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One Year and Under Club Part 50

Old 12-30-2015, 01:27 AM
  # 281 (permalink)  
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A lot of that rings true with me, Toots. I felt that life without booze was essentially a joyless place and at times I had to fight hard as I missed the familiar comfort of my old friend, the bottle. Nevertheless, over the last few months I have rediscovered my sense of humour, have found moments to laugh, dance and sing. It's sad in a way that I used to think that I couldn't do those things without drinking first but I have found that, of course, I can and do.

I'm leaving London tomorrow and taking the family back to where we live in Spain.

It's been a good visit but I'm ready to go. My Mum is being difficult. Insists on getting wine out at every meal although she hardly drinks. She tells me that I'm not a "real alcoholic", not compared to some people (!!??!) and that of course I would be able to drink in moderation if I want. I guess that she is having trouble accepting my problem. Yesterday I asked her to stop. I said that I was surprised that she couldn't see that this is the happiest I've been for many years and why she felt the need to mess with that. Of course, she didn't see it in quite the same way!! Maybe it's not so strange that people like my mother and brother should find it hard to accept that I've changed. I've really noticed how deeply drinking culture is embedded in our family. People just don't consider letting their hair down and relaxing until the drink comes out.

Well. They'll just have to get used to it, but yes... certainly ready to head home and start the new sober year there!

Take care everyone!
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Old 12-30-2015, 02:40 AM
  # 282 (permalink)  
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Reading the last last few posts were great for me.

Thanks.

My Dad and sibs drink at every occasion. Now that I don't, I feel like an outsider. Last visit I found enough comfort w my non drinking aunts and family. I quietly watched as the drinkers chased the buzz. I am sort of sad for them, now that i am free. But, we all know they have to make the decision. It is amazing waking up sober. Love it so much more than waking up in withdrawal. Go figure.

My wife works a lot more than me. It left me ample time in an unsupervised state. I used to take full advantage and drink until my hearts content. It was brutal sometimes. Every drinking night was the same. Start early, w an empty stomach to get the full effect, then when fully loaded, binge eat every decent thing I could find in the house. I was so out of shape. So addicted.

Now I hit the gym, eat early and better, and get better sleep. I wake up feeling so much better. No regrets. No hang over. No mental or physical alcohol induced ailments. So clean.

The cravings are there. I roll the tape. I remember the horrors. I am a non drinker. I'm a proudly sober man.

I know you all understand. Thanks for the therapy.
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Old 12-30-2015, 04:21 AM
  # 283 (permalink)  
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Thanks, Amp and Dizzy (and, of course Toots and everyone). Powerful posts and a good reminder at this time of year.
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Old 12-31-2015, 01:57 AM
  # 284 (permalink)  
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Amp, I honestly struggled with how much to tell my mum about my drinking issues. She was my 'let's get drunk and giggle' pal whenever we visited. Now I notice she entices hubby to drink. ( father doesn't drink much with his medication) I wanted to explain why I had issues, but I didn't want her feeling like it was her fault in any way - or stop her enjoyment, she has no real problem with drink. In the end, I was honest with her, I said that I did not have a healthy relationship with alcohol, that when I was open to drinking, alcohol controlled me not the other way around.
I was not a total 'falling down, lost job, lost house, lost family steals booze' drunk. And until I fell deep into the thrall of alcohol that was the only kind of drunk I knew to be an alcoholic. I didn't truly understand that not all alcoholics have to hit that specific rock bottom to still be an alcoholic. I do now. Here, I see people who truly have had lives ruined by alcohol, friends who have almost died ( and sadly one my my class of March did lose her battle last year) and there are others like me, on the outside normal, functional, middle age, middle class, 'normal' who drink themselves into oblivion at any given chance and plan everything around the opportunity to drink.
No one who knew me, including my husband, knew the extent to which I drank. My secrecy, my lying my deception took care of that. Is it any wonder then, that when I did begin to open up about my drinking, that so many told me I wasn't a 'real alcoholic'?
There are also differing issues with close family. Some refuse to accept it, because they don't understand the levels of alcoholism and so only believe tramp winos to be alcoholics, everyone else just over indulges occasionally.
Some refuse to confront it, because it hits too uncomfortably close to their own relationship with alcohol. - A relationship they have no burning desire to inspect that closely.

Whatever the problem, remember that it is their problem. You are finding a way to live a great life, a happy life that just so happens not to include alcohol in it any more.

You are a great group of people here, and it is a pleasure and an honour to share this part of your journey with you.

I wish every one of you a Happy a safe a Sober 2016. X
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Old 12-31-2015, 05:11 AM
  # 285 (permalink)  
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Good morning everyone. Great posts by everyone!

