Class of August 2018 Part 5
Member
Join Date: Aug 2018
Posts: 1,288
Good morning all. Saturday morning 08:00 . Day 30
Yesterday was a horrible, terrible day – depression at it’s worst – cravings from hell – general feeling of “what the hell ?? So THIS is going to be my life from now on?” What ????
Probably Friday blues – remembering Friday afternoons , always on someone’s patio with girlfriends , chinwagging and having a couple of bottles of wine and cigarettes and feeling on top of the world (at that moment …) And yesterday, the realisation that this can NEVER happen again – or at least not until I can sit there with my glass of soda and lemon, sans cigarettes, without feeling envious.
We even have a name for our group – The Sauvignon Blancs – funny at the time – not so much any more.
After my son left on his trip yesterday at midday to visit my daughter ( a 3 ½ hour trip – with me biting my nails and pacing until he let me know he’s safely there) – I felt like I was having a total meltdown. I was also extremely tired – no, not tired, sleepy, drowsy, and slightly lightheaded , and had an afternoon nap . very unlike me.(Maybe a sugar problem ? Don’t know)
Oh, and while I’m bitching – I hurt my back ( either gardening or at the gym ???) and was in severe pain (still am) . It comes from an old horseriding injury , and I know the only thing that helps is needling from the physio – so guess where I’ll be going – jayyy !
Red, I have to ditto Suze when she said you made her nervous going to the pub to play pool. I hope you made it through okay? You and I have the same amount of sober-time, (30 days today?) and I honestly could not put myself in that situation at this stage – so you are one strong girl ! To me it would be like teasing a cobra.
Ben , I feel for you, and I know it is difficult not to – but please don’t be so very hard on yourself . How does that saying go? “If at first you don’t succeed , try and try again “
Odaat- you know what? I cannot help getting angry at your Medical system - I think they are directly to blame for your struggling to stay sober at this stage. Or is it your Medical Aid - dragging their feet with the go-ahead for the MRI . I would be tearing my hair out at this stage. Thinking of you, friend.
JT – I do not have a big job , I’m a bookkeeper working from home , but I can understand that you sometimes feel completely overwhelmed with responsibility in your line of business – and then , you mentioned being the leader (without asking to be) – it is understandable that you sometimes just want to curl up and be hugged. Here is your hug (((((
))))).
Please google this song : Hero – by All American family – beautiful song!!
My husband – he is somehow under the impression that it is his sole responsibility to keep the world on the straight and narrow. Total perfectionist ,(Architect – that explains it somewhat), doesn’t suffer a fool gladly, wicked cynical sense of humour (which I love) (And which I often totally didn’t get, while drinking ��- was way over my alcohol riddled head and brain). But sometimes I look at him , and wish he could just ease up on himself , relax and enjoy , not do a total overhaul on the pool before taking a dip , not start weeding the lawn when he wants to practice his putts, not comment on the dog needing a bath before he pats him on the head , because it also causes me stress - wanting everything to be perfect for him….What? Why am I telling you this ??? I’m lost . I’m rambling. I’ll stop now.
So, sorry , no uplifting post from me today . Maybe we should have a sub- section called “Today’s whiners” ? Or maybe I should just write and then delete everything ?. Will try and post again later .
Happy to see it going well with most of the group – all hanging in there ?
Love u all, have a good weekend.
Yesterday was a horrible, terrible day – depression at it’s worst – cravings from hell – general feeling of “what the hell ?? So THIS is going to be my life from now on?” What ????
Probably Friday blues – remembering Friday afternoons , always on someone’s patio with girlfriends , chinwagging and having a couple of bottles of wine and cigarettes and feeling on top of the world (at that moment …) And yesterday, the realisation that this can NEVER happen again – or at least not until I can sit there with my glass of soda and lemon, sans cigarettes, without feeling envious.
We even have a name for our group – The Sauvignon Blancs – funny at the time – not so much any more.
