Class of November 2015 Part 6
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Midwest, USA
Posts: 1,551
Originally Posted by ultradad 
Thank's KiKi for all you do! You're body must have really needed the rest : )
Healthygoals, I hope your dad is okay and wishing you the best, life can be hard!
I hope everyone else is doing great! I'm a CrossFit instructor so my job starts at the break of dawn where I teach 3 classes and then have the rest of the day off till the afternoon where I go in and teach 3 more classes...the schedule sucks, but it's a job and I love coaching. Most mornings I run home from work (3 miles) and it gives me time to meditate and think, this morning I decided that I HATE this disease and I can see where I let my guard down before and stopped looking at it as a disease and as something else...I think once we stop looking at it as a disease we tend to lie to ourselves and start trying to figure out ways to drink 'normal.' At least that's what it seems like happen to me. Now that I have refocused my outlook and view/perception of this horrible disease I am once again becoming repulsed by the very sight of alcohol and it frustrates me to see other people glorify it. My passion is trail and Ultra running and drinking craft beer seems to go hand and hand with the trail running culture...I tried my best to be part of it and/or just laugh it off, but I have to be honest with myself and others! Anyway, just my thoughts this morning and hopefully I can keep this focus, especially when that AV comes calling...
Have a great, sober day everyone!!!
Healthygoals, I hope your dad is okay and wishing you the best, life can be hard!
I hope everyone else is doing great! I'm a CrossFit instructor so my job starts at the break of dawn where I teach 3 classes and then have the rest of the day off till the afternoon where I go in and teach 3 more classes...the schedule sucks, but it's a job and I love coaching. Most mornings I run home from work (3 miles) and it gives me time to meditate and think, this morning I decided that I HATE this disease and I can see where I let my guard down before and stopped looking at it as a disease and as something else...I think once we stop looking at it as a disease we tend to lie to ourselves and start trying to figure out ways to drink 'normal.' At least that's what it seems like happen to me. Now that I have refocused my outlook and view/perception of this horrible disease I am once again becoming repulsed by the very sight of alcohol and it frustrates me to see other people glorify it. My passion is trail and Ultra running and drinking craft beer seems to go hand and hand with the trail running culture...I tried my best to be part of it and/or just laugh it off, but I have to be honest with myself and others! Anyway, just my thoughts this morning and hopefully I can keep this focus, especially when that AV comes calling...
Have a great, sober day everyone!!!
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Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Midwest, USA
Posts: 1,551
Originally Posted by Healthygoals
Quick check in, Dad got admitted to the hospital, mom turns 80 today, still have to deal with life and work, gonna be a long day! Wish I could just go back to bed...
Member
Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: Minnesota
Posts: 120
Good morning guys! Day 46 here. I do this silly thing every morning where I write how many days I have into my planner. In a weird way, it helps to keep me accountable.
I'm slowly feeling like I'm gaining energy. I think it's too early to tell if the 5HTP is working.
My AV has been hilarious lately. Out of nowhere, it'll be like "Well, you've been sober 46 days, so you clearly know how serious this drinking thing is. You've proven that. So I think it's okay for you to drink again. You've learned your lesson. " Haha, you're funny AV!
I'm slowly feeling like I'm gaining energy. I think it's too early to tell if the 5HTP is working.
My AV has been hilarious lately. Out of nowhere, it'll be like "Well, you've been sober 46 days, so you clearly know how serious this drinking thing is. You've proven that. So I think it's okay for you to drink again. You've learned your lesson. " Haha, you're funny AV!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: USA
Posts: 5,250
Originally Posted by SoberMarathon
Kiki...can you tell us more about the positives you get from attending AA? My counselor is pushing 12 steps on me and I'm not so convinced. I'm considering attending an AA alternative such as SMART but not sure I'm ready for any of that yet. Definitely not considering relapse and am very motivated to stay on track but do want to have the tools to get through the tough situations that lie ahead sober. Thanks for your support everyone!
Hmmmm...The positives of AA:
1. The people are super nice and truly understand me. It's like they are from MY planet! (I had to try lots of meetings until I found a few I really like).
