Class of March 2013 Part 50
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 4,672
hi guys !
Toots! I went to the library yesterday and got the book you told me to read. I'm looking forward to it.
Sass, I agree ---I need some of the energy that Toots has.
hi Gilmer,Dee, Phoenix and everyone I have missed.
Babs
Toots! I went to the library yesterday and got the book you told me to read. I'm looking forward to it.
Sass, I agree ---I need some of the energy that Toots has.
hi Gilmer,Dee, Phoenix and everyone I have missed.
Babs
Member
Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: Adelaide, Australia
Posts: 28,690
Hello non-me people. Battling sleep lack, stress and anxiety- my natural state. Dealt with a faceless govt. woman yesterday- an inquisition where I was reduced to tears. Dozens of personal questions- linked to booze, which was (or should not have been) part of the deal. Also headaches- get so fatigued just doing stuff. No drinking, not even a thought. SR helps. It helps drown out the 'you should be doing....' voice. No pain relief- gave that up after horrible hallucinations whilst in hospital post burns. If I did any more mindful loud breathing in public- I would be arrested. BUT - I still have my beard.
sending relaxing and healing thoughts your way! That government person sounds so very inappropriate.
Living and Loving Life at Last
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: gods own country
Posts: 12,171
I think they are specially bred in laboratories for those posts, to all intent an purpose human - but devoid of humanity. The faults lie with her.
I don't know about energy or stamina, I'm feeling pretty knackered!
Pops appears to have turned a corner, medical issues appear to be resolving and he has begun physio. He will not be a good patient. My main concern is the stress all this places on my mother. He already has her running at his beck and call.
To add to the family woes, it looks like my eldest brother might have had a mini stroke. His youngest son is meant to be leaving for America in a week or so to live and work, I'm not sure if he will still go. This brother is the one who betrayed me in the the most hurtful way at a time I was extremely vulnerable, if hubby had not come into my life around that time and given me the emotional support I needed it might well have pushed me off a ledge. I wish no harm to him, but feel remote and unemotional about what has happened.
Furniture arrives today, and I am the proud owner of a second hand Ford Focus estate. Another busy day at Casa Toots!
I don't know about energy or stamina, I'm feeling pretty knackered!
Pops appears to have turned a corner, medical issues appear to be resolving and he has begun physio. He will not be a good patient. My main concern is the stress all this places on my mother. He already has her running at his beck and call.
To add to the family woes, it looks like my eldest brother might have had a mini stroke. His youngest son is meant to be leaving for America in a week or so to live and work, I'm not sure if he will still go. This brother is the one who betrayed me in the the most hurtful way at a time I was extremely vulnerable, if hubby had not come into my life around that time and given me the emotional support I needed it might well have pushed me off a ledge. I wish no harm to him, but feel remote and unemotional about what has happened.
Furniture arrives today, and I am the proud owner of a second hand Ford Focus estate. Another busy day at Casa Toots!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: Adelaide, Australia
Posts: 28,690
G- that is out of my control. Shared this experience briefly at meeting- emphasising the importance of learning, growing and sobriety. I said to well meaning, but awfully annoying people - I do not know'. They kept asking me why? Like faceless woman is going to explain why they do anything- then berate me- meh....
The speaker chose himself to share- for 20 minutes. That's him not chairing again- he started off by saying he used to drink when he was younger because he was so good looking and the girls used to fall over him. He looked like a prune that had been microwaved. Another meh.
Some days are just crud, crap, shite, long and seemingly unproductive- regardless of how productive I am. Which was lots- which tells me something.
Another thing struck me- I got so frustrated and teary (I do not do that) with f-woman, perhaps my cognitive ability to process and deal effectively with emotions has been compromised because of booze? Well 150 years worth of humans came showing obvious bafflement at f-w's behaviour, so I guess I am not quite a vegetable yet.
More counselling tomorrow, then meeting, bloods, art, writing and more art.
Working on new m/p. Byzantine influence. Weird talented guys those mosaic peoples.
The speaker chose himself to share- for 20 minutes. That's him not chairing again- he started off by saying he used to drink when he was younger because he was so good looking and the girls used to fall over him. He looked like a prune that had been microwaved. Another meh.
Some days are just crud, crap, shite, long and seemingly unproductive- regardless of how productive I am. Which was lots- which tells me something.
Another thing struck me- I got so frustrated and teary (I do not do that) with f-woman, perhaps my cognitive ability to process and deal effectively with emotions has been compromised because of booze? Well 150 years worth of humans came showing obvious bafflement at f-w's behaviour, so I guess I am not quite a vegetable yet.
More counselling tomorrow, then meeting, bloods, art, writing and more art.
Working on new m/p. Byzantine influence. Weird talented guys those mosaic peoples.