After my son left on his trip yesterday at midday to visit my daughter ( a 3 ½ hour trip – with me biting my nails and pacing until he let me know he’s safely there) – I felt like I was having a total meltdown. I was also extremely tired – no, not tired, sleepy, drowsy, and slightly lightheaded , and had an afternoon nap . very unlike me.(Maybe a sugar problem ? Don’t know)
Oh, and while I’m bitching – I hurt my back ( either gardening or at the gym ???) and was in severe pain (still am) . It comes from an old horseriding injury , and I know the only thing that helps is needling from the physio – so guess where I’ll be going – jayyy !
Red, I have to ditto Suze when she said you made her nervous going to the pub to play pool. I hope you made it through okay? You and I have the same amount of sober-time, (30 days today?) and I honestly could not put myself in that situation at this stage – so you are one strong girl ! To me it would be like teasing a cobra.
Ben , I feel for you, and I know it is difficult not to – but please don’t be so very hard on yourself . How does that saying go? “If at first you don’t succeed , try and try again “
Odaat- you know what? I cannot help getting angry at your Medical system - I think they are directly to blame for your struggling to stay sober at this stage. Or is it your Medical Aid - dragging their feet with the go-ahead for the MRI . I would be tearing my hair out at this stage. Thinking of you, friend.
JT – I do not have a big job , I’m a bookkeeper working from home , but I can understand that you sometimes feel completely overwhelmed with responsibility in your line of business – and then , you mentioned being the leader (without asking to be) – it is understandable that you sometimes just want to curl up and be hugged. Here is your hug (((((
))))).Please google this song : Hero – by All American family – beautiful song!!
My husband – he is somehow under the impression that it is his sole responsibility to keep the world on the straight and narrow. Total perfectionist ,(Architect – that explains it somewhat), doesn’t suffer a fool gladly, wicked cynical sense of humour (which I love) (And which I often totally didn’t get, while drinking ��- was way over my alcohol riddled head and brain). But sometimes I look at him , and wish he could just ease up on himself , relax and enjoy , not do a total overhaul on the pool before taking a dip , not start weeding the lawn when he wants to practice his putts, not comment on the dog needing a bath before he pats him on the head , because it also causes me stress - wanting everything to be perfect for him….What? Why am I telling you this ??? I’m lost . I’m rambling. I’ll stop now.
So, sorry , no uplifting post from me today . Maybe we should have a sub- section called “Today’s whiners” ? Or maybe I should just write and then delete everything ?. Will try and post again later .
Happy to see it going well with most of the group – all hanging in there ?
Love u all, have a good weekend.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2018
Posts: 2,279
Morning all
An interesting night of sleep, but god it’s better than drunken sleep!! I suffer sleep paralysis quite regularly - it’s really wierd experience ( https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/sleep-paralysis/ ) . I have it often enough for me to be conscious enough it’s happening and ride it out, but it is very strange experience. Had it last night twice!!
Depression - I am clearly very low but when I didn’t drink for that period my mood increased very dramatically. I was medicated for depression 18 months ago but drank through it and so no change. My opinion is that it’s the alcohol that makes me low but that I have tendency to low mood.
For me this is the final proof of my addiction. I drank again knowing it would make me feel worse even when I wasnt craving.
Football this morning, then an afternoon in and taking kids to cinema early evening. My SO organised that, think she saw a good way to occupy me in my danger-time
(Can I have a little rant about the price of cinema tickets? No, I’ll leave it, makes me sound like a grumpy old git).
Of all the responses yesterday the line - ‘this is the last time you need to go through this’ Really helped me. Please universe my this be true
An interesting night of sleep, but god it’s better than drunken sleep!! I suffer sleep paralysis quite regularly - it’s really wierd experience ( https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/sleep-paralysis/ ) . I have it often enough for me to be conscious enough it’s happening and ride it out, but it is very strange experience. Had it last night twice!!