2. There are many different types of meetings-a. speaker meetings (people tell their recovery stories which gives me hope) b. Discussion meetings where you can bring up topics of things you need help with c. Literature meetings/big book studies
3. I like face to face in addition to SR for extra support.
4. People give out their phone #'s and if you need them you can call. :-) They seem to always want to help.
5. The 12 steps help me get rid of all the crap in my head that makes me want to drink! I get to work through all my resentments with my sponsor (who was right where I was once) and get rid of all my shame and guilt.
6. There are AA meetings in every country in the world including cruise ships so I always have support.
7. The Big Book is a really great book and explains why I drank. I swear someone wrote it for ME! Haha. I had an obsession of the mind and an allergy of the body and unless I work through all the "reasons" I drank, I will surely drink again or substitute something else to fill the void. I believe that!
8. I have seen miracles! Hopeless alcoholics who were near death & had lost everything recover. That in itself gives me hope.
9. I personally think it's just good support and extra reassurance. Alcoholism is relentless so anything I can do to give me extra tools is awesome.
10. I also like it because they have great coffee & snacks & people care about me & give good hugs. They also don't judge me when I cry buckets of tears.
11. We can laugh about things non-alcoholics can't...and as we all know, alcoholics have some great stories. It feels good to laugh.
12. I feel safe in AA. No one judges me, I can be myself.
13. When I see someone come in for the first time and they speak of the horrors of drinking & look like they just left a war, it reminds me of why I don't want to go back to drinking.
So those are some of the things I like about AA personally. Different things work for different people but for "me", a combination of SR, AA, therapy, church, exercise, reading recovery material, eating right, lots of water, deep breathing, meditation, sleep & prayer is working for me.
I am working on the "reasons" I drank. Alcohol was just a bandage for me to cover up a whole lotta pain from my childhood, anxiety, etc. I need to work thru that stuff because for me sobriety is not just about "not drinking". It's about being happy.
"If you take alcohol away from a drunk horse thief you still have a horse thief." -Unknown
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Posts: 154
@ Kiki. I would love some planning to get through the holiday season. It's unfortunate that my season isn't really about the festivities that makes me want to drink...it's more about missing loved ones. My Mom has been gone for 10 years, my Dad for 7 years and although I come from a huge family, 5 older brothers, ...and well, they all suck. They cant be bothered with me or something. I don't know. I quit trying. I left far too many family functions crying trying to fit in and be a part of the family; a person can only take so much rejection. My husband's family is far away, except for one brother who lives in the same town. I was best friends with the brother's wife but then after 17 years they decided to call it quits and she moved far away. And 18 months ago he had some hissy fit about something that only makes sense to him and refuses to speak to us. Which is awkward since him and his girlfriend and her kids live in our rental house, next door. Ugh. I was not able to have children of my own, my husband is estranged from his adult daughter....so, it's just him and I during the holidays. Which is by no means the booby prize...he is wonderful. I just get sad sometimes. I miss when my Mom was alive and the Christmas dinners....she was definitely the glue that held my family together.
So yeah...I would love to feel like I am a part of 'something' this holiday season.....
So yeah...I would love to feel like I am a part of 'something' this holiday season.....
Member
Join Date: Oct 2015
Location: Southern California
Posts: 690
Originally Posted by Healthygoals
Quick check in, Dad got admitted to the hospital, mom turns 80 today, still have to deal with life and work, gonna be a long day! Wish I could just go back to bed...
That sounds relaxing Super!
Last edited by Keepnitreal; 12-09-2015 at 06:39 AM. Reason: Wrong person.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2015
Location: Southern California
Posts: 690
Originally Posted by bblackbirdflyy
Odelle, I need to get on track with a healthy diet as well. I just know when I'm eating right and exercising my mood and confidence is so much better.
But dang I love mexican food.
But dang I love mexican food.
Mexican is my FOC. I could eat it daily! I'm learning to eat it with just one corn tortilla, not fried, and skip the chips or just have 4 or 5.
I've been following a clean eating plan (rather loosely) but have been diligent with the workouts. I'm finally starting to drop these "drinking" pounds now. According to my "app" I've saved 12,216 calories and $310. Maybe I'll get something cosmetic for Xmas!