Living and Loving Life at Last
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: gods own country
Posts: 12,171
Thanks for the warning PJ, though TBH I haven't felt the slightest inclination to drink. There was an open bottle of red when I arrived, just poured it down the sink as it would have been in drinkable for hubby anyway. Last night went out for pizza at my fav pizza place, ( they give a whole new meaning to thin and crispy!) some Brits walked in and ordered wine, and all I thought as I drank my Aqua con gas, was ' why do people feel it compulsory to drink alcohol when they eat out? Are they programmed from an early age that eating out is a special occasion and best served with booze? Eating out somewhere like this is commonplace, so even normies end up drinking most nights.
As to the emotions PJ, you have had a lot to process emotionally just relating to your accident and hospitalisation let alone all the things you suppressed or didn't deal with during your drinking.
I know I had a hell of a lot of emotional upheaval the first couple of years as long suppressed pain surfaced. There is no shame in shedding healing tears.
There is a huge push here in the UK to bring mental health issues into the open, to talk about MH at schools. It's something I have been banging on about for years - to 'normalise' acceptance of MH issues. Prince Harry recently opened up about how suppressing his emotions at his moms death for 20 years led to 2 years of real psychological upheaval. His brother blames the British 'stiff upper lip' attitude, not far off in my thinking. Men have it harder than most women, as its ok for women to cry, and we find it easier to share our emotions with a friend. Where as men tend to veer from anything remotely uncomfortable. I always used to be an ear and a shoulder for others, but kept my own emotions to myself. I didn't think others wanted to hear my stuff. I didn't think I needed to share, I could deal.
But I didn't 'deal' at all. I just squished it down into one compressed block that got heavier and heavier, and occasionally leaked. Now I am more open emotionally, I share - especially here, and especially in the early days - I journal, I even use my characters in my books to get old pain out. I talk to hubby, and encourage him to talk to me. I am lucky to be married to my best friend, so I don't have far to go for a shoulder and an ear.
Pops is improving, brother is out of hospital, his test results are all good, and he has been out on medication that he will need to take for life. And Gilmer, as you say, he is having to take stock. He has put on a lot of weight in recent years and has recently bought a delivery company, so that will stress him. He is obsessed with money. Every conversation is about how much something cost, how much he has spent/ saved/ earned. It's how he betrayed me, through money. It bores me stupid, I mean , as long as I can pay the bills and buy chocolate, I'm good. But I am sure his obsession causes him stress, it must. It would be nice to think he would reassess what matters in his life. He never used to be like that. We were the closest when we were growing up and as young adults.
Lordy, I've rambled today. If you have reached this and are still conscious, kudos! The kitchen arrives today, as does a TV box that will allow us to watch anything - importantly the Celtic V Rangers cup match on Sunday - it will be nice to have 'company' in the evenings!
As to the emotions PJ, you have had a lot to process emotionally just relating to your accident and hospitalisation let alone all the things you suppressed or didn't deal with during your drinking.
I know I had a hell of a lot of emotional upheaval the first couple of years as long suppressed pain surfaced. There is no shame in shedding healing tears.
There is a huge push here in the UK to bring mental health issues into the open, to talk about MH at schools. It's something I have been banging on about for years - to 'normalise' acceptance of MH issues. Prince Harry recently opened up about how suppressing his emotions at his moms death for 20 years led to 2 years of real psychological upheaval. His brother blames the British 'stiff upper lip' attitude, not far off in my thinking. Men have it harder than most women, as its ok for women to cry, and we find it easier to share our emotions with a friend. Where as men tend to veer from anything remotely uncomfortable. I always used to be an ear and a shoulder for others, but kept my own emotions to myself. I didn't think others wanted to hear my stuff. I didn't think I needed to share, I could deal.
But I didn't 'deal' at all. I just squished it down into one compressed block that got heavier and heavier, and occasionally leaked. Now I am more open emotionally, I share - especially here, and especially in the early days - I journal, I even use my characters in my books to get old pain out. I talk to hubby, and encourage him to talk to me. I am lucky to be married to my best friend, so I don't have far to go for a shoulder and an ear.
Pops is improving, brother is out of hospital, his test results are all good, and he has been out on medication that he will need to take for life. And Gilmer, as you say, he is having to take stock. He has put on a lot of weight in recent years and has recently bought a delivery company, so that will stress him. He is obsessed with money. Every conversation is about how much something cost, how much he has spent/ saved/ earned. It's how he betrayed me, through money. It bores me stupid, I mean , as long as I can pay the bills and buy chocolate, I'm good. But I am sure his obsession causes him stress, it must. It would be nice to think he would reassess what matters in his life. He never used to be like that. We were the closest when we were growing up and as young adults.
Lordy, I've rambled today. If you have reached this and are still conscious, kudos! The kitchen arrives today, as does a TV box that will allow us to watch anything - importantly the Celtic V Rangers cup match on Sunday - it will be nice to have 'company' in the evenings!
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