Depression - I am clearly very low but when I didn’t drink for that period my mood increased very dramatically. I was medicated for depression 18 months ago but drank through it and so no change. My opinion is that it’s the alcohol that makes me low but that I have tendency to low mood.
For me this is the final proof of my addiction. I drank again knowing it would make me feel worse even when I wasnt craving.
Football this morning, then an afternoon in and taking kids to cinema early evening. My SO organised that, think she saw a good way to occupy me in my danger-time
(Can I have a little rant about the price of cinema tickets? No, I’ll leave it, makes me sound like a grumpy old git).
Of all the responses yesterday the line - ‘this is the last time you need to go through this’ Really helped me. Please universe my this be true
Member
Join Date: Jul 2018
Posts: 2,279
Ayers we posted at same time so it looks like I ignored your post
I hope today is brighter for you. Anyway you can treat yourself on a really positive way today? Something really nice and healthy? (For me it’s always food, for others different stuff).
I hope today is brighter for you. Anyway you can treat yourself on a really positive way today? Something really nice and healthy? (For me it’s always food, for others different stuff).
Member
Join Date: Mar 2017
Location: UK
Posts: 1,543
I got drunk.
Very drunk.
I drink to forget.
It’s useless. I feel useless today.
I offer no excuses. I never do. I’m utterly in control of my own actions.
Dee - I work so hard to have a plan but it never solves my issue. Sometimes people have just been broken by their journey.
So poor old me. I’m going to get smashed again today so here is the ‘disease’ front and centre for you all to discuss and try and rationalise. Like I would have done in your place. At least I had 54 days. Here we go liver! Get ready.
I’m sorry I let down anyone who saw me as a leader. I never asked to be a leader. Please follow your aspirations with a vigour towards your happiness. I have your back. For whatever that is worth.
Please don’t call me out to post as I won’t come back. It’s not what I do.
Tony.
Very drunk.
I drink to forget.
It’s useless. I feel useless today.
I offer no excuses. I never do. I’m utterly in control of my own actions.
Dee - I work so hard to have a plan but it never solves my issue. Sometimes people have just been broken by their journey.
So poor old me. I’m going to get smashed again today so here is the ‘disease’ front and centre for you all to discuss and try and rationalise. Like I would have done in your place. At least I had 54 days. Here we go liver! Get ready.
I’m sorry I let down anyone who saw me as a leader. I never asked to be a leader. Please follow your aspirations with a vigour towards your happiness. I have your back. For whatever that is worth.
Please don’t call me out to post as I won’t come back. It’s not what I do.
Tony.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2016
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 2,279
Originally Posted by JustTony 
I got drunk.
Very drunk.
I drink to forget.
It’s useless. I feel useless today.
I offer no excuses. I never do. I’m utterly in control of my own actions.
Dee - I work so hard to have a plan but it never solves my issue. Sometimes people have just been broken by their journey.
So poor old me. I’m going to get smashed again today so here is the ‘disease’ front and centre for you all to discuss and try and rationalise. Like I would have done in your place. At least I had 54 days. Here we go liver! Get ready.
I’m sorry I let down anyone who saw me as a leader. I never asked to be a leader. Please follow your aspirations with a vigour towards your happiness. I have your back. For whatever that is worth.
Please don’t call me out to post as I won’t come back. It’s not what I do.
Tony.
Very drunk.
I drink to forget.
It’s useless. I feel useless today.
I offer no excuses. I never do. I’m utterly in control of my own actions.
Dee - I work so hard to have a plan but it never solves my issue. Sometimes people have just been broken by their journey.
So poor old me. I’m going to get smashed again today so here is the ‘disease’ front and centre for you all to discuss and try and rationalise. Like I would have done in your place. At least I had 54 days. Here we go liver! Get ready.
I’m sorry I let down anyone who saw me as a leader. I never asked to be a leader. Please follow your aspirations with a vigour towards your happiness. I have your back. For whatever that is worth.
