Class Of March 2018 Support Thread - Part 4
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Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: GA
Posts: 700
Today was not good. My bf decided to work on his motorcycle project all day and I decided to stay under the covers and watch movies. Things aren't going well trying to get this 3rd dog in the house. We keep her in a back room that she can go in and out of but my dogs smell her and bark non stop. I really can't handle it. After hours of barking, I started to get really angry and scared myself at how strong the feeling was. I just want them to be friends and we are a million light years away from that and it's breaking my heart. I sat in the shower for a while trying to wash the feelings away and stall the anxiety attack i felt coming on. I didn't drink, I didn't go get weed but I did eat pizza and ice cream and waste a whole day away.
Tomorrow will be better.
Tomorrow will be better.
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Join Date: Feb 2018
Location: Canada
Posts: 312
Hi guys,
Just a quick check-in. I spent the last few hours finishing something for work, and I need to crash! GBE, congratulations on 4 months, amazing! I'm sorry you had a tough day. Sounds very anxiety-inducing. I hope the dogs decide to make peace with the newcomer soon. If it doesn't happen, is there anyone else who might take him? I remember you saying that the shelters around there aren't no-kill, so you wouldn't feel right bringing him there. Do you have any other options? In any case, I hope that they learn to get along.
Pizza and ice cream are totally deserved all things considered! Hope you have a good night's sleep. Tomorrow *will* be better! Hugs.
Just a quick check-in. I spent the last few hours finishing something for work, and I need to crash! GBE, congratulations on 4 months, amazing! I'm sorry you had a tough day. Sounds very anxiety-inducing. I hope the dogs decide to make peace with the newcomer soon. If it doesn't happen, is there anyone else who might take him? I remember you saying that the shelters around there aren't no-kill, so you wouldn't feel right bringing him there. Do you have any other options? In any case, I hope that they learn to get along.
Pizza and ice cream are totally deserved all things considered! Hope you have a good night's sleep. Tomorrow *will* be better! Hugs.
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Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: GA
Posts: 700
Thanks JT! There is a "no kill" shelter nearby but I fear that shelters who call themselves that get away with it because they transfer the dogs intended to be put down to another shelter. I don't want to take her there. It would kill me. I'll keep trying for now. Thank you for the encouragement.
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Join Date: Sep 2017
Location: East Coast US
Posts: 1,836
Just a quick check in here on Friday morning. I'm visiting my mother and things are going okay. I will be heading back home tomorrow morning heading into week 3 of no alcohol. I am starting to feel wobbly and this is normal as I approach the 3 week mark. Three weeks on Wednesday it will be. The "salesman" is knocking at my door - saying how good I am doing and how he can sell me "just one" . UGH.
Gotta stay strong, gotta stay close.
Bye for now.
Gotta stay strong, gotta stay close.
Bye for now.
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Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: GA
Posts: 700
Really want to take the weekend off of sobriety. Feeling totally restless and like I want to go do drugs and drink at the bar I used to work at with the friends I used to have and then pretend it didn't happen.
It's one day at a time so I won't drink tonight. I'm going to a wedding tomorrow and there will be drunk people there and probably cocaine but I worked hard to get here and have many people that will be disappointed in me and will be even further away from my spiritual goals if I drink.
Am i going to feel like this forever? At the meeting I went to today 2 people said they would and sometimes do think about putting a gun in their mouths before they think about taking a drink. F that. I'll pick up a drink and hope I come back from a relapse before I kill myself. These are people with long term sobriety, with families and one with a 2 year old. If they aren't feeling fulfilled in their lives, what is going on.
Thanks for letting me write out my thoughts.
It's one day at a time so I won't drink tonight. I'm going to a wedding tomorrow and there will be drunk people there and probably cocaine but I worked hard to get here and have many people that will be disappointed in me and will be even further away from my spiritual goals if I drink.
Am i going to feel like this forever? At the meeting I went to today 2 people said they would and sometimes do think about putting a gun in their mouths before they think about taking a drink. F that. I'll pick up a drink and hope I come back from a relapse before I kill myself. These are people with long term sobriety, with families and one with a 2 year old. If they aren't feeling fulfilled in their lives, what is going on.
Thanks for letting me write out my thoughts.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,473
GBE I think maybe their point was that taking a drink amounts to the same thing in the end?