Toots, I didn't hit any sort of rock bottom either. I was somewhat of a secret alcoholic myself as I never talked about it and usually drank at home either with my wife or alone. I finally realized that it was slowly killing me and too many people I know were dying before their time because of alcohol. Plus it just got in the way of things I used to enjoy. It had such a grip in me that that became the only thing I wanted to do on days off from work was drink. I had planed on last New years Day that I wouldn't drink. Well that didn't last long as I caved and bought a big bottle of wine then, and then another one on New Years day.

Well this New Years day I will be sober. I've come too far now to go back to that.

Have a sober New Year Everyone!
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Old 12-31-2015, 06:17 AM
  # 286 (permalink)  
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Toots and WWS, you describe my relationship with alcohol so well. Most people didn't know that I was an alcoholic because I only drank at home. I was terrified of driving while under the influence because I knew that I couldn't live with myself if I hurt someone.

Have a sober, healthy and happy 2016 to all!
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Old 12-31-2015, 06:28 AM
  # 287 (permalink)  
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Undies - I enjoy the conversation and sharing on this thread! Everyone's commitments to keep moving toward sobriety inspires me to keep it up too.

Toots - You said exactly what I was thinking, way better than I could say it.

Amp - It reminds me of the saying that what other people think of me is none of my business. I'd spent a lifetime trying to help others understand me. Even when I'd find people who understood me, I'd focus on my frustration with those who didn't. I am finally learning to be grateful and enjoy the people who do understand, limit time with those who don't, and accept what is. I still have a lot to learn, and I'm still working on it.

WWS - I love your steady, ongoing commitment to sobriety and the joy you have from just living right.

My bottom was "high" in that when I stopped drinking I was married, employed, and my social reputation was intact. However what people couldn't see underneath it all was that being drunk had become my only interest and hobby. I passed out 90% of the times that I drank. I wasn't interested in spending time with people because it cut into the time I could be really drunk, and I didn't want to stop drinking in spite of negative effects on my life like injuries, a DUI, and doing/saying things that embarrassed me.

I wasn't a hobo on the street, but I'm no different from any other alcoholic in that the struggle back to health and functioning from that dark place was hard. As unnatural as sobriety felt at first, I keep learning how to integrate it into a healthy, balanced life that alcohol has no role in!!

As we roll into 2016 I'm grateful for SR, AA, the tools I've been given, the sober friends I've made, and the new lease on life it's given me. I'm going to commit to keep giving back the love and support that has so kindly been offered to me. Undies, let's keep supporting each other's struggles and learning from each other's best practices, and may we all have a happy, safe and sober 2016!!
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Old 12-31-2015, 08:11 AM
  # 288 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by tootsl1 View Post
I was not a total 'falling down, lost job, lost house, lost family steals booze' drunk. And until I fell deep into the thrall of alcohol that was the only kind of drunk I knew to be an alcoholic. I didn't truly understand that not all alcoholics have to hit that specific rock bottom to still be an alcoholic. I do now. Here, I see people who truly have had lives ruined by alcohol, friends who have almost died ( and sadly one my my class of March did lose her battle last year) and there are others like me, on the outside normal, functional, middle age, middle class, 'normal' who drink themselves into oblivion at any given chance and plan everything around the opportunity to drink.
No one who knew me, including my husband, knew the extent to which I drank. My secrecy, my lying my deception took care of that. Is it any wonder then, that when I did begin to open up about my drinking, that so many told me I wasn't a 'real alcoholic'?
There are also differing issues with close family. Some refuse to accept it, because they don't understand the levels of alcoholism and so only believe tramp winos to be alcoholics, everyone else just over indulges occasionally.
Some refuse to confront it, because it hits too uncomfortably close to their own relationship with alcohol. - A relationship they have no burning desire to inspect that closely.

Whatever the problem, remember that it is their problem. You are finding a way to live a great life, a happy life that just so happens not to include alcohol in it any more.
Describes me perfectly!

Best wishes for a Happy New Year everybody!
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Old 12-31-2015, 04:34 PM
  # 289 (permalink)  
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Still clocking up the days here and feeling good

Happy New Year everyone and all the best for 2016!
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Old 12-31-2015, 04:58 PM
  # 290 (permalink)  
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Toots, Way, Glee, Star, Sas-
It sounds like we all have a lot in common!! I too was a home drinker, but was getting progressively worse. I lied about how much I had to drink (hubby still thinks 2 glasses of wine sends me over) I hid alcohol so I didn't run out and didn't have to drink from the bottle that everybody "thought" I was drinking from....blah blah.
I am an alcoholic. I'm struggling to keep sober...this evening especially. But I will try all of the things that all of you have shared with me and get through 2015 sober. I give you my word that I will stay sober today. (Wow, that was hard to type)
Happy New Years Eve/Day everybody!
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Old 12-31-2015, 05:34 PM
  # 291 (permalink)  
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KIR, I find it helps me to make commitments still. Although I wasn't seriously tempted for more than 5 seconds this evening, I am glad I was mentally well-prepared. Dinner at the old folks' home was filled with booze. Spiked, homemade eggnog to start, prosecco to continue, alcohol-drenched homemade fruit cake, etc. etc. I took a quick deep breath and serenely declined all. I am relieved!