Please don’t call me out to post as I won’t come back. It’s not what I do.
Tony.
I beg you to stay...
Member
Join Date: Jul 2018
Posts: 2,279
Jt my heart breaks for you. Not in a soppy, sentimental way, but out of empathy. It’s such a horrible thing to happen.
None of us have any right or demand on you so come back when its right for you. Of course we would love you back ASAP.
This isn’t the end,, it’s not the beginning of the end, it’s the end of the beginning
None of us have any right or demand on you so come back when its right for you. Of course we would love you back ASAP.
This isn’t the end,, it’s not the beginning of the end, it’s the end of the beginning
Administrator
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,445
Hi Tony
Some of us carry more baggage than others its true
I'm not a parent - I can't pretend to know your pain.....but what I do know is that drinking at it doesn't work.
You get drunk, you sober up - and the pains still there.
I don't know what the solution is for your pain - seeing a counsellor perhaps, or a doctor, or something else - but I know there's a better way to deal with loss than loosing yourself to self destruction.
There are still people who need you very much, and I don't just mean people at SR =- I mean 'real life' too.
I can say that because I know you're a kind and thoughtful man - and btw noone here expects you to be anything but who you are. No added pressure.
Sometimes our journeys are long and tough - it's not fair, but it just is....
but the promise of getting to a good place is just as valid for you as it is for me or anyone else Tony.
we both know that's not true, Tony.
Don't stay out long - I think you've given yourself more than the required going over.
Put down the bat and come back.
you know this road - Recovery - is the road for you.
D
.
Some of us carry more baggage than others its true
I'm not a parent - I can't pretend to know your pain.....but what I do know is that drinking at it doesn't work.
You get drunk, you sober up - and the pains still there.
I don't know what the solution is for your pain - seeing a counsellor perhaps, or a doctor, or something else - but I know there's a better way to deal with loss than loosing yourself to self destruction.
There are still people who need you very much, and I don't just mean people at SR =- I mean 'real life' too.
I can say that because I know you're a kind and thoughtful man - and btw noone here expects you to be anything but who you are. No added pressure.
Sometimes our journeys are long and tough - it's not fair, but it just is....
but the promise of getting to a good place is just as valid for you as it is for me or anyone else Tony.
I won’t come back. It’s not what I do.
Don't stay out long - I think you've given yourself more than the required going over.
Put down the bat and come back.
you know this road - Recovery - is the road for you.
D
.
Originally Posted by JustTony
I got drunk.
Very drunk.
I drink to forget.
It’s useless. I feel useless today.
I offer no excuses. I never do. I’m utterly in control of my own actions.
Dee - I work so hard to have a plan but it never solves my issue. Sometimes people have just been broken by their journey.
So poor old me. I’m going to get smashed again today so here is the ‘disease’ front and centre for you all to discuss and try and rationalise. Like I would have done in your place. At least I had 54 days. Here we go liver! Get ready.
I’m sorry I let down anyone who saw me as a leader. I never asked to be a leader. Please follow your aspirations with a vigour towards your happiness. I have your back. For whatever that is worth.
Please don’t call me out to post as I won’t come back. It’s not what I do.
Tony.
Very drunk.
I drink to forget.
It’s useless. I feel useless today.
I offer no excuses. I never do. I’m utterly in control of my own actions.
Dee - I work so hard to have a plan but it never solves my issue. Sometimes people have just been broken by their journey.
So poor old me. I’m going to get smashed again today so here is the ‘disease’ front and centre for you all to discuss and try and rationalise. Like I would have done in your place. At least I had 54 days. Here we go liver! Get ready.
I’m sorry I let down anyone who saw me as a leader. I never asked to be a leader. Please follow your aspirations with a vigour towards your happiness. I have your back. For whatever that is worth.
Please don’t call me out to post as I won’t come back. It’s not what I do.
Tony.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2018
Posts: 1,288
I have your back. For whatever that is worth.