I'm glad you decided not to take a night off - the promises of respite from the AV are empty ones.
You definitely will not feel like this forever, Count on that
D
I'm glad you decided not to take a night off - the promises of respite from the AV are empty ones.
You definitely will not feel like this forever, Count on that
D
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Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: GA
Posts: 700
Feeling better already. Unfortunately that was not the context of the share, I don't think, but it's possible I misinterpreted. He said "I don't think about using, I don't think about picking up a drink but some days I do think about putting a gun in my mouth". This from a man with 9 years, the head of one of the sober living houses, with a beautiful wife and small child. It just threw me off. I know sobriety doesn't mean the absence of mental health issues but it was difficult to understand.
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I’m glad you didn’t drink GBE. It is possible that you misinterpreted what that man said. I have often said to people that while I have never thought about taking my own life, I do understand how some people feel that they are to that point. I often say when things get tough: “XXX was so bad I wanted to slit my wrists”. I have never wanted to do that but I often say that to make a point. Those who know me pretty well know it’s just a figure of speech but I have to say when I say that around people who I don’t know well, I get some looks.
Anyway I’m kind of down this evening for reasons I won’t get into here - just some disappointments in my family and the way they treat my mother and yes, the way they treat me too. I think that I am a good person and I always try to do the right thing. Sometimes it just hurts when I don’t feel it’s reciprocated. I guess they just don’t know any better. Or if they do they just don’t care.
I’m headed back home tomorrow and I expect there to be a lot of traffic on the roads. I’ll get there when I get there. I hope everyone has had a good evening and has a good start to the weekend.
Anyway I’m kind of down this evening for reasons I won’t get into here - just some disappointments in my family and the way they treat my mother and yes, the way they treat me too. I think that I am a good person and I always try to do the right thing. Sometimes it just hurts when I don’t feel it’s reciprocated. I guess they just don’t know any better. Or if they do they just don’t care.
I’m headed back home tomorrow and I expect there to be a lot of traffic on the roads. I’ll get there when I get there. I hope everyone has had a good evening and has a good start to the weekend.
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Originally Posted by goodbyeevan 
Feeling better already. Unfortunately that was not the context of the share, I don't think, but it's possible I misinterpreted. He said "I don't think about using, I don't think about picking up a drink but some days I do think about putting a gun in my mouth". This from a man with 9 years, the head of one of the sober living houses, with a beautiful wife and small child. It just threw me off. I know sobriety doesn't mean the absence of mental health issues but it was difficult to understand.
I hope all you guys will experience that too before too long.
D
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Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: GA
Posts: 700
LHW, that is such a bummer! I'm sorry it didn't turn out exactly as you wanted. Sounds disappointing and heart breaking. And it makes me sad, even without a background story. Please feel free to share more if you wanted. I hope your family changes their tunes before you leave. I understand how it feels to not have your feelings reciprocated. Or you put alot of work into something or go out of your way for people and they dont seem to care. Sometimes people are just ignorant.
My sponsor keeps telling me to have no expectations of anyone or any situation. It's difficult and almost impossible it seems and I am not any good at it, at all. But maybe one of these days I'll get the hang of it because it seems like it would be helpful in situations like that. I've been trying to keep it in my mind for the wedding I'm attending tomorrow. Ughh
I'll just say that I self harmed quite a bit when younger and went to a mental hospital at 14 after a failed suicide attempt. I would only self harm or attempt it when black out drunk later in my life. I hope to have put that behind me for the most part. But I hope that no-one in a meeting would throw around suicide like that. I think I'll just let it go and worry about myself instead of him. I do understand the expression though, but perhaps not the use of it in that particular setting.
Lame note to end on, sorry! Cant believe I'm still up, think I'm just procrastinating because I'm really dreading being around drunk people. I must find a way to enjoy myself or at least be helpful.
My sponsor keeps telling me to have no expectations of anyone or any situation. It's difficult and almost impossible it seems and I am not any good at it, at all. But maybe one of these days I'll get the hang of it because it seems like it would be helpful in situations like that. I've been trying to keep it in my mind for the wedding I'm attending tomorrow. Ughh
I'll just say that I self harmed quite a bit when younger and went to a mental hospital at 14 after a failed suicide attempt. I would only self harm or attempt it when black out drunk later in my life. I hope to have put that behind me for the most part. But I hope that no-one in a meeting would throw around suicide like that. I think I'll just let it go and worry about myself instead of him. I do understand the expression though, but perhaps not the use of it in that particular setting.
