we get together we drink but not this time.
I am feeling strong this past week. I think Red mentioned something like this a few posts back but lately I am getting these flashes of unbridled joy. This is something that I haven't experienced since before I started drinking. Hopefully it continues but I know things are about to get tougher.
Will check in soon and stay close to get through this weekend. Hope those who are a bit down start feeling better soon! Treat yourself on this sober Friday!
Administrator
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,438
Congrats Hills
My advice is to make a plan to help you stay sober -the temptation is to go in there and wing it - don't do that.
some really good advice in there two links.
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...very-plan.html (What exactly is a recovery plan?)
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...val-guide.html (Social Occasion Survival Guide)
Plan ahead - have an escape plan just in case and you'll be OK. You can do this
D
My advice is to make a plan to help you stay sober -the temptation is to go in there and wing it - don't do that.
some really good advice in there two links.
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...very-plan.html (What exactly is a recovery plan?)
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...val-guide.html (Social Occasion Survival Guide)
Plan ahead - have an escape plan just in case and you'll be OK. You can do this
D
Member
Join Date: Jul 2017
Posts: 102
Dee!I do have a detailed plan for tomorrow and next weekend as well as for my sobriety in general this time! I don't want to bore people by sharing these very specific plans but I have them handy for when I need them on my phone, which is pretty much glued to me in all situations.
Planning has been the key to my success in research but until now I never applied that to staying sober. Now I am using my planning skills in a whole new way and finally listening to the advice you have been giving me for nearly a year!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2018
Posts: 2,279
Hi all, well done on the accumulation of sober days.
I’ve got to go back to basics, so today I am committing to not drink. My mind is telling me I will anyway but I know from my previous sober spell, from all you guys, and from logic that I can do this. Just for today
This truly is a baffling affliction. I’m a clever guy (no, really!) and I’m flummoxed. I am sure you guys remember the guilt and hopelessness, it’s a hard rut to get out of
All of youmon 40/50 days really - don’t have a drink. You might think you’ve beaten it. Maybe you have but for me that’s been a huge problem
I’ve got to go back to basics, so today I am committing to not drink. My mind is telling me I will anyway but I know from my previous sober spell, from all you guys, and from logic that I can do this. Just for today
This truly is a baffling affliction. I’m a clever guy (no, really!) and I’m flummoxed. I am sure you guys remember the guilt and hopelessness, it’s a hard rut to get out of
All of youmon 40/50 days really - don’t have a drink. You might think you’ve beaten it. Maybe you have but for me that’s been a huge problem
Member
Join Date: Jul 2018
Posts: 2,279
Basically I’m a compete ****. That will be edited but I know no other word that captures my behaviour.
I’ve blacked out every day. Different to before, I can’t remember anything. Scary, I know one night at least I said unforgivable things to my SO. Because she told me the next day, I had to agree as I couldn’t remember a thing. I’m not sure I can do this, maybe I’m just destined to an early and miserable grave. But I’ve got to keep trying. I’m exhausted and depressed and (I won’t do this so don’t worry!) feel like suicide would be the best move for all concerned. I’m too stubborn for that.
Poor old me!!!!!!!!!
I’ve blacked out every day. Different to before, I can’t remember anything. Scary, I know one night at least I said unforgivable things to my SO. Because she told me the next day, I had to agree as I couldn’t remember a thing. I’m not sure I can do this, maybe I’m just destined to an early and miserable grave. But I’ve got to keep trying. I’m exhausted and depressed and (I won’t do this so don’t worry!) feel like suicide would be the best move for all concerned. I’m too stubborn for that.
Poor old me!!!!!!!!!
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