Please don't leave the group. I beg you.
We don't feel about you the way you feel about yourself today. I can only speak for myself here, but I am sure all in the group will confirm, that we really, truely, honestly need you here. Please!
"I have your back. For whatever that is worth "
Member
Join Date: Dec 2016
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 2,279
Originally Posted by Ayers
Tony, I want to say the above right back to you.
Please don't leave the group. I beg you.
We don't feel about you the way you feel about yourself today. I can only speak for myself here, but I am sure all in the group will confirm, that we really, truely, honestly need you here. Please!
Please don't leave the group. I beg you.
We don't feel about you the way you feel about yourself today. I can only speak for myself here, but I am sure all in the group will confirm, that we really, truely, honestly need you here. Please!
"I have your back. For whatever that is worth "
Member
Join Date: Apr 2018
Posts: 451
Dear Augustonians, catching up on this chain makes it clear many of us are having a really tough time. Medical issues, depression, unusually strong alcohol cravings, slips. Whatever we do, let's NOT give up on each other and drop off SR. We've all come so far together.
I'm here to listen to your struggles, even when you slip, even when you do a bellyflop off the AV high board! Each day is another opportunity to try again.
So many comments resonated with me. Realization that this is forever, and the good-'ole drinking days are over. Struggling to find meaning in life. Dealing with aging parents, missing kids.
Just keep putting one foot in front of the other. Go see a movie. Read a book. Nap. Take a walk. Call a friend. Eat homemade soup. Take good care of yourselves … and share with us the things that YOU do to keep you mind off alcohol and beat the cravings. We can all use new ideas to stay motivated.
Tony, I'm calling you out. You are too dear to drop away. Do what you need to do to get healthy, but come back at any point in that process and know that we've all got your back!
I'm here to listen to your struggles, even when you slip, even when you do a bellyflop off the AV high board! Each day is another opportunity to try again.
So many comments resonated with me. Realization that this is forever, and the good-'ole drinking days are over. Struggling to find meaning in life. Dealing with aging parents, missing kids.
Just keep putting one foot in front of the other. Go see a movie. Read a book. Nap. Take a walk. Call a friend. Eat homemade soup. Take good care of yourselves … and share with us the things that YOU do to keep you mind off alcohol and beat the cravings. We can all use new ideas to stay motivated.
Tony, I'm calling you out. You are too dear to drop away. Do what you need to do to get healthy, but come back at any point in that process and know that we've all got your back!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2018
Location: New England, USA
Posts: 194
JT, that is not how it works and you know it. I have wanted to call you out because you have been stealthily telling us your plan to disappear every time someone else slips and you explain your MO.
I do not accept this. What, are you going to come back and join another group in the future? This is your group. Theoretically, you are not reading this. So I can vent at you and either you 1) never see it 2) get mad at me and respond or 3) call me names and think I cannot understand you but at least know I care.
Right then. Come back. You don't have all the answers. No one does. What I was going to say this morning is that what you posted about ending up in leadership is very much true for me as I have said. So in some childish way, drinking was my "see I am not perfect" hug for myself where I can let down being in charge and be irresponsible. Perhaps also a little bit of self sabotage because it is exhausting doing everything right, being responsible....being a leader.
But here you are Just Tony. JUST Tony. Yes, drinking won't fix your problems. But what about the examined life you want? What about being stronger and pushing through to the future? Is it possible you are getting closer to SOMETHING that could be a breakthrough and you are shying away. This isn't day 54 vs. day 1....this is maybe really, really getting at it. Your slip won't change that, but you will never know if you don't get back here. I care about you and want you to keep moving forward on this journey rather than torpedo yourself. As you said, you don't slip you choose. I know this sounds strange on a sober site, but forget about the booze for a second and push on through what is going on in your head.
I am not done with you. You are not the leader so you don't get to tell us not to call you out. You are a part of this group whether or not you choose to be. Take your own advice and dust yourself off and keep doing the work that is life.