Lame note to end on, sorry! Cant believe I'm still up, think I'm just procrastinating because I'm really dreading being around drunk people. I must find a way to enjoy myself or at least be helpful.
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Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: GA
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Originally Posted by Dee74
all I can tell you is that not my experience of recovery GBE - I've worked hard for it but life is great ... even the rough times, cos the good time soon return
I hope all you guys will experience that too before too long.
D
I hope all you guys will experience that too before too long.
D
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Join Date: Sep 2017
Location: East Coast US
Posts: 1,836
Good Morning and Happy Sunday to everyone. I thought I would share some thoughts that I had this morning. I was awake very early and got my coffee going and sat on my porch for a few minutes, thinking about how I am going to take my walk shortly before it gets too hot out. Anyway, these things came to mind:
How nice it is to wake up and not drag myself out of bed looking for the gatorade because I know I am already dehydrated. How nice to not wonder if I have any saltines in the pantry because I know I won't be able to keep any food down....all day. How nice to not hope I left my "sea sickness bands" where I can reach them because I need them to pre-empt the nausea that I know is coming. How nice to not wonder at what point I will be able to stand up long enough to get a shower and then crawl back into bed. How nice to not to hope it rains today since I will be lying in bed all day with a massive hangover. How nice not to try to lie in bed with my ipad searching for a place that delivers food, that is assuming I can eat more than the saltines later this evening. How nice to enjoy that cup of coffee, rather than it tasting like, like, whatever that awful taste is when I try to drink coffee when I have a hangover. How nice that I will be able to take my walk early instead of not at all. How nice to not have to wonder how "just one glass" turned into "just one and a half bottles".
Yep, a nice day indeed!
How nice it is to wake up and not drag myself out of bed looking for the gatorade because I know I am already dehydrated. How nice to not wonder if I have any saltines in the pantry because I know I won't be able to keep any food down....all day. How nice to not hope I left my "sea sickness bands" where I can reach them because I need them to pre-empt the nausea that I know is coming. How nice to not wonder at what point I will be able to stand up long enough to get a shower and then crawl back into bed. How nice to not to hope it rains today since I will be lying in bed all day with a massive hangover. How nice not to try to lie in bed with my ipad searching for a place that delivers food, that is assuming I can eat more than the saltines later this evening. How nice to enjoy that cup of coffee, rather than it tasting like, like, whatever that awful taste is when I try to drink coffee when I have a hangover. How nice that I will be able to take my walk early instead of not at all. How nice to not have to wonder how "just one glass" turned into "just one and a half bottles".
Yep, a nice day indeed!
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Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: GA
Posts: 700
Originally Posted by LoveHateWhine
How nice to not to hope it rains today since I will be lying in bed all day with a massive hangover.
Went hiking today and it was lovely. Celebrated two different people's 3 years at the meeting. Made a strawberry cake with cream cheese icing and strawberries on top (cut into hearts). Had a good speaker that I enjoyed. Feeling grateful and excited for a new week of freedom.
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Join Date: Feb 2018
Location: Canada
Posts: 312
Hey everyone,
LHW, thanks so much for your post - it drives home many of the reasons for being on this path. I keep thinking that I need to set my alarm for a half hour earlier to get in those quiet moments of reflection first thing in the morning, before the kids wake up. Your post has inspired me to do it.
GBE, I'm glad you had a better day and got a good hike in. I hope the wedding goes well! I forget - did you start back at your old job again yet? If so, hope it's going good!
Plenny, I hope you're enjoying your holidays! Birdie, if you're around, we'd love to hear how you're doing!
I had a pretty good weekend. The heat wave finally subsided, so it was actually bearable to get outside! I spent a lot of time in the garden, getting things back under control. Saw Ant Man & the Wasp, which was a fun, light watch. Today we went strawberry picking at a local farm and I made tons of strawberry jam in the afternoon.
Quick question: how do you other Marchers feel re. your skin/appearance/weight since you stopped drinking? My skin has definitely improved. I'm having a damned hard time losing any weight though! (Maybe if I stopped eating so much ice cream... ; )
LHW, thanks so much for your post - it drives home many of the reasons for being on this path. I keep thinking that I need to set my alarm for a half hour earlier to get in those quiet moments of reflection first thing in the morning, before the kids wake up. Your post has inspired me to do it.