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Join Date: Oct 2015
Location: Southern California
Posts: 690
Originally Posted by ultradad
Odelle and Blackbird, I literally just started a Whole 30 yesterday trying to get my nutrition back on track! I did soooo much better when exercising and eating healthy! Good luck to you both!
I've been doing the 21 Day fix extreme. It's been a lot easier the last several weeks because it was so hard to exercise like that when you'be got such a bad hangover you can barely move! (And I'm already a cardio misfit!)
Member
Join Date: Oct 2015
Location: Southern California
Posts: 690
Originally Posted by KiKi0615
Hmmmm...The positives of AA:
1. The people are super nice and truly understand me. It's like they are from MY planet! (I had to try lots of meetings until I found a few I really like).
2. There are many different types of meetings-a. speaker meetings (people tell their recovery stories which gives me hope) b. Discussion meetings where you can bring up topics of things you need help with c. Literature meetings/big book studies
3. I like face to face in addition to SR for extra support.
4. People give out their phone #'s and if you need them you can call. :-) They seem to always want to help.
5. The 12 steps help me get rid of all the crap in my head that makes me want to drink! I get to work through all my resentments with my sponsor (who was right where I was once) and get rid of all my shame and guilt.
6. There are AA meetings in every country in the world including cruise ships so I always have support.
7. The Big Book is a really great book and explains why I drank. I swear someone wrote it for ME! Haha. I had an obsession of the mind and an allergy of the body and unless I work through all the "reasons" I drank, I will surely drink again or substitute something else to fill the void. I believe that!
8. I have seen miracles! Hopeless alcoholics who were near death & had lost everything recover. That in itself gives me hope.
9. I personally think it's just good support and extra reassurance. Alcoholism is relentless so anything I can do to give me extra tools is awesome.
10. I also like it because they have great coffee & snacks & people care about me & give good hugs. They also don't judge me when I cry buckets of tears.
11. We can laugh about things non-alcoholics can't...and as we all know, alcoholics have some great stories. It feels good to laugh.
12. I feel safe in AA. No one judges me, I can be myself.
13. When I see someone come in for the first time and they speak of the horrors of drinking & look like they just left a war, it reminds me of why I don't want to go back to drinking.
So those are some of the things I like about AA personally. Different things work for different people but for "me", a combination of SR, AA, therapy, church, exercise, reading recovery material, eating right, lots of water, deep breathing, meditation, sleep & prayer is working for me.
I am working on the "reasons" I drank. Alcohol was just a bandage for me to cover up a whole lotta pain from my childhood, anxiety, etc. I need to work thru that stuff because for me sobriety is not just about "not drinking". It's about being happy.
"If you take alcohol away from a drunk horse thief you still have a horse thief." -Unknown
1. The people are super nice and truly understand me. It's like they are from MY planet! (I had to try lots of meetings until I found a few I really like).
2. There are many different types of meetings-a. speaker meetings (people tell their recovery stories which gives me hope) b. Discussion meetings where you can bring up topics of things you need help with c. Literature meetings/big book studies
3. I like face to face in addition to SR for extra support.
4. People give out their phone #'s and if you need them you can call. :-) They seem to always want to help.
5. The 12 steps help me get rid of all the crap in my head that makes me want to drink! I get to work through all my resentments with my sponsor (who was right where I was once) and get rid of all my shame and guilt.
6. There are AA meetings in every country in the world including cruise ships so I always have support.
7. The Big Book is a really great book and explains why I drank. I swear someone wrote it for ME! Haha. I had an obsession of the mind and an allergy of the body and unless I work through all the "reasons" I drank, I will surely drink again or substitute something else to fill the void. I believe that!
8. I have seen miracles! Hopeless alcoholics who were near death & had lost everything recover. That in itself gives me hope.
9. I personally think it's just good support and extra reassurance. Alcoholism is relentless so anything I can do to give me extra tools is awesome.
10. I also like it because they have great coffee & snacks & people care about me & give good hugs. They also don't judge me when I cry buckets of tears.
11. We can laugh about things non-alcoholics can't...and as we all know, alcoholics have some great stories. It feels good to laugh.