On a softer note, I cannot imagine your pain and the baggage you carry. Growing can be hard, but please find out what it is you are knocking your head against and see if you can find peace. You can't do that in a bottle of wine.
Right. I feel like apologizing for letting my keyboard go unedited and maybe not being as neutral as I am supposed to be, but I can't help it. Get. Back. Here. There is work to be done, but it is okay for you to float and let us carry you along.
Let us carry that torch for a while. Plus, I will miss you. I want you here. Be as weak as you need to be, but walk with me/us.
I do not accept this. What, are you going to come back and join another group in the future? This is your group. Theoretically, you are not reading this. So I can vent at you and either you 1) never see it 2) get mad at me and respond or 3) call me names and think I cannot understand you but at least know I care.
Right then. Come back. You don't have all the answers. No one does. What I was going to say this morning is that what you posted about ending up in leadership is very much true for me as I have said. So in some childish way, drinking was my "see I am not perfect" hug for myself where I can let down being in charge and be irresponsible. Perhaps also a little bit of self sabotage because it is exhausting doing everything right, being responsible....being a leader.
But here you are Just Tony. JUST Tony. Yes, drinking won't fix your problems. But what about the examined life you want? What about being stronger and pushing through to the future? Is it possible you are getting closer to SOMETHING that could be a breakthrough and you are shying away. This isn't day 54 vs. day 1....this is maybe really, really getting at it. Your slip won't change that, but you will never know if you don't get back here. I care about you and want you to keep moving forward on this journey rather than torpedo yourself. As you said, you don't slip you choose. I know this sounds strange on a sober site, but forget about the booze for a second and push on through what is going on in your head.
I am not done with you. You are not the leader so you don't get to tell us not to call you out. You are a part of this group whether or not you choose to be. Take your own advice and dust yourself off and keep doing the work that is life.
On a softer note, I cannot imagine your pain and the baggage you carry. Growing can be hard, but please find out what it is you are knocking your head against and see if you can find peace. You can't do that in a bottle of wine.
Right. I feel like apologizing for letting my keyboard go unedited and maybe not being as neutral as I am supposed to be, but I can't help it. Get. Back. Here. There is work to be done, but it is okay for you to float and let us carry you along.
Let us carry that torch for a while. Plus, I will miss you. I want you here. Be as weak as you need to be, but walk with me/us.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2017
Location: Greece
Posts: 943
Originally Posted by Red78
Come on mate, you have to do this for you, please please please.. I don't want to wait and wonder for another 6 months.. Please take your advice and follow your aspirations, your desire for a better life and a sober life...
I beg you to stay...
I beg you to stay...
Member
Join Date: Jul 2017
Posts: 102
Oh no I see that many of us are struggling! Please don’t give up we need each other in these moments more than ever. I don’t divide people into leaders and followers on here we’re all just people trying to battle a common demon and the only way is together.
On a positive note I made it through my work event and am 35 days sober today. I socialised, had fun but left getting plastered to everyone else. No one said a single thing about me not drinking and people seem to like me sober, even though I always think they won’t.
I’m sorry for everyone’s pain but giving up isn’t an option. Please stay safe and come back as soon as you can. We’re here for moments like these.
On a positive note I made it through my work event and am 35 days sober today. I socialised, had fun but left getting plastered to everyone else. No one said a single thing about me not drinking and people seem to like me sober, even though I always think they won’t.
