PeacefulWater12

Closing on a day of delightful safe food. Very gratefully enjoyed.

Some difficult situations came up today much to my surprise. Dealt with each one calmly and with patience. I was pleased.

Such a difference to the old impatient, bad tempered, sharp tongued version of me. Thankfully that woman is long gone.

Avoided being dragged into someone else's self created drama too, which I was also pleased about.

PeacefulWater12

Checking in for a day of safe eating.

Am expecting some more challenges to come up today. I will work on being calm and dealing with them quietly. Keep my composure. Be careful with the words that come out of my mouth.

PeacefulWater12

Oh dear, it's very quiet in here. Hope everyone is ok.

Some challenges came up as expected, pleased with how I managed them.

Closing on a good day.

Sunflowerlife

Hi PW- you sound so great, so peaceful. I am very happy to hear it.

Day 2 over here although I just went a little overboard with some dark chocolate and peanut butter. I am stuffed to say the least but it was not a binge so I am okay with it.

I met with my OA sponsor for the first time this morning. I am nervous about this new chapter in my life but very hopeful. She is 16 years younger than me but we really connect and she is so easy to talk to. I will start sending her my food journal each night. I'm already anxious about that but she said she will never respond to what I have eaten, even if I binge.

My first task is to take an inventory of all of my food/body issues and memories over the course of my life. I am going to do this chronologically but man, I will need a brand new notebook for this and a lot of time! I should start it now but instead I'm in front of the tv....hm...
Maybe I'll turn the tv of and do some Reiki. It's been a while since I've done a full self treatment and I think I really need it.

I didn't work out today. I am still adjusting to getting home late from work (last night it was 9 pm) and my body couldn't fall asleep until 10 or maybe later. So when my alarm went off at 5:30 I just shut it off and went back to sleep. I plan on going tomorrow before work.

Hope to hear from more of you- I think Weev is on a retreat.
Have a great Monday night...

PeacefulWater12

Hi SunFlowerLife, I am excited for you about your new sponsor. I hope you find it helpful.

PeacefulWater12

Gratefully checking in for 24 hours of safe, non-abusive eating.

Sunflowerlife

I Am not feeling well. My body really needs three solid days of keto to get this sugar out of my body and I have not given it that chance in seven days now. I woke up crying this morning, seeing the damage I have done in weight gain and feeling how uncomfortable I am in my own skin. This depression is very heavy right now and I don’t know what to do. I also didn’t work out all of last week which my body isn’t used to. I have anxiety about going to the gym when I put on weight. I feel like everyone can see it ( I am a regular so the trainers all know me and talk to me.) it sounds so stupid and vain but it’s how I feel. I know I just need a good workout to get those endorphins flowing again.

Going to hop on my spin bike now before the boys wake up and then if I can work through the anxiety I will take little guy to the gym later (husband is at work or I would have gone this morning at 5:30.) I am a mess

The only good thing is that I stopped a binge in its tracks last night. I had two rolls and then stopped when my plan was to eat the entire bag.

In tears and broken right now. I just want to stop this way of living.
It doesn’t serve me anymore.

I work at 3:30. I hope to God I can find some emotional relief by then cause right now I am at my lowest of lows.

Sunflowerlife

Texted my sponsor and I'm feeling more hopeful. I did not get to work out because the boys woke up early so I will have to wait until I get home from dropping of my oldest at camp.

I am also attending a 10:30 online OA meeting.
I don't want to feel like this again. I didn't even binge last night and I feel like absolute death today. I'm actually wondering if I have a sensitivity to peanut butter because this is not the first time I've had a bad morning after eating it (in large amounts) the day before. The only way to know is to cut it out from my diet.

Thanks for listening...

venuscat

Maybe it's the bread rolls....were they bread rolls? The bread here is kind of horrendous, sorry, but it is and I am allergic to all of the store-bought bread. I am eating bakery bread pretty much only now.

I am so heartbroken for you that you are going through this....and so very glad your sponsor is helping you. And the online meeting will help too, I'm sure.

Here for you all of the way.....so much love. ♥♥

Good morning dear PW ~ wishing you a wonderful day. ♥♥

Sunflowerlife

They were bakery rolls- all natural, no crappy ingredients but one was a brioche which is primarily made of sugar, the other was sourdough. And I only ate 2 total. That isn't usually enough to affect my mood. This is happening because I haven't been in ketosis in over a week and my body doesn't do well as a sugar burner any more since I've been doing keto for 18 months now. Ketones really help my mood and I'm just realizing how important it is for me to stick to this way of eating, even though it can feel challenging and restrictive at times. And the not working out is killing me. I lifted ONCE last week and did cardio ONCE and I am used to working out almost daily. It was a bad choice on my part to take a break.