12. I feel safe in AA. No one judges me, I can be myself.
13. When I see someone come in for the first time and they speak of the horrors of drinking & look like they just left a war, it reminds me of why I don't want to go back to drinking.
So those are some of the things I like about AA personally. Different things work for different people but for "me", a combination of SR, AA, therapy, church, exercise, reading recovery material, eating right, lots of water, deep breathing, meditation, sleep & prayer is working for me.
I am working on the "reasons" I drank. Alcohol was just a bandage for me to cover up a whole lotta pain from my childhood, anxiety, etc. I need to work thru that stuff because for me sobriety is not just about "not drinking". It's about being happy.
"If you take alcohol away from a drunk horse thief you still have a horse thief." -Unknown
I think if you chose to do the steps and not join in the rest of the AA "stuff" that's ok.....especially if you're worried about AA. I'm not sure how deep I will go into AA, but I have gone to a few meetings, but don't go every week. Alcoholics are pretty funny when they are sober. We can all laugh at the silly things we thought we were pulling over on sober people!
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Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Canada
Posts: 1,075
Originally Posted by KiKi0615
@ Patricia-you have really been sounding strong in your posts this week! You are doing a great job even with your husband shoving drinks in your face. Grrrrr. That's gotta be hard!
I don't feel great right now, but I know that if I drink I will feel worse.
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Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: California
Posts: 2,643
Hugs to you Pams! I too come from a large family, 5 sisters and 1 brother. We used to be very close and had frequent and fun get-togethers many years ago. The family dynamics changed 20 years ago when one of my sisters became a raging alcoholic and created so much friction and chaos that permanently damaged ties. She died from the disease (cirrhosis) 18 years ago, 4 months after my father (alcohol related). You would think that would have been enough to scare me straight!
So, it's usually just me, husband and 2 adult children for major holidays. My husband's family are in another country, so no in-laws. Alcohol has always been included in family gatherings, so I will not make the attempt to attend any this year particularly. I'll spend the day with my mom pre-Christmas, and spoil my family on Christmas Eve and Day. I do have/had some very close friends that I used to spend holidays with, but that is another story....
I'm sorry you are so distant from your family, I know how you feel. Maybe you can plan something special for you and your husband for Christmas, maybe an special get-away at a B & B or something? Consider us your adopted family and know that we are all together in spirit!
So, it's usually just me, husband and 2 adult children for major holidays. My husband's family are in another country, so no in-laws. Alcohol has always been included in family gatherings, so I will not make the attempt to attend any this year particularly. I'll spend the day with my mom pre-Christmas, and spoil my family on Christmas Eve and Day. I do have/had some very close friends that I used to spend holidays with, but that is another story....
I'm sorry you are so distant from your family, I know how you feel. Maybe you can plan something special for you and your husband for Christmas, maybe an special get-away at a B & B or something? Consider us your adopted family and know that we are all together in spirit!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: Texas
Posts: 134
Day 25. Closing on 30 . . . Wow . . .
Really wanted a drink on Sunday (still wrestling with this bad financial situation) - kept thinking about it, kept dwelling on it - then suddenly it was just like a guardian angel spoke to me or something. "How will that make anything better?" And I just knew the answer: "It will make me forget for awhile but when I have a hangover tomorrow it will make everything worse." And I didn't drink. I didn't think about it, reason about it -- I just knew.
Is this me? Wow.
Really wanted a drink on Sunday (still wrestling with this bad financial situation) - kept thinking about it, kept dwelling on it - then suddenly it was just like a guardian angel spoke to me or something. "How will that make anything better?" And I just knew the answer: "It will make me forget for awhile but when I have a hangover tomorrow it will make everything worse." And I didn't drink. I didn't think about it, reason about it -- I just knew.
Is this me? Wow.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Canada
Posts: 1,075
AV is talking again this morning..."The anxiety is not getting any better, have a drink, take a benzo, numb yourself with something for a while."
I'm exhausted. I'm tired of spending my mornings trying to calm down...I feel like I'm wasting my life.
I know I'm still struggling with benzo withdrawal. I know it will get better. I just get tired of fighting. Why do I have to put all my energy into relaxation techniques and mindfulness and all that stuff when it should be something natural? Our bodies are not meant to be stressed out 24/7! There used to be a time when I could find happiness in little things. When I could laugh and it wasn't forced or fake.