I’m sorry for everyone’s pain but giving up isn’t an option. Please stay safe and come back as soon as you can. We’re here for moments like these.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2018
Location: New England, USA
Posts: 194
Ayers, you've got this. Before I read Tony's post, I debated whether or not to say this to you. I appreciate your cranky, honest rant. I had been wondering if you were really always so cheerful. Thanks for opening up. I hate to admit it, but I resonated with your husband. My husband has said to me, can you not criticize? I think, I didn't I just said...and then I see it. I point out what needs being fixing. You wondered why you posted that, but it was a much needed humbling point for me at least. No one wants me to fix the world. I need to learn how to go along and get along. In other words, not be ON or OFF (working/powering through or drinking). I find in my TODAY IS 60 DAYS! woo hoo! But anyhow, I find in my 60 days that one of the things I am doing more of is getting quiet and listening. It is like being out in the middle of the night and hearing bats and nocturnal animals and knowing you are living in their world, you are their visitor. I can get so wrapped up in my world that I need to take time and let the world spin around me and see how I fit into the universe and not to control it.
Sorry for the ramble.
Maltrac, I appreciate your honesty too. It is a weird fine line here, right? Putting out your best and your resolve and your belief in things is what got me through the early days, but it is also sometimes not completely all of it. I know how well you are doing, so thanks for letting us peak under the covers.
Barbs, you sound so strong on your reception. I love the idea of three wedding receptions and a sobriety site. You get to close the door on drinking with this last reception and have that be the end of that chapter as your son and your new, expanded family start a new one. Lock that chapter up and leave it behind as one of those momentous life moments moves your journey forward.
Mike, you sound like you are doing so well. Ben, you too! There are so many different faces of strength on this site. Quiet, struggling, young, old. I really believe both of you are finding that peace (even if Ben may have some more physical stuff to get through...and that sleep disorder sounds horrible, but better than sweaty, drink sleeping).
I have to go to soccer, but I am hearing Darkling, Zoey, SweetP, David, Alice, Hills, Starting Over, Bob, Odaat, Bekind, Red....ah, I can't do it all, but you are no longer names in my head. I hear your unique voices. Your journeys mean something to me in my life journey as well as my sobriety journey. Karen and others who are MIA, you too.
Tony, I believe you are stubborn enough to not be reading this. I really do. But try something different this time. Don't go away.
For the rest of you, please stay on this journey with me/us. No matter what happens, please stay. I am not going anywhere.
Sorry for the ramble.
Maltrac, I appreciate your honesty too. It is a weird fine line here, right? Putting out your best and your resolve and your belief in things is what got me through the early days, but it is also sometimes not completely all of it. I know how well you are doing, so thanks for letting us peak under the covers.
Barbs, you sound so strong on your reception. I love the idea of three wedding receptions and a sobriety site. You get to close the door on drinking with this last reception and have that be the end of that chapter as your son and your new, expanded family start a new one. Lock that chapter up and leave it behind as one of those momentous life moments moves your journey forward.
Mike, you sound like you are doing so well. Ben, you too! There are so many different faces of strength on this site. Quiet, struggling, young, old. I really believe both of you are finding that peace (even if Ben may have some more physical stuff to get through...and that sleep disorder sounds horrible, but better than sweaty, drink sleeping).
I have to go to soccer, but I am hearing Darkling, Zoey, SweetP, David, Alice, Hills, Starting Over, Bob, Odaat, Bekind, Red....ah, I can't do it all, but you are no longer names in my head. I hear your unique voices. Your journeys mean something to me in my life journey as well as my sobriety journey. Karen and others who are MIA, you too.
Tony, I believe you are stubborn enough to not be reading this. I really do. But try something different this time. Don't go away.
For the rest of you, please stay on this journey with me/us. No matter what happens, please stay. I am not going anywhere.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2018
Location: New England, USA
Posts: 194
For the record, I am grinning on 60 days. Ben you said early on you weren't counting days, but you were counting milestones. I needed this milestone today.
Off to watch soccer. This sober life is worth fighting for. It does get easier. I am growing and learning more than I ever thought. I am tackling new and unforeseen thinking instead of swirling in the same circles. I am happy to be here. Thank you all.
Off to watch soccer. This sober life is worth fighting for. It does get easier. I am growing and learning more than I ever thought. I am tackling new and unforeseen thinking instead of swirling in the same circles. I am happy to be here. Thank you all.
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