Oh well, live and learn.
Love you. I am going to be okay.

venuscat

I understand.....I live this way as well, usually, and also get very depressed when I don't....I eat dinner by about 7pm and I don't eat again until 12pm the next day. This keeps me happy and healthy.....and I have stopped because Nick worries that I don't eat enough....so I eat....too much for me. I don't need food in the morning....sorry.....waffling....I don't follow the same diet as you, but I do understand about ketosis.... xx

PeacefulWater12

Good evening, as I posted I decided to remove fruit from my food plan and see how I felt.

Has only been a few days but I notice I feel better for it. So I will keep it off my plan.

Have been working on having three meals a day and nothing in between. Just water. I am growing to like it. Much to my surprise, I thought it would be really difficult as usually had a morning and afternoon snack.

So I weigh and measure 500 calories worth of non-alcoholic foods three times a day, giving a total of 1500 calories a day. I drink 2 litres water a day.

8am, 1.30pm & 6pm.

Yeah, am really liking this. Feels safe too.

PeacefulWater12

Gratefully checking in for 24 hours of safe eating.

I don't weight myself compulsively as I used to but I did weight this morning. I was stunned to find that 5lbs have come off in last 4 days.

This is since I altered my eating plan to remove fruit and to have three meals a day and nothing in between (OA way of eating). 1500 calories plus 2 litres water.

I am shocked. I could tell I felt better, that my body prefers not to have fruit. I have replaced it with salad and veg.

venuscat

Yes, fruit can be very fattening.....so much sugar. That's wonderful PW
Well done you!! ♥

PeacefulWater12

Thank you, VenusCat, I really was surprised by the loss. A bonus, it's about being abstinent from binge eating so the weight loss kind of happened as a side effect.

I thought I would really miss fruit but I don't. At all. Got lovely steamed veg to go with my lunch. Just as nice as fruit, if not nicer.

venuscat

The only fruit I eat are avocados, tomatoes and berries....oh, and watermelon.
And I read yesterday that avocados have the highest protein of all fruit.

Sunflowerlife

Good morning,
I am feeling much better today although my body is tired from adjusting to my new schedule/sleep patterns with work. I am so used to being in bed by 9 and I didn't get home until 10 last night. I still managed to get myself to the gym this morning, for a great upper body workout and some cardio.

PW- I am glad you are figuring out what works and doesn't work for your body. Carbohydrates hold onto water (it's something like 3 grams of water for every gram of carb) so my guess is that you are eating less carbs than your body is used to and therefor letting go of some water weight.

I love you guys so much but I really think we should be careful about how we label foods in this thread. So many of us come from eating disordered backgrounds- I'd rather not use words that imply a particular food is fattening or not fattening. In food addiction we avoid those labels and have to find our own list of trigger/abstinent foods and also how those foods affect our body. I was a 10+ pounds lighter when I ate unlimited fruit and dried fruit but I was starving my body of fat. Now I don't eat any with the exception of a few berries, here and there but only because I feel better when I am doing keto. I really miss fruit!

And of course, I don't even want this to be about weight loss. It should be about finding food peace, no matter what weight we are at. Being comfortable in our bodies is the goal, even if we were thinner in the past. And I don't want someone with disordered eating to feel bad about eating fruit or another food. I know that can be very triggering for some.

I hope it's okay for me to be this open and transparent.

About to make my food for the day and get ready for work. I only get one break between 11-7 so I will have to take a smoothie with me to eat for dinner, which works out just fine. I have been making really nutrient dense salads for lunch and am loving them.

I am tired though, my poor body doesn't like working 2 days in a row, on my feet all day. But I am off Thurs and Friday. That should give me plenty of time to catch up on my rest.

Much love to all of you. Thanks for being here...

venuscat

Sure, I wasn't thinking when I used that word.... I should have said some fruits can be high in calories.... ♥♥♥

PeacefulWater12

I think I am really benefitting from adding fat into my Food Plan.

It feels like it stabilises my blood sugar and moods really well. It keeps my body feeling comfortably full for a long time too.

Breakfast is always protein and fat, with some wholegrain.

A colleague I worked with was a body builder and went on a virtually no fat way of eating. Still ate an enormous quantity of food to grow his muscles up. Anyway over the months, he became terribly depressed so much so that he was signed off work sick. The doctor said it was because he was eating so little fat. That our brains need fat to work properly and so become depressed without enough.

Makes me think of oil inside an engine. The engine would soon seize up with out oil.

Sunflowerlife

It’s so true. I honestly don’t know how I survived so many decades of low fat eating. I guess the binging kept my levels up enough to function because of course those were loaded with fat and sugar.

Just finishing up my salad at work. I am sitting outside and it is gorgeous and hot but not uncomfortable. I don’t know how people take their breaks inside under the fluorescent lights. I need sunshine!

Love you guys. I can’t wait to get a week of clean eating in.

Oh , I did an online OA meeting yesterday and it was awesome. So nice to have that option now. Hope you all have a great night.