GBE, I'm glad you had a better day and got a good hike in. I hope the wedding goes well! I forget - did you start back at your old job again yet? If so, hope it's going good!
Plenny, I hope you're enjoying your holidays! Birdie, if you're around, we'd love to hear how you're doing!
I had a pretty good weekend. The heat wave finally subsided, so it was actually bearable to get outside! I spent a lot of time in the garden, getting things back under control. Saw Ant Man & the Wasp, which was a fun, light watch. Today we went strawberry picking at a local farm and I made tons of strawberry jam in the afternoon.
Quick question: how do you other Marchers feel re. your skin/appearance/weight since you stopped drinking? My skin has definitely improved. I'm having a damned hard time losing any weight though! (Maybe if I stopped eating so much ice cream... ; )
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: GA
Posts: 700
Originally Posted by JayTee33
Hey everyone,
LHW, thanks so much for your post - it drives home many of the reasons for being on this path. I keep thinking that I need to set my alarm for a half hour earlier to get in those quiet moments of reflection first thing in the morning, before the kids wake up. Your post has inspired me to do it.
GBE, I'm glad you had a better day and got a good hike in. I hope the wedding goes well! I forget - did you start back at your old job again yet? If so, hope it's going good!
Plenny, I hope you're enjoying your holidays! Birdie, if you're around, we'd love to hear how you're doing!
I had a pretty good weekend. The heat wave finally subsided, so it was actually bearable to get outside! I spent a lot of time in the garden, getting things back under control. Saw Ant Man & the Wasp, which was a fun, light watch. Today we went strawberry picking at a local farm and I made tons of strawberry jam in the afternoon.
Quick question: how do you other Marchers feel re. your skin/appearance/weight since you stopped drinking? My skin has definitely improved. I'm having a damned hard time losing any weight though! (Maybe if I stopped eating so much ice cream... ; )
LHW, thanks so much for your post - it drives home many of the reasons for being on this path. I keep thinking that I need to set my alarm for a half hour earlier to get in those quiet moments of reflection first thing in the morning, before the kids wake up. Your post has inspired me to do it.
GBE, I'm glad you had a better day and got a good hike in. I hope the wedding goes well! I forget - did you start back at your old job again yet? If so, hope it's going good!
Plenny, I hope you're enjoying your holidays! Birdie, if you're around, we'd love to hear how you're doing!
I had a pretty good weekend. The heat wave finally subsided, so it was actually bearable to get outside! I spent a lot of time in the garden, getting things back under control. Saw Ant Man & the Wasp, which was a fun, light watch. Today we went strawberry picking at a local farm and I made tons of strawberry jam in the afternoon.
Quick question: how do you other Marchers feel re. your skin/appearance/weight since you stopped drinking? My skin has definitely improved. I'm having a damned hard time losing any weight though! (Maybe if I stopped eating so much ice cream... ; )
I go back and forth about the weight and skin. I wonder if seeing myself through drunk eyes most of the time has played a role in what i see now. I went a week without wearing makeup and felt like it helped my skin tons and my self confidence. I don't wear alot anyways and am terrible at applying eyeliner and hate mascara but it was freeing not to worry about it at all. The more I get outside, the better I look and feel.
Been more tan this summer than I've ever been, probably because I've been remembering sunscreen on hikes instead of being concerned with my beer and how I'm going to carry it and keep it cool. I usually get a severe burn and then hurt and peel.
We've been trying to be good about ice cream too! Too much dairy doesn't make me look or feel well and I love my coffee creamer. Trying to make it a treat instead of keeping it at the house.
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Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: GA
Posts: 700
JT, I start the 19th. I am working at the escape rooms pretty regularly which is good but I'm blessed with the next 2 days off! I'm going to meditate daily, swim or read books at the pool, hike, go to a new meeting maybe and I even put yoga on there, let's see if I can muster the courage
feeling very anxious about returning to the OR, in fact it's kind of consuming me, so I'm trying to enjoy this time as much as possible and maybe do some positive visualization or something.