I'm also noticing that over 90 years old people tend not to have very good judgment even without dementia. A dear friend in that category was wobbling and speaking with very slurred speech. I walked her back to her apartment and was grateful to be sober. I've begun to notice that even non-alcoholics are at more risk as they get older - alcohol appears to affect the brain more as the body gets frailer.

I'm pleased that I had no physical cravings and didn't even think to take a pill that would have enabled me to relatively safely have a drink (it's still not good for my liver and is not a risk I want to take). It's simply so not worth it!

Oh yes - I did enjoy myself without alcohol!
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Old 12-31-2015, 06:11 PM
  # 292 (permalink)  
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Wow lots of good posts to catch up on.
I too was an everyday at home drinker barely keeping my job and hiding how much I was drinking from my family.
Just got home from wompland. I've been in quit a funk yesterday and today. Just a little bummed and feeling a little lonely. Also stressed with a lot of family drama. Tonight I'm just staying home by myself watching tv. My sis is out of town so I have the house to myself till next week.

Carlos I have not found a sponsor yet. I'm hoping I will find someone soon to ask. Still going to a couple meetings a week tho.

Tomorrow I am womp free and plan on just having a relaxing day at home with my dogs. I have some studying I should be doing but have had a really hard time focusing lately.

Hope everyone has a nice evening
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Old 12-31-2015, 06:46 PM
  # 293 (permalink)  
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Sorry you're feeling lonely, BF. Please take good care of yourself :-)
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Old 12-31-2015, 06:53 PM
  # 294 (permalink)  
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We'll be around BF

D
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Old 01-01-2016, 12:53 AM
  # 295 (permalink)  
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I am that kind of alcoholic too. Nobody had any idea about the magnitude of my problem. My wife was always on my back about "slowing down" but she didn't know the half of it. One of the things that makes me feel good is that I can now be open and honest with the people I love instead of sneaking around behind their backs.

I don't ever want to be the person who did all those things again.

Last night was a bit hard but then again, it was easy compared to living the life of an alcoholic. Now I get to wake up on the first day of the year hangover free and go out with my family and enjoy the day.

I'd just like to add a big thank you to everyone here. You have helped me to save my life for which I will be eternally grateful. With your help I have fought to carve out this second chance and it's up to me not to blow it!!!

Happy 2016 everyone!
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Old 01-01-2016, 02:19 AM
  # 296 (permalink)  
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Haha KIR , I know it's not really funny but when I used to hide bottles so that I topped up, I thought I was the only person who did that! Only when I came to SR did I realise I as not alone. Like yours, my hubby thought I got drunk on 2 glasses! ( yeah, 2 glasses, one hidden bottle and several large slurps from a hidden brandy bottle!).

BeFree, good to see you here sweetheart, if you're feeling lonely, stick close. You have good friends here who care for you and want you to continue your sober path. X

Amp, I too believe that I would not have managed my sobriety without SR.

Well done on soberly managing your first Christmas and New Years sober. Don't underestimate what it took for you to succeed, be proud, you did brilliant.

One little warning - I found that getting over the big situations where not drinking took planning and effort, I would relax a little and AV would begin nipping my ear. Be vigilant over the next week or so folks, I don't want to see any one of you back at day one.
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Old 01-01-2016, 04:13 AM
  # 297 (permalink)  
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Just popping to wish the Undies a Happy New Year!

Hope to see ya'll in the Overs thread in 2016!
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Old 01-01-2016, 04:16 AM
  # 298 (permalink)  
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Agreed about taking care, Toots. That was my downfall a few times - I'd be patting myself on the back for making it through a tough situation and then later get slammed by AV.

Love this group - I keep learning here!
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Old 01-01-2016, 05:06 AM
  # 299 (permalink)  
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There have been some awesome posts here lately! Have a great and sober 2016 everyone!
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Old 01-01-2016, 07:57 AM
  # 300 (permalink)  
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Happy New Year to all of my new "life saving friends" on SR. We made it!
I'm sooooo glad the holidays are over. Thank you for the warning Toots...it makes perfect sense.
Wow, I've never worked out on New Year's Day! Another first. It's my best friends birthday and she has always hated it because everybody is always nursing a hangover. I think I will surprise her with a visit.
Have a great day everybody!
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