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One Year and Under Club Part 50

Old 12-21-2015, 01:09 AM
  # 201 (permalink)  
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Hi guys, good to see so many of you doing so well, and posting seeking and finding support on life issues.

Glee, perhaps you have done nothing wrong. Sometimes a group of women who like to gossip over a few drinks, find it difficult including ing one who is not only non-judgemental of others but sober at the end of the evening.
Because we tend to think others share our values, they may well feel that you sit there in judgment of them and it may make them feel uncomfortable in that scenario. If these women matter to you as individuals, then spend time with them that way.
I used to love getting drunk with hubby on days out in town ( about every 2 months) now, the situation is not the same. I would go out with him and stay sober, but he wouldn't enjoy getting his Normie drunk on. So now he goes out with mates. I am glad he has fun with them, but I miss the cameraderie we shared on those occasions.
Like it or not, when we are sober it not only changes how we interact with friends when they drink, but it changes how they interact with us.

BF, before your last post, I was going to comment to say make sure that you get plenty of sleep and eat a balanced diet. This helps to ensure your energy matches your challenges. I ditto on 'bothering' your friend, far better to go over something more than once than be getting it wrong, we all have to start and learn, so be patient with yourself.

KIR, I did a coursera course called 'The Addicted Brain' it was fascinating to see how various chemicals affect our brains, actually changing the way they function, and how long those changes go on for after we stop using. PAWS may sound like an excuse to get snotty in recovery, but it certainly is real. It doesn't affect us all, or all the same way, or at the same period of recovery, so it isn't something easy to document and prove.


I recommend looking up this course. coursera is an online learning facility that allows you to access courses on everything for free. I found my way there when someone else recommended the Addicted Brain course here. Since then, I have done several other courses that interested me. I found in my recovery I don't want to attend formal education to improve my mind, and have no need for specific qualifications. This is an interesting way of stimulating my thinking, and there is something for everyone there.

Dizzy, I know I drank and drove a lot when I was young and 'invincible' I was extraordinarily lucky not to have either been stopped or had an accident. Recently someone close told me of someone she knew who drove a busy route, drunk, twice a week. I got their registration from my friend and the time they usually left their drinking hole, and passed it to someone I knew in the police. I felt no guilt whatsoever. I would however, felt devastated if I had done nothing and this person killed a child playing on the residential streets he drove.
I would do it again. Sometimes all it takes for bad things to happen is for a good person to do nothing.

I probably would have hated anyone who did that to me when I drank, but I would have had to deal with the consequences of my actions.

Have a good start to the week folks, keep strong.
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Old 12-21-2015, 04:32 AM
  # 202 (permalink)  
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I'm happy to report this morning that I've been sober for 100 days now!

I plan on having a quiet Christmas and New Years and I am ready to get through them sober. I work today and tomorrow and then have five days off.

Have a good day!
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Old 12-21-2015, 05:29 AM
  # 203 (permalink)  
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Woohoo! WWS that's a great milestone
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Old 12-21-2015, 06:15 AM
  # 204 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by tootsl1 View Post
Hi guys, good to see so many of you doing so well, and posting seeking and finding support on life issues.

Glee, perhaps you have done nothing wrong. Sometimes a group of women who like to gossip over a few drinks, find it difficult including ing one who is not only non-judgemental of others but sober at the end of the evening.
Because we tend to think others share our values, they may well feel that you sit there in judgment of them and it may make them feel uncomfortable in that scenario. If these women matter to you as individuals, then spend time with them that way.
I used to love getting drunk with hubby on days out in town ( about every 2 months) now, the situation is not the same. I would go out with him and stay sober, but he wouldn't enjoy getting his Normie drunk on. So now he goes out with mates. I am glad he has fun with them, but I miss the cameraderie we shared on those occasions.
Like it or not, when we are sober it not only changes how we interact with friends when they drink, but it changes how they interact with us.

BF, before your last post, I was going to comment to say make sure that you get plenty of sleep and eat a balanced diet. This helps to ensure your energy matches your challenges. I ditto on 'bothering' your friend, far better to go over something more than once than be getting it wrong, we all have to start and learn, so be patient with yourself.

KIR, I did a coursera course called 'The Addicted Brain' it was fascinating to see how various chemicals affect our brains, actually changing the way they function, and how long those changes go on for after we stop using. PAWS may sound like an excuse to get snotty in recovery, but it certainly is real. It doesn't affect us all, or all the same way, or at the same period of recovery, so it isn't something easy to document and prove.


I recommend looking up this course. coursera is an online learning facility that allows you to access courses on everything for free. I found my way there when someone else recommended the Addicted Brain course here. Since then, I have done several other courses that interested me. I found in my recovery I don't want to attend formal education to improve my mind, and have no need for specific qualifications. This is an interesting way of stimulating my thinking, and there is something for everyone there.