I don't have withdrawals, I'm not sick, I don't have shaky hands, I'm not trying to hide bags under my eyes or bad complexion so this should be a happy thing. But the anxiety is killing the joy. Blah. So I'm going to force myself to think positively, drink lots of lavender and kava tea, get in nature and practice breathing techniques for the next 10 days.
feeling very anxious about returning to the OR, in fact it's kind of consuming me, so I'm trying to enjoy this time as much as possible and maybe do some positive visualization or something.
I don't have withdrawals, I'm not sick, I don't have shaky hands, I'm not trying to hide bags under my eyes or bad complexion so this should be a happy thing. But the anxiety is killing the joy. Blah. So I'm going to force myself to think positively, drink lots of lavender and kava tea, get in nature and practice breathing techniques for the next 10 days.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2017
Location: East Coast US
Posts: 1,836
Good Morning, everyone.
GBE - I must have missed you are starting back at your old job. Good luck with it! Where do you get lavender and kava tea or do you make it yourself? I have never heard of that combination, but it sounds good, I love lavender.
JT - For quite awhile now, I have made a daily habit of sitting on my porch with my coffee and not reading the paper, or checking e-mails, etc. for 15 minutes, sometimes 20. I try to meditate, but find that just sitting watching the birds go after each other to get to my feeder is meditation enough. I even set a timer for the time.
A little tiny chipmunk has been visiting every morning and I find that I am getting addicted to looking for him! HA HA. Guess it's better to be addicted to that versus something else, huh? He pops up about the same time each morning and today I watched him go in and out of my drain spout. I have to wonder if he is storing food up there. I can't see any logical reason he would go in and out of it for several minutes.
Anyway, I have lost about 5 pounds in the short time I have been alcohol free. I was eating peanut butter cups and ice cream like crazy, but since I have replaced that with fresh fruits, I can see a difference. I also try to walk every day, even if only for 10 minutes. I can also see a difference in my skin. After a night of drinking, by eyes were really puffy and have really dark circles around them. But my face is not puffy any more. Still have the circles, but nothing a little concealer won't hide.
I am going to be home this week for work, but leave again Saturday for the next business trip. I am going to visit some friends for a few days on this particular trip, they lives a few miles from where my meetings will be in Florida. I will stay with them Saturday/Sunday and then head to work on Monday/Tuesday. They like to go out for happy hours on the water, and won't care a bit if I don't drink, they know I am cutting out the sugars. I will be on Day 24 by the time I get to their place. Moving ahead toward my first Day 30 in a long time.
I do have to keep doing my "how nice" list each morning - it really does help when I start to romance that wine.
Well, off to work I go. I hope everyone has a great day. Hi to Plenny and Birdie wherever you are!
GBE - I must have missed you are starting back at your old job. Good luck with it! Where do you get lavender and kava tea or do you make it yourself? I have never heard of that combination, but it sounds good, I love lavender.
JT - For quite awhile now, I have made a daily habit of sitting on my porch with my coffee and not reading the paper, or checking e-mails, etc. for 15 minutes, sometimes 20. I try to meditate, but find that just sitting watching the birds go after each other to get to my feeder is meditation enough. I even set a timer for the time.
A little tiny chipmunk has been visiting every morning and I find that I am getting addicted to looking for him! HA HA. Guess it's better to be addicted to that versus something else, huh? He pops up about the same time each morning and today I watched him go in and out of my drain spout. I have to wonder if he is storing food up there. I can't see any logical reason he would go in and out of it for several minutes.
Anyway, I have lost about 5 pounds in the short time I have been alcohol free. I was eating peanut butter cups and ice cream like crazy, but since I have replaced that with fresh fruits, I can see a difference. I also try to walk every day, even if only for 10 minutes. I can also see a difference in my skin. After a night of drinking, by eyes were really puffy and have really dark circles around them. But my face is not puffy any more. Still have the circles, but nothing a little concealer won't hide.
I am going to be home this week for work, but leave again Saturday for the next business trip. I am going to visit some friends for a few days on this particular trip, they lives a few miles from where my meetings will be in Florida. I will stay with them Saturday/Sunday and then head to work on Monday/Tuesday. They like to go out for happy hours on the water, and won't care a bit if I don't drink, they know I am cutting out the sugars. I will be on Day 24 by the time I get to their place. Moving ahead toward my first Day 30 in a long time.
I do have to keep doing my "how nice" list each morning - it really does help when I start to romance that wine.
Well, off to work I go. I hope everyone has a great day. Hi to Plenny and Birdie wherever you are!
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