Ok I'll stop...sorry about the rant. Not having a good day...again
I'm exhausted. I'm tired of spending my mornings trying to calm down...I feel like I'm wasting my life.
I know I'm still struggling with benzo withdrawal. I know it will get better. I just get tired of fighting. Why do I have to put all my energy into relaxation techniques and mindfulness and all that stuff when it should be something natural? Our bodies are not meant to be stressed out 24/7! There used to be a time when I could find happiness in little things. When I could laugh and it wasn't forced or fake.
Ok I'll stop...sorry about the rant. Not having a good day...again
Member
Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: Augusta, GA
Posts: 888
Originally Posted by patricia68
AV is talking again this morning..."The anxiety is not getting any better, have a drink, take a benzo, numb yourself with something for a while."
I'm exhausted. I'm tired of spending my mornings trying to calm down...I feel like I'm wasting my life.
I know I'm still struggling with benzo withdrawal. I know it will get better. I just get tired of fighting. Why do I have to put all my energy into relaxation techniques and mindfulness and all that stuff when it should be something natural? Our bodies are not meant to be stressed out 24/7! There used to be a time when I could find happiness in little things. When I could laugh and it wasn't forced or fake.
Ok I'll stop...sorry about the rant. Not having a good day...again
I'm exhausted. I'm tired of spending my mornings trying to calm down...I feel like I'm wasting my life.
I know I'm still struggling with benzo withdrawal. I know it will get better. I just get tired of fighting. Why do I have to put all my energy into relaxation techniques and mindfulness and all that stuff when it should be something natural? Our bodies are not meant to be stressed out 24/7! There used to be a time when I could find happiness in little things. When I could laugh and it wasn't forced or fake.
Ok I'll stop...sorry about the rant. Not having a good day...again
Member
Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 563
Patricia, hang in there! I don't want to beat a dead horse, but you know that it will take time. You've been sober a few weeks which is awesome, but a few weeks compared to the years you spent drinking is just the start. Things will ONLY get worse if you drink; give yourself the chance of happiness again by staying sober. (((Patricia)))
Kiki, thank you for bringing up the holiday topic. I'm the same as you: my drinking was mostly done alone bc I couldn't drink the way I wanted to in front of others. But past Christmases I've always managed to be very drunk just bc I had time off work, etc. your reasons for going to AA are great. I've never been to a meeting but I think it's time I try a few out. I know I need to do something different this time and that in person support will help.
To everyone else, I hope you are well. Take care!
Kiki, thank you for bringing up the holiday topic. I'm the same as you: my drinking was mostly done alone bc I couldn't drink the way I wanted to in front of others. But past Christmases I've always managed to be very drunk just bc I had time off work, etc. your reasons for going to AA are great. I've never been to a meeting but I think it's time I try a few out. I know I need to do something different this time and that in person support will help.
To everyone else, I hope you are well. Take care!
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Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: USA
Posts: 5,250
Originally Posted by pams
@ Kiki. I would love some planning to get through the holiday season. It's unfortunate that my season isn't really about the festivities that makes me want to drink...it's more about missing loved ones. My Mom has been gone for 10 years, my Dad for 7 years and although I come from a huge family, 5 older brothers, ...and well, they all suck. They cant be bothered with me or something. I don't know. I quit trying. I left far too many family functions crying trying to fit in and be a part of the family; a person can only take so much rejection. My husband's family is far away, except for one brother who lives in the same town. I was best friends with the brother's wife but then after 17 years they decided to call it quits and she moved far away. And 18 months ago he had some hissy fit about something that only makes sense to him and refuses to speak to us. Which is awkward since him and his girlfriend and her kids live in our rental house, next door. Ugh. I was not able to have children of my own, my husband is estranged from his adult daughter....so, it's just him and I during the holidays. Which is by no means the booby prize...he is wonderful. I just get sad sometimes. I miss when my Mom was alive and the Christmas dinners....she was definitely the glue that held my family together. So yeah...I would love to feel like I am a part of 'something' this holiday season.....
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