Dizzy, I know I drank and drove a lot when I was young and 'invincible' I was extraordinarily lucky not to have either been stopped or had an accident. Recently someone close told me of someone she knew who drove a busy route, drunk, twice a week. I got their registration from my friend and the time they usually left their drinking hole, and passed it to someone I knew in the police. I felt no guilt whatsoever. I would however, felt devastated if I had done nothing and this person killed a child playing on the residential streets he drove.
I would do it again. Sometimes all it takes for bad things to happen is for a good person to do nothing.

I probably would have hated anyone who did that to me when I drank, but I would have had to deal with the consequences of my actions.

Have a good start to the week folks, keep strong.
Thank you for u for the ideas on the courses. I will check them off out. The nice thing here is that in having good days again and that will hopefully help so much on the bad! Fir the record... I woukd have turned in the drunk driver. It scares me what can happen to innocent children playing in their own neighborhood.
Have an awesome day!!!
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Old 12-21-2015, 06:16 AM
  # 205 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by waywardson8260 View Post
I'm happy to report this morning that I've been sober for 100 days now!

I plan on having a quiet Christmas and New Years and I am ready to get through them sober. I work today and tomorrow and then have five days off.

Have a good day!
Woot woot. That's an awesome milestone! Hats off to you!
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Old 12-21-2015, 02:28 PM
  # 206 (permalink)  
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Congratulations on a hundred, Wayward! That's around the time when it started getting a bit easier for me. Hope the same is true for you!

I clocked up 8 months yesterday but, to be honest I've been feeling a bit flat recently. Maybe a little tired and looking forward to a rest over the holidays. I've let a couple of problems at work get me down which may be indicative of how I'm running on empty.

As recently as a week or two ago I was tearing into stuff with an insatiable appetite. I remember reminding myself at the time to enjoy it as it wouldn't last forever. It didn't!!

I have caught myself romanticising the idea of a few drinks over Christmas, but I know that's not going to happen. It's important to be very clear on things like this as it is dangerous territory to start envisaging yourself getting involved in drinking situations. Like setting yourself up and inviting the AV back into your life. I have fought long and hard to reach 8 months sobriety and am happier now than I can remember, even on a down day like today. I will surely not be stupid enough to lift the lid on my own personal Pandora's box!!!

Wishing you all a string sober week at festive greetings.🎄
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Old 12-21-2015, 03:07 PM
  # 207 (permalink)  
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Way to go Wayward 100 days is Awesome !
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Old 12-21-2015, 05:37 PM
  # 208 (permalink)  
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Amp, 8 months is really good! I realize it may not feel great right at the moment. It was around that timeframe that I very briefly slipped and went on meds after I unexpectedly ended up dealing with some very ancient trauma again. I don't think there are any one-size-fits-all solutions but could it perhaps be a good time to ramp up posting here a bit?

It was around a year that I started feeling much more solid and it's now been well over a month since I last took meds and since I last had a craving. The solution for me seems to be to read and post regularly here. I've found that one of the things that has helped me enormously has been posting in my original class thread, here, in the Over one year and sometimes in Newcomers'. The varying perspectives help me realize both how far I have come and at the same time, the h*ll I escaped. It helps to keep my sobriety front and center. I've quit thinking about when I'll read and post less. Maybe someday yet if I need to, I'd rather be here a good chunk of every day if that's what it takes for me to stay sober.

I no longer think ahead - I simply live each day as it comes :-)
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Old 12-21-2015, 07:39 PM
  # 209 (permalink)  
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Hey Amp.
Sorry you're struggling today and work is getting you down a bit.
I'll keep goid thoughts for you. I know you have this, but it's always nice to know people are in your corner!!!
Happy Holidays.
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Old 12-21-2015, 07:57 PM
  # 210 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by waywardson8260 View Post
I'm happy to report this morning that I've been sober for 100 days now!

I plan on having a quiet Christmas and New Years and I am ready to get through them sober. I work today and tomorrow and then have five days off.

Have a good day!
Congratulations

D
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Old 12-21-2015, 11:38 PM
  # 211 (permalink)  
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Congrats on eight months Amp!

Today is the start of day 250 booze free for me. I too have been feeling a bit down due to work and the early darkness and feeling worn out physically and mentally. At least now we have hit the solstice, and the days will be slowly getting longer and brighter.

It is funny you mentioned romanticizing a few drinks over the Christmas holidays. It took eight months but I finally had a drinking dream, one in which I opened a beer while talking with a friend. I know some here on SR have had vivid and frequent drinking dreams but this was my first. It wasn't a big deal in my dream, I was just having a beer, but it apparently caused me to wake up at that moment. Very odd, indeed.

I think it is easier to romanticize drinking at Christmas because this is one holiday that even the normies break out the booze and wine and drink earlier in the day.It is somewhat of a ritual for my family this time of year. Drinking some wine and eating Christmas cookies is our poorman's version of communion, I guess...

I like Saskia's suggestion of spending time here on SR to stay connected with others. I have found myself spending more time on SR in general, not just my usual threads that I am following. It does give a great perspective and brings back to life those painful memories from the early days for me and helps to clarify and strengthen my resolve to stay sober.
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Old 12-22-2015, 12:24 AM
  # 212 (permalink)  
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Yes, SG, I am resolved to be very much active and in touch with SR over the next few weeks. I think it is going to help me make sure that I keep things in perspective.

Have a great day everyone!
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Old 12-22-2015, 05:10 AM
  # 213 (permalink)  
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Congratulations on 8months Amp!

Stargazer- 250 dats is great!
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Old 12-22-2015, 05:16 AM
  # 214 (permalink)  
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Absolutely! Congratulations on 250, SG!
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Old 12-22-2015, 06:54 AM
  # 215 (permalink)  
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WWS - Happy holidays!! Sounds like you have a solid sober plan.

Stargazer - Congrats on 250 sober days!

Amp - Great job on 8 months!

For me, once the cravings went away, depression sunk in. Connecting with other alcoholics helps me tremendously. SR is a wonderful tool for that, and there it is powerful for me to talk about it with others face to face, to see the faces of people who've felt the same pain and desperation I've felt, who've overcome it, to listen to their suggestions ways to live healthier, and also to provide solace and a listening ear when someone else is struggling.

Speaking of living healthier, thanks for the feedback on my stress over some of the parents. In my life I've only ever known how to provide feedback, to tell people what they aren't doing but should to align with my values and expectations. So when I read Carlos advice to ask for others' feedback, I was stumped. Lol.

Before recovery I had never heard of or been exposed to the concept of acceptance, especially of behavior that's contrary to my expectations. I certainly didn't have a framework of how to do so. Being all or nothing, I thought it was fight for me or give in to another. Acceptance is somewhere between that. When people hurt my feelings, I just cut them out. I'd feel remorse later over the loss of more significant people in my life over what I later realized were small differences in our points of view. I'm grateful to recovery for showing me the benefit of the middle and a framework for finding it.

So for those wondering what I did, like Saskia suggested, it makes sense for me to determine how significant a relationship is while I determine the approach I need to take. And KIR said exactly I didn't know how to articulate, that I also need to determine how significant the relationships are for my children because the relationships among parents play a large role in the amount of time the children spend together.

I spent time with one of the moms this weekend on a long ride to and from a game, and during the game itself. I vowed not to read into anything and was prepared to say nothing if I didn't know what to say. We hung out and all was friendly.

Then the next night was a school function, where I'd see a couple other families. Again, I was prepared not to read into anything and to say nothing if stumped. Then a weird thing happened. I asked the person next to me if her family could shift over one seat, so mine could fit in the row, and she refused. I asked again, and again she refused. I didn't argue. I just ignored it.

I felt proud of myself for not escalating. I felt calm, and I enjoyed my child's performance, with none of the antsy agitation and anxiety I often feel when packed like sardines in an auditorium.

I also felt surprised that all seemed well with my couple of friends in question. It made me see the real power in waiting and letting things play out.

I am thankful for Carlos and my sponsor, who both gave me the exact same advice on handling this situation. Second, I am so grateful to recovery for being willing to see the benefit of it.

Have a great day Undies!!
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Old 12-22-2015, 07:33 AM
  # 216 (permalink)  
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Glee, I think many of us fall into a routine of expecting things to mean what we think they mean and that's normal. For those of us with various issues and insecurities, that often leads to faulty assumptions. It can then spiral out of control. The more we can accept ourselves the way we are, the better we become at avoiding misinterpreting what others say/do and that results in us feeling better about ourselves.
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Old 12-22-2015, 07:42 AM
  # 217 (permalink)  
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Thank you so much (((((Saskia))))).
Your response was like a warm hug!
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Old 12-22-2015, 08:34 AM
  # 218 (permalink)  
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I am going to come and join all of you in here if that's OK?

Feeling good
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Old 12-22-2015, 08:57 AM
  # 219 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by gleefan View Post
Thank you so much (((((Saskia))))).
Your response was like a warm hug!
Glee-that is so awesome! Great job with the lady in the auditorium!
I later have to deal with school parents and decide which relationships are best to avoid without impacting my sons friendships. I'm not ready yet so I'm just avoiding social engagements until I'm a bit stronger. I'm going to follow your lead!
Congrats Star.
Have a great day everybody!
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Old 12-22-2015, 08:58 AM
  # 220 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by paul37 View Post
I am going to come and join all of you in here if that's OK?

Feeling good
Hi Paul-
I think I've seen you over in the November class? I hope